Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by VANewbie, Jan 20, 2011.
Jan 20, 2011
I believe the latter (emotional & mental attraction w/ a lot in common) will tend to be a stronger connection & last through the long haul over the other characteristics you stated. As far as long-term togetherness, I think the term "birds of a feather flock together" outlasts "opposites attract".
Physical & sexual attraction will only go so far.
For me personally, I wanted to marry someone who did share things I liked but also felt attracted to. Life is interesting when you still have your own identity, job, interests, etc and can come together at the end of the day to talk and kiss and enjoy yourselves.
So I was looking for both. I wouldn't want to just kiss someone and not have anything else in common- how in the world would that relationship last? Relationships are about being around those who you enjoy!
Definitely mental and emotional. I think BF and I are more like friends and partners than we are lovers, but I like it that way.
Like 50% the second choice, 50% the first choice, and 50% the second choice.
My husband and I are definitely best friends. We have many similar interests. We also have many dissimilar interests. We have a good physical relationship, but that's not the main focus in our relationship.
I think you have to have both. My husband and I have a strong mental and emotional connection, and even after 10 years of marriage our physical attraction is very intense. In that department, we are like newlyweds still. I think the physical part makes everything else that much better. I think it would be difficult to maintain the other aspects if we were not connected physically. In any case, if it isn't you your partner is physically attracted to, then who is he/she attracted to? It should be you. I think you have to have it both. Both are just as important.
Well, Ruben is my best friend but we don't have that much in common. We are very sexually connected tho.
Jan 21, 2011
Well, it's up to the person if they'd rather have a deep, mental connection that could last a lifetime OR a smoking hot sex life. I'd rather connect w/ someone on the mental level & have a good, but not necessarily out of this world sex life than the other way around.
Its about balance, you have to have both. One extreme or the other would not be good.
Emotionally, you need to connect and be there for one another. However, you also need to connect physically. BOTH of these aspects greatly contribute to deep, lasting intimacy.
I don't believe there is a correct answer. People are different... different desires, different needs. I actually believe, though not through experience and though it's not the norm, it's possible to have a lovely sexless marriage. While there are some accepted "standards", we value components of a relationship differently. The key is finding someone with similar values.
I think that all those things are important. My hoosband is my best friend, and I value his friendship above anyone else's. We're also a pretty good match as far as physical chemistry.
When I change up the question and ask myself which thing could I live without, I would definitely be able to live without the physical part if I had to (although I definitely don't want to!). If my hoosband or I had some medical situation where we couldn't be physically intimate, I would still love him and want to be married to him. If, however, we suddenly didn't connect on an emotional level, that would be much harder to deal with and I'm not sure that I could do it.
After being married 12 years, I appreciate a lot in common and similar sense of humor. This keeps everything fun.
Plain and simple acceptance
You've had lots of interesting and good posts...this is your best.
Sexuality is mostly mental...I go with #2...the mind is incredibly sexy...ever hear of a beautiful mind?