When parents are just as bad as the kids...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Kaley12, Feb 11, 2014.

  1. Kaley12

    Kaley12 Companion

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    Feb 11, 2014

    I feel a little bit of a need to vent. I'm sure most teachers have their share of stories about "challenging" students. Whether or not you have parental support at home can make a huge difference (speaking from an elementary stand point, at least). Some parents are wonderful and support the staff and try to help curb the behaviours at home. Some don't seem to care much and sort of turn a blind eye to it... which is frustrating of course.
    But the worst is when the parents are just as bad (if not worse) than the child. It baffles me how some adults can behave the way they do. For example, there was a kindergarten boy last year who was completely rude and defiant. He would bully other kids and was always causing disruptions in class. He sucked up a ton of time in the class because his behaviour had to be constantly dealt with. The parents were just as bad. They would defend their kid tooth and nail, blame the teachers for all the problems, and would be very confrontational to the staff. No wonder the kid is so bold and entitled.
    Another example is from this year. Another young student never does what he's suppose to. If the class is at the carpet, he's trying to play. When the class is getting ready for recess he's running around. I could go on forever. He causes a lot of grief for any teacher who has to deal with him because he flat out refuses to do what is asked of him and it turns into a ridiculous battle. Basically, if it's not something he wants to do, it's not happening. Again, the parents defend this behaviour. They refuse to accept that he's causing problems, and again, blame everyone but their kid. They get mad at staff for sending notes home or referrals for his more severe actions. They have flat out yelled at teachers for 'disciplining' their child (by which I mean providing a consequence as per the behaviour plan).
    I just felt like venting about these types of parents. I get that you want to stand up for your child, but come on. How is this helping them by excusing their actions?
     
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  3. asha

    asha Rookie

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    Feb 12, 2014

    Some people should not have children. I feel like those types of parents have children without actually thinking about it. Just because everyone around you is having babies, it does not mean you are ready to get on the same wagon.
     
  4. LinguaTutor

    LinguaTutor Rookie

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    Feb 12, 2014

    I know exactly what you mean. The reason why some kids are bastards is because they learn it from their parents or just lack of parenting.

    In a situation like this, I ALWAYS get another parent involve. I'm not sure how it is in North America, but in China, parents will have the guts to argue with teachers and the staff but (most of the time) will never have the guts to argue with other parents. When I discipline students, their parents get upset, asking me why I had to discipline them. I gave them my reasons in which they were still not convinced it was necessary. I then tried to get another parent involved simply by telling them I can talk to the other parents about how your child did this to their child, and you can deal it with them if you're not satisfied. *snap* Right there they just wuss out. They'll say something like, "Oh no that's fine... nevermind! Let's just forget about it."

    Again I don't know how it is in North America or other parts of the world, but in China, having other parents supporting you will most of the time make you righteous.
     
  5. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    Feb 12, 2014

    Parents often drive me crazy for these exact reasons. I often think to myself as I'm dealing with parents: "no wonder your child behaves as he/she does - look at the pattern of behavior you're teaching your child."

    The worst I've seen: on two different occasions in my 6 years in my district, we've had parents (ADULTS - not older siblings) come to the school to fight a student that was having problems with their children. Like banging on the classroom door, calling the child to come out of the classroom, pushing past teachers to get to the child. THE CHILD. :eek: What type of parent comes to a school to fight another person's child? People that really shouldn't have kids.
     
  6. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Feb 12, 2014

    Hmmm...no parent defenders yet! Amazing! (just wait they are coming LOL).

    Seriously, I agree. Some parents try hard to do everything they can raise their children the right way. Some just not KNOW what is right. We just had an incident yesterday with a student that just baffled us. All day we were wondering, "what was this parent thinking"???? (You wouldn't believe it if I told you). The day before that we thought the same thing about another parent. I guess the best we can do is take care of and teach their children. We do our best in school and have no control of what goes on at home.
     
  7. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    Feb 12, 2014

    It happens in high school too. I had one student that would not show any respect towards me at all. Super low academically, in trouble often, going no where fast. Lots of mumbling. I tried calling home (disconnected number) then sent home a letter requesting a conference. Finally Mom came and in the midst of my explaining the attitude I shared that "John" said he didn't have to do "$hit that I said" because I am white. Mom backed him up 100%! She said "I told him he don't have to listen to no white ladies." It was a rough semester.

    I had another young man who was even worse. He made the class hell. His father had taught him to be extremely disrespectful to women. They were good for only one thing and if they were over 40 that one thing isn't worth it with them. The kid would constantly say my words had no meaning because I was just a woman.
     
  8. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Feb 12, 2014

    It makes me feel very sad for these children, because their parents don't allow them to learn important life lessons at school by taking away any consequence and protecting them completely from any failure.

    I've had a few parents like that and I figure that I can't really do anything about it, but document everything. I would continue to follow my plan, and redirect angry parents to the admin.

    But I agree 100% with the poster who said some people shouldn't have children. It's because of these parents that I'm somewhat leery of home-schooling though I think it's rarely these parents who homeschool.
     
  9. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Feb 12, 2014

    It might be a little off-topic, but I wanted to scream when I call parents of my students who are "unengaged" (meaning they're failing because they're doing no work for me). So many give me excuses instead of the help and partnership I need.

    The worst is when the parent says, "Let the kid fail. I didn't finish high school and I turned out okay." NO! The economy is totally different than it was two decades ago. Jobs that required no more than an 8th grade education are gone. Letting these kids leave us without a diploma damages their chances of making a living as adults.
     
  10. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    Feb 12, 2014

    I haven't had a lot of "bad" parents over the years, but a few of the ones I have had are awful. They are irrational and mean.

    These parents can give any teacher an awful feeling. I try not to dwell on these parents too much. Most parents I have had are not like this at all.
     
  11. jojo808

    jojo808 Comrade

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    Feb 12, 2014

    Funny story: I had a meeting with my son's teacher when he was in 4th grade. She was very frustrated because he kept losing things, forgetting supplies, and was basically unorganized. I was very supportive of her concerns and we came up with a plan.

    When I got to my car, I realized I left my keys on her desk. Needless to say I was a wee bit embarrassed. The apple doesn't fall far!
     
  12. AliLand

    AliLand Rookie

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    Feb 13, 2014

    My least favorite type of parent are those that treat their kids like little adults. It is not mature for a pre teen to treat teachers like peers. Those kids often seem to believe that respect has to be earned - by me - before they will show any. That's not the way the world works, we must all treat each other with respect (how would it work if I didn't respect them?) As a result these kids don't know how to be respectful, and the parents assume that's my fault for not earning it. They get really annoyed when I have to substitute healthy respect for a bit of fear - which at least let's me teach.
    The worst case I had was a young boy who had no idea how to relate to his class mates, his father kept saying 'but he is a fantastic kid, he's my best friend'. Which of course was the problem, the lad needed a father! I had to keep him with me during breaks (so I didn't get one!) As his inability to make friends of his own age resulted in teasing. Although I knew the other kids were nice and not trying to bully him, I also saw him develop victim mentality and the poor lad was confused and upset. Eventually the head called the parents to try and find a solution- his dad went mad and the next day went and started screaming at the other kids outside the school.
    I then had not only the original kid staying in at breaks but also three other kids too scared to go out in case the 'bad man' comes back. I have infinite patience for the boy - he is quit sweet, but so sad. But I really can't deal with the parents!
    On a brighter note, a boy I taught a few years ago was causing a lot of problems, so I got his mum in for a chat. At first she was mad, pointing out that at home her son spent all evening surrounded by adults who treated him as an equal, so he was clearly mature. She seemed to be intelligent and caring so I described in detail the last hour of my day. By the end she was in tears asking if I thought she had raised a monster. When I pointed out what she had raised was a teenager - and she needed to treat him like one - she was totally on board helping the school getit under control. To this day, her lad is 'lively' but clear boundaries have helped him achieve more, make better friends and enjoy his childhood.
     
  13. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Feb 13, 2014

    It's especially sad when you have students like mine who are severely disabled and can't do much for themselves. They have to rely on their parents to dress and bathe them and when they come to school looking (and smelling!!!) like a hot mess, you know it's not their fault but their parents'. I have no idea what goes on in their house or how difficult it is to take care of a disabled child but sometimes they use their disabilities as an excuse to get away with not parenting. Sometimes their behavior is difficult but I know that if you told them they had to wear a sweater today because it's snowing they wouldn't give you a hard time. That's why I can't understand why a parent would let a kid wear a short sleeved summer shirt, pants that are too short, and no socks on a day where it's -5 degrees. I guess common sense isn't all that common!
     
  14. ecteach

    ecteach Groupie

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    Feb 13, 2014

    I had a student call me a "heffer" right in front of the parent. The parent didn't say a word. Like mother, like child.
     
  15. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Feb 13, 2014

    :dizzy:
     

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