Why is compassion for self so hard?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Backroads, Sep 10, 2020.

  1. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Sep 10, 2020

    Me: Teaching purely online.
    Neighborhood: In shambles due to windstorm earlier this week that left more damage than that freak tornado a few years back.
    Power: Currently on Day 3 of being non-existent.
    Work location: Hanging out at my parents because they live on the one street in town that has power and internet.
    Mental State: Exhausted.

    Since my folks' house was a handy close-by spot where we could plug my daughter's medical equipment into, I figured I would just keep working. But today I just feel so out of it. Everyone I know is telling me to just take the day off, but I figure since I have the means, I should keep going. But my yard is still a mess, I'm not sleeping well, my house is a disaster (the tidiness factor, no trees falling on my house!)

    I know that anyone else in my position I would tell to take a mental health day. But to myself... hey, you have a place to stick the kids and a comfy couch and most importantly, internet. Keep working!
     
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  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Sep 10, 2020

    Put yourself first (hard to do, but if you get ill from bring so exhausted you won't be able to help others).
    Take the day off!
     
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  4. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Sep 11, 2020

    You guilt yourself into working instead of taking that day off that you really need. You are doubly burdened by being in a new job, with a new infant, you may feel insecure to take that day because you are new. That is a reasonable feeling, given your job change. Plus, women tend to have that whole martyr thing going on in the weirdest times of their lives.
     
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  5. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Sep 11, 2020

    Hugs to you.
     
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  6. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Sep 11, 2020

    In my prior post, I gave you a lot of the reasons that I have not always been able to put myself first, even when I can feel and see that I really not only need the support, but I can feel that I am running on almost empty. My husband, on the other hand, seems quick to pull the trigger to assure himself of downtime, or he gives himself permission to ignore work or situations that will inevitably result in more, not less, work. What he can do for himself, however, is hard for him to suggest, sometimes, to me - something I find ironic.

    Sometimes I will do more because the worry about something like how I may infringe on the lives of others is something I unrealistically fret over. Similarly, having to decide between two or more jobs to take on can exhaust me. I have to limit the expectations to what is the most needed before biting off more than I can realistically complete.

    You have made some excellent choices - because your folks' house was a handy close-by spot where we could plug my daughter's medical equipment into, you have made one decision easier, and probably maximized efficiency. Give yourself permission to accept that this was a wise decision in many ways, and think of more than one reason why you should be getting accolades about this decision. If you need to, make a list good decisions you have made, and make more of an effort to "support yourself" in more concrete terms and with self-love.

    If the yard being a mess is eating at you, figure out what others can do to pick up the slack there, or be willing to hire some help to keep the pressure off of your shoulders. Before hiring someone to do some cleaning for you would have been almost impossible, but we know more and can see that there are safe ways to have others in our home without freaking out over the risk and exposure possibilities. Get hubby on board with this decision, because he will have your back if parents or in-laws don't completely support what you need. The truth is that everyone else only gets a partial picture of what your daily life is like, and how being a new mother at this time is a .stressful situation that you are finding it hard to balance. I find that IF I can give some coherent thoughts on what I need to do before becoming totally overwhelmed, those around me can recognize where the stress is coming from, and maybe even help others see what really stresses me out when no one is looking

    Please accept hugs from us all, and give yourself as many chances as possible to sometimes weed out some hard to let go of tasks, and try to delegate some things off to other family members, where you can truly support them as they help you. :hugs:
     
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  7. ecteach

    ecteach Devotee

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    Sep 12, 2020

    I took 2 days off and worked more from home than I would have at school when a close family member died. The one task I did ask a teammate to handle for me didn't get completed and I received a nasty email about it not getting done. I asked about getting my 2 days back, but I was told no. Not that it matters. I never take a day off.

    I always say that, at least if I made a lawyer or surgeon's salary, I could buy my family's love. But, I damn near got divorced once, and I feel like I am constantly putting the needs of my students over my child. All for the little amount we do make. It just makes no sense that I keep putting myself through this. I really do step back and wonder why I do this all the time. I'm getting to the point of not having an answer.
     
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  8. Tired Teacher

    Tired Teacher Groupie

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    Sep 13, 2020

    Oh, I am so sorry about the windstorm and lack of power. It is good your parents are near with electricity. I bet you are really exhausted and drained!
    I was like you most of my life. I'd go to work sometimes in horrible pain, exhausted, or even sick. ( Bad, I know.) I think it must have something to do with how we were raised b/c my family all was or is the same way.
    I used to remind myself of the book ( I never read it) 'How to be your Own Best Friend.'
    If you'd tell your bf to take a mental health day in your situation, then you need to follow your own advice.
    Since you're exhausted and had so much happen, I'd advise you to take 2 days off.
    ( That's if you can ONLY take 2 without a doctor's note. :) ) Rest!
    With the storm and lack of power, there have to be plenty of teachers who aren't working now. Since you don't even have power at your house, how could anyone expect you to work?
    Will it really hurt the kids? ( NO) How many days do they choose to take off? ( If yours are like mine, they'd take a week or 2 off to visit Disneyland or other vacations. Plus, they often just didn't get up some days.)
    As for the yard being a mess, this can take a weight off of you: There are always kids who are fund raising or wanting extra money. Once mine grew up, I had to look for sources of labor. haha Sometimes the football team would offer to clear yards for donations. They were strong and quick.
    If your HS football team isn't available, you can call any church and ask if they have a hard working teen(s) who need/ want to make some extra money. You have too much on your plate to deal with the yard too.
    Looking back, I wish I'd have taken better care of myself because a school district is not like a family anymore. You really do have to take care of yourself , so you can be of help to others. I hope you are able to sleep better too. After storms and disasters, I know it is hard to sleep. <3 Take care!!!
     
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  9. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Sep 14, 2020

    I was always told to pretend my bestest best best friend was in the same situation and figure out what advice I would give to HER (because she's great and I love her) then take that advice myself. We always want what's best for the people we love and forget we should love ourselves also.
     
  10. stevejones1981

    stevejones1981 New Member

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    Sep 15, 2020

    Hopefully, you have taken a day off. I am new to the forum, and the first thing I saw is this thread.
    Burnout is real and dangerous. please take some time for yourself.
     
  11. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Sep 15, 2020

    If your husband isn't concerned with how the yard looks then you shouldn't be either. You have enough to do (ummm like keeping a newborn human alive).
     
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  12. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Sep 16, 2020

    He was about ready to call someone. He'd have done it himself but had an insane work week himself. Actually, he did do it himself, but it had to wait until the weekend.

    Sort of had to put it in perspective. Our yard was relatively mild in damage. There's this poor church across the street that lost half of its sizeable tree collection in the tornado a few years ago, then lost a bunch more. Oh, and a cheerleader got trapped in her car when a tree fell on it (she was fine, just trapped)
     
  13. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Sep 16, 2020

    Honestly, unless it's causing some dangerous issues I would skip it for now. There are more important things than the yard. My husband had surgery last fall and the yard didn't get taken care of for months (mostly issues with leaves, etc.). Nobody came to our door forcing us to do anything so I didn't bother. I had other things to take care of inside the house.
     
  14. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Sep 16, 2020

    Agree with so much advice already given - love the treat yourself as if you are your best-best friend. Just wanted to send ehugs. Please recognize how much you are going through and taking time for yourself also models to others how vital self care is. There are many ways to teach!
     

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