Your Mother-in-Law

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    No, I don't have one...yet. How many of you genuinely like & get along with yours & vice versa?

    If I marry my BF, his mom is OK...she definitely could be a whole lot worse. I don't see her hardly ever, which is my doing. I think she likes to think she's a very nice person, but to me, she's not that truly warm, smiling person. There's definitely a coldness to her, which is just her personality I guess. If I marry her son, sure, I'd like a better relationship with her.
     
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  3. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I LOVE my mother in law!!
     
  4. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    I love my MIL, but there are aspects of her I don't love. My wife suffers from serious anxiety, rooted in the too-high expectations of her mother. My wife also suffers from chronic migraines (which I've detailed before), and has to bow out of activities quite frequently based on her health. If she was to ever bow out of a family-related activite (with her parents) her mother would lay a TERRIBLE guilt trip on her. It's taken her a long time to know that it is ok with me (and even my family) if she needs to stay home and rest instead of go out to some event.

    She also has this competition thing with my mother that she does... she will call us four months in advance to schedule holiday meals, so that my mother doesn't "steal" us away... she clearly has no idea how little my mother cares about when we come over for a holiday, as long as we do come over (a few days early or late doesn't bother her in the least.)
     
  5. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    My mother in law is great. She's super kind and caring. She's always trying to do things for me. She's really awesome. There are a few things that I don't agree with. Sometimes I think Costa Rica is the USA stuck in the 50s, so she has certain backwards view points that I don't like. She's sort of racist and sort of a bigot. But like the way old people are. Where you kind of just have to let it slide because they're ignorant. But she really is a good person. We just avoid those conversations!:thumb:

    My mom and my boyfriend get along GREAT! He says he fell in love with her when the first time he visited me in the USA and he came in to meet my mom and the first thing she said was "want a beer?" :lol:
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Mine is fantastic! :)
     
  7. Chrissteeena

    Chrissteeena Companion

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    :dizzy: This is normally how I feel after I talk with on the phone, see or even e-mail my future MIL. :dizzy:

    She has her really good days where we do get along, her really bad days and then her really really really bad days.

    I've spoken with her on the phone 3 times for about 5-10 minutes recently about the wedding, e-mailed her- no response to 2 emails, and the last time I spoke with her in person when they did come to IA I flat out told her she pisses me off and I can't stand the way she acts most of the time. Especially since she is 57, almost 58, and when she doesn't get her way she hangs up on you, ignores you, curses at you and acts like a teenager. :dizzy:
     
  8. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    My MIL was always nice to me.
     
  9. stampin'teacher

    stampin'teacher Cohort

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    I love my MIL, but she's very different than my mother, so sometimes it feels like she's overstepping her boundaries. My mom NEVER calls just to chat. Don't get me wrong, we have a good relationship, and I pop by every weekend since my parents are fairly close to me, but we don't chitchat on the phone. My MIL will call just because she starting thinking about me.

    I realize now that's just how she is, but it was weird at first because it felt like she was in my business all the time. Overall she's a lovely woman, and is excited to be a grandma in a few more months!
     
  10. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    I love, love, love my mother-in-law!! She is such an amazing person, and a great support for my husband and me. She is my 3 year-old's best friend, and I'm sure my one week old will have the same relationship as she gets older. I will say we got along much better after my husband and I got married and we moved to the same city. Not that we ever didn't get along, but living in a different state, it was hard to get to know her.
     
  11. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    My first one (for over 25 years) was the BEST. A great woman. A nurse in WW2. I loved her like a mom and she treated me like a son. My current MIL? A sad confusing woman.
     
  12. orangetea

    orangetea Connoisseur

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    Unfortunately, my mother-in-law and I have had some issues in the past, but things are getting much better recently after we've had some honest discussions. :)
     
  13. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Connoisseur

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    My mother in law, well let's just say I haven't seen her or talked to her in almost 4 years. Those have been the most pleasant years ever. We have always had issues because she thinks I took her only son from her ( hello she has two others but they dont talk to her either) My husband is the oldest and always felt like he had to take care of her when she divorced or came out of a relationship. She is working on her 3rd marriage. Then some things happened like she left a gun out when my two oldest were 3, and 2 and they wound up playing with a loaded gun. Luckily nothing happened. Then my oldest son had an accident and she blamed me for it and called CPS. Then about 8 years ago my husband went overseas to work and well because I was too lazy to get a job he had to go. I was working on my masters/certification, subbing full time and was taking care of the 4 kids but I was lazy. The list could go on about how we don't get along. 4 years ago we moved 400 miles away. Best thing we ever did!
     
  14. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    My MIL lives two hours away. Thank goodness. I tried to like her. I really did. It just didn't work out. :p She's the kind of person who knows everything about everything, what she doesn't know she makes up, doesn't have a problem speaking her mind and justifies it by saying that's just the way she is, and expects to be waited on hand and foot. She doesn't even take out her own trash. I think a lot of my problem with her stems from the way she treats DH and FIL. FIL is in bad health. If he askes MIL to do something for him, like get his medicince, she makes DH do it because she's "on vacation" since one of her kids is there.

    She keeps saying she's going to move where we live when FIL passes away. I think that's a pretty crappy thing to say when FIL is still with us. If she does move here, it's going to be rough for DH because she's going to expect him to ask how high when she says jump. :(

    Beth
     
  15. JustMe

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    My mother in law died several years ago. I loved her and will always remember better than I'd like to her illness and death...but I can imagine that if she were alive there might be a couple issues. I bet the fact we're not having children would bother her. Of course, I also know there would be lots and lots of good! I think we'd be walking buddies. :love:

    My husband has issues with his mother in law. My mom has said things about him she never should have said which were just ridiculous. I didn't know if I'd ever speak to her again. It was during a bad couple years, mentally speaking, for my mother. Things did in fact smooth over, but my husband...well, let's just say he hasn't forgotten what was said.
     
  16. geoteacher

    geoteacher Habitué

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    My mother-in-law was great. She passed away this past September at the age of 95. I miss not being able to talk with her and visit her.
     
  17. donziejo

    donziejo Devotee

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    I liked my former mil more than my ex. She is the sweetest woman. My children have a wonderful relationship with her. No relationship with their dad.
     
  18. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    How can she be a "warm/smiling" person, though, if you hardly ever see her (which is a decision you said you made yourself)? Maybe she knows you're avoiding her?

    I think if you want a better relationship with her, you probably need to make more of an effort. That's just my opinion, though.
     
  19. Blue

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    My MIL lives in Europe. I have seen her a few times.
     
  20. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I have a nice MIL. She pretty much keeps out of our business but is helpful and generous towards us. When she needed help painting in her house I didn't mind helping even though I knew we'd spend hours at her house and have to eat over lots (she's NOT the best cook LOL). She is always willing to help us if we need anything. She does have her opinions about things but she does realize they are only opinions and doesn't lay guilt trips on us if we dont' take her advice.
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    For those who have great relationships w/ your MILs, that's great. It sure helps to have unnecessary drama in one's usually busy life. :)

    YoungTeacherGuy, I know because as long as we've been dating, I've still seen her enough times to see how she is. When we do see each other, we've always been cordial to each other, so there was never any bad blood, ill will, etc. Will his mom & I ever become phone talking or shopping buddies? I know never say never, but I highly doubt it, plus she has her own daughter to do that with. My own mom's my best friend. My BF's whole immediate family is quite cold & unwelcoming, which is why I don't care to go to his family get togethers. My BF's definitely the black sheep of his family. I thought for his mom being the matriarch, that she'd have a warmer personality, but I guess not. Once long ago, my BF told me that due to his mom's circumstances, she feels like the world owes her something.
     
  22. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    I haven't met my current boyfriend (who I am planning to marry) mom yet, so I can only go off the experience of my last two boyfriends.

    Boyfriend # 1's mom started out nice enough. She was a little stand-offish, friendly, but quiet and reserved. (she's also from a third world country)

    Then after a couple years and I really got to know her, I found her pushy (ie: she tried to berate and bully me into getting pregnant by her son even though we weren't married yet and were having serious issues that would lead to a bad break up. In hindsight, I think she knew I come from a "good" and in her mind "well off" family/parents, so me having a kid was her way of trying to trap me)

    My 2nd boyfriend's mom had him really young, like when she was 16. So she was more like a sister to him growing up then a mom (they lived w/their grandparents). I met her once and she was friendly, insisted I not call her "Mrs". If we had gotten married, I don't think she would have been unpleasant. Bf said his ex wife liked her a lot b/c she's very chill and again more like a "cool aunt" than a Mom.

    My boyfriend didn't really call her much b/c he said she was a pessimist and he didn't like to hear her griping, so she probablly would've called me often to try and get me to get her son to talk to her.

    My current boyfriend's mom sounds nice...she was actually in town when we went on our first date and bf said that he fell in love w/me after all the positive stuff he told her about me. Plus bf's aunt (moms sister) lives here(Mom lives like 7 hours away in a different state) and has met me and likes me, so that works in my favor.

    I am actually more worried about meeting his DAD b/c he's the strict, stern, no nonsense one. (When bf calls home and mom answers he's like "Hi Mama!" And they chat and chat. If dad answers it's like "Hi dad...yes Sir." And the convos are friendly but short
     
  23. knitter63

    knitter63 Groupie

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    My MIL and FIL are both deceased. I miss them terribly. I was closer to my FIL, but I got along with my MIL and I loved her dearly. She had her quirks, but after 20+ years of being part of the family, she made sure every one treated me like a daughter, not a DIL.
     
  24. holliday

    holliday Comrade

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    I have THE best MIL on the planet. She is a great listener, has a truly positive outlook, and loves her grandchildren with ferocity. She is always willing to help us out if we need it and is never judgmental about anything we do.

    I lucked out in the MIL department, for sure! I seriously can't picture a better woman. :)
     
  25. PolarBear

    PolarBear Rookie

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    I married a redneck girl. MIL is a very old school, down to earth person. She raised five wonderful children, and shakes her head in wonder at their successful careers ("Just lucky I guess."). She has mad parenting skillz, and still works harder in her 80's (all volunteer work) than most adults I know. Her only fault is that she is a truly awful cook- but I wouldn't trade her for anything.
     
  26. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    My MIL, well I like her & we get along when we are together. But, she tends to ignore her own children & grandchildren. Always has, it has just gotten worse after she remarried. They are always flying to go see his children & grandchildren. Her children & grandchildren are within a days drive, but they don't do that.

    I guess she's always been like that. DH says that his Dad was the one always doing things with him & his brother & not Mom.
     
  27. Poodle15

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    I can only hope that if I ever get married I'll have a wonderful MIL. My mother died when I was young and my stepmother is ... not mother material (long story). I don't speak to my father (barf, another long one) but I do have a relationship with one of my paternal aunts. She is the black sheep of her family but oddly the nicest, warmest, most accepting person I've ever met. Says a lot about my dad's family, eh? My mother's family is great and I've been in touch with them for a few years after almost 20yrs of no contact (after my mother's death).

    I'll admit that there's a void in my life and a wonderful MIL would help to ease that pain. For those of you that have wonderful MILs, that makes me so happy for you! For those of you that don't, I'm sorry that there's that extra stress. With my own "baby daddy" issues, dealing with his mom is stressful even though she's very nice and supportive.

    It's nice to hear things that go against the "Monster-in-law" stereotype.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2012
  28. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    My mother-in-law passed away several years ago. We got along fine. My only issue with her was that at family get-togethers she was way more interested in talking with her adult children than her grandchildren. My daughters remember her much better than they do my mother, who passed away when they were only 4 and 5, but they have warm, fuzzy memories of all the things my mom did with them.

    The greatest gift my mother-in-law gave me was her wonderful son!
     
  29. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I get along well with both my MIL and FIL. Having said that, for some reason I feel like I click better with my FIL. I don't have my own parents anymore and they do help to fill that void. I especially admire my FIL because even though he is so very different from my own father physically, racially and ethnically, he actually reminds me so much of my own father in terms of his work ethics and dedication to the family. He is genuinely a really good person, such as my own father.
     
  30. AMK

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    I like my mother in law very much. She can drive me batty sometimes but in the end she treats me well and I respect her very much. I don't call her mom even though she would love it if I did.
     
  31. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    I loved my mother-in-law; she was a wonderful person.
     
  32. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I call my MIL by her first name. I didn't know what to call her at first but when she started signing her e-mails with her first name I figured I should call her that LOL Does anyone call their MIL "Mom"??
     
  33. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    TeacherNY... I call her mom when we are around her or talking to that side of the family... When around my fam I say hubby's mom or use her first name.

    Mine is great. I usually talk to her every day or every other day.
     
  34. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Just remember, it is your significant other's mom. She is the MOM of the one YOU LOVE! Your loved one is the product of a mom who contributed in giving them the attributes you love in one way or another.

    I love my mother in law. She had a big part in making my husband the wonderful man he is. I cannot imagine not being able to love my mother in law and still be able to have a healthy and loving relationship with my husband. Perhaps it would work out for awhile, loving him and hating her, although I am sure that the hate or resentment would erode "US" over time.
     
  35. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    If I get married, I know my MIL won't have me call her Mrs. ___ forever. I'm sure I'll call mine by her first name. And I will NEVER, EVER call any other woman "Mom." I have my own mother who's my best friend & is an excellent mother & she's the only person who will get that title from me. I'm her only child. :)
     
  36. Resentful

    Resentful Rookie

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    Sounds a bit like my MIL. I only get along with my FIL and BIL through marriage. I don't get along with DH's mom or sister. They're very "down to earth" as they like to say. Basically, they feel if you do something more than just the bare minium you're wasteful or you think too highly of yourself. Last Xmas, MIL confessed "I knew you was full of drama from the minute I met you". :eek:

    The funny think is everyone says MIL is so nice and kind. :confused: Same goes for SIL, but she's a holy roller. So, people think she's very nice until they get to see her outside of church.
     
  37. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I call mine by her first name if I call her anything. My dh sometimes calls her by her first name too so it's all god. I call FIL by his first initial...'B'. :) my in laws are generally easy...they live 4 hours away so we only see them a few times a year, but talk to them every week. With that distance, it's probably easier to not let little things get under our skin. Plus with them getting older, one comes to the realization that the small stuff doesn't matter so much (or at least don't dwell on it...dh and I vent privately to let it out, but then it's over!:D) and we should just appreciate the time we do have together.:love:
     
  38. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    This is so true. We often "vent" about things that are silly and make us mad. That's part of being a family. But overall, we know how fortunate we are to have come from such great families!

    Both my dad and FIL have passed away. We are blessed to have both of our moms with us yet. They both are in different stages of alzheimer's disease. It is a humbling yet an awaking moment when you suddenly become "mom" to these two amazing ladies.
    I know the love and support my husband and I received from these two when we were growing up was incredible. I just hope we can reciprocate in the care we administer to them when they are with us.

    At Thanksgiving we had both of them at our house...and I have to tell you, it is a humbling moment when you have to take care of bathroom needs and other issues for mom. This may sound odd, but I wouldn't trade those moments for the world. I love them both so much!

    For those who have in-law relations that aren't so good, I would be concerned that as time goes on, life issues like this will be extremely abrasive to your relationship with your significant other. I feel sad for those of you who haven't had the chance to experience a positive relationship with an in-law or a parent. It truly is a blessing when you do have it. :love:
     
  39. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Beautiful post, kinder.:love:
     
  40. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    I second that...
    As they say you don't realize what you have until it's gone. I know I lost the last of my biological (have step) gparents last year. It was sad to lose them both, but I know everytime we would see them it was as much of a blessing to us as it was for them. My MIL even said how happy she was that I was showing our lil ones how important family member are!!!
     
  41. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Woah, what a thing for her to say! I wouldn't appreciate that.
     

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