What can I do?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 11, 2008

    Bf's grandmother is in the hospital and not expected to make it. They said they are just trying to make her comfortable. He got this call while we were having lunch about 30 min ago. We've been together about 1.5 years.

    I suppose he is going up to the hospital to go see her, and his mom (it's her mother that isn't well). I asked if he wanted me to go with him, and he said no. I want to be there for him...but don't know how. His ex gf will be there b/c they have a kid together. I've done things with his mom, and she knows me pretty well.

    What can I do? I feel so helpless...and want to try and comfort him...but he doesn't want me there right now.

    :(
     
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  3. peggy27

    peggy27 Cohort

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    Aug 11, 2008

    I am so sorry! Just be there for him when he needs you. He will need your love and support more if she doesn't make it. Good luck and prayers to you both.
     
  4. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    Aug 11, 2008

    You stay supportive, but in the background. If you talk with his mom, ask her if there is anything you can do, like have pre-made meals in the fridge for the family, since they are spending so much time at the hospital. Maybe you can pick up mail, tidy the house, run simple errands, etc. This way when they come home, they don't have to worry about the small stuff.

    As for bf, just be a ready ear.
     
  5. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    thanks...just want him to know I am there for him and his family..

    I sent his mom a txt saying that I love her and her family, and they are all in my prayers...she said thank you
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 11, 2008

    You could make dinner and send over to his mom's house. With all the running to the hospital most people forget to eat or eat junk... Get one of those roasted chickens from the store, a loaf of great bread and make a salad...really easy and very thoughtful.
     
  7. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Should I ask how she is?
     
  8. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Aug 11, 2008

    :hugs:
     
  9. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Should you ask who how she is? The mom? I would definitely ask your boyfriend. Keep the lines of communication wide open during this time and let him know you are here for him if he needs to talk.
     
  10. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    :hugs: st
     
  11. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Aug 12, 2008

    uh, yeah....or maybe better:"How's everyone doing?"
     
  12. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 12, 2008

    At times men must be told because if you ask he will say no only because accepting help has the feeling of being weak it is a guy thing.
    Just tell him you will be supporting him and his family by putting the food together. Say I love you a lot (as if you don't) reassure him you are not leaving, men especially, think they are being abandoned when a loved one dies (we men get kind of insecure)
     
  13. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2008

    If this woman does pass away, the time you may be needed most is after the funeral, when all the other mourners move on with their lives but the immediate family is suddenly left with a major hole in their lives. Offer to take BF's mother to a tea house or something indulgent, and let her talk. Just a thought!
     
  14. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 12, 2008

    thanks for the advice....

    he told me today that when the grandmother passes...her body will be flown back to the state she is from, and the funeral held there...

    I've tried to be positive, and not add any stress to the situation. I smile, give him hugs...and last night just cuddled with him watching the olympics. All I can do is give love, and not be negative in any way...which is sometimes hard for me. I'm putting extra effort in now.

    Thanks again for the advice :)
     

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