Who's Moved for Their Significant Others?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Apr 25, 2010

    I know we have differing opinions, but I appreciate how many of you ended your post w/ a positive comment to me about my relationship. I wish contentment & fulfillment for us ALL. For those who enjoy reading my threads/posts, that's terrific. :)

    Alice, you don't have to explain anything to me. If that's how your son is, that's fabulous!

    MissCeliaB, LOL! He probably would. You know the old cliche about nice guys finishing last (which I started a thread about that topic a while back)? I have no idea why people don't like the nice guys. I'll take them in a heartbeat.
    Don't get me wrong guys, I'm not saying no guy is nice unless he does A, B, & C.


    Major, if you & your wife are happy, great & I'm glad you like my posts.

    TamiJ, first of all, I'm sorry that happened to you in your past relationship. I never said I do NOTHING. Random people can ask my BF why I'm an excellent GF & he'd love to tell you all about it. :)

    And if you want to have dinner waiting for him at the table, etc. when he comes home from work, that's great. In my opinion, that's good to do M-F if the woman is a housewife & her husband is the one making the living, but I think if the woman has a FT job too, just because the husband may come home later, that doesn't always mean I'll have dinner waiting. He has 2 hands to cook his own dinner sometimes. If I have a FT job too, I know I work just as hard (or sometimes harder) than he does.

    I hope for your sake, you get to take it easy on Fridays & the weekends.


    MuggleBug, speaking of guys picking women like their mothers, I completely agree. I also agree that the way a woman will see how a guy will generally treat & moreless be w/ them later doen the road is to see how they treat their mother & sister(s). My BF treats his mom & sister very well. I mean him & his sis aren't that close, but when he does see her, he's respecatble, etc. (She's a lot younger than him too BTW). He always did things for his mom regarding housework, etc., especially now that his mom was diagnosed w/ MS several yrs ago.

    sue35, I have to agree w/ you on the flat-faced dogs. I LOVE them to. The Frenchies, Pugs, Boston Terriers :wub:! I love dogs that are unique-looking that not everyone has. I know, pugs are pretty common, but BTs in my area are extremely rare.

    Jem, thank you for saying that. You know, no matter how a thread may turn, you stay neutral w/ your comments & are very positive. You never condescend, criticize, bite anyone's head off, etc. :D
     
  2. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Apr 25, 2010

    I move multiple times a day. Honey, bring some tea. Make me some coffee. Answer the phone. Take the dog out. etc etc
     
  3. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    This thread really made me laugh. Thanks guys. It does go to show you what each wants out of a relationship, what each values and how different we all are. That's probably why it takes us a special someone to put up with us for the rest of our lives.

    My mom once put a bumper sticker on my car that said, "Marriage is finding that special someone we CAN annoy for the rest of our lives." Okay, so the object should not be about annoying each other but rather about mutual respect but realistically we are two people coming together as one and we will annoy each other at some point. :rolleyes:

    Though this seems off topic, I am sharing my relationship woes to share what I've learned about marriage, give and take and how different values can impact a marriage.

    Early in our marriage I remember my husband going to a chaplin about some difficulties we were having. At that time my husband had really hard core beliefs about a woman's place. He felt a woman's place was in the workforce. I wanted to stay home with my children and raise them. He couldn't see the value of that and didn't think it was a "job." Interestingly, this chaplin went back and examined my husband's previous relationships. Now I give my man a lot of guts because he came home and told me what the chaplin's observations were. The chaplin told him he had never gone out with anybody that was out on their own yet. By choosing younger mates that were still under the authority of home, he was in fact trying to pick someone he could mold but in fact I was my own woman and now that I was out from under my father's authority, I was finding what I wanted from life and finding my own values. I was stunned because it was true. My father didn't raise me that way. I was in college to become a paralegal when I met my husband. Overnight, I became the woman who wanted to raise children and a family.

    A few years later down the road, I started exploring the idea of being a working woman. First it started out of need. I was working to put food on the table but the job didn't fullfill me. A vocational counselor, who kept in touch with me all these years, made me think about my passions and interests and long story short... here I am. Now, ironically, my husband wishes I was more of a stay-at-home mom because I simply don't have the time or energy to put forth carrying equal weight in the relationship or my family and I lean on him like he leaned on me (despite how he felt) all those years.

    Now, I love my husband. I truly do. We've had our battles, but in the end I think what works is that we agree to disagree on some things, we've learned that we are our own person and we are both stubborn enough to truly want to work things out because we truly do love each other. We try to find compromises. We try to recognize our own personal values and realize that we are two different people that are making one special family. We can't force each other on one another and why we try to have some influence in the matter, we learn to let go. It's a lot of give and take.

    Someone, early into my marriage told me a secret. She said, it is never truly 50-50. It goes back and forth. Now I'm recognizing that I am on the take side and he is on the give side and has been for a few years. Slowly I'm trying to give back because he is worn out and at the same time respect that my energy is also depleted and I need him.

    As far as opening doors, holding purses, etc. My man did open doors where he no longer does. He is still, though, in so many ways from the little daily things (ex: coming to my work this afternoon while I'm working on a Sunday and bringing me some index cards and soda) to the grander romantic gestures (ex: surprising me with a cabin in the woods). I admit, that's the person I was attracted to and still am. I admit, I need the romance. I would have no problems with my man carrying my purse but I don't carry one. :p I wouldn't expect it. Just like I don't expect him to open my doors. I take whatever he is willing to give. Do you know that he checks the bathroom everynight to see if I have a towel for in the morning? That's love.

    My husband and I tell each other how we feel quite frequently. We tell each other what we need. In the long run though, we give what we can and respect each other for it whether it meets our expectations or not. He's cooking dinner at night. I'm not going to tell him that it is not well-balanced enough or critique it. I respect that he is giving of himself and in doing so our family's needs are being met.

    Basically we learned to accept what the other is willing to give and do what we ourselves want done perfectly. That doesn't mean we don't fuss. It just means we respect that we are each our own person and we are not slaves to each other but rather help-mates for one another.
     
  4. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Apr 25, 2010

    When my husband was in the military, we moved many many times...it was worth it...we made lifelong friends, lived in interesting places, traveled.
    My husband is totally supportive of me as well. We settled in ONE place after the military- I work long hours after school tutoring, union events, conferences, teaching grad school. DH travels with his job and sometimes beats me home, sometimes we get home at the same time...We cook together, share the household responsibilities.
    It's been a partnership from the beginning and is still that way after 26 years of marriage. We respect each other and treat each other well.
    I don't judge him on whether he will carry my purse and he doesn't judge me on whether I take out the garbage. We know each other well enough to not take advantage of each other.
    We don't fight. We always are respectful and considerate of each other. He is a gentleman. I am a lucky woman. My sons have an excellent role model in their dad and treat their girlfriends accordingly.
    I'm blessed to have married the best person for me. I wish you all the same.
     
  5. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Nice Czacza.

    I can't say my husband and I respected each other enough. It took some growing pains but we got there.
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    ...good for you for sticking with it and getting there. :love:
     
  7. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Apr 25, 2010

    Got it!:D
    Rebel1
     
  8. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    Apr 26, 2010

    He moved for me.
    As for 'division of labor'--in my marriage, it has always been who had more time. When we both worked, it was fairly equitable, but now that hubby is retired, he has more time, thus can do more around the house. And he is glad to. And I let him.
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 26, 2010

    Ms. I. I was just being silly, and that poem is not something that ever happened to me...lol...And I TOTALLY agree that if both the woman and husband work, then the woman should not be expected to put dinner on the table. My husband cooked dinner our whole marriage up until this past July, when we moved. His new job had him working until 8 or later at night. That was when I began making our dinners (we also have a daughter, and she needs to eat). And I do take Saturday and Sunday off from cooking. :)
     
  10. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Apr 26, 2010

    :lol:
     
  11. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Apr 26, 2010

    I see TamiJ, that's great. :)
     
  12. Kase

    Kase Companion

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    Apr 27, 2010

    I was with my boyfriend for a year when he decided he wanted to move from Kansas to California. I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I also knew that there was no way of changing his mind. During college, I wanted to move out of Kansas after I graduated. I just didn't think it would be to California. I haven't even visited the place. But my boyfriend was great! We came out to visit and I absolutely fell in love! We looked for jobs, found some on our very last day out here and a month later we moved (November 2008). It's been the best decision ever. We just celebrated 3 years together this past March and we're still going strong. I don't feel like I've sacrificed anything. I actually feel like I've gained a lot. We're not married and I don't think we ever will get married but that's okay with us.
     
  13. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    May 12, 2010

    How did I miss this thread? I've been laughing out loud...my dog is growing concerned! :)

    And to answer the question, my husband and I live in the same town in which we both grew up.
     

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