What Do You Think Of My Cover Letter

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by Miz_Jay, Dec 14, 2011.

  1. Miz_Jay

    Miz_Jay Companion

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    Dec 14, 2011

    I have once again changed my cover letter. How do y'all think it sounds? I'm about to jump back into serious job searching/sending CLs & resumes blind.


    I am writing to express my interest in obtaining the position as a kindergarten teacher at Lake Crest Elementary School. I graduated from Eastern Illinois University in May 2010 with a Bachelors of Science in Elementary Education.
    During student teaching, I had the chance to work with diverse group of students at Westview Elementary School in Champaign. It was a pleasure teaching these students who helped me grow as a teacher. While student teaching, I shared all of the successes of my students as well as all of the challenges they faced, and it was amazing. Westview has a wonderful reading program; during my student teaching I learned how to lead a reading group with students who were reading below grade level. In this reading group we focused on strengthening some of their basic reading skills including decoding, and reading comprehension strategies.
    In August 2010 I began working at Happi Time Daycare as an assistant teacher in the toddler room. For the past year I have been the head teacher in that room. Working with this age group is vastly different from anything that I was prepared for; they are sometimes challenging, but they are always entertaining and wonderful. I learned very quickly that with this age group, flexibility is very important because they lose interest in activities quickly. Teaching these children has allowed me to experience child development firsthand.
    I am also currently substituting in the Champaign Unit 4 School District. Substitute teaching is a wonderful experience because I am able to teach at different grade level. I am able to learn more management strategies as well as improve my teaching ability.
    I look forward to the opportunity to hear from you and discuss my interest in this position further. In the meantime, please contact me at ~~~~@gmail.com or ~~~. I look forward to speaking with you. Thank you very much for considering my application.


    :thanks:
     
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  3. Miz_Jay

    Miz_Jay Companion

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    Dec 24, 2011

    Can I assume that no comments means that you guys don't think it is bad?
     
  4. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Dec 24, 2011

    No: you can infer that some of us have had our hands full recently.

    Your letter manages to be simultaneously wordy and short on substance.

    Your first paragraph begins with the position but immediately segues to your educational background. Your background should be in your resume, so it need not be laid out here. Instead, do some research about Lake Crest and find something specific to say about it here.

    Your next paragraph gives platitudes ("a pleasure", "wonderful", "all of the successes", "amazing") without backing them up with anything concrete. Tell us a story - I mean here on A to Z, to begin with - about a specific challenge-and-success.

    Your letter also highlights the newness of your experience, by leading with that information right at the beginning of the paragraphs.

    There are several misuses of punctuation.
     
  5. nangel78

    nangel78 Companion

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    Dec 27, 2011

    You need to have something that shows you in the letter. What is something you are proud of from student teaching? What technique did you utlize that worked really well?

    I have managed to get 6 interviews with my cover letter. I am in the process of relocating and now have a contact in a district who is taking the time to coach me, get my information out, and basically an inside person helpng me get a position. I have not had this come up before, but it means moving 3 hours away. If you get the opportunity as well, do it.
     
  6. EMonkey

    EMonkey Connoisseur

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    Dec 30, 2011

    It seems like you need to focus more on qualities that you have that you think will make you a quality addition to the school.
     

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