What a Liar

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by blessedteacher, Nov 28, 2008.

  1. blessedteacher

    blessedteacher Rookie

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 28, 2008

    Hello Teachers,

    I need some general advice. I recently received notice that one of my second grade students lied about something that I had supposedly done in the classroom. It is totally false. I am supposed to have a conference with the parent on Monday. I am a first year teacher and this is all very new to me. Any advice that you can give would be greatly appreciatied. Thank you.
     
  2.  
  3. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2006
    Messages:
    4,858
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 28, 2008

    That's a tough situation to deal with. Make sure you have an administrator present for that meeting. I would also ask the administrator to talk to the child and get details - when did this supposedly happen, what was the class doing, etc. If it was something that you allegedly did in class, then there should be witnesses. Can they talk to the other children in the class to get a good picture of the truth?

    I'm dealing with a parent now who just makes things up to go to the principal, with --things I was supposed to have said to the parent, and it's hard to prove you didn't say something. Now I document everything, even that I said "good morning", every interaction I have with her. Also, this probably goes without saying, but don't ever leave yourself in the situation where you are alone with that student. Hope things work out well for you on Monday!
     
  4. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,563
    Likes Received:
    4

    Nov 28, 2008

    How did you receive this notice? From the parent? Is it something the student said you did or you said?

    You'll just have to hear out the parent of course and then explain what really happened.

    Tell them "you know I try hard not to believe everything a child says goes on at home and hope parents don't believe everything a child says goes on at school, because in either case it is different from reality."
     
  5. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,563
    Likes Received:
    4

    Nov 28, 2008

    Oh Kinder's advice is great!
     
  6. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    3,231
    Likes Received:
    66

    Nov 28, 2008

    Been there, done that. Luckily found out the parent was much easier to get along with than I had anticipated.

    However, document, document, document! You can never be too safe! Also, I assume you've already done this, but let the administration know that this is a problem (and yes, as kinder suggested, having them sit in on the meeting is a good option) If you're not comfortable having an admin sit in, at least have them nearby in order to "rescue you".
     
  7. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2006
    Messages:
    2,305
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 28, 2008

    You really need to have your principal/director there in the meeting; not just you and the parent.
    If your principal/director can't be there...insist that someone else stand in.
     
  8. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2005
    Messages:
    1,715
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 28, 2008

    I agree, make sure you have someone else at the meeting! Also, having someone talk to the students ahead of time and get the "details" is a good idea- and if you can prove something with student witnesses that might be helpful. I hope you can get everything cleared up!
     
  9. Happy Chatter

    Happy Chatter Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2008
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 29, 2008

    In all my many years of teaching this only happened to me once...the child told their parent that they had lost merits for talking in class. The parent came storming in demanding a meeting which I point blank refused because they were totally aggressive. Instead they spoke to the head teacher claiming I was not following positive discipline. Well, I had a conference with the parent at the end of the week where it was made clear that their child did not lose any merits per se ,only the card on which to collect merits, which meant any merits gained during the coming week could not be collected. Why had I done it...because for 5 days solid he had been excluded at lunch time from playing because he had beaten other kids up.. The parent was mortified not least because when other parents caught wind of what she had done they made a formal complaint about her sons bullying....sometimes students lie because they think it will make things easier.....the truth will out!


    http://mrscunningham.edublogs.org/
    http://pirates5.edublogs.org/
     
  10. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,391
    Likes Received:
    5

    Nov 29, 2008

    I think it is best to have the child there and ask them to tell you exactly what happened and what was said/done. Sometimes a child says their teacher told them (singled out) to shut up and when they are asked to say it in front of the teacher and parent it comes out that you told the whole class to be quiet. It is also a good lesson for the child to learn that the parent and teachers talk to each other and work together to solve problems. Also, if you have any reason to believe the parent is not going to be reasonable or the allegation is serious, have an administrator or at least the department head present.
     
  11. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Messages:
    5,032
    Likes Received:
    414

    Nov 29, 2008

    Been there done that myself. I had a little girl with CP accuse me of spanking her because she wet her diaper. The day in question, she never even had the slightest of an accident. Her stepmom was the one to call the meeting. During the meeting the little girl admitted she told a story. Come to find out, dad had punished her for wetting her diaper.
     
  12. dr.gator

    dr.gator Comrade

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2008
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    20

    Nov 29, 2008

    I had a similar situation, which I think we can all say we've had happened to us before. I did not have an administrator present, because luckily the parent came in calmly and questioned me. Her son was there and shared his fib in front of mom and I. After he did, I asked him if he was certain that was the way things happened, because I was going to tell mom my side of the story. He quickly did some tip toeing and changed his story a bit to the truth. I did inform the administrator as soon as they left and made certain that some other adult was within earshot any other time I spoke to this parent. Our custodian had just cleaned my room when this event happened. She knew the parent on a social basis and stayed outside the room to verify anything that was said or done, more for me than the parent. She told me that I handled the situation nicely.

    Keep your documentation and keep your administration informed.
     
  13. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2003
    Messages:
    6,699
    Likes Received:
    66

    Nov 29, 2008

    I agree with the others, document to the nth degree. I've had this happen, most teachers will at some point or other. I've always had the child present for the meeting and had him or her tell again what happened so that we all can hear their side. Sometimes they backtrack and tell the truth, and honestly, a time or two it turned out that the parent had "misunderstood" something the child said. I always go into it as if I were just trying to straighten everything out, no accusations. So far they've all resolved very easily. Good luck!!
     
  14. blessedteacher

    blessedteacher Rookie

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0

    Nov 30, 2008

    thanks

    Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel more confident about the situation now.
     
  15. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    2,233
    Likes Received:
    0

    Dec 1, 2008

    It's happened several times to me. Now it's just a matter of having the child repeat the allegation in the room while I'm there. Of course, nothing was ever major serious. I would have the admin be involved if it were something like that. Usually it's just "She said...." or "She wouldn't let me...."

    Some kids love trying to deflect poor behavior onto someone else to minimize the consequences, especially if the parent is one of those who bad mouth teachers at home.
     
  16. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    2,518
    Likes Received:
    9

    Dec 2, 2008

    Tasha is right!! Get the kiddo, parent, and admin. all together with you and kindly ask the child what happened. Once the child says what happened, dismiss the child, and the adults can discuss the situation.

    I was actually a kid who did this very thing! Actually, I bragged at home about smarting off to the teacher and putting her in her place. Which was a total lie! Next morning, I was called to the principal's office and there were mom and teacher! I burst into tears and it was all over. sheesh. Why do kids do this? No idea. I was a good, nice kid and never got in trouble. For some reason we kids thought we could take advantage of this new,pretty teacher.

    What a great mom huh?????
     
  17. frogger

    frogger Devotee

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2008
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    2

    Dec 2, 2008

    exactly - I have a classroom now that is full of kids that don't want to take responsibility for their own behavior and choices - so they just pick and choice pieces of what I say because they either want to get out of getting in trouble for not paying attention in class so they don't know what or how to do their homework or classwork so they throw it back on me and say I said this or did that with them.
     
  18. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
    Messages:
    3,888
    Likes Received:
    0

    Dec 2, 2008

    This is just awful. Your P should back you 100%.
     
  19. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    2

    Dec 2, 2008

    I think everyone gave great advice, especially Fleming. I know it's kind of after the fact now, but DOCUMENTING as much as possible is so important. I actually keep a litte notebook in my desk drawer that i've labelled "Antedotal Notes". Whenever somethng noteworthy happens involving a kid, I try and jot it down even if it's really brief.

    ie:
    "Today Johnny refused to get started on his warmup. I put a check by his name. He got angry, yelled he hated school and started crying. Called Mom. Had Johnny talk to her. Mom was supportive of me. Took Johnny's recess"
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. ready2learn,
  2. jjoyce,
  3. Backroads
Total: 312 (members: 4, guests: 288, robots: 20)
test