Would you take your husband's name if...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Pisces_Fish, Oct 24, 2010.

  1. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    It was really hard to spell/say, rhymed with your first name, sounded horrible with your first name, or was otherwise a "bad fit?"

    I'm traditional in that I plan to take his name, but I might reconsider if it was really weird or something. For example, when my aunt married my uncle she didn't take his name because it rhymed and sounded really silly. No one blamed her. I once knew a guy who's last name was Van Der Fart...um, no :lol: I also grew up with a guy whose last name was Rutkiewitz...I think I'd go mad spelling that all the time :)

    What are your thoughts?
     
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  3. MissWull

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    I took my husband's last name and it went from 8 letters to 10 letters, and from sort of common and easy to spell to uncommon and having to spell it every time. But you know, it's not a weird name...and I don't mind it.

    Now, if his last name were Van Der Fart...I would NEVER even consider taking that, haha. That's just too much!
     
  4. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I wouldn't take any weird name, a la Van Der Fart or Butts or Hymen or Longrod or something like that. I can handle names that are difficult to say or spell, though.

    As it is, I added my husband's last name to mine, so it's Cassandra MyLastName HisLastName. I'm strongly considering changing it to just his name because it's really long when I have to sign stuff. When we bought our house a few months ago I thought my hand would fall off. :(
     
  5. MissWull

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    Caesar: You may have to perfect the scribble signature! ;o)
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I know, right??

    I tried to sign the way I sign everything else, with sort of just my initials, but the mortgage people wouldn't let me. They said that every letter had to be legible in my signature. :(
     
  7. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    On a spin-off, what if you got divorced, do you think you'd go back to your maiden name? I think it depends on the situation. If I was miserable in the marriage, or if he cheated or something I would. My parents split after 30 years of marriage and my mom has no plans to change her name. The divorce was civil and my mom sees no reason to be petty and go back to her maiden name after so long. I think it's great. Even as an adult, divorce is hard, and I think my mom changing her name would be very, very sad for me.
     
  8. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    I have always signed my name FirstInitial LastName. I love my first name, I just never sign it all out. The DMV lady flipped on my once, but aside from that no one has ever said anything!
     
  9. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I loved my maiden name, but I took my husband's last name. I went from the back of the alphabet to the front. And it's a lot easier to pronounce.
     
  10. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I'm really traditional when it came to names. I took his name and the best thing about it was that we are the only people in the US with that name. His grandparents emigrated from Europe and they had children who had boys but now my husband is the last of the male children with that name and our son will not be having children. So, the name will end with us. It saddens my husband, but I think it's nice to be unique.
     
  11. AMK

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    We are recently married and I made my married name my middle name and took his last name. He was so excited but it is hard transition at school. The most excited person is my husband's grandfather. He is thrilled I am now Mrs. G :)
     
  12. buck8teacher

    buck8teacher Devotee

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    I went from a common last name, although the spelling was a little different, to an Italian last name that I have to spell and tell people how to pronounce it. Luckily, one of my tutoring kids realized it rhymed with a common first name. So I just say "It's like ______, but with a ___ in the front." It works. :)

    However, my DH wants to name our future children all family related names, which is nice. I'm just not a big fan of the names Margaret and Lawrence. ;)
     
  13. yarnwoman

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    I just went through a divorce and it was not contested. Reasons for it dealt with cheating, abuse, crimminal stuff on his part. I considered going back to my maiden name which is longer but because of the kids I decided to keep the married name. the name itself is not why he did what he did and I did not want to have to explain why I went from Mrs. **** to Ms. *********. Its hard enough for everyone to remember Ms. ****
     
  14. JustMe

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    I added my husband's last name to my first, middle, and maiden last name. It seems like a very simple last name to me, but I have to repeat it and spell it constantly! It's often incorrect on mail, important documents, notes from parents, and so forth. And we don't even try using the name at restaurants...we just use another one. It really isn't complicated, but for some reason it throws people. I deal with it, but there are probably some names I wouldn't take. The Fart name? Teaching middle school? Um, no.

    I don't think it's petty to change your last name after a divorce. At all.
     
  15. MsMaggs

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    Ha ha ha! :lol: My name is Margaret and my husband's name is Lawrence!
    Some of our close friends call us by those names to be funny, but we usually go by Maggie and Dave (DH's middle name is David).

    I love our traditional names though. Both are names that come from our families and I look forward to passing them on when we have kids. DH isn't sure about passing Lawrence on, but I think he will want to when it gets closer to us having kids. One of our daughters' middle names will be Margaret for sure.

    It's funny the preferences we have for names. DH wants to name one of our son's Merle. :eek: Uh, no!


    Sorry to hijack, just felt compelled to post that. But, regarding the OP, I changed my last name to DH's even though I loved my maiden name and it was easy to pronounce and spell. DH's last name is kind of weird, and difficult for people to spell. It was a hard transition for the kids last year when I changed it in October, some still call me by my maiden name. ;) It makes me proud to have his last name though, so I'm glad I took it.
     
  16. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    This thread reminds me of a quote I read a while back....

    "The truly enlightened modern man doesn't mind when his new bride decides to keep her last name....from her first marriage."

    I took my husband's name when I got married. I would have taken Van der Fart over my maiden name. Going through middle school with my maiden name was Not Fun. Even if that were not the case, when I got divorced, I would have still kept my married name because of the kids. It's easier for us all to have the same last name. If I ever get married again, I will take my new husband's name. I can't help but think it would be rude to keep my current last name with a new husband.
     
  17. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    The only "weird" thing about DH's name is that it's uncommon in this town. However, it rhymes with a super-common name in town, so people mistake my name all the time. That's annoying.
     
  18. TeacherNY

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    I just took my hubby's last name. It's not hard to pronounce but there are 2 ways to pronounce and i don't get offended if someone says it the wrong way.
    When I was in college I used to hang out with a guy who's last name rhymed with my first name and my little brother would tease me about it and said I should marry him just to get that last name LOL
     
  19. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I took my husband's last name. I saw no reason not to. I've never met anyone with a name that was so bad a fit that I couldn't live with it.

    And the whole thing with kids of varying last names can get so confusing. For me, the name thing was no big deal.

    When I'm with my sisters I'm still one of the D____ girls. And when I meet someone from my neighborhood, I identify myself as one of the D____'s.

    But I've had my current name for over 21 years. It's the name I share with my husband and the children I adore.
     
  20. MissScrimmage

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    I am not married, nor am I seeing anyone right now, but I do plan on taking my husband's last name, regardless of what it is. There is something very unifying about the entire family having the same last name, and I think it is important. I also have a very common last name right now that I am not attached to at all. My last name will never die out!
     
  21. TiffanyL

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    I would take my husband's last name regardless of what it was....if I was caught up on his name, I can't imagine our love would run very deep or our marriage would be very strong.
     
  22. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I think I could totally be in love with my husband while still not wishing to be "Mrs. Scrotum" or something.

    For you, taking your husband's name is a sign of deep love and commitment. For others, it's just a name and doesn't carry that much meaning. Many women nowadays prefer to keep their own names for whatever reason, and that doesn't mean that they love their husbands any less than you love yours. I'm just sayin'.
     
  23. Marci07

    Marci07 Devotee

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    I still like keeping my own last name so I hyphenate my husband's last name but if it was weird sounding, I wouldn't.
     
  24. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    That is how my last name is too. I can't tell you how many certificates I got in school that have the wrong last name.

    I plan on hyphenating. I would keep my name, but I would like to be unified if we ever have kids. And if I take my BF's last name, I have a better chance of at least getting a second look when I turn in my PhD application to the University I want to go to, since one of his ancestors was a founder.
     
  25. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    What happens to kids with hypenated names when they get married?

    When Susie Jones-Smith marries Mike Willams, does she become Susie Jones-Smith-Williams?

    I love my husband dearly. I would give him a kidney. I've born his children. We're a team until one of us dies. And while others are free to disagree, our team all shares the same name.
     
  26. JustMe

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    Perhaps. Although it's likely she would drop something...middle name, maiden last names. Even if not, she might choose to not hyphenate and just add another name and while legally she'd have all of her names, she would go by Susie Williams. It's of course up to her...but it does certainly add another thing to work out. :)
     
  27. TiffanyL

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    No, you are wrong about that. To ME, taking the name doesn't have a great deal of meaning. BUT....to my husband, it does. And I would bet money that any man speaking honestly would also say that it means a great deal to him. So, taking that into consideration, I wouldn't dream of insinuating that I thought his name was foolish and not good enough for me.
     
  28. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Well, there is international precedent for that. If you look at various Spanish cultures, you DO see that. So, Jose Martinez de Soto's "short" name is Jose Martinez (his father's last name) but the rest of it is "of Soto", his mother's maiden name. In more aristocratic families you might see Isabelle Martinez de Soto de Rodriguez de Fernandez. It gets unwieldy, so you tend to see only the father's name kept after the wedding. So, Gabrielle Fernandez de Diaz gets married to Juan Martinez, they become Gabrielle and Juan Martinez and their children are _______ Martinez de Fernandez.
     
  29. JustMe

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    I don't think "any man speaking honestly" would find it to be significant, but I do agree many to most place value in his wife taking his name. My husband would only care because his dad wouldn't understand otherwise.
     
  30. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Right.

    But I'm wondering what would-- or will, or does-- happen here.
     
  31. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    That, I'm not sure of, Alice. I think because it's been done for so long in those cultures, it's not a big deal. Here, it's a very new thing, so it's hard to say.

    I made my maiden name my middle name and took my husband's last name. So, my legal name is mmswm maidenname marriedname, and dropped my birth middle names entirely (there's more than one). If I get married again, I'll swap last names, but keep my maiden name as my middle name.
     
  32. Ms. I

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    If it was any of the above, I probably wouldn't & I'd expect my husband to understand. My current last name is very short, so practically any name I take on will be harder to spell/say. If I marry my BF, the way you pronounce it is pretty common, but definitely NOT the way it's spelled.
     
  33. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    What about students whose names are hard to say? Do we opt out of saying them? Or do we "put on our big girl panties" and learn to say them?

    I'm a fairly smart woman. I've yet to find the word that, given enough practice, I couldn't pronounce.

    I've taught kids with difficult names. Inevitably, I eventually learn them.
     
  34. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I apologize for assuming that a name change meant a lot to you. That's what it seemed to me you were saying in your post.

    I will respectfully disagree that "any man speaking honestly" cares one way or another about whether his wife changes her last name. My husband, who is a pretty typical guy, didn't care one way or the other and even offered to change his last name to mine if that's what I wanted. Of my three best friends, two kept their names and their husbands said that they don't care. I don't think that they're lying.

    For some people, name changes are meaningful, and that's fine. I get it that having the same last name symbolizes unity and whatnot. I'm just saying that there are plenty of people who seriously don't care.

    It feels like you're saying that a woman who doesn't like her husband's last name doesn't like her husband, and I think that's unfair.
     
  35. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    I took my DH's name because I was very traditional and I still think it's an important part of being a united family.
    However, his name was already hyphenated at a time when nobody in this country was doing that. It was very strange (in fact I remember making fun of him privately when I met him in grade 7). Our children have the hyphenated name as well but of course everyone thinks I'm the one who combined the names. They usually only use the last half but legally must use the whole thing for SAT's or passport, etc. Same for me - my students use the last half (great because they can't find me on FB).
    My DH's sister married a man with a very simple name so she kept half of the hyphenated name and added his simple name on the end. She still goes by 2 last names.
    I probably wouldn't recommend people hyphenating from my experience. I'm tired of spelling it out, repeating it over and over, and if ONE person working at a pharmacy could find my prescription on the first try, I would reward them with a round of applause.
     
  36. RainStorm

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    I had a friend in that situation -- marrying a fellow with an impossible to spell name. They decided to both take HER name! I thought that was great.
     
  37. Blue

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    Even with a simple, common last name, I have to spell it. I guess people are so accustomed to exotic spelling that they just expect it.
     
  38. Ms. I

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    Alice has a point, but the OP wasn't asking about kids' names. She's asking about wives tkg on husbands' names. Adults hv the perogative to chng their name if they want. When all the kids who hv difficult names want to legally chng their names when they become adults to mk their lives easier, that's their business. I'm sure a lot of kids who are teased, etc. due to their name probably wished they could chng it right now.

    But, I know, someone's going to say, but our name tells the world who we are, what our culture is & we should never be ashamed of that. Well, I personally don't see anything wrong w/ changing a name if it mks one's life easier. In fact, one reason numerous celebs do it is to mk their names more American-sounding to mk their lives easier in the show business industry. If that's what they want to do, it's not up to us to say. :)

    One of many interesting celeb name sites:
    http://www.myuniversalfacts.com/2006/03/real-names-of-celebrities.html
     
  39. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I'm kinda hijacking here, ignore me after this...
    Ms. I, you don't have to listen to me or care what I have to say, but I find your posts really hard to read. I like what you have to say, and I know you've said you shorten words to save time, but it makes it really difficult. Anyway, I'm just throwing that out there, no offense or anything, just sayin'...
     
  40. shouldbeasleep

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    I wouldn't have taken Van der Fart and added it to my lovely french last name. It would be a sour note to me. Kind of a Monty Python joke.
     
  41. TeacherGroupie

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    Those of us with hard names discover by the time we're well into high school that a certain number of people just plain never will get the pronunciation right, and that some of them firmly believe that their pronunciation is better than ours.

    Difficult as my names are, I kept the last name; the combination might possibly be unique in the world, and fh's name isn't much easier (and hyphenation was QUITE out of the question). Curiously, it was his family that took this in stride, whereas various branches of my family gave me grief for some time.
     

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