You Might Be a Middle School Teacher

Discussion in 'Middle School / Junior High' started by maya5250, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jul 2, 2010

    You Might Be a Middle School Teacher
    Excerpt from "Day One & Beyond: Pratical Matters for New Middle Level Teachers"


    If you have no qualms about telling adolescents to pull up their pants, spit out their gum, and get their hair out of their faces, even if these adolescents are not in your normal jurisdiction- in grocery lines, at fast-food restaurants, at family reunions, or at your spouse's boss's house-you might be a middle school teacher.

    If you can detect gum chewing at fifty paces, by one movement of the jaw, you are a middle school teacher.

    If your peripheral vision range is now up to 240 degrees, you just might be a middle school teacher.

    If you can stroll down an aisle of adolescents checking homework, and snarf a note from one, a skateboard catalog from another, and a Gameboy from a third without so much as disturbing the modulation of your voice as you explain the causes of the Civil War or the formula for the calculation of the volume of a cone, you might be a middle school teacher.

    If you have successfully eliminated from your vocabulary all words and phrases which could be construed as having anything to do with pubescent body parts or things those parts could do with each other-such as nut, ball, melon, jug, crack, hard, soft, limp, rubber, bone, French, stick, stroke, whack, poke, bang, feel, lick, insert, suck, or blow-then you most definitely are a middle school teacher.

    And if, although people tell you, repeatedly, that you must be a saint, or that you must have such patience when they hear what you do for a living, and you are fully aware that you are where you are because really, you never actually left young adolescence in the first place, then you are definitely a middle school teacher.
     
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  3. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jul 2, 2010

    This is very funny and so true.
     
  4. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 3, 2010

    I laughed out loud at the part about the words we need to eliminate from our vocabulary completely!
     
  5. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Thanks, I enjoyed that!
     
  6. LMT

    LMT Rookie

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    Jul 3, 2010

    Me too!! That and the part about not having left adolescence myself...half the time these words make me giggle!! :lol:
     
  7. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jul 5, 2010

    I'm glad that all of you enjoyed it. I just had to share it. :lol:
     
  8. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Jul 5, 2010

    I loved it!!!!

    I always said middle school was much more fun the second time around :)
     
  9. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    Jul 6, 2010

    Great! So true how you can walk around confiscating things and never change the tone of your voice.
     
  10. ldoyle02

    ldoyle02 New Member

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    Jul 26, 2010

    This is fantastic! Will be shared with all my fellow teacher friends. Made my day! Thanks!
     
  11. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Jul 26, 2010

    Haha, funny! I can see turning this into a comic strip. Give me a few days! :D
     
  12. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Jul 26, 2010

    Glad that this made your day, ldoyle


    :D That's great, Peachyness
     
  13. ecochick

    ecochick Rookie

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    Absolutely loved it! I'm going to share it with my colleagues during pre-planning! Thanks!
     
  14. Rockguykev

    Rockguykev Connoisseur

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    Aug 1, 2010

    <<And if, although people tell you, repeatedly, that you must be a saint, or that you must have such patience when they hear what you do for a living, and you are fully aware that you are where you are because really, you never actually left young adolescence in the first place, then you are definitely a middle school teacher.>>

    Am I really that easily profiled?
     
  15. heymiss

    heymiss Comrade

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    Aug 2, 2010

    Last year, I taught 5th grade, but they were in the same hall and used the same restrooms at the same time as the 6-9th graders, so they were a little more "adult" than they really should have been.

    The people who wrote the 5th grade math book and designed the interactive lessons obviously didn't take that possibility into account, since one of our probability lessons was all about balls and featured several problems dealing with blue balls in particular.

    The good news is, the kid who would have made the biggest deal out of it was home sick that day. I had NEVER been so glad to have that kid out of the room. It was still a little awkward (and hilarious, let's not kid ourselves), but nothing like it would have been if he'd been in class that day.
     
  16. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Aug 12, 2010

    Okay, here is the comic! :D
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Aug 12, 2010



    I have to laugh; I thought of this thread on Sunday.

    We had a barbecue with another family, who have a son Brian's age.

    Between those 2 12 year old boys, they found every single tidbit of innuendo in a very boring adult conversation.

    "Hey, boys, why don't you go outside and play? There are balls in the garage" was a particular favorite.
     
  18. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2010

    Great job, Peachyness.
     
  19. maya5250

    maya5250 Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2010


    :lol: Thanks for sharing. It's going to be interesting teaching a classroom of 6th grade boys this year. I'm going to have to find a way to eliminate a lot of words from my vocab.
     
  20. KateL

    KateL Habitué

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    Aug 12, 2010

    My boys were giggling over "period" today, as in "Make sure you write what period you're in at the top of the paper." What am I going to do with them this year?! :) There really is no other word I could use!
     
  21. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2010

    I used "hour" or "block"
     
  22. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Aug 12, 2010

    You have to accept the fact that, no matter how careful you are, you are going to say something that starts a couple trying to stifle giggles. As their faces get redder and redder and their shoulders start to shake, others will join in. At that point in time, you have one of two options--get angry (which will get you no where) or make a comment almost to yourself, acknowledging your forgetfulness-- "I forgot, I can't say that word." or "another one to add to the list of words I can't use in here"--then carry on.
     
  23. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Heh, you know you might be a middle school teacher if YOU yourself laugh at those types of words.

    Our school implemented this thing where each grade level have colored sports equipment for recess (too many stealing and so forth). Kinders are purple, first are red, and so forth. Fifth grade has blue. So, imagine fifth graders talking to each other about blue balls. Yeah, cracks me up whenever they argue who's blue ball it belongs to. :D
     
  24. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    That's hilarious! One of my colleagues gets angry when the kids start their giggling--they respond by doing all they can to get her to say one of the "forbidden" words that will send them into spasms of laughter, which begins the vicious cycle all over again!
     
  25. Cerek

    Cerek Aficionado

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    You might be a middle school teacher if you have developed a sixth sense known as Teacher Radar.

    This power includes, but is not limited to.......

    ...being able to hear whispered conversations in the back of the room while your back is turned.
    ...sensing when a student is texting, even though you're fully engaged in another activity at the time.
    ...hearing the silent footsteps of a kid from another class wandering aimlessly down the hall.
    ...knowing before he even gets up that Johnny is about to come ask if he can go to the bathroom.
    ...holding your hand up to tell Johnny "No" without looking up from the papers you're grading.


    You have also developed The Look.

    This power can...

    ...stop conversations in mid-sentence.
    ...freeze a running student in their tracks.
    ...make a kid 5 tables away start eating with his mouth closed.
    ...tell Susie you know EXACTLY what she just said about Margaret without saying a word.
    ...suck the breath out of 25 kids faster than Darth Vader using a Jedi Mind Attack.
    ...send even the strongest willed middle school student slinking down in his/her desk as they wither in shame and remorse for whatever they just did.
     
  26. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    OH, I don't think thos powers are limited to middle school teachers; I think most of us have them down pat.
     
  27. Cerek

    Cerek Aficionado

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    Aug 12, 2010

    LOL...you are probably right.
     
  28. gizzzet

    gizzzet New Member

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    Aug 21, 2010

    lolol...
     

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