Why are the parents of boys so much crazier?

Discussion in 'Secondary Education' started by TrademarkTer, Jul 29, 2019.

  1. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    I've been teaching high school for seven years, and I've dealt with a number of crazy parents. That said, every single crazy parent I've ever dealt with, the child was a boy. I've teach in a high SES district so I've had to meet with lawyers, advocates, and a host of other individuals brought in my overzealous parents. I've had parents that have emailed me on an almost daily basis, and parents that have and parents that have had ridiculous demands for redos, retakes, changing grades, accepting late work, and all kinds of other stuff. The only common thread is in EVERY SINGLE case, the child has been a boy. If you asked me before I started teaching, I would suspect it to be the opposite, envisioning parents being overprotective of their girls, but this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, parents of girls have been much more likely to reach out to me with positive feedback, praise, and thanks. Parents of boys have been much more likely to drive me insane.

    Is this your experience as well, or the opposite? Why do you think it is?
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
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  3. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    I've had seven parents in ten years that I'd say were outrageous (three of them all in the same year... ugh). Of the seven kiddos, six were girls, one was a boy.

    I will say that I also tend to get a lot more positive feedback from the parents of girls. If I had to guess, I'd say that girls in general are more likely to share details of their school day with their parents.
     
  4. Aces

    Aces Habitué

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    I think with boys, especially teenagers, we as the parents tend not to be made aware of small problems until they become big problems. Not on the part of the school/teachers, but on the part of our kids. We have two teenaged sons and I have to PRY and pull teeth for information about how their day went, do they need help, etc. If they're struggling with something they have a bad habit of not getting us involved. Thankfully they keep their grades up on their own. It's other issues we ran into on a near constant basis.
     
  5. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    This is probably true, but with the parents I am classifying as crazy, they are obsessed with things that are FAR from big problems. "You took off 3 points here, but that was harsh, and 2 points would be more fair." "He got a zero on this homework, and you wouldn't take it late." [My homework being only 10% of the grade with at least 15 homework grades a MP with the lowest HW grade being dropped anyway......]
     
  6. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Wow! As a parent of a boy who is now a male teacher, I find that a sweeping condemnation. I'm not sure that student gender is the basis for "crazy parents awards", but my judgement may already be flawed, according to the thread title.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2019
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  7. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    I actually had to send a lengthy letter to a helicopter parent who would not stop pestering me and I had enough. I let them know, in no uncertain terms, that I was the instructor, that I determined how points were distributed, and that I did not accept late work. I also made sure that they knew that I was not going to stand for them telling me how to conduct my class and unless they had an urgent matter (an emergency or a legitimate concern) to discuss pertaining to their student, that they were NOT to contact me or give me any more directives. I finished up by saying that I was not their student and I would not be talked to as such. Thankfully, my principal backed me up 100% and the parent deflated after that. It was glorious and cathartic.
     
  8. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Jul 30, 2019

    For what it's worth, I do get the impression, based on what I have read from you, that you could be a touch over the top/overbearing, which would likely put you in that minority of parents.
     
  9. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Wow, that’s incredibly judgemental. As is your OP premise
     
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  10. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Off the top of my head, my experiences have been similar to the OP's. My grade-grubbing parents have belonged to girls for the most part. But the crazy, over-the-top parents that think they are going to tell me what to do, that get lawyers involved, that talk crap about teachers at Mommy W[h]ine fests, all have sons. I think it stems from a couple of things. The Mommy/son relationship dynamics and the idea that men are to be leaders (therefore young men need to have awesome high school grades as a foundation).

    I've taught seven sets of boy/girl twins. With six of those sets the mothers were nutso dealing with their sons but had little to nothing to say about their daughters. The seventh set belonged to a single dad.
     
  11. greendream

    greendream Cohort

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    This is a very bizarre premise for a thread.
     
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  12. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    I was a parent who taught my son to do his work, do his best, and to settle any perceived problems on his own. Where was I involved? Well, I supported the track teams, worked to support all of the music programs, helped with fundraising so that all students could attend class trips, supported teachers in their quest for tenure, celebrated staff who might otherwise be overlooked, and basically was one of many parents who supported school activities for the sake of all students. I appreciated my son's teachers, even the ones he struggled with. His grades were his to fight for or not. Same concept as he went through college. If being a financial and morale building supporter for all students makes me "over the top", well, guilty as charged. My son was classified at a young age, and my strongest lessons were to work his hardest, address his problems with his teachers on his own if he needed something, and to believe that teachers were very smart people who had his best interests at heart.

    I had the good fortune of taking my MEd. courses with my son at my side. Our grades were not identical because we each did our own work. I never asked him about his grades, he didn't ask about mine. I figured he had graduated from HS and earned a BS without parental over site, so why start to change that now.

    Sorry you think there is a gender difference in how parents parent their children. Even sorrier that you would lash out at the parents of either gender child and label them crazy. ,
     
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  13. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    This escalated quickly...
     
  14. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Not escalated, clarified. :cool:
     
  15. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Aficionado

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. 3Sons

    3Sons Connoisseur

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    Well, parents of boys have seen years of casual sexism and unequal treatment. When an unfair or oppressive rule is made, it's usually tested by a boy. Ludicrous administrative decisions around zero-tolerance policies are typically going to impact boys.

    If a parent of a boy has regrets about how they dealt with the school system by the time their kid gets to high school, it's usually going to be that they weren't crazy enough.
     
  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Since I started working at a special needs school, 90% of my students are boys so I can't say if what the OP stated is true or not but I've sure come across some doozies!! There have been some crazy demands but I can usually come to an agreement with them that doesn't give me a ton more work.
     
  18. Mr.history

    Mr.history Cohort

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    Aug 3, 2019

    I've dealt with some pretty out there parents, but I cant say for sure if they were more likely to have male or female students. I do have a question though, are you a male or female? I ask because do you think you might be treating the male students differently to get on the bad side of the parents?
     
  19. Teacher234

    Teacher234 Cohort

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    In my many (approx. 20) years of teaching and experiencing different settings, I do not see any relationship in any way, shape, or form. I see good parents who send good students to my class and misinformed parents who send nightmare children to my class. Either way, there simply is not a relationship in my opinion. I am currently a special class teacher and have been for ten years now. The parents are mainly supportive of their children and we work together to benefit the student. When I taught high school (early 2000s), I had a parent who was convinced that I would never fail their child who rarely attend class, never did homework, and did not pay attention in my class. They thought this until their 10th grade child was in English 1 once again. (English 1=9th grade English)
    I also had a parent threaten to contact the administrator and attempt to get me fired at a couple points when I taught middle school. The horrible thing I should have been fired for..........I gave their precious little sugar plums a 0 for a homework assignment not done. Gender has nothing to do with it. Although this thread seemed to be begin as a biased gender argument, maybe we can turn this thread into telling stories about ridiculous parents we have encountered.
     
  20. ready2learn

    ready2learn Comrade

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    Aug 4, 2019

    I have a coworker who would be carrying the banner that says that parents of boys are crazier than parents of girls. In my own experience, I have seen crazy parents of both genders.
     
  21. Teacher234

    Teacher234 Cohort

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    agreed.
     
  22. Tired Teacher

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    Are boys treated a lot differently than girls at home where you live? I lived in a place once where girls were taught to wait on males, work hard, and comply with requests for the most part. They very seldom caused problems at school. ( So their parents weren't called to school much for behavioral problems.)
    A group of the boys ( not all) were catered to, given preference, and were given more freedom to do whatever they wanted. Moms doted on those boys. That group of boys were not taught to respect women. I saw " truly crazy" moms there a few times.
    At the time, I never really thought about it much. The "truly bizarre" moms were there to defend their sons. ( Just my experience....)
    Where I am now, it is very different. The times I have seen whacko behavior were "doting parents" of both sexes. Mental illness could be seen in all of the parents who go absolutely over the top.

    I noticed that you are a male. Do any of the things that annoy you the most about the boys w/ whacko parents remind you of the opposite way you were as a student?
    Our own life experiences play a big part in how we see things.
    A personal example: My mom lost her parents at about 10. My dad lost his dad at about age 12. They were both really good parents when we were young. However, by the age of 12, they both pretty much expected us to be self sufficient and grown up. ( Both of them had grown up fast and had to be hard workers.)
    That experience made me unwilling to teach JR High kids because there are times I know I would just want to yell, "Grow the _ up! " I had a real hard time with my son at that JR High age too. ( All is good now.)
    My parents and siblings were in universities by 16. My son was almost 17. I took a different path, left school in 9th grade, took the GED, took the entrance exams,and went to a state university. (Fortunately, my parents had instilled curiosity in me and the importance of learning. Also, they believed in learning experiences and we traveled a lot and learned. )
    A lot of times our life experiences make us tend to get frustrated when we do not understand why a kid or parent is acting the way they are. My parents would never have gone to school in my defense or rescue.
    Oh, if I had it to do all over again, I'd have broken the cycle of growing up quickly because I now do see the benefits of growing up slower. Still though, if a whiny 7th grader started to complain to me about their parents not buying them what they wanted, I'd have very limited patience. :)
     

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