What did I do?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Artteach42, Feb 26, 2009.

  1. Artteach42

    Artteach42 Rookie

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    Feb 26, 2009

    Three days ago I lost my little baby Emerald Grace. She was only six days old, and she was already my everything. She passed peacefully in her sleep. She was one of the nine children who are taken by SIDS each day. I don't understand what I did wrong. I didn't lay her on her stomach, she wasn't too cold, or too hot, she didn't have any respiratory problems, and I didn't feed her just before putting her down for bed. I went to check on her at nine that night, and.. she was gone. Only two hours after I put her down. If only I had kept her up a little longer... she'd still be here. I don't know what I did to deserve this. She was my second child, my first, Sapphire Hope, was taken at 17 months when a bacteria invaded her heart. If only I had gotten her to the hospital sooner, she too, would still be here. I can't believe I did this.
     
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  3. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oh my goodness, I'm very sorry for the tragedies you've gone through! :hugs: It's natural for the parent(s) to blame themselves, but the thing is, there will always be something that will be worrisome to the parent(s) no matter how the tragedy occurred. Just know that you did nothng wrong & that things just happen & we may never know why...that's how it was meant to be.

    My prayers are w/ you.
     
  4. K1teach

    K1teach Companion

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    Feb 26, 2009

    I'm very sorry for your loss.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    You did nothing but bring beautiful children into the world to love. I can't pretend to understand why this happens, but it is not your fault. You are in my thoughts and prayers--hugs to you!
     
  6. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Oh, no, Artteacher42!! My heart just sank reading this. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
     
  7. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    This post broke my heart. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I hope as you start to heal you will see that there is nothing that you did to make this your fault.

    You are in my thoughts.
     
  8. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    I am so sorry for your losses and my thoughts are with you.
     
  9. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    My prayers are with you. I'm sorry for your loss.
     
  10. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I had a still-borne child 22 years ago and it took forever to get over it. Cry when you want to and do it often. Take your time packing things away. Grieve in your own way. I'm so, so sorry for this loss.
     
  11. Artteach42

    Artteach42 Rookie

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    I know, logically, that I did nothing wrong, and it wasn't my fault, but i can't help but feel there was something i could have done to prvent it. Keep her up later, put her to sleep earlier. In a differnt room. something. I should have seen it coming, noticed that something was wrong. stopped it from happening. That's what a mother does, right?

    Thanks for the loving thoughts and prayers everyone.
     
  12. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    I am sorry to hear this. I am keeping you in my prayers.
     
  13. deedee

    deedee Connoisseur

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    I have tears as I type this,this is heart breaking to hear .. I am so sorry for your loss! I will keep you and your family in my prayers
     
  14. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I am so, so, sorry.. I will pray for you and your family.
     
  15. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    I'm very sorry.
     
  16. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

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    I am so sorry, you did nothing wrong!
     
  17. SwOcean Gal

    SwOcean Gal Devotee

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    I am so sorry. That is terribly sad, but you did not do anything wrong! Sending lots of prayers!
     
  18. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I'm sorry for you lose. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. It's not your fault!
     
  19. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Arteach-I'm so sorry this happened!!! :hugs: You did nothing wrong, and there is nothing that you could have done differently to prevent this from happening. God sent that precious baby to you for a reason, and for a reason that we may never know, He took her home quickly. In 2007, I lost my Emily Dawn only 5 minutes after giving birth. I knew from the beginning of labor that I wouldn't be able to keep her because it was just too early. But, when I think of her, I know that she's in good hands in heaven with God and my mom, awaiting for me when it's my turn. Her death actually strengthened my faith.
     
  20. cityfrog6

    cityfrog6 Comrade

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    I am so sorry to hear this. My heart just sank reading your message. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now in this difficult time.
     
  21. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Oh, no! There are no words to convey how sorry I am! :hugs: You are most definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something more I could do and say... :( I'm so sorry!
     
  22. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    I'm so sorry to hear this.
     
  23. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Feb 26, 2009

    So sorry for your loss.

    A Walk to Remember

    I walk to remember
    the steps you'll never take.
    I carry you with me
    as I firmly plant my feet.
    Our trek started long ago,
    before my belly swelled.
    You were a love that grew-
    like butterfly wings that beat.
    Your gently flutters then became
    kicks upon which I would dwell.
    And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
    about the world you soon would meet.

    The sun always shone upon us then-
    when you were in my womb.
    And I was eager to show you the world
    that would have been your home.
    How you'd have loved the sun shining-
    blue skies without a cloud.
    The autumn leaves turning-
    the snow falling all around.
    The flowers in summer-
    would have filled your eyes with smiles.
    And the rain that might have fallen
    would have caused you great surprise.

    You would have traveled far with me-
    holding me by the hand,
    And I'd have shown you all I could-
    more that I can imagine.

    You hold my HEART tightly now,
    as though we're holding hands.
    How far we've traveled, little one-
    and my life with you has been sweet.
    For I carry you in my heart,
    as I firmly plant my feet.

    © Kathie Rataj Mayo
     
  24. Artteach42

    Artteach42 Rookie

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    czacza, that poem is exactly perfect, so true. Thank you.

    smalltowngirl, i'm sorry to hear you lost your child as well. I can only hope that some day I'll see them both again, happy and healthy. The same goes for you as well. I wonder what God has in store for all these innocent children.
     
  25. eduk8r

    eduk8r Enthusiast

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    You did nothing wrong. It is hard, but fight the tendency to blame yourself. Not everything has a preventable cause, sometimes things just happen no matter how careful you are. I'm so sorry for your immense losses. My prayers are with you.
     
  26. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    czacza-that is a great poem.

    Artteach-I don't know, but you know it has to be something great!
     
  27. Artteach42

    Artteach42 Rookie

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    smalltowngal-Very true.
     
  28. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers.
     
  29. TennisPlayer

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    This gave me goose bumps. You've been through so much. Have you talked to a doctor about what causes it to happen so you have "some understanding"? They say to leave a fan on in the room in addition to everything you mentioned, sleeping on their back, nothing to get in their way when they're sleeping... My feelings can't be expressed through this post. I'm just so sorry to hear your news.
     
  30. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    I was just reading about the beautiful baby you had!! I am so sorry to hear this...I will keep you in my prayers. You did nothing!!! Don't question yourself as a parent.
     
  31. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    :hugs: Sorry for your loss!
    I have never had or lost a child, but I had a brother that passed away nearly directly after birth. My mom will always hurt (it has been 23 years now), but it gets easier.
     
  32. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. You were being a good mom.

    We'll never understand why people are taken from us too soon. It's too much hurt to even think about.

    I will keep your family - and Emerald Grace - in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.
     
  33. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

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    I am praying for your healing right now. My heart goes out to you.I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
     
  34. webmistress

    webmistress Devotee

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    OMG, I am so sorry for your losses. May God be with you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry.
     
  35. Artteach42

    Artteach42 Rookie

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    *sigh. I wish there was more i had to say, but all I've got is: Thanks, everyone.
     
  36. CanadianTeacher

    CanadianTeacher Groupie

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    Parents should never have to bury their children. We can't always foresee the things that will happen, nor can we always understand why they happen. As so many other parents who have lived through this, you couldn't not have known this would happen. I guess that's what makes life so precious and why it's so important to live for the moment. I wish you the best and I know it will take much time to heal. Take care of yourself.
     
  37. DHE

    DHE Connoisseur

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    Artteach, I am deeply sorry for your loss. As a parent, I can only imagine the hurt and pain you are going through. I know it's hard, but please know that there wasn't anything that you did wrong. You did what any mother would do, you laid your baby down to sleep and two hours later you went to check on her. That is a reasonable amount of time for a baby to sleep. I am going to tell you to cherish the nine days that you had and turn to God to give you the strength to deal with your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
     
  38. Lives4Math

    Lives4Math Comrade

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    *hugs* I'm sorry to hear about this. From my understanding of SIDS you have done nothing wrong. There's no way to know what happens or why but it wasn't anything you did.
     
  39. mom2ohc

    mom2ohc Habitué

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    wow, I am sorry to hear that! how on earth are you on a message board at this time~?!?
     
  40. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Let's not judge...sometimes, we need an escape from the reality that is our life.

    Artteach-I am so so sorry to hear of your tragedy at this time. I could sense the excitement and wonder you felt when your precious Emerald was born. Please know that while no words I can type will take away the pain you feel, you have a whole bunch of friends here who are thinking of you right at this moment, and wishing we can take away some of that sorrow. Peace be with you!
     
  41. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Art- I looked over your post history. You worked hard to have that baby..fertility questions, bed rest...You did nothing wrong. You were blessed with a short time with a sweet girl. Feel what you feel, do what you have to do, say what you have to say. There is no shame in any of it. :love:
     

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