What do you do in this situation?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherWhoRuns, Sep 10, 2017.

  1. TeacherWhoRuns

    TeacherWhoRuns Companion

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    Sep 10, 2017

    About a year and a half ago I had a falling out with a longtime friend. A lot of it was fueled by two other people, but the bottom line is we haven't talked in a very long time.
    I saw a post on FB that made me believe her father had passed away. I sent a message to a mutual acquaintance (whom she also doesn't talk to anymore but works in the same place) to ask about it. In the interim, I googled the last name and the city to see if there was an obit and there was a story about a shooting of a man done by his son. I wasn't sure of the father's first name, but I was pretty sure the son's name was her brother. The mutual friend got back to me and sent me a link to another news version of the same story, confirming everything.
    Even though we're not in contact, I feel like I should send a sympathy card. Just saying something like, "I'm sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family."
    Do you think this is acceptable? Not going in to detail about what I know and who told me,but just a very general comment that I'm still thinking about her? Or is it overstepping since we're not really friendly anymore? I just can't imagine the pain her family is going through.
     
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  3. geoteacher

    geoteacher Habitué

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    Sep 10, 2017

    Sincere sympathy is always appreciated. Even if you are no longer close, it is perfectly fine to let her know that you are thinking of her and her family.
     
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  4. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Sep 10, 2017

    I don't think a card with condolences is out of line. I agree with leaving out details of how you found out.
     
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  5. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Sep 10, 2017

    I think a card would be appropriate.
     
  6. rpan

    rpan Cohort

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    Sep 11, 2017

    She will need many people who love her and care about her in her life to help her get thru, and sincere condolences from you sounds like the right thing.
     
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  7. CherryOak

    CherryOak Companion

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    Sep 11, 2017

    Your gut is right. Send her a card. Months from now, it may dawn on her who was silent and that's not the list you want to be on. We all need more kindness and you don't have to be best friends to express it.
     
  8. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Sep 11, 2017

    That's extremely nice of you to do for this person! Hopefully, you'll get a "thank you", but don't be surprised if you don't.
     
  9. WarriorPrncss

    WarriorPrncss Companion

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    Sep 11, 2017

    I agree.... totally appropriate, but depending on the past falling out, I probably wouldn't expect a response.
     
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  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Sep 11, 2017

    If you think that contacting her wouldn't cause her further pain, then it's probably appropriate to reach out. I agree that you shouldn't expect a response.
     

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