Would you date your former student

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by fathertime, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. fathertime

    fathertime Guest

    Jul 13, 2010

    I had a crush on a teacher and almost a decade later, I still think about her. I've gone out with women my age and older but I keep thinking about my teacher. So here's my question specifically to female teachers:

    your former student is now a young adult. He's 26, independent, working, and is a kind and mature person. Let's say you're 10 years older and single. Would you go out with him if he asked you out?

    Now remember, this guy is the real deal. He's not a bad boy, not looking for casual relationships, etc. He truly cares about you and is an amazing wonderful person.

    Would you give him a chance?

    I would very much appreciate responses. thanks:thumb:
     
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  3. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jul 13, 2010

    I don't think it's absolutely, positively out of the question. It's happened more than once in my town. And a lot sooner than a decade later. Personally, I would be more concerned about the age difference. Not that it's necessarily drastic...just a personal preference.
     
  4. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Um, no.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    The age difference between myself and my students is so much more than 10 years; I can't even imagine.
     
  6. MissFroggy

    MissFroggy Aficionado

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    I wouldn't date a former student, but the circumstances sound so much different than any that I can imagine. (I teach such young children I can never see this happening. I have always had at least a 15 year difference between students, and now it's much more as I am older and they are younger!)

    If you're 26 you're fully grown, probably quite independent, etc. I am guessing she can make that decision. Ethically, I don't think it's an issue any longer. In my relationship I am 10 years younger and don't see an issue with that part of things. But it is something that one has to sort of get over. Women sometimes have a hard time imagining being with a man so much younger. Maybe she will go out with you, but honestly, I don't think many teachers would be able to get over thinking of their students as students...
     
  7. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jul 13, 2010

    EEEEWWWWWEEEE!!!

    Sorry, but not a chance.

    I think of my kids as KIDS. Yes, I know that some are old enough to get married.

    But I just don't see them in that light.

    Even the former students with whom I now work-- I still see them as being a totally different generation. They're my coworkers and they're wonderful teachers. But I still think of Juan getting a detention for a uniform violation Senior year and Caitlin as Kellly's younger sister, the quiet one.

    They may be the best catch of the century-- for my niece. But not for me.

    Here's hoping the woman in question doesn't share my point of view.
     
  8. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Well, I am 27 and teach 5th. It will be a long time before any of my students become a dateable age.

    And, the answer is NO WAY!

    Even if I were 22, straight out of college and taught HS, I don't think I could- even years down the line.
     
  9. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I had a teacher ask his former student out the day after graduation. Eager, huh?

    I said in my first response that teachers in my town have dated former students, but they're probably not a great bunch to go by considering a few "date" students while they are still students. And by date I mean have sex with.
     
  10. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    Jul 13, 2010

    NO!
     
  11. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 13, 2010

    I have a question for you. Why "Fathertime"? Is that like Father (clock) Time, or time to be a father, or you are already a father? Curious minds....
     
  12. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    I don't think it is wrong. It's hard to picture, personally, for me, but as long as it doesn't bother either party, I think it's fine. I certainly don't think it's "eww, gross!" My DH knows a girl who graduated with him that ended up marrying their PE teacher several years after HS. A lot of my HS friends have some of our old teachers as friends on Facebook and hang out with them at local events...as far as I know no one is dating them, but you never know!
     
  13. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Let me say this since I'm the only one with a "not out of the question" response... :)

    I wouldn't date a former student because I teach middle school students and it would be just...not okay. But I think if I taught seventeen and eighteen year old students, and I was a few years older, the ick factor would be significantly less, especially after a decade has passed by. I still can't say I would, but it's not an automatic red light. Maybe I'm crazy? Or maybe this is just so not a possibility for me personally I'm not thinking this through?
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I definitely wouldn't date a former student, but that wouldn't matter to me anyway because I wouldn't want to date anyone less than a couple yrs younger than me anyway.
     
  15. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    I did it. Exact same scenario. He was 24, I was 34, and he came back to teach at our school. It lasted for a bit, but we were just at very different points in our lives. We are still very good friends now, 6 years later.

    (Just to ease the "ewww" factor, I didn't actually *teach* him; it was a big school. I knew him, and I taught several of his friends, but he wasn't ever in my class.)
     
  16. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Hey, guys, it's just my opinion.

    To each his own.

    But for me, it's not the age issue. It's the "former student" thing.

    My best friend is 10 years younger than I am, and we have lots in common.

    It's that picture in my mind of them in my classroom.

    And I'm not concerned with the community view of the situation; it's perfectly legal for one adult to date another. It's my own "eewwee" factor that would stand in the way.
     
  17. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    I would not date a former student but my hubby and I are friends with several of my past students and their significant others. They are now in their late 20's to 30's and play ball with us and even live by us so they have gone from being students to adults that I hang around with.
     
  18. webmistress

    webmistress Devotee

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    Same here Alice. "Former student" is just, I don't know. Even if I were closer in their age range, I wouldn't do it.
     
  19. fathertime

    fathertime Guest

    Jul 13, 2010

    thank you everyone for your kind and honest responses. I sincerely like my high school teacher. It wasn't her beauty that drew me to her but more importantly her personality, her beautiful eyes, her voice, and her heart.

    I hope she's single and accepts to go out with me. Wish me luck!
     
  20. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Best wishes!!!
     
  21. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Jul 13, 2010

    Now you're going to have to come back on here and tell us what her answer was.
     
  22. Joyful!

    Joyful! Habitué

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    Jul 13, 2010

    It sounds like you are determined no matter what the advice given here might be.

    However...I wonder if you have considered that she might find it weird, particularly since you have not seen each other in so long? I think you might do better to just establish contact as an acquaintance.

    I don't see age as an issue. However, teaching a former student, even one that perhaps I had not taught, but had been at my school just seems like a violation of the role that I played in their life. I would think it too strange to overcome. I am always happy to see former students, but more as one who is glad to see that they are well and moving forward in positive ways. I find that I still encourage them as I would if they were still in my class. To me, the roles create a chasm that can never be crossed.
     
  23. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    No issue here. One of my high school peers ended up marrying our PE teacher/basketball coach. She was the assistant for the team and they started dating after we graduated. They are happily married with two boys. Wishing you the same luck!
     
  24. TeacherApr

    TeacherApr Groupie

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    My daughter's father and I are 12 years apart. We aren't together anymore but...that's beside the point. I feel that it has nothing to do with the age difference but rather a work ethic issue. I would NEVER date a former student. It's inappropriate when you are teaching them and I think it's inappropriate even many years later.
     
  25. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I think a lot of this situation depends on the community and size of the school. In my situation, this would NEVER fly. I live in a VERY small community, and teach in a K-12 school where the largest class size is about 20 (and that's unusual). Everyone knows everyone, and that just isn't going to happen. A few years back, a science teacher dated a former student and that was the biggest controversy since forever (it was also a same sex relationship, which, I'm sorry to say, makes it even more so around here...sigh...). I would think in a bigger school/community, a lot fewer people would actually know about it, and it might go over a little better.
     
  26. Brendan

    Brendan Fanatic

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    A friend of mine dated a former students and he took soo much heat and jokes about it. He was her coach in HS eeewww.
     
  27. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I don't think that it would be out of the question. As long as both people are adults and there is no longer a student-teacher relationship, it shouldn't matter.

    I was teaching high school seniors at age 22. That means that I have former students who are 36 years old. If I dated one of them at this point, I don't think anyone would think anything about it.
     
  28. ally06

    ally06 Companion

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    I have a friend who married her former high school teacher - they are both very happy and have 2 children 12 years later. Personally I can't imagine it but I teach 6-yr-olds so that is a whole different story!
     
  29. goodscoolwf

    goodscoolwf New Member

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    My answer may be not. I think the age differences is a big problem.
     
  30. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Personally, I wouldn't.

    But my cousin did marry his former student. They've been married, oh, 30 years and have two fantastic children.
     
  31. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    We have teachers in our district who are married, and the husband used to be the wife's teacher. They go to my church and are really an awesome couple!
     
  32. MissBee06

    MissBee06 Rookie

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    My dad was one of my mom's high school teachers. He was the government teacher her senior year of high school. They began dating summer after graduation and were married the next December. They were married for 40 years until mu mom passed away last year.
    After they began dating he no longer taught at the school, he transferred to a different district until he was drafted (Army). Ick factor was not a big deal in their community and it was a small, southern one.
     
  33. CanadianTeacher

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    For me the age issue would be the big thing. Ten years is too much for me and even a couple of years I think...I'd rather the man be the same age or slightly older than myself. As far as the former student thing....it would have to be very far in the past, although I can't see it without the age difference, so I guess, my answer is no.
     
  34. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    I don't have a problem with either the age or the fact that she was your teacher. But I'm not her. You are getting a lot more "no" to this question, so there may be your answer when you ask her.

    I'm with the previous poster who said you ought to get to know her first. I wish you luck.
     
  35. TennisPlayer

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    I didn't read everyone's answer but my opinion is that teachers and students even former shouldn't date but you have to make up your own mind since you are older now. I think most teachers would not want to date former students because they probably remember you the way you were then which reminds them when you were a child/underage. My friend went out to dinner with a teacher after high school a few times and he tried to make the moves on her--- gross. She was grossed out. She thought they were just going out to dinner to be friendly. He had a different impression of going out to dinner.
     
  36. fathertime

    fathertime Guest

    Jul 14, 2010

    I certainly want to get to know her first.

    She was my english teacher in high school. In my senior year, I told her I had a crush on her. She blushed and smiled. At the time I was immature and that's why I didn't pursue her afterwards but I've never stopped thinking or dreaming about her.

    Those teacher student marriages some of you mentioned are beautiful. I don't think age or former student stuff is an issue when 2 people really care about each other.
     
  37. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Do you have any idea what her status is currently? I would hate for you to have spent all of this mental energy on someone who is already happily involved with someone else.
     
  38. teachin4ever

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    Gross. I would never date one of my former students. I don't think I could ever think of them as anything other than dorky little seventh graders, even years later.
     
  39. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Although it may not make a difference in someone's response, I think it's important to remember his question asked us to imagine a few things...that we taught high school students and that we taught this student in particular almost ten years ago.
     
  40. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Good point, JM. With me, though, being in such a small town that even if I taught high schoolers, I'd have known them since they were knee high! Not to mention their parents...shudder...
     
  41. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    my first response? Ewwww. I guess I'm in the minority here.

    My former students are about 36 and that would make them about 14 years younger...would I ever date one of them; ewww...no, sorry, but that's how I feel.

    I wish you well; keep us informed. I don't know the age difference between you and your former teacher. Somehow, I'm thinking it could only be 4-6 years which isn't really bad at all.
     

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