Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TennisPlayer, Jun 29, 2011.
Jun 29, 2011
having kids so we can be that much more ready with the transition someday!
I don't have kids yet either and I am always thinking about how to make life easier in general and with the future thought of having kiddos someday. For me, I am learning to have good housekeeping routines and trying to become more of a minimalist or at least not be so cluttered. I am also thinking the same way for how I manage my classroom so I won't be bogged down at work when I want to be home with my family. Look forward to reading the answers.
Figure out how to get out of school on time, if you don't already!
Aside from habits like saving money, I think it's less about habits than conversations.
I think both parents need to be on the same page on the big issues-- things like religion, respect, and the like.
The rest kind of evolves.
close the bedroom door before...ummm, you know...
Every other time you're in the middle of list item 1, interrupt it for fifteen minutes to simulate getting a child back to bed.
If you use handcuffs or other accessories, you're simply asking for trouble.
start wearing more than underwear around the house -- trust me on this one!
lock the bathroom door, even if you're alone at home
start playing Barney/Power Rangers/etc. on tv for 5 hours a day at home. Force yourself to watch.
Start waking up at 5:30 on Saturday morning.
Start going to sleep at 8 pm on most nights, and waking up after 15 minutes -- without an alarm -- if you want to actually do something with your evening.
Dress your SO without their help (DW and I actually did this regularly, we called it, "Ningyo-san goko" ("Emergency Breath Goko"* was also a lot of fun))
When you go out to eat, spend time trying to do a subtle trot around the restaurant, peering under tables
Play a "find-the-bathroom" game while traveling when you know it will have the least chance of success
When you fail at the previous item, play the "what-else-can-I-use" game. Or just keep lots of empty plastic bottles around (sorry, I just have sons so this works for me. YMMV).
Spend a minimum of an hour eating each meal. Have food fights, especially if you're eating pudding, applesauce, or mashed potatoes. Clean up afterwards.
Make the bed three times a day.
When you go shopping, after you're about halfway through stop suddenly and go home, abandoning what you'd planned to purchase. Having the fortitude to do this is invaluable in dealing with temper tantrums.
Leave random small objects scattered in the hall or on the stairs, at night along the path to the bathroom. Make them wheeled or pointy for extra credit!
Read the same children's book every night, out loud, for a week.
Get a doll and set of diapers. The game is to put the diaper on the doll and remove it in as many positions as possible OTHER THAN the "correct" one with the baby lying on their back on a clean, stable surface. You should probably try this blindfolded as well, since you'll potentially be watching another kid or have some foreign object in your eye when you need to do it for real. Extra points for being able to hold both the doll's wrists while changing the diaper.
Hope this helps!
* played in bathtub, to simulate sharing a scuba tank or some such.
That's why we got really good at the stuff you do in order to not have kids.
I agree. You can plot and plan all you want but nothing truly prepares you for how your life will change once a baby arrives. There are bound to be differences in parenting styles but just make sure you're on the same page with the big things (including discipline, etc)
So if youre married with kids and one parent works full-time....does tgat person have to do chores too or does it feel like a big burden even though being with a baby all day is fun it is also tiring( Ive bee a nanny to many families)
When I was a SAHM, here's how it worked:
I tried to get a lot of the housework done during the day-- laundry, start dinner, and so on. If it didn't happen because something else happened,(whether that was puddle stomping or a trip to the ER) so be it.
But when Peter got home, things were on equal footing. We had both been working all day. So whatever needed to be done got done by whoever could do it.
19. Watch a random Disney Video 29 times in 3 days
20. Learn how to clean vomit off of anything
21. Imagine tic tacs in a nose and how to remove them
22. Go to a movie and visit the bathroom 7 times during it.
23 Figure out now that no does not always work with 3 year olds
Before the special event go and see as many movies and out to eat as you can. Travel to Europe or wherever. Do lots of spur of the moment things. oh yeah, find a good pediatrician and
nanny or day care place.
how did you ask your husband to kindly help out with ______?
I'd add...cook a delicious meal, dish yourself up a plate, then leave it sit on the counter for an hour before eating it. Do this in restaurants as well.
Nah, just kidding! (sort of) Kids are great. I wouldn't change the way you are. Kids are surprisingly adaptable. I was always so worried before we had kids because my husband and I never ate dinner before eight. And you know, we still sometimes don't...but out kids haven't starved yet. And they're pretty good kids!
The one thing I would suggest...emphasize...is save money. Kids are great, but they are expensive!
I dont see my husband doing chores unless I ask and then I dont know how he will react because he assumes I want something done right away but he is a hard worker at his job so I understand now but when a baby comes into our lives someday I want him to see that it would be helpful to do things without being asked.
Here's the thing. Your husband is not going to change because you have a child. If you want him to share in the chores when you have a child, he should be sharing the chores now. I personally think all husbands should help with the house upkeep. My husband and I had very different ideas of what 'help' meant when we got married. It took many talks and examples and explaining, but now he can pretty much do any chore inside the house as well as I can and does without being asked - usually. By the same token I mow and help outside the house. It's not perfect, but it works for us and I know that when I have a particularly tough week at school my house will still be someplace I'm proud to live. I can't say that for all my colleagues.
Okay, this might be a habit you want him to start working on now, lol. My son did NOT want to be put down much his first 3 months. He would only nap in my arms for the first 4 months...maybe occasionally in the swing...but I rarely had any "down time." I was so fortunate my husband picked up housework slack without complaint. My place still wasn't/isn't as clean as I would like but it took a lot of pressure off me to have him willing to clean the kitchen, cook dinner, vacuum, etc, the first couple months. You may have a totally easygoing baby who sleeps well, etc, or you can have a high needs fussy baby who won't nap for anything on their own...you just have to be extremely flexible and DON'T hesitate to ask your DH for help if he's not just doing it on his own. It's much easier for us to adapt our lives around baby than for a lot of men, I think...I read a lot about new dads who still think they are still entitled to 8 hours' quality sleep at night, hours of video games/golf/sports/whatever hobby it is, going out with friends after a "hard day's work", etc, without much concern for the fact that their wife is still waking every 2-3 hours at night to care for the baby after spending all day at home with him/her and lucky to get a 10 minute shower to herself. And I think in a lot of cases they just don't realize how self-centered they are being yet their wives end up resenting them...but they haven't actually communicated their displeasure to their husbands or asked for help. So if he doesn't do chores NOW, then you're going to have to flat out tell him you will need some help once baby comes. It would not be fair to you if you were doing it all even if he is working hard outside the home. At least he gets to clock out and earn a paycheck...being a mother is 24-hours 'round the clock!
TennisPlayer - I don't want to sound harsh but this is a pet peeve with me, so excuse me. Assuming the wife is working too, the "chores" are co-responsibilities. In my opinion, it shouldn't be a wife asking for help, it should be two partners doing what is necessary to run a household. Okay, it may be that chores are divided depending upon the people's interests or talents but if someone needs help, the other should step in. If a husband didn't have a mom who taught him how to clean, cook, etc. none of those are skills that are hard to learn. That being said, it has been my long-term frustration that my husband (and semi-grown boys) will help but they don't seem to "see" what needs to be done. After years of banging my head against the wall, I decided it is gender based and decided to end the frustration and just leave lists. They are happier - I am happier because stuff gets done. Do I wish they would just see stuff? Definitely! They get the basics but it just works better if I leave lists.
I work with young families every day and these are all conversations are important before the children (and their stress) arrive. I think being on solid footing financially (at least not burdened with debt), having a healthy, communicative relationship and being in agreement about parenting styles, religion, how to deal with families of origins, holidays, etc. is important. Also, it really helps if someone knows how to cook because going out to eat every night with children just doesn't work. Doing a good "clean sweep" of the house and throwing out junk and getting stuff in order is good advise.
Mostly, both be excited about starting a family, realize it is hard, and be willing to experience the highs and lows of parenting as a team.
Jun 30, 2011
Yeah I think some one fooled you on that list. No need to close the door when you have kids. Why? Because when you have kids, say good bye to private molments with your spouse lol Kissing your spouse will get you the "Eww thats gross" speech from your children lol So good luck with that lol Pop in a Disney movie and grab a cold juice box. This is your life Married With Children LMAO!!!!
We're ALL hard workers. But the fact remains that if he wants clean clothes, a reasonably clean home, food in the fridge and the occasional hot meal, someone will have to do it. And if you're busy all day teaching and/or tending to a child, that "someone" may not be you.
When Julia was born I took my 6 weeks maternity leave, while Peter only took 2 days. So I did the overwhelming majoirty of the late night feedings-- I thought that was only reasonable, since he had to be "on" all day long at work. But about once a week, it caught up with me; I simply could not function without sleep. (In the beginning, many babies need to be fed every 2.5 hours or so. So you never really get a good night's sleep; it's a series of catnaps for those first 6-8 weeks.)
Remember, we already had a 20 month old at that point. I was "ON" with a toddler when Julia was napping during the day.
So about once a week, when he sensed I was reaching my limit,(and for some reason, it never really worked out to be on a weekend) he would volunteer to do the overnight, and let me sleep in what was then the guest/play room. (Full of toys and a queen sized bed.) It was total heaven, and I would be able to function for another week or so. He would be tired the next day, but would catch up the next night.
Again, I never had to ask. He saw the signs and volunteered.
We're a team. We tend to different chores at home. But either one of us will pick up the slack if need be. So yesterday, I fished a dead bird out of the pool when he was out (I can't TELL you how badly I wanted him home to do that!!!) If I'm at school through dinner, I can count on him bringing the kids to the mall for dinner. He rarely cooks it. But that's OK, the kids are fed. Things don't get done my way, but they get done.
If your husband is unwilling to do the chores you can't get to, start looking into hiring someone who will.
I really think THIS is probably what you need to be on the same page about before you have kids. You asked what good habits to start - it sounds like he needs to start taking initiative in household stuff.
I agree. Having kids is very demanding and you are going to need all the help you can get. Sometimes even with my husband helping didn't seem that it was enough.
If you plan on staying home, you need to have a conversation with your husband NOW about what chore division, etc. will look like. When I keep my daughter (age 2) home with me during the summer, very little housework gets done. Naptime can be used to fold laundry, etc., but picking up the house is pointless because she destroys it with her toys the second she wakes up. My husband realizes this. We are a team and work together in the evenings, after she's gone to bed, to get things accomplished. One thing that helps us is that we each like to do different chores, so we don't have to discuss what needs to get done, we each just do our own chores.
I also agree that you should have conversations about what you expect parenting to look like, but be open for those to change. My husband and I were the best parents in the world before we had our daughter. Several of the things we said we would never do, we have done. Situations change, so you have to be willing to rediscuss those things as they come up. Our parenting style is very different from how we envisioned it.
I figure the way thing work in the summer are the way things would work if I stay at home. In the summer I do the majority of things, but kind of like Alice said, if it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done.
I do ask my husband for help, but I am specific. He really doesn't see anything that needs doing and it's annoying, but I've learned that he will do anything I ask him.
Over the years we've had several different systems, but they evolve depending on our schedules. When he was in school he got two of our chore cards each week. If he finished his work he would help me out with something else or hang out with me. Now that I am in school he does the majority of it while I am working, but I've picked most of it back up now that it's summer break.
If things haven't gotten done throughout the week then we just take some time Friday night or Saturday morning and attack the house. He knows what to do and how to do it, it's a matter of pointing out that it needs doing.
Tennis, don't you think your husband would help out if you asked? Make a list of must do's and see if there are a few he'll just be in charge of. My husband always does the bathrooms, vacuums the stairs and cleans our the cars. Those things happen no matter what, but as soon as I ask him to take out the trash or wash the dishes, he's on it, no problem.
Right now I do everything chore related unless I ask amd when I do I never know what he will say...Can you do the dishes? sometimes he will when asked but i seems like i have to ask or else he will do whatever after he gets home from work which is impt too like relaxing/personal time. I just want him to chip in wihout being asked bec i feel like asking a child if i have to ask...sorry for errors typing on my phone!!
Gotta disagree on this....finding private moments with your spouse is more important once you have kids....it's easy to get lost in the bottles, and schedules, and household tasks but MAKING the time to be a couple is vital to your relationship...and it's important that kids know that parents love each other and to respect that. So yes, it's more than ok to tastefully kiss your spouse in front of the kids...it's reassuring to kids to know their parents love each other as well as love the kids.yes, sometimes you've got to be creative to find the time, but it's so important.... Finding ten minutes a day to have a cup of coffee together, or just sit on the porch and chat, or have dinner together once the kids are in bed is healthy and good for not only your relationship with your spouse, but good for your overall family relationship.
Separate names with a comma.