Hi all, I have been out on maternity since February and will be returning to school for the next school year. I am really anxious about balancing my baby (four months old right now) and my school work. I want to be great at both. I am the kind of teacher that really needs to put a lot of time and thought into my lessons and usually I spend a lot of time outside of school hours in my classroom preparing stuff and etc. (I know we all do though!). I am sometimes in my room until 7pm or so. I am one of those people who has to be at school with my "stuff" to feel inspired etc. I am really really really anxious about not being able to be the best mommy to my baby girl and be the best teacher I can be. I already have goals for myself professionally next year. I want to take on Guided Math and will try to prepare a lot this summer for it but know that it will be a big undertaking. I guess I am just looking for advice from the teaching mommys out there about how to find a balance and how to be a great teacher and mom at the same time. I am already feeling sad about sending my baby to daycare in August. Any thoughts or advice are greatly appreciated!!!
It's miserable, isn't it?? Being pulled in two totally different directions?? Two issues: schoolwork and daycare. On the schoolwork front: use this summer to your advantage. Get tons of prep done NOW, while your daughter stays where you put her. Rough out lesson plans that can be perfected later, do all your cutting and holiday stuff now-- anything and everything that can be done ahead of time. And know that you may have to scale back some of your creative urges for a few years while your daughter is so young. As far as daycare goes: have you found a site you're comfortable with yet? If so, then ease into it. See if you can bring her there a few days or more before school ends. It's not about her, it's about you. Those first days will be rough; you'll feel like a bad mom. (You're not, but you'll think you are.) Better to have those feelings while you watch the clock at home than if you're teaching a group of 6 year olds. Hang in there--you WILL be able to do both!!
Ditto Alice. Just remember, your first graders will not remember the perfect bulletin boards you created, but your baby will remember the time you spent with her.
Thank you for your reply and confidence in me Alice. I am still on the hunt for the daycare center. I have a tour and interview at one next Wednesday and I am hoping it's great because it's very close to my school. Love your advice about getting stuff done this summer. So true. The creative urges will have to be put on hold for a while for sure. I am really hoping that I can do it all!!!
I also have a new baby (3.5 months), and like you, it pains me to think of daycare, and like you, I work extremely long and hard on teacher stuff. I'm trying to cure myself of the overachiever disease. I don't have enough experience yet to know how to work smarter and not harder. I'm too new to be able to grasp that. And it really does boil down to your principal and district requirements as well, no matter how smart you work. I'm not even hired yet and I need to be working on class stuff now. It's getting too late in the summer to be able to do all that is required particularly as a new teacher. I change my mind a million times a minute, but I actually think I'm going to stop applying for public schools and focus on pre schools (that way she can go to the daycare and I'll teach at the same preschool/daycare). Little to no take home work, meetings, test scores etc. The problem is getting hired though. It's not the actual teaching in public/private schools that concern me, it's the take home work! I think I will try for public schools when she's about 4 and more independent (potty trained, can feed herself, can self-entertain, can use the computer, watch tv etc). But having an infant or toddler, the way I am, I am so wrapped into my child, I have to do nearly everything right now & I could not see taking hours away from her to go and lesson plan, grade papers, prepare for RTI, IEP, crunch data etc. Some women do great, but I don't think I can do it. I look forward to see what others have done. There's nothing easy about being a mom.
I've also find that when they are young, they go to bed early. Can you go into your classroom after your little one goes to bed. Between my husband and me, I can often go back into my classroom after 7 when our little one goes down. Use nap times to the best of your ability on the weekends. I've found that I can get much of what I need completed on the weekend while she's asleep. Also, don't worry about all the little things. Housework will get finished, bulletin boards can stay up longer. Ask parent volunteers to help with things. A parent can cut out and put up a bulletin board. A parent can organize the class picnic.
also, a little about mommy guilty ~ I placed A LOT of guilt on myself because I was at home with my oldest daughter for 4 years and returned to work when my youngest was 3 months. I felt very guilty and to be honest sometimes still do about that decision but at the time it was necessary. I know for me I really had to learn to let things go in order to do what really and truly NEEDED to be done. Only you can make that list of really what NEEDS to be vs what you would LIKE to be done. When I was able to get to that place, everything became soooo much easier. I also learned to make my life easier too ~ my husband and kids probably had more socks and underwear than third world countries When my kids started their after school activities, I always bought two of everything- two bats, two pairs of shin guards, two grips, two pairs of spankies, one for my car and one for my husband's car. As far as teaching, again making the most use of time while at school and after school. When my kids did homework, we all sat at the table, them doing homework and me doing grading, planning, prepping . . . grading papers at practices. I shut my door during my prep and really used it! Finally, my husband was/is a true partner. We balanced out what each of us was "good" at and took our share of the running of the house, parenting, running around and taking care of each other. Again, my best advice is not to let guilt wear you down. You can do it
The first few months will be hard. I had my daughter in March and returned the next school year, so I understand about the young ages. She is now 2 and we have a great routine worked out. I wouldn't plan on being able to do much at home until after bedtime. I work every minute I am in the building, but when I am home, it is Mommy time until bedtime. I try to get all plans and prep done a week ahead of time. My husband and I have an arrangement where I stay late at school 1 day a week--this helps me get most of the planning done. There have been many times where I have stayed up until 2 in the morning at the start of the weekend to finish everything, but you do what you have to do. (That was this year because I switched from being departmentalized to teaching all subjects) Also, remember that you don't have to reinvent the wheel. Use things that have worked well in the past, split up lesson planning with teammates if possible, etc.
Thank you all so much. Just knowing that so many women do this is a huge comfort. I already have that mommy guilt and she hasn't even started daycare. I think you are all right when you talk about using planning time and naps to my advantage. No more social chatting with colleagues during prep times etc. I think the idea of doing one night where hubby is on duty so I can stay later at school is a great one too! Thank you for your support everyone!
It's so hard - I have gone back to work after each of my kids... around when they are 1. I'm about to go back this fall, my third child will be 20 months when I go back... I have a great caretaker lined up.. but I'm still pretty heartbroken. I'm trying to focus on the positives. I really do love my job... and I feel lucky to have it... lucky that as my kids get older, our schedules will mesh better and better. I'm also trying to make myself do school work at night starting now, and I'm going in to school once a week as well... If I don't start that now - I will go insane come August! I'm also an overachiever at school - I get an idea and I want to do it, even if it is going to take hours to get accomplished... Since having my first child (8 years ago on Friday!) I have learned to use my time better... and make the hard decisions about need vs. want when it comes to work. Also - I concentrate on work while I'm at school - and when I get home, until after bed, that's my mommy time - I don't check email, grade papers, or anything... Good luck! It takes some getting used to - but you will do it! One thing that I notice is that while I'm at school I'm so busy that there is really no time to wallow about missing my kids... it's just in the car ride after school that I suddenly can't wait to get them and be mommy again.
Just a thought: Do you feel that being a mommy makes you a better teacher? Meaning... having more empathy for the kids and parents etc?
1000% yes . .. I am a better teacher because I am a mom!! And I am a better teacher because I am a parent.
Being a Mom has definitely helped me appreciate the parent's perspective more. It has also made it harder to to tolerate the parents who demonstrate no interest in their child's education.
I was always hugely empathetic and compassionate even before I was a mom. I was told it was on a rare level and not something most people automatically have. Maybe it was because of my health struggles. Didn't matter if the parents were drug addicts with kids in prison for murder. If they walked into my class and needed something, I gave them 100% respect, and was able to connect with them on some level. I usually have strong rapport with parents and kids from various backgrounds. Now I do know that being a mom will help me be a better teacher in the sense of time management, priorities, and less desire to overachieve and be perfect. It also helps me to understand my purpose better...Meaning that I used to feel like it was my job and duty to make sure none of my students made it to the 5 o'clock news as criminals. I now understand that my sole responsibility and purpose is for my daughter. I cannot solve other children's problems or take their problems home with me like I used to do. I no longer feel guilty about those things.
ABSOLUTELY YES for me!!! I have a much better idea than I used to of what goes on at home-- how crazy some nights are. I've also internalized the idea that every single kid, no matter how crazy he makes me, is some mom's whole heart and soul. I always knew that, but it's a different kind of understanding with kids of my own.
I'm a better PERSON because I'm a mom. I am more patient, empathetic, supportive, forgiving... you name it. Being a good parent prepares you for anything! The best advice my mother (who is awesome) ever gave me is to make my decisions as a mother first. It won't always be the easy choice, but it will always be the *right* choice. There are times when I simply cannot do all I want at work because my daughter needs me (and she's 16). I have my principal's cert, but I'm not looking for a job in that area because it would mean too much time away from home. I am waiting until she goes to college before I try my hand at administration. Sometimes I know I could do more in my classroom, but I won't sacrifice her to make that happen. The web can be your very best friend when planning lessons and finding materials. Use it wisely!
Your post was me once. Now I leave work 3-4 nights each week on contract time. The other night, I work until 7:00. At times I do grades at home. I ask parents to take cutting out home. or hang my displays at school. No...it's not as perfectly done as I would like, but it's done none the less. Each year I hang mobiles of the kids' names from the ceiling. Last Saturday, I had friends around the bonfire cutting them out and tying them together (yes school does not begin until after Labor day). I ask more of my 2nd graders too. They do more chores in the room that I used to do. Rewind cassettes, wash individual white boards, take down displays,etc. The Daily 5 has also taken oodles of grading and planning off my hands. We are not allowed to switch for classes such as science or social studies. But I plan and copy everything gr. 2 social studies and my collegue everything for science. Again, it's not always the way I would do science, but it meets the curr and it's less on me. Good luck.
Yes, being a mom made me a better teacher. I base many of my decisions on this question...What would I want my child's teacher to do in this situation? Guilt...Give it up! My kids are teenagers, and they are doing great! All that guilt did not change anything. Feeling guilty was a huge waste of time and energy. Is there someone in your family that could help you out with child care? My parents and in-laws were a huge help to us, and it really was beneficial for the kids to have that time with their grandparents. If someone could help you out 1 or 2 days a week you would probably feel better. You will learn to let go and focus on what is important. Trust me! Finally, I will say I am so grateful I did not give up my job when my kids were born. There was a time a few years ago when my job saved me financially and emotionally. My students and coworkers helped me through a situation that was unimaginable. I don't know how I would have survived without them.
I was in this position just a few months ago! My son was born in November and I went back to work on Valentine's Day. It was hard, but only for me. Like Alice suggested, I eased Nicholas (and myself) into using the sitter. Our sitter runs a daycare out of her home, so it was very flexible. I took him to meet her one day and the following week we did a few days with a few hours each day. And I didn't cry once! Shocking, for me. As for school, I have just decided to do the best I can but without the crazy hours I used to do. I leave no later than 1 hour after school, and most days its before that. I do schoolwork after Nicholas goes to bed. My dh and I share cooking and cleaning up after dinner. The condo is often a mess, but we deal with it. You will get through it. Routines are key! And definitely practice getting out of the door at the time you want to leave in the morning.
And I forgot to mention- Nicholas LOVES the sitter. He is in love with people and especially children. It makes me feel much better about having to go back. And remember- you are still taking care of your daughter by working- you are paying for her diapers, baby food, and clothes!
