When a student just says "NO".

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by letsteach, Aug 6, 2013.

  1. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Aug 6, 2013

    What do you do when you ask a student to move who's pushed in at the front of a line to move to the back and they just say, "No" and stand their ground (he's 5 years old)?

    We have a cool down time immediately after lunchtime play, the children lie down for 20 minutes (while everyone has been to have a drink and go to the toilet (they are in the classroom). When cool down time is finished the children sit on the carpet for 'show and share', however, this child will not get up, will not go and sit at his place on the carpet and says, "No".

    I give him choices and consequences and I follow through but there is no improvement. When his cousins came to collect him I asked if he was like this at home and they said 'yes', but what would you suggest I do at school?
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 6, 2013

    When lining up, I'd have everyone go ahead around him.
    If he refuses to come to the carpet, don't make him. Have a para (if you have one) sit with him outside the circle...he should NOT be playing or disrupting your instruction. Ignore him...he is seeking negative attention. Let him know that he can join the class when he's ready to make good choices. Then move on.
     
  4. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Aug 6, 2013

    First, do you have an assistant or another adult in the classroom with you?
     
  5. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    "You can come to the carpet now, or you can practice during recess. Which will it be?"
     
  6. Mr. Radiohead

    Mr. Radiohead Rookie

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    Aug 6, 2013

    Move on with your day, apply a consequence when things have cooled down- even hours later if needed.
     
  7. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Aug 6, 2013

    I had a student just like that last year. There were days when the whole class would be in the hallway on the way to lunch and she'd still be in the classroom refusing to come out because another child gave her her lunchkit and she wanted to get it herself. :rolleyes:

    I found really being proactive and praising her even for the smallest things that she followed directions with really helped. If I said everyone line up and she did it-great job Mary! Also the choice thing never worked for me-she would just choose to do neither of them and then I didn't know what to do. If I could ignore the behavior, I would do that, but sometimes like the lunch thing-I can't just leave her in the classroom by herself. If I'm asking her to sit up instead of lying on the carpet during my instruction and she didn't do it, then I wouldn't make a big deal about it, just move on. I definitely understand your frustration.
     
  8. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Aug 7, 2013

    Thanks for your replies. I like the idea of everyone walking around him. I will try that next time.

    I posted yesterday as he had had a massive refusal, passive non-compliant refusal to sit down in the hall with all the other classes in the school. He stood at the back and would not join the class, I did not want him to make a scene (this was because he had pushed in at the front and was told to go to the back). I gave him a choice to to go and sit down and he could have a chocolate that a girl had brought in for her birthday or if he chose to stay there, he would not be getting a chocolate. He made his choice and did not receive a chocolate. I felt terrible using a girl's birthday chocolate as an incentive as everybody should have gotten a chocolate. However, today he mentioned the chocolate incident and we talked about why he didn't get it and what he needed to have done. He knows I now see things through but again today he refused to sit down when the RE teacher came in. I spoke to him, giving him a choice (sit down and you can play in the playground at lunchtime (it was our turn), or stay where you are and you are choosing not to go in the playground. I always tell him, he has a choice and he can decide. He chose to sit down. I hope this is a breakthrough.

    Sometimes I do ignore him, I do try and find the positive and focus on that rather than on being negative. I am taking deep breaths and telling myself to relax, stay calm and talk to him in a controlled manner (I think mum gets irate with him).

    I have another child in my class who is even more challenging than this boy. She had no discipline until two and a half years old (when her younger brother was born), then went to a Montessori child care. She does not respect her mum and challenged you all the time. I was explicit in expectations, acceptable behavior, consequences and rewards. From her coming up to me to say, "I hate you" at the beginning of the year to last week she told me I was the best teacher!! I don't give up on a child and I am sure this boy will turn a corner and we will see him back on track.
     
  9. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Aug 7, 2013

    Yes I do have an assistant but she is new. She is a lovely lady but she sometimes feels overwhelmed by the children. They are not listening to her and this has added to other children who are normally good 'trying' her.
     
  10. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Aug 7, 2013

    I had a student like this last year. I'm pretty sure he has ODD. He would sometimes refuse to do something, and the non-violent crisis intervention team would have to remove him from the environment, and place him in a secluded room. One day he refused to get lunch, and after about 30 minutes, the team finally removed him from the hallway because lunch was over.
     
  11. applecore

    applecore Devotee

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    Aug 7, 2013

    Giving your little guy two choices is really a good idea. It sounds like there are few things he can control around his little life, especially if you picked up on how family life is for him. He may come around, and of course documentation will help, as I foresee behavioral issues coming up in his little life.

    I had one gal two years ago that rocked my teacher world to the extreme challenging side. Giving her choices worked for a little while, but she's probably a better example of a child who understood manipulation at a very early age.
     
  12. MzMooreTeaches

    MzMooreTeaches Cohort

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    Aug 8, 2013

    Oh Boy! I had a student like that last year. He would always jump in line and skip other friends and everyone got upset.

    It wasn't always easy and he def stood his ground, but so did we and everyone else.

    I told the other students to walk around him, I leaned in close and whispered in his ear and told him, "that he cannot skip anyone in line and if you do when we go outside you will lose time and stand with me, b) lose your computer time, c) have to go to the back of the line the next time we line up etc. Use one of his favorites against him.

    Explain over and over that when you do things that are not a good choice there is a consequence. Say it, mean it and walk away. Work with the kids on walking around/away from him without touching him.

    As far as your assistant, speak with her and yall will have to begin to show tough love. Don't let him break you or her. Good luck! You can do it!
     

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