What is your relationship like with your mother?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by VANewbie, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Jul 7, 2011

    With my mom I feel like I have to tell her everything I do. When I make decisions she is always making me question or second guess them.
    I get embarrassed when talking about my relationships with her.

    We have a really good relationship besides the things I listed above. Those things just drive me crazy and make me feel like a little girl.

    Sometimes I want to keep my decisions and relationships to myself but its so hard not to tell her.

    Am I the only one who feels like this in regards to their mother?:eek:
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    My mom and I get along great. I'm one of 5 and we all get along well with her.

    Have you considered having a chat with mom about the issue?
     
  4. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    when my mom was alive she was my best friend. She was a great supporter of anything and everything I did. In order not to disappoint her, I did keep some things to myself.
     
  5. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Alice I would like to do that. I can talk to my mom about almost anything.
    If I was to tell her how I feel about this she would listen but then say "I don't do that".
    I would rather not say anything and not cause any drama.
     
  6. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    That's good. Its not like I do all of these bad things and then she disapproves. It is just simple stuff.

    We have a great relationship. I guess she just make me rethink my decisions all the time. That is all.
    Its not really affecting me too much or hurting my feelings but it makes it hard for me to stick to a decision.
     
  7. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Ok, then it seems you should simply tell her less. Don't ask her opinon on things.
     
  8. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    I know many people live by this motto. I just don't want her to think I am hiding things from her.
     
  9. ami6880

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    I love my mom, we live in separate states so I really miss her. I can talk to her about anything sometimes I get annoyed with her because conversations can become very one sided, she can get really short with me but yap about herself for an hour...its not all the time but that is my only complaint and can be frustrating. Overall, I love her and I don't know what I would do without her, but there are moments!
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I'm not talking about the big things.


    But things along the lines of "Which sofa should I buy?" or "Should I color my hair?" or "SHould I get a dog??"

    These are the kinds of things I'm guessing we're talking about-- small decisions that effect you and you only, but that mom would like input on.

    Instead of asking, invite her over to see each of them after the fact.
     
  11. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    I feel the same way!!!:wub::wub:
     
  12. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Exactly. Little things like this.
    I had to get my car fixed last week and then I told her after the fact and she made me think I wasted my money. I know she it just trying to help.

    I really thought I needed the service done and I did not ask around. So she is right but it drives me crazy. :lol:
     
  13. Ms. I

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    My mom & I are close, but my relationship is a topic I don't openly talk to her about. I'll never bring it up, unless she asks me a question. But, my mom & I can hav regular conversations (& I know certain moms & daughters can't w/o it erupting into an argument, etc.)

    Also, I know my mom does this becausae she cares, but she's a nag about health issues. Not a day can go by w/o her telling me to tk my vitamins, drink water, eat bran, flax seed, veggies, fruit, exercise, if I'm watching Dr. Oz, etc., etc., etc. She can't help herself.
     
  14. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    My parents live two blocks away. I talk to them or see them every day. We get along great...now that they're getting older (funny expression...we all are!), it's more that my sisters an I worry about them than the other way around.:love:
     
  15. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    When my mom was alive, we were best friends. I could tell her anything and not worry about how she would react.

    I would suggest just telling her most things, and use your judgment on what things you can tell her.
     
  16. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    My mom & I had it rough for a few years when I was in HS - she went through menopause the same time I hit puberty. It wasn't pretty for a few years :lol:

    When I went off to college, she became my best friend. We talked on the phone so much my dad threatened to take them away from us. I could talk to her about anything.

    When she got sick, it was a no-brainer for me - I moved home. I'm so glad I got to spend those last few months with her everyday. I miss her everyday.

    I'd just tell your mom what you're comfortable telling her. It'll make for a better relationship.
     
  17. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I have a really good relationship with my mom. I still don't tell her everything. Some things are better left for BFF kind of talk. We still have more of a "parent/child" relationship than a "friend" kind of relationship. We do things like shop and go out to eat together, and we chat on the phone often.

    I value her opinion on things, so I do ask her about some things. Sometimes she gives me an opinion,'and sometimes not.
     
  18. FarFromHome

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    I'm close with my mom, but I've learned the past few years to not share too much information with her. I was having kind of a similar experience as you, so I stopped calling her to vent and complain. It has made things easier on me in the long run.
     
  19. TennisPlayer

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    I pretty much just see my parents for family get-togethers rather than a random day for example. We talk on the phone for less than 10 minutes because they're always about to have dinner, watch a movie, get back to work she has at home, etc they're always busy so I've cut back on the phone calls because I would end up feeling sad they were in a hurry to go do something else when I had things I wanted to talk about.

    My parents and I are just different instead of that really close feeling some people have. They're just more serious than I am so after a few hours of visiting, I'm ready to go and go unwind.
     
  20. JustMe

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    She's (really) crazy, but I've been very impressed with her behavior over the last several months.

    As far as our relationship is concerned, I at one point not that long ago thought it was truly over—severed forever—but things have improved. I gave her a clean slate, and I'm not sure if that was the right move or not, but the issues we had would never be resolved so I decided to try this and see where it leads. We mostly talk about my job, music, books, and the family (although my family is insane...clinically insane, drug-induced insane, just crazy...so that's not a topic I really like to discuss because I feel it actually brings out her crazy).
     
  21. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I love my mom. I just spent the day with her today, shopping and taking my kids to the doctor. She is the first person I call whenever...well, anything happens!

    HOWEVER, I have noticed that in recent years, she has been getting a tad more judgmental. I don't know if I just didn't notice, or if she has changed. She got married a few years ago, and kinda changed after that.

    Incidentally, this is my biggest worry and concern as a parent-that I will be able to be the mom to my kids as she was to me.
     
  22. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I do not get along with my mother. I don't want to re-hash it all, but many of you were around when it all blew up a few years ago. I do love my mother, but living 2000 miles apart is a good thing.
     
  23. waterfall

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    My mom and I have an interesting relationship. I'd say the same for my dad. On one level, we're pretty close. We live in seperate states, but we get along really well and I visit often. I spent my entire two week christmas break in my home city at my parents' house. My work friends thought I was crazy! To me, it just made sense to get the most days of travel out of an expensive flight. I can "hang out" with my parents and actually have a really good time. We're similar in personality and we just laugh and have a great time! They're also both teachers so we have a lot in common in that regard. I talk to them on the phone for about an hour-90 minutes maybe once every two weeks or so (unless something big happens) and occasionally send e mails. I have a lot of friends who tell their parents "everything." To me, that doesn't make sense. I love my parents, but I have my own life as well and so do they. I don't feel the need to spend hours with them on the phone a day giving them the play by play of my day, and they don't want to sit around listening to that either (I have several girl friends that literally do this with their moms).

    My parents are EXTREMELY religious- fundamentalist christians. I consider myself to be a christian as well, but nowhere near on the same "level" as them. Just as one small example, they believe that drinking alcohol in any situation/setting (so even a glass of wine with dinner) is a major sin. I mean, they literally think alcohol is evil. Not that I'm a raging drunk or anything, but I do drink. Our staff goes to happy hour almost every Friday and I occasionally enjoy a good party or bar/club scene on the weekends. My parents are aware that I drink, but they're so against it that it literally hurts them emotionally to think about me doing it, so it's not something I sit around chatting about with them. It's something in my mind that I've sort of "agreed to disagree" with them about. So no, I'm not on the phone telling them every detail of my weekend. I guess some might consider that "hiding things." In my mind, it's preserving our good relationship. If they asked me point blank, I wouldn't lie- I'm an adult and have no problem backing up my own decisions. However, I'm not going to start an argument with them for no reason!
     
  24. southrngirl

    southrngirl New Member

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    JustMe,

    My mom is a bit crazy, as well. She's always been a part-time mom. :unsure:
     
  25. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    My mother is deceased. We got along fine when she was with us. However, there were many many times that I didn't like what she was doing. She never knew that. It was never important enough to let her know how I felt about her decisions and about what was important to her. It would have hurt her deeply. And in the end, it made no difference. She loved me, and I loved her. In most cases, there is no reason to make a family member know that they are aggravating or exasperating or whatever. Especially parents.

    Now I can tell my sister that she's being an idiot to her face and she'll throw something back at me. :p
     
  26. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    My Mom and I are very, very close. She's the best and I know I can count on her for anything! Same with my Dad :) I'm not exaggerating when I say my parents are the greatest!
     
  27. chicagoturtle

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    We haven't spoken in 10 years........she is crazy and not willing to make any changes in her life. For my personal sanity I had to sever ties, as did my sister. I have several surrogate moms for myself, but I can't say my past has left me completely unscarred.

    My dad and I fairly close but sometimes the relationship is as you mentioned.
     
  28. lnm130

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    My mom and I are close, but it's an odd relationship. More based out of friendship than parenting. She seems to constantly seek my approval with things, and she can be very selfish. (I've talked to my dad about this, they've been divorced 23 years, and she has a good heart...a very good heart, but is very good at taking care of herself)

    It's also obvious that she favors me over my older brother. My older brother is probably on the autism spectrum, but was never tested. She couldn't handle him growing up.

    I love my mother, and would do anything for her, but sometimes I'd really like her to be my mom, and not my friend.
     
  29. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    See I talk to my every single day. It is rare that we go a day without talking. So naturally I tell her a lot of things. I'm going to start leaving things to myself. She doesn't need to know everything.
     
  30. TeachingHistory

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    My mom and I get along well enough, but the relationship can be strained at times. Mom and my older sister are VERY VERY VERY close...such as share your every conscious thought with each other close. They share a lot of the same opinions, style, items, actions, etc. and I, well, don't. This had always made me angry growing up but I'm learning to live with it. All of us in the same house makes things difficult, which is why I'm saving to move out. I'm pretty sure it'll improve my relationship with my entire family.
     
  31. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I am very close to my mom. I am the only kid that doesn't live at home, and I feel like my sibs and dad take advantage of her, so sometimes I think I am the only one who sticks up for her. I also get jealous that they are all still there and I am 3 hours away.
     
  32. Marci07

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    I basically don't have a relationship with my mom. It's a loong story, but my mom basically moved far away and I was left to be raised by my grandparents. Growing up I only saw my mom 2 times. When I was 16, we decided to give it a try and I moved in with her. Unfortunately, at 16 I was not exactly very understanding and patient. After 6 months of fighting, I decided to leave and move in with my aunt.

    I consider my grandma and my aunt to be my mothers. My grandma raised me but she is extremelly old fashioned and I cannot tell her almost anything. She makes a big deal about every single little thing so I just keep it very casual with her.

    I live close to my aunt and I talk to her once a week or sometimes more. I tell her a lot of stuff. She's actually more open minded and wilder than I am. So, nothing surprises her. I actually think that she hides things from me. :lol:
     
  33. Proud2BATeacher

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    I'm not close to either of my parents. I think it is a cultural thing...children are meant to be seen, not heard and you talk only when you are spoken to. I share very little of my life with my mother, b/c she will tell my dad and he is very judgemental. I share big things like buying a car or a house, problems at work, etc...nothing about my "personal" life though. I would rather talk about someone else's life rather than my own, so I pretty well know everything about her life though. I talk to my parents about twice a month -- they live in a different country.
     
  34. MissCeliaB

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    I'm close to my mom, but growing less close as I get older and grow closer to my husband. I still call her several times a week, and we send Facebook messages back and forth a few times a day. When things happen, I always tell my husband first, then my mom. It used to be my mom first, but now it just feels more natural to tell my husband. She lives halfway across the country from me, so I only get to see her a few times a year.
     
  35. Ms. I

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    I still live at home, but plan to move out ASAP. It will be interesting to see how my relationship w/ my mom goes then. We're close now, but not to the point where I tell her everything. My dad & I aren't close unfortunately, so regarding him, I can easily see myself not talking to him for months at a time.
     
  36. TiffanyL

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    Having an amazing family is an absolute blessing....but certainly not the case for all of us.

    For those of you who have had less than ideal circumstances....it is what made you who you are today and you are so able to relate to those who have had less than fortunate upbringings.

    So sad.....but always a silver lining there somewhere.
     
  37. knitter63

    knitter63 Groupie

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    My mom is my best friend. We are very much alike, and we always find something to talk about, even when nothing is going on. I treasure every moment we are together. She lives out of town, so time is precious. I am honored when people say how much we look or act alike.
     
  38. VANewbie

    VANewbie Devotee

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    Same here!
     

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