What Would You Think?

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by TeacherMom85, Aug 28, 2010.

  1. TeacherMom85

    TeacherMom85 Rookie

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    Aug 28, 2010

    I've been a lurker for a long while, but finally need opinions on something so thank you in advance if you offer your opinion.

    I teach in a team of three. One partner is always wonderful, the other is the "boss" of our team and is sometimes very moody. She is just naturally strong-willed and it is easier to let her be so we all get along. I'm the newest to the team and I normally love being a part of the team and felt like we worked well together. I've never done anything to oppose them or disrespect them because I really do have the highest respect for them. They have always seemed like they enjoyed me joining their team (3 years ago).

    However, yesterday, the two of them decided to go to our principal with concerns about our students and left me out. The meeting was crucial to how we are about to embark on teaching our kids and that includes my class. I was not included in the conversation that led up to this meeting and do not feel like my views were represented at the meeting. (Also, what does my principal think of me NOT being involved in this meeting?)

    To say the least, I was hurt beyond belief! I was outside the door of the office when they came out and told them I would like to have been included in this meeting.

    One partner was horrified and apologetic, she truly looked like she never thought about how I would feel and didn't mean to hurt me. The other was making excuses, "didn't want to gang up on the principal" to which I said, "All you had to do was tell me that and I would have understood."

    In any event, how do we move on from here? I'm still so hurt I'm sick about it. I don't know how I'll ever feel like a part of the team again.

    What about the professionalism of this? Was I wrong to tell them how I felt? (I will tell you I was in tears.) Should I have kept silent? I wasn't mean or ugly about it, I just said it quietly and we went to our rooms where we discussed it with just the three of us. There was no resolution and no apology from the "boss" of our team. Where do I go from here?
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Aug 28, 2010

    I would speak to the principal.

    Let her know that you were unaware of the meeting, and let her know your point of view on the topic.

    Otherwise she's bound to wonder why you weren't there.
     
  4. UVAgrl928

    UVAgrl928 Habitué

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    Aug 28, 2010

    I don't really have any advice for you, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this happened. It always really stinks when there are problems with relationships on a team. And when there are hurt feelings involved, it can sometimes be really difficult to mend.
     
  5. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Aug 28, 2010

    Well, if you are going to remain part of the team, I would say go to them once you are calm and tell them that in the future, you wish to be included in all meetings. Be positive, give them the benefit of the doubt - then move on!

    Team dynamics are tricky at times, and sometimes you just have to keep going and resort to being a professional dealing with someone insensitive or even a bully. I think you absolutely did the right thing to let them know how you felt - in fact I am totally impressed at how you handled it! They needed to know.

    Sorry for the year starting out with that kind of thing. Hope you can put it behind you and keep asserting yourself!
     
  6. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Hmm, that is odd. I think you reacted in exactly the right way and would definitely talk to the P and assure him that you would have liked to chime in, but didn't know about the meeting.

    That happened to me once and it ended up with a decision to departmentalize our classes (I was left out of the meeting with the P because they knew I opposed the idea). Definitely put your :2cents: in.
     
  7. TeacherMom85

    TeacherMom85 Rookie

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    Aug 29, 2010

    Thank you all. I have decided to visit with my principal tomorrow. It can't hurt my relationship with my partner any more than it is and I need the principal to know I was not included and my opinion was not necessarily theirs. I will forgive my partner and work with her happily, but I will definitely watch my back which is sad.
     
  8. TeacherMom85

    TeacherMom85 Rookie

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    Sep 1, 2010

    Well, I didn't think it could get worse, but it did. My principal was very apologetic. He was under the impression that they had my approval on things. (FYI, I do agree with how it finally worked out, but I still think I should have had a chance to be a part of this and make the decision WITH them, as well as having the benefit of hearing the principal's side of things.)

    Well, my partners found out I talked to the Principal and they "have lost respect" for me. Yes, they told me that to my face. I've been frozen out and ignored all week. They made me the bad guy. They said I cared more about myself than the students. That's not true and not what this was about.

    I had forgiven them, (and still do), but did I really do anything wrong?
     
  9. John Lee

    John Lee Groupie

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    Personally, I would not have done what you did (to explain your side of the situation to the P). I think it's making a big molehill (not a mountain ;)) out of a molehill.

    But since it's done and as a result and your coworkers now don't respect you--____'em... you don't need/have time for that type of nonsense.
     
  10. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    :hugs:

    At the end of the day, I think you did the right thing. You spoke with your boss regarding a situation where he was under the impression that your opinion (and blessing) was being represented - when it wasn't.

    Even though you work most closely with your team members, you are still accountable to your principal and your principal alone. You should never allow someone else to speak in your place, on your behalf, when it involves your classroom... and absolutely put a stop to it when it happens.

    Maybe we can help you brainstorm some ideas to start rebuilding your relationship with your teammates?
     
  11. idahomom

    idahomom Companion

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    Sep 1, 2010

    Ok, wait a minute. They go and talk to the principal without YOU and that is ok. But when you go talk to the principal without THEM, that is not ok. They lost respect for YOU?

    :lol: Sheeesh. Talk about a double standard. Did you ask them why it was ok for them to do it, but not ok for you? I'd really love to hear an explanation for that.
     
  12. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Sep 1, 2010

    My 10 year old daughter tries the same tactic all the time.

    She'll do something wrong.

    I call her on it.

    She pulls the Drama Queen/ Martyr act and tries to make me into the bad guy.

    IT DOESN'T WORK. Why?? You ask?
    Because I'm not 10.

    If they want to ignore you, let them. The principal already knows they froze you out of one meeting. If he has half a brain he'll see what's going on.

    By the way, did they ever explain just why you weren't included?
     
  13. diana

    diana Rookie

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    Sep 1, 2010

    These two teachers are being ridiculous and you don't deserve their foolishness. Stay professional. Hold your ground. If they have any sense at all, they'll realize how rude they've been and apologize to you.

    Do your best to shine!
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Sep 1, 2010

    I also would have gone to the principal. I would have made an effort to not seem offended or dramatic about not being invited to the first meeting, but simply said something to the effect of, "Hey, I didn't realize there was a meeting about XYZ yesterday until after the fact, but I just wanted to touch base with you about that issue..." I wouldn't want my principal to assume I didn't care about or wasn't involved in the issue at hand.

    Regarding your colleagues...their attitude is unfortunate. I hate it for you and hope things will naturally repair themselves or, if necessary, you all will work through this to ensure you have a solid team for the students.
     
  15. TeacherMom85

    TeacherMom85 Rookie

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    Sep 1, 2010

    Yes, I did ask them this question and I was told "I don't care what you do, go talk to him!" in a most hateful, rude way. I didn't get this either.
     
  16. TeacherMom85

    TeacherMom85 Rookie

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    This is EXACTLY how I approached him. I felt the meeting went well and he knew I just wanted him to know I wanted to be more involved in what was being changed about my classroom. Thank you for your encouragement. I pray that this relationship will heal. I'm tired of apologizing to them when I feel like I've done nothing wrong. (I tend to do that, apologize when I'm not at fault just to make others happy.) I just want peace and not the cold, glaring looks, and biting comments. :(
     
  17. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Sep 1, 2010

    I just read though the thread. Time should make it better, but from the information you have given us, they are the ones who created this situation. Some adults unfortunately act like kids, and hopefully these two will soon realize that and decide to change.
     
  18. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Sep 1, 2010

    Let it go now. No need to apologize. Be friendly, and eventually they will realize that there is too much to do in the school day to keep up the animosity. It will take time, but it's pretty hard to continue freezing someone out who smiles at you and shows confidence.
     
  19. gottagoodgig

    gottagoodgig Companion

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    Sep 1, 2010

    I think all three of you need to sit down, with a mediator, and figure this out. Good luck!
     

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