Why do I feel this way...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Crzy_ArtTeacher, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    Sep 28, 2009

    So as of late my best friend got engaged, to her boyfriend of seven years. It was expected and was very sweet. He told me two days before he did it.

    I'm so embarrassed to admit this but I'm jealous. It seems as if things are happening everywhere around me. I had a party for my parents this weekend and two of my cousins are pregnant with their second child.

    My guy and I are very happy, we bought a house together over a year ago now and have three wonderful animals together. I thought I'd never be 'that girl' who craved to get married so badly but here I am. I don't know why I'm letting things get to me so much lately about where I should be in my life, but I do think a bit of it was my passing 24th birthday. It sounds so silly that I'm hitting a mid-life crisis at 24 but if you had at least 15 weddings pass in the last 4 months of people you knew, I think you'd feel it too.

    Two women at school just told me they were pregnant today due in May. My SO and I talked about trying at the end of the summer (therefore being due in May), but he's asked me to wait until we get married to start trying now and I respect his wishes. It's not something that I thought was important to me but I guess I'm changing my mind. My cousin just messaged me to say it was a boy, and my other (other)cousin who is my age brought her new son over last Saturday too.

    I guess it's just baby fever, and marriage fever (?) too I guess. It sounds so petty, and a silly rant but I just have this cruddy feeling that I wanted to shake off of me for a bit. I think it's just this inner maternal craving that is ready, but my outside circumstances just aren't yet...

    How many of you have ran into feelings like this...?
     
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  3. Superteacher81

    Superteacher81 Comrade

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    In a word....YES! I was always "that girl" who thought she'd be married with kids at young age, before any of her friends! I have been babysitting since age 11 and working in daycares before becoming a teacher. I always felt like a natural "mom". Literally all of my high school and college friends are married with children now and here I am still single, no kids at age 28! How did this happen??? I still wonder! Imagine my shock when my immature little sister (age 25) who has never worked with kids a day in her life, didn't want them for a long time, called me about 6 weeks ago to tell me she's pregnant!!! I was like WTF!! Not happy!! I had always dreamed of being the one to make my parents grandparents, especially since I'm the oldest!! There should be a natural order to things and this seems out of order for sure.

    In all honesty, as hard as it is to admit.....it's REALLY hard to be happy for someone else when you don't have what YOU want!
     
  4. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Sep 28, 2009

    Why not talk to your guy about those feelings?
     
  5. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I've been starting to feel that way about having a baby. It seems like everyone I know (at least 6 people in the last month) have been having kids. I know I'm not ready yet-I turn 25 tomorrow-but I'm really starting to want a baby. But I would like to get tenure first, pay off more debt, and make sure my husband is ready also.
     
  6. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    I have, I think I just needed an audience of supportive people to listen to me. I think it's just this craving that I can't seem to quell.

    I know all good things come in good time, and I am a patient woman, it's just a different feeling than I'm used to. As immature as my complaint sounds, I think it's me maturing.

    I know that comment is contradictory. I'm embarrassed about the jealous part, and that's something i'm going to lose immediately.
     
  7. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Sep 28, 2009

    I felt like that a little bit ago, but I'm back to reality. Maybe it will pass for you, too? All I could think about was babies, all I wanted was a little baby girl, etc. Dh was getting sick of it. I'm back focused on where we are in life and what is realistic for us, but for a while, I couldn't think about anything else. Maybe it's hormones??
     
  8. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    Jem...

    The hormone thing is a very good point. Not to be TMI, but I just realized why I am so hormonal now.

    (With a nice little slap to the forehead)

    Sometimes it takes someone else to make you realize why you feel the way you do!
     
  9. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Sep 28, 2009

    Tick tock tick tock....

    our biological clocks start clicking and it is hard to control those feels but realize that is evolutionary hormones speaking when we were grandmas when we were 30. Early to mid twenties is still young in the modern age and you still have plenty of time. Sometimes we have to put that clock in the drawer for awhile. I don't recommend waiting until your mid 30s because if there are problems it doesn't give you long to take care of them, but you will be a better mom when you have a little more experience under your belt.

    Good luck and don't fret - you too will have your time.
     
  10. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Don't wait too long either, you want to be young enough to enjoy your kids when they're teenagers and young adults.
     
  11. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    I need a baby in my life. My youngest grandchild is 9, and I need a baby to cuddle. I think it is a woman thing--we all are programed to be mommies.
     
  12. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    I'm with you Blue. I love having a baby in my life, it's one of the most satisfying feelings in the entire world. I don't care how rich or how poor someone is, babies are just satisfying.
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    CrzyArt- what you are feeling is normal. It may pass or it may not. Some of it is hormonal, some of it is that ticking clock, some of it is just well, normal. Sounds like your SO is thinking eventual marriage and family with you. Seems like you already have a committment to each other in terms of buying the house, so that's a first step. Talk about your feelings with your SO- in a calm and rational way. :blush: Share your dreams and personal goals, how you envision your life unfolding (with a healthy realization that life does present its own twists and turns in that vision!!)...It's good to share these thoughts with each other to 'compare notes', see where you are on the 'same page' and talk about the areas in which your goals/dreams differ and how that can be worked out...Enjoy this time in your life, Crzy- enjoy all the times in your life- don't rush your life away- all good things in due time. :love:
     
  14. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    I just went through something similar. One of my roommates married LAST summer, and just had a baby boy. Here I am--very much single, and turning 24 in a month. As happy as I am for them, I can't help but wonder when it will happen for me...
     
  15. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    I guess it's harder for me to swallow it too because I've always wanted to be like my parents. It was such a romantic story, married at 19, me at 21 my brother at 22. They were so young and I loved that my entire life.

    I guess we have to look at where I am now versus them too... I single family home and a career that I'm starting my third (almost tenured hooray!!) year in.

    It's all relative of the generations, but you can't help but crave what worked out so well for your (and the hubby's) parents....
     
  16. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    ...and it will work out for you as well, Crzy!!
     
  17. yearroundteach

    yearroundteach Companion

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    I 100% know where you're coming from. I went through this times 10 about a year and 1/2 ago. I was always the one in high school who said I'd never be married and I wasn't too sure about kids. Then suddenly around 26 something kicked in. All I could think about was being married and having kids. Around that time all of my friends and co-workers were either having kids or getting married. It felt like I was at a baby or bridal shower every week.

    It didn't help that around this time my fiance (boyfriend at the time) told me that he wasn't sure he ever wanted to get married or have kids. I was devestated. I left every single one of those showers envious and jealous and almost always cried on the way home. You are already one step better in that it seems like you and your boyfriend are on the same page. It is just a matter of waiting to get there.

    Even now that my fiance and I are on the same page as far as marriage and kids, it still feels like torture waiting to get there. Now that I have the engagement, I just want to jump ahead to having babies. Every once in awhile those jealous feelings creep back up (since it seems like there are always 2-3 of my co-workers pregnant at any given time). When they do I just remind myself that it will happen when it should and that there are several of my friends who are jealous of me because of the freedom I still have in my life since we often just pick up and go for the weekend without a 2nd thought. The grass is always greeneer if you allow it to be, I suppose.

    Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Don't feel too bad about the jealous feelings. We are all human and we all get jealous sometimes. As long as you keep recognizing when it is happening and put the feelings in perspective without them affecting your attitude or relationships with your cousins/friends/coworkers/etc., I think you're doing well.
     
  18. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I know how you feel! Everytime I get happy and used to my situation with my SO one of my friends gets engaged or pregnant. And then I get jealous. I think it is impossible not to. If I just sat down and thought about it I am happy with where I am but it is so hard to see everyone else moving forward and me just sitting there. We do have a dog together but that is hard to get excited when those around us are getting pregnant!

    I wish I had good advice but as I am in the same boat as you I think I should listen to others advice
     
  19. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    I'm 28 and still don't feel ready!!! :D I don't want that sort of responsibility. I like being able to just take off, do what I want, and not have to worry about a little one. I say, enjoy this time that you have now, because when you have a baby, it does change.

    My sister in law is about 35 and had her first one when she was 32. She's now pregnant with her third baby!! They are very happy, but also very busy and never have time to goof around like they used to before the had kids. Also, they seem to be so stressed out.

    Anyways, I'm rambling..... but, yeah, enjoy your free time while you can! :D
     
  20. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Crzy_ArtTeacher, you're only 24, you're still so young! I remember when I was in HS, I thought your age was the perfect age to get married. Now, I'm 34 & unmarried & don't have my own place yet. But, believe it or not, I'm not yearning to have kids yet. You know how they say people many times take after what their parents did? For example, many teen mothers had mothers who had them when they were teens or very young. Well, my parents did things later than most people. My mom was 33 & my dad was 43 when they married. They had me 3 yrs later at 36 & 46 & this is their 1st marriage & they're still married today & I'm their only child. So I guess I'm doing things later too...not that I necessarily wanted to, but that's how my path in life has gone so far.

    Regarding me not having a place yet, I could have had my own place by now, but my job situation a couple yrs ago didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. Now, I'm back in school trying to earn a 2nd Masters (not quite in grad school again yet) & the cost of living here (in southern CA) is so astronimcally high it's not even funny. My parents were never the type to want me out at 18 or 21. But I'm really at the point where I want my own place, preferrably to own a home or condo rather than wasting money on high rent, but I still can't afford it just yet.

    So, you still have plenty of time. Think how frustrating it COULD BE for me. People my age are married w/ teenage kids already! I say COULD BE because honestly I'm not frustrated that I don't have kids yet. I just want my own place right now! :)

    Anyway, good luck to you.
     

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