What Things Do You Tolerate in a Relationship?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Oct 17, 2009.

  1. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Oct 20, 2009

    I think that you misunderstood. bonneb's response, the one that you agreed with, was about children from another relationship. There was no mention of cheating, at least not as far as I saw.

    In any event, if you felt offended by CG's post, the best solution probably wouldn't have been to offer forth an equally offensive post. That's very much along the lines of, "But he did it first!" which is something we wouldn't tolerate from our students.

    Edit: I don't see anything mean in CG's post. She said something about how children are a blessing no matter how they come into our lives. (I might have misquoted, but that was the sentiment.) That's not mean.
     
  2. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I better get to bed. I'll check in on things in the morning. Goodnight ladies. :)
     
  3. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    It had better not, because since I am used to being cheated on, by a guy who cheated with multiple women, over an extended period of time, he darned well had better have been wearing a condom, because I would not want to end up with an STI.
     
  4. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    I would not want to marry someone who stole me a baby, even if we really wanted one and couldn't have one and someone rich had quintuplets (Raising Arizona).
     
  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    :lol:
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 20, 2009

    All this banter has been interesting guys. :)

    OK, I guess I did misunderstand bonne, but blessedhands agreed w/ me & that post in agreement w/ me was BEFORE CG said what she said, so CG seems to be sounding sarcastic & mean by saying that kids are a blessing...even though they came to be born by your SO cheating on you & getting this other lady pregnant. That just sounds callous & heartless to say.

    I'm done w/ this one.
     
  7. blindteacher

    blindteacher Cohort

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    Oct 20, 2009

    I agree with you too. My main point is that it's not all black and white. And I agree that you have that choice, but it goes all the way back to the beginning signs of an abusive relationship.
     
  8. blindteacher

    blindteacher Cohort

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    :wow: No need to start personally attacking other members. :mellow:
     
  9. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Please, we just ended it all. Do you even see how it started?
     
  10. blindteacher

    blindteacher Cohort

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    Yep, I read the whole thread. I didn't see what caused you to be offended but I am just saying it's best we refrain from personally attacking other members. :)
     
  11. Canadian Gal

    Canadian Gal Habitué

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    In all honesty, I feel (as the member who was personally attacked) that it is NOT over, because while you admitted there was misunderstanding of what I was talking about, you have continuously failed to apologize for personally attacking me.
     
  12. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    I just finished reading the WHOLE list of posts and on behalf of A to Z friends I would like to apologize to you for her rude comments.
     
  13. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I agree. It was uncalled for.
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    OK CG, I'll apologize for my comments replying to what you first said about it. I misunderstood bonne, but blessedhands agreed w/ me & her post stating that she agreed w/ me was right BEFORE you said what you said, so you seemed to be sounding sarcastic & mean by saying that kids are a blessing...even though they came to be born by a lady's SO cheating on her & getting this other lady pregnant (although you didn't say it in that many words). It just sounded callous & heartless to me.

    Honestly, I was defending blessedhands, but I'm not going to bother anymore. People can fend for themselves.
     
  15. blessedhands

    blessedhands Comrade

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    Oct 21, 2009

    Surely they are a blessing and I love them. But if my SO chooses to have a woman on the side, impregnate her, and wants to continue the relationship with me...no no no I will not be able to keep on that relationship with HIM (I said nothing about hating, disliking, or calling kids a curse). They are her blessing and not mine.

    IF he had kids prior to the relationship that I know about and he introduced me to them, then fine! At least I have the option of staying with him or leaving. Which for me personally, I chose to be with my SO even though he told me he had x- number of kids because of the man he is and is to me. Otherwise, I would not stay.

    Now what is all this 3 pages of bickering about? It is my choice to stay or leave and that is something I would not be able to tolerate. All that hurt of betrayal not from the kids but from the person I would be with who cheats? No no....that road is not for me.
     
  16. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Funny,,,I have no idea what the post says that started the problems. My computer is blocking that page because of content.
     
  17. blessedhands

    blessedhands Comrade

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    Which woman would truly want that ie, a cheating man? Or a man who you are with for say 5years only to find out that in the 5th year he just had a newborn? Not me.

    Sometimes we (mean we as human beings) read into things too much. It is as simple as abc...I cannot tolerate a MAN who I am dating having ANOTHER WOMAN and worse, having a lifetime contract when he chose to have kids with her.

    Should he have kids prior to me and him dating, fine! But let me choose to be with him or to walk away.

    I thought I was perfectly clear the 1st and 2nd time.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 21, 2009

    blessedhands, I'll PM you about it.
     
  19. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    I think people were confused because it's kind of a no-brainer that no one would want their SO to impregnate another woman while they were still together. I think people assumed you meant children from a previous relationship because the other pretty much goes without saying.
     
  20. Simba

    Simba Comrade

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    Can we please have a moderator deal with all this. I'm sorry, but enough is enough.

    We all need to agree to disagree.
     
  21. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Yep, lots of misunderstandings here. I so totally agree with you and I feel most people do as well. This is what I took your first post to mean, but others did not...and then I got confused too. :)
     
  22. blessedhands

    blessedhands Comrade

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    Oct 21, 2009

    Hey never assume. I know of women who still continue their marriages and relationships in spite of their husbands or men having outside kids. I guess life happens for them ha?

    Anyway bless up Ms. I for defending the meaning of my original post.

    Moving right along now...
     
  23. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 22, 2009

    Thanks blessedhands.
     
  24. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    Oct 22, 2009

    It does. It happened to me. Complete with finding out through a paternity test sent in the mail.

    Cheating is a difficult concept to wrap your head around if it hasn't happened to you. My (now ex) husband cheated. I was told it was a one time thing. A mistake. I took him back.

    Just under 2 years later, the letter came. The letter stated the child's age at 5 years. So now I knew of 2 incidents and who knows how many more there were.

    I agree with Canadian Gal that it has nothing to do with lack of sex. And I am the first one to take responsibility for the problems in my marriage. I will NEVER, however, take any kind of responsibility for his actions. He had every opportunity to tell me he wanted out. He didn't. That's on him.

    My experiences have changed me. I am very wary of opposite-sex friends. I trust, but I'll never trust blindly again. It has really opened my eyes. It happens more than you think. Through my healing, I have seen brand new marriages fall to this. I have seen 35 year marriages fall to this. Not to be alarmist or pessimistic, but never say never.
     

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