Whiners and Criers

Discussion in 'Sixth Grade' started by WaterfallLady, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. WaterfallLady

    WaterfallLady Enthusiast

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    Feb 1, 2008

    This year in my sixth grade class I have a lot of kids who cry when they don't get there way. One was crying today because he couldn't play Monopoly during free time (it was in my car). I had one hiding under my desk and crying because I was going to tell his mom he got in trouble (she was still called). The same boy cried because he didn't get his Friday rewards. The other day one of my boys was crying so hard he refused to come in my classroom- I wouldn't want to go either if I was crying that hard but I told him he needed to come in while I called the office.


    These are all boys that cry. I know its good for boys to share their emotions but I have never heard boys this old cry so much. Do you have any ideas for it? Is this normal for sixth grade boys?

    I also have one boy who CONSTANTLY whines. He will never be happy. How do you deal with that?

    Thanks :)
     
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  3. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 1, 2008

    I see you teach special ed........ Do you think some of your kids have special needs? ALL boys (and men) are capable of crying... I'm a grown man...... and in my circles considered a Man's Man..... I can still kick a$$...... But you know what....... I can still cry...

    Major
     
  4. WaterfallLady

    WaterfallLady Enthusiast

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    Feb 1, 2008

    All of my kids have special needs.

    All of my kids are allowed to cry. I am just saying certain boys do it just about every day and it disrupts class. We've referred them to counseling, etc, but the issue seems to continue occuring.

    I just want my kids to be happy. Also, its really hard to teach when you have a sixth grader hiding under the teacher's desk crying.

    Wanted to know if anyone delt with the same things.
     
  5. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 1, 2008

    I don't know your kids so I can't say this is a reason but.....

    Is it possible that some of it could be manipulative? Could it be a learned reaction to how you will handle it?

    My 11 year old does the same thing. I started noticing he doesn't do it with dad but he does it with me. I caught on and started reacting more strictly about it. I hesitated to do that at first because I didn't want to discipline him unnecessarily. It has improved but he has his moments. His brother told me the other day that he confided to him that it is his fake cry. It looks real. It certainly is okay to cry. The difference is the DRAMA. I will not accept that. I don't know these students and their issues. That part you will have to decide.

    Personally, I wouldn't be against a student being upset but I wouldn't accept the drama of crying under my desk. I might be more forgiving if it is due to an issue the child has but even then I would consider helping them learn to get past that behavior.
     
  6. WaterfallLady

    WaterfallLady Enthusiast

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    Feb 1, 2008

    The thing is, the two boys who cry so much have had very, very tough lives. I don't know if school is their only release? I do think some of it is manipulative but I never ever give in.

    The kid who was crying under my desk had a very good reason to be crying. He is small, and was sitting on my floor and I was on my knees talking to him. He crawled under the desk when he thought kids were watching him cry.

    I can accept that both of these boys have real reasons to cry, but its when they cry about silly things like not being able to play Monopoly or not being able to erase the board that is when it gets ridiculous.
     
  7. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Feb 1, 2008

    That is when you have to TEACH them repetitively that those situations are not a reason to cry. By the way, I did have that situation last year between crying and tempers. I had to be tough and consistent. I did allow them a moment to cry if there was a really good reason for it. Then I sat with them and talked to them.
     
  8. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Feb 1, 2008

    :eek:hmy: Really, Major?!? I can't believe that you admitted you cry. :D
     
  9. Loomistrout

    Loomistrout Devotee

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    Feb 1, 2008

    For many kids crying is a form of back talk in situations where they don't get their way or want undivided attention. It usually develops at home, "I want a cookie, whaaaaa!!", and to shut siren up Mom or Dad, "Okay. Here's a cookie. Now leave me alone!" Another gambit is to sulk and start sniffling if a sibling is attracting too much attention. What loving parent won't drop what they are doing and rush to console and comfort?

    Kids aren't dummies when it comes to adult manipulation. What works at home should work at school. How do you draw attention to yourself in a class of kids also trying to draw attention? How did you do it at home? Surely not by doing everything right. You get ignored. If you want the teacher (substitute Mama, Dada) you have to act out, cause a problem, be different. The goal is to change the teacher's agenda, get back to work, to anything else. So any consoling during back talk (crying) or talking about anything other than "Are you going to get back to work?" signals the student's tactic is working. Since this tactic is working expect more of the same from this student and others who haven't added crying to their repertoire of back talk.
     
  10. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    Feb 2, 2008

    Ever think that these boys might be experiencing pain, fear, grief, etc. that you never dreamed of.........:(:(
     
  11. Mrs LC

    Mrs LC Comrade

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    Feb 2, 2008

    It's really hard to judge whether the crying is manipulative or not - I read your first post incredulously (thinking, no, that's NOT normal for 6th grade boys) until I noticed you have special ed - that does change things.

    Are the kids able to articulate their feelings? Perhaps they cry because they are scared (of mum being called), disappointed (because the game was in your car) or just confused about what's going on, and don't have the verbal skills to express these feelings. We don't have special ed classrooms, just special ed kids in general rooms, and we do have to make allowances for them.

    I guess in your position I'd talk to the parents to see if it's normal behaviour for these kids at home. Then I'd talk to the kids a lot, seeing if I could verbalise what they are worried about (if that is the problem). I would not allow myself to be manipulated by tears though - I think you did the right think in calling the mum to tell her of misbehaviour even though the boy cried.

    Good luck, hope you can sort it all out.
     
  12. WaterfallLady

    WaterfallLady Enthusiast

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    Feb 2, 2008

    I know they both are and guidance is attempting to assist the families and the children. However, I would like to work with them for example, in not crying when they cannot play a board game.

    I do realize if you are in that much pain its hard not to cry, but these children are both very happy kids usually.


    And I think the last poster is right, these kids just don't have the verbal skills. I am looking into getting a book called "Skillstreaming" that helps develop kids social skills.
     
  13. cheeryteacher

    cheeryteacher Enthusiast

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    Feb 9, 2008

    I used to cry practically every day in first grade (not for attention, that was just my way of reacting whenever I didn't understand something). My teacher simply sent me to the bathroom to calm down and clean myself up. There was never any consoling or babying. She never let my crying disrupt the whole class or made a big deal out of it (she admitted that she cried every day in school for awhile, too). I came back into class and got back to work. Maybe if you react very calmly about their crying and send them out to calm themselves they will realize that not only does crying not get them what they want, but they don't even get the attention they want. Whenever they cry over something trivial, send them out.
     

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