What to Do w/ Elderly Father While on Vacation?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, May 19, 2011.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    May 19, 2011

    Next summer, my 83 yr old dad will be home alone for a couple of wks since my mom & I are going to London & Paris along w/ my aunt. My dad is very forgetful & doesn't walk well (their home is 2 stories) & my mom worries about what we'll do about him while we're gone.

    There's no relative/friend that could stay w/ him nor him w/ them. He's definitely not coming along. I just had the idea of maybe having him stay in a hotel while we're gone & he can hv rm svc, but I don't know how my parents would like that. My dad will just say he's fine at the house, but we don't really trust him to be alone.

    Anyone have any ideas? Thanks! :)
     
  2.  
  3. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2008
    Messages:
    6,216
    Likes Received:
    0

    May 19, 2011

    Maybe you could find someone (or hire someone) to come help him and check on him for a few hours each day you're gone. They could make him meals and make sure that is taking any medication that he needs to.
     
  4. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2007
    Messages:
    2,188
    Likes Received:
    1

    May 19, 2011

    The senior patrol (volunteer arm of the sherrif's) does well checks for seniors in our area. Could you hire meals-on-wheels to come well you are gone? Whether he likes the food or not at least it is someone contacting him every day. You could hire a senior service to come in daily. Know a local teenager or college student who could use a little extra money? How about at least having someone call him daily?
     
  5. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    6,809
    Likes Received:
    190

    May 19, 2011

    Check your local gov't they may have a senior services that you could check into. Meals on wheels, someone to help clean the house. I know our local gov't has like a Sr day care.
     
  6. dr.gator

    dr.gator Comrade

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2008
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    20

    May 19, 2011

    There is a company in my area called Granny Nannies. I'd check the yellow pages and see what you could find for your area.
     
  7. Major

    Major Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,620
    Likes Received:
    5

    May 19, 2011

    Ms. I, your dad, at 83 years old, obviously is a VERY SENIOR citizen. I couldn't imagine him being able to care for himself for two full weeks. That's a long time. Maybe you can find a service which would provide "live-in" help........... Major
     
  8. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2007
    Messages:
    500
    Likes Received:
    0

    May 19, 2011

    Oh my goodness. 83 and very forgetful. There is no way I would leave him home by himself, in a 2 story home. My Mom was about 83 when she began having problems, and she was great when she was around people, but when she was alone, she was a hot mess. In our area, which does have a lot of senior citizens, there are all kinds of senior serrvices, including day care, meals on wheels, a check-in service, etc. You really need to make plans because you will be so very far away.
     
  9. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2007
    Messages:
    2,188
    Likes Received:
    1

    May 19, 2011

    Major - Really? A lot of senior citizens are very capable and self-sufficient at that age, including my dad. The forgetfulness worries me, however. I am betting you will still be the life of the party at that age. :lol:
     
  10. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Messages:
    2,281
    Likes Received:
    111

    May 19, 2011

    Try looking up Eldercare agencies. He might even be able to have a room at an assisted living facility for those weeks, which would guarantee that he'd have his meals and lots of people around.
     
  11. Major

    Major Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2005
    Messages:
    1,620
    Likes Received:
    5

    May 19, 2011

    Well, scmom ... I'm about 20 years younger than that ......... but yes I plan to be the life of the party 20 years from now.........:lol::lol:

    As for the forgetfulness part ...... now what was that question again?..:p
     
  12. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2006
    Messages:
    27,534
    Likes Received:
    6

    May 19, 2011

    My mom is 80, and my mother in law is 85. Both live in their own and are totally self sufficient. In fact, after I finish here, I'm thinking of calling mom to suggest they go together to Disney World in the fall,

    Anyway, Ms I, I suggest you contact the local Council on Aging or the AARP. I'm sure they'll have some suggestions for you.
     
  13. WaterfallLady

    WaterfallLady Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,061
    Likes Received:
    2

    May 19, 2011

    Look up senior respite care in your area. It's short term care for when people are exhausted.
     
  14. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,956
    Likes Received:
    2,108

    May 19, 2011

    Ms I, is your mom totally comfortable with going away and leaving your dad even with help there for him? You'll be awfully far way for an extended period of time. Will she be able to relax and enjoy herself knowing he is home with a stranger?
     
  15. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,946
    Likes Received:
    3

    May 19, 2011

    Ms. I, is your boyfriend going with you? If not, could he perhaps help a little in checking in on your dad?
     
  16. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    13,933
    Likes Received:
    1,756

    May 19, 2011

    That's a great idea, JustMe!
     
  17. KDS

    KDS Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    0

    May 19, 2011

    Ms I,
    My mom has degenerated to the point we can only leave her home alone a few hours. My dad retired early...well, early for him at 70...and we have made changes. I know how very hard it can be.
    do they have a Church they attend? My parents church have really rallied around them and help out.
    I am the only daughter that lives in town and i feel bad if i dont help out. and i have a nut job schedule, so it is hard.

    i do hope you can spend some time away with your mom. I was just able to go to Dallas with my dad last week, younger sis came down and hung with mom...and i think the break did him some good. He was getting the Governors Award at the Waste Expo. A waste management convention...THAT is the strangest and coolest thing i have ever done and had time to spend with dad.

    It is cool that you are around and care.

    Sorry for hijacking the link. i am dead tired and am rambling a little.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    May 19, 2011

    Thanks a lot guys for all your info! :) If anyone else thinks of anything, let me know.

    You know, I suggested to my mom that we could just call him a few times a day from where we are. I think she wants MORE than just that though.

    Actually no, she's not comfortable w/ us leaving him alone & we (neither my mom or dad) would want to foist this responsibility on a stranger. We've started planning this dream trip since late 2009 & it would be a shame to not be able to go through w/ it. However, of course family comes 1st. That's why I'm asking all you guys a yr in advance for suggestions.

    My dad won't be in favor of having a stranger check on him. He's not the type to like that.

    No he's not going & actually, that might be an OK idea. My dad's a tough man to get along w/ though & I don't want my BF getting his head bitten off trying to help us out to help my dad. We'll have to see about this one.

    Thanks a lot KDS. My mom goes to church. She wouldn't want any church members to be involved in this. My dad's just not a social type of person. I hate to say it, but he's a crank (argumentative, etc.) & he's ALWAYS been this way even when he was a lot younger.)
     
  19. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    Jun 24, 2011

    I'm almost ready to cry! :( It looks like we can't go on this Olympics London/Paris trip next summer because there's nothing to do w/ my dad while we're gone. Him staying in a hotel, hiring someone to help him, him staying w/ a relative or vice versa, my BF possibly looking in on him, etc. are all out of the question (according to my mom, NOT me) & my mom refuses to leave him ALONE at home for 2 whole wks. She doesn't want to even tell him we're planning this trip until probably a month or two before we go...if we still go that is. My mom & I are thinking of every possible solution we can, but w/ no luck.

    The whole trip's just about paid for too! :mad: The thing is, I can always go someday when I'm married or w/ my BF, but my mom won't get this opportunity ever again, unless when he passes away, which is a shame that it has to come to that.
     
  20. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,946
    Likes Received:
    3

    Jun 24, 2011

    Wow, he doesn't know you and your mother have been planning this trip for two years?! I wonder what he'd say if you two discussed this with him. In doing so, perhaps you'll discover that those options you think are out of the question are not....
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    Jun 24, 2011

    No, she figures it's no use telling him too far in advance because he'll just be arguing & talking about it everyday until the day we leave. He's a worrywart in a way too. He's just such a pain to deal w/...sorry to say, but that's how he is. He's a very difficult man to get along w/. If we all stayed at home w/ him 24/7 for the rest of our lives, he'd be fine w/ that. In a way, he's a hermit. It's just that he's married & not completely alone.
     
  22. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    you have any relatives that could stay with him?
     
  23. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    why would your mom plan all this with you and then say no if your ad has to be alone? why would she agree
     
  24. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    Jun 24, 2011

    That & many other solutions have been thought of & my mom won't have it. I recently asked her why she agreed to this trip in the 1st place if she knew he couldn't be alone. She just said she thought he'd be better. Ummm, an elderly man isn't going to get better as the yrs pass! :mad:
     
  25. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2005
    Messages:
    13,933
    Likes Received:
    1,756

    Jun 24, 2011

    Can you still go on your own, Ms. I? You're going with a tour group, aren't you? Or could your mom transfer her spot to a friend or your boyfriend? It would be tragic to forfeit the cost of the trip.
     
  26. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    maybe plan some day trips with your mom and still go with whomever else was going....you have talked abt this in so many threads so i know how impt it is to you.
     
  27. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    care.com and sittercity.com have people looking for senior care jobs. I post on there for other home jobs I do...what about having someone over most of the day?
     
  28. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    Jun 24, 2011

    I was going w/ my mom & aunt, so we split the total 3 ways. Yeah, it would be nice if just my BF & I went, but I really wanted this ladies' trip to go through! I'm sure my mom would rather someone go than no one at all.

    Not to sound heartless, but if it were up to me, I'd put my dad up in a hotel where he won't have stairs to climb & can call for rm service. That seems to be the best solution I can think of.

    My mom just won't go w/ the idea of hiring someone from a care service to help. As far as she's concerned, it's completely out of the question. Yet, she hasn't said yet to completely cancel the trip. At the beginning of the yr, she plans to start telling him.
     
  29. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    How about you..your aunt...and bf then?
     
  30. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2005
    Messages:
    3,591
    Likes Received:
    3

    Jun 24, 2011

    My mother lived in a retirement center. They would take people for respite care. It is more like a hotel than a hospital or nursing home. My mom had a tough time movig in, but loved it once she was there.
     
  31. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
    Messages:
    2,305
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    yes, I agree; in fact, I was a bit scared knowing that he'd be alone, but I know you wouldn't do that. :wub:
     
  32. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
    Messages:
    2,305
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    :wub: I just saw this. :(
    Sorry.

    ok - my 82 yr. old FIL passed away a year ago. We could have never ever left him behind. We had too many scares with little things happening. At this age - and mind you, I don't know your dad at all - lots of things could happen...he could wander around, let someone into the house/apt, not eat or drink anything, stumble...I don't know, Ms. I, I could never ever live with myself knowing how my FIL was and then leaving him alone.
    Hopefully, there is someone he can stay with who loves him and will really take care of him while you're all gone.
    Can he take care of himself completely??
     
  33. janlee

    janlee Devotee

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2003
    Messages:
    1,157
    Likes Received:
    9

    Jun 24, 2011

    Have you looked into Assisted Living facilities? My father is currently residing in one and they have several rooms available for families that need a place for a relative to stay if a caregiver is going away. Medical care would be available if needed, 3 meals a day, activities for those interested in doing something rather than just sitting in a room, outings, and people to talk to are all available. Your father could be completely alone if he wanted to by staying in his room, Ms. I, but there would still be a watchful eye on him if something happened.
     
  34. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2006
    Messages:
    7,946
    Likes Received:
    3

    Jun 24, 2011

    My papaw is a few years older than your father is and he's up at the crack of dawn every day in the chicken barn working. He recently had surgery and was supposed to remain at home for two weeks. But nope! He was at the barn the next morning. The day he can't work is the day he dies. So, my point is, his age doesn't necessarily mean he can't be independent for two weeks. I wouldn't want to leave my husband alone for two weeks, much less an elderly husband, but I'm really curious what his response would be if your mother had a discussion sooner rather than later. I hate being in limbo and couldn't tolerate waiting until next year for the talk to even begin.
     
  35. KDS

    KDS Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2007
    Messages:
    175
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 24, 2011

    HUGGGSSS!!!

    that is a tough situation and i wish i could help find a magic solution.

    i dont blame you for being frustrated for this fantastic trip/opportunity. I hope it works itself out.

    :hugs:
     
  36. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,956
    Likes Received:
    2,108

    Jun 25, 2011

    I'm sure you wouldn't really leave your dad in a hotel to fend for himself. I can tell you are frustrated by this...But you and your mom wouldn't want to deal with the problems and guilt of being half a world away if something serious happened to your dad.
    Keeping my fingers crossed that something works out for you...maybe go with BF and aunt? Or two girlfriends?
     
  37. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Messages:
    5,851
    Likes Received:
    152

    Jun 25, 2011

    Thanks guys for your comments! :hugs: I hope I don't seem selfish. Overall, I haven't travelled much in my life so far. This is one of my ultimate dream travel goals. Not only did I want to go to the Olympics, but London & Paris were places I've always wanted to go to, so this is indeed a fabulous opportunity!

    My dad's been in the Army & has travelled a little bit, but could care less about travelling, so to him, if he doesn't care about travelling, neither should any of us.

    I didn't mean my previous comment to sound heartless. I'll repharse it & say that if it were up to me, I'd put my dad up in a hotel where he won't have stairs to climb & can call for rm service. That seems to be the BEST solution I can think of. He won't have to leave his rm the whole time if he doesn't want to. At home, he never goes anywhere except w/ my mom to local places & dr appts. He's stopped driving for about the last several mos.

    Boy! Now's the time I wish I had a sibling who could care for him, but then, if I had a sibling, he/she would probably be coming along on the trip as well!

    I know deep down, my mom really wants to go too, (but dad's the priority of course). She hasn't told my aunt that there's a chance we may not go.

    TeacherSandra, regarding if my dad can tk care of himself completely, I honestly don't know. My mom would say no & my dad would probably say yes.

    JustMe, my dad is NOT very sedentary whatsoever either! He's the type who won't just relax if you paid him. He's always a busy body around the house & will sugarcoat how he really feels so as not to worry us. He gets up w/ my mom at 6-6:30am 7 days/wk to go walking w/ her 6 days/wk. (Sun, he's up w/ her while she gets ready for church.) Even when he retired yrs before my mom (he's 10 yrs older than her), he woke up right along w/ her when she got ready for work.

    czacza, if my mom ended up saying I could just go w/ pals, I wouldn't have anyone to go w/ anyway, except my BF. I'm serious. I have a couple "light" pals to go to lunch w/ maybe every several mos, but no close friends I'd want to travel w/.
     
  38. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2008
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 25, 2011

    What about your aunt bf and you?
    that way your mom can stay home if she wont have anyone else. Also a hotel is not a good.option if your dad isnt that healthy...I would have said a visiting nurse or someone.to stay with him.
    You paid for your part so plan on still going!!!
     
  39. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 25, 2011

    Take him with you? He can stay in a hotel over there just as well as here. And if he's still walking around a lot and being energetic at home, he may enjoy "one last trip" abroad. You and your mom and aunt could go to the Olympic venues etc. while he does his thing, which may be nothing more than walking over to a nearby park or a local pub or something.

    He'll probably say no at first and fuss. "Why do you want to go, etc.?", but get him used to the idea.
     
  40. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    169
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 25, 2011

    This is what we did with my grandfather (he was 93 at the time) when my mom and I went to Las Vegas. The place was great, they took really good care of him, and he actually ended up staying there since he could no longer care for himself and my mom was still working FT and couldn't provide him the round-the-clock care he needed.
     
  41. jteachette

    jteachette Comrade

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 25, 2011

    I have friends who have done this. Their parents had a good time on their "staycation". One friend's father even participated in some activities that he usually wouldn't.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Backroads,
  2. MissCeliaB,
  3. Eric Matyas
Total: 441 (members: 4, guests: 418, robots: 19)
test