weight issues

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Loves the beach, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    Jan 13, 2014

    I need someone to talk to, and I am not comfortable talking to people I know. This deals with my mom, and I don't want anyone thinking badly of her.


    My mom is pretty preoccupied with her weight. At least in my opinion she is.

    Breakfast (6:00 a.m.): an apple and banana with peanut butter. On weekends, an egg with bacon.

    Lunch (2:00 p.m.): a meal, usually consisting of fish or chicken with plenty of healthy vegetables. a somewhat healthy dessert. No bread, because bread could make her gain weight.

    And nothing else for the rest of the day.

    About 6:00 p.m. she says "I'm getting hungry. I don't know why. I already had my dinner." I'll tell her to eat something, but she refuses because she doesn't want to gain weight. She tells me she goes to bed hungry, because she doesn't want to gain weight.

    Yesterday, she told me she felt fat and that she was going to try to cut back on her eating.

    She lives several counties away from me, so I usually spend the night when I go to visit her. I'm not diabetic, but my blood sugar simply cannot handle that type of eating. I believe a person should eat when they're hungry and stop when they're satisfied. She believes weight gain should always guide your eating.

    Now that I'm pregnant, she disapproves ENTIRELY of my eating habits. I cannot eat meals, because I will get sick. I eat about six snacks a day, and I try not to eat "junk food". My mom will watch me eat and say, "How much weight have you gained?" "I don't know how you eat so much." "I only gained 20 pounds when I was pregnant." "Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you need to eat. Who told you to eat six times a day? Your doctor? He doesn't know what he's talking about." "I could never eat that much." "You'll never loose this weight you're gaining. You're going to regret eating so much."

    She was concerned that I was eating quite a bit of protein, because protein will "make you gain weight". She told me to ask my doctor if there would be a way for me to train myself not to eat protein so that I wouldn't gain weight.

    I could go on an on. She stays busy but complains of being tired a lot. She's complained of this my whole life, though. Her sleep habits are another thing that I won't get into.

    I get so agitated when she tells me not to eat when I'm hungry. My doctor says my weight gain is perfect, and he advises me to continue doing what I'm doing.

    I continue to talk to my mom on the phone and try to keep a good relationship with her, but I'm having a hard time going to see her. I love her so much, and I don't want this to come between us. But I find myself holding a grudge at her stubbornness. I say things I regret, and it's hard to know what to say when she says "You've gained more weight in your hips than in your belly. Everyone's been saying so." :confused: I just don't know how to handle it sometimes. She is paranoid of doctors and thinks all of them are in a conspiracy to get everyone's money. It seems like a hopeless case to show her what research says about eating, because she is thoroughly against that type of thing. I just don't know what to do. This situation's always there in the back of my mind.
     
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  3. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    Jan 13, 2014

    I should add that she does occasionally snack, but she feels bad about it and reminds herself that she will become fat if she snacks. Her snacks are generally healthy ones.
     
  4. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Jan 13, 2014

    At this point, your health is the most important thing you need to worry about.

    You may have to curtail your visits to your mom because the stress she is placing on you is not healthy for you or your baby.

    You can still have a relationship with your mom, just not in the same room!
     
  5. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    That's how I feel too. I get way too stressed out when I'm with her. I can handle the comments over the phone ok. It's being with her that bothers me, because I know what she's thinking every time I eat. I'm a very sensitive person, and I usually end up in tears by the end of the day.
     
  6. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    Jan 13, 2014

    So sorry, girl. I've been on your end before... no fun. At. All. Right now you and your baby are #1. If that means you have to distance yourself a bit, it'll be so much healthier for you and your baby. Maybe your absence will make your mom think about what she's saying to you right now. :mad:

    Huge hugs your way,

    Beth
     
  7. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jan 13, 2014

    Holy crap. I've got to head off here but will try to respond later. I admit, though, there is no way I'd tolerate her attitude. I realize that means our relationship could struggle. Then again, if she were treating me like this, it already is...
     
  8. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Jan 13, 2014

    I think I am wishful that you could just talk to her plainly about your concerns, how it makes you feel, tell her you love her but that you would prefer she doesn't mention eating and weight gain around you again if she wants to continue to have a close relationship.
     
  9. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jan 13, 2014

    Honestly it sounds to me like your mom might have an eating disorder or at least might not be thinking rationally when it comes to food. Even if you talk to her about your concerns, she might be unable to process what you're saying, if it is part of a mental illness. I think that it's probably best to avoid being around her whenever you're going to be eating anything. If you are around her and she starts making comments, you might have to just get up at leave. I know that's probably not the easiest solution, but you've got a different priority right now and it's not preserving your mom's feelings.
     
  10. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Jan 13, 2014

    Just eat healthy and eat the calories and foods that your doctor recommends. It's pretty obvious that your mom has food issues. Eat well when you're not with her and then it won't matter how your eat when the two of you spend time together. If it makes her upset to see you eat ... then have a meal before you see her.

    You don't need the stress of trying to please her - and you're not going to change her opinions. People with eating disorders are very manipulative and tend to be cruel and stubborn. I know it's difficult because it's your mom ... But you are now an independent woman caring for your unborn child - not a little girl swayed by an unhealthy mom. Just nourish your baby and don't worry about pleasing your mom on this issue.

    There are other areas that the two of you can enjoy together. Don't waste time on the food issues.
     
  11. chemnerd19

    chemnerd19 Companion

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    Jan 13, 2014

    :yeahthat:
     
  12. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jan 13, 2014

    It doesn't seem like the OP is necessarily trying to please Mom. But there is still a problem. So the OP eats as she wishes or is advised by her doctor....well, her mother is still chiming in with incredibly rude and inappropriate comments. I think what I would do is have one discussion about how you do not appreciate or want her advice or snide remarks. After that, I would not hesitate to end any visit or conversation when she doesn't respect your wishes.

    OP, your mom could probably benefit from a dietary counselor.
     
  13. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    Jan 13, 2014

    Are there topics of conversation that are "safe" or that you can steer her toward when she starts in on her obsession with everyone's menus? I agree with some of the other posters that it sounds like she might have a bit of an eating disorder. Or perhaps in her rush to lose weight she is starving herself and her brain is obsessing. either way - DON"T comment on her diet and when she comments on yours, simply breathe deep and change the topic. I agree with the posters who want you to also explicitly state that you won't discuss diet with her. After all, as your mother, she has so much more and better stuff to offer!
    Good luck.
     
  14. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Jan 14, 2014

    Doesn't sound as bad as my mom.

    She doesn't eat breakfast or lunch (even on the weekends), only eats dinner, then snacks while we watch TV from 7:30/8:00-9:00.
     
  15. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    Jan 14, 2014

    :yeahthat:

    I also would wonder whether your mother has an eating disorder. It's not normal to be that preoccupied with what you eat.

    I watch what I eat quite carefully, and I'm not thinking about it all the time. I'm eating between 1200-1300 calories per day, and I eat five times a day to keep my blood sugar in check.
     
  16. HeatherY

    HeatherY Habitué

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    Jan 14, 2014

    Hey, I'm pregnant with #1 too. I get the feeling of not eating meals. I'm having a fruit cup and trail mix for dinner right now! Feel free to PM so we can chat preggo stuff!

    I get what others are saying about her not even processing what you're saying, but I would at least try. "Discussing my body and how I eat is off limits. I don't talk about your body and I would appreciate the same respect."
     
  17. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Jan 14, 2014

    I agree. You need to be healthy and of course you are going to gain weight because you are pregnant. She seems to be too focused/scared of gaining weight herself, which is of course where her worry for you comes in. However, none of this seems healthy.
     
  18. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    Jan 14, 2014

    I do tend to argue with her sometimes. It does no good,of course. She is one of the most loving, caring people I know. But it's as if she becomes an entirely different person when it comes to food. Very painful to see this transformation, as you could call it.

    The problem is that she thinks she is right. Doctors are all wrong, I am all wrong (about health issues). I do think taking a break from her has helped ease my stress and anger over the situation.
     
  19. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jan 14, 2014

    Loves the beach, I understand how you feel to have a mother who's extremely weight/health conscious. My mom is the same way with herself & I. No, I've never been pregnant yet to see how my mom would be then. But I can picture her saying not to gain too much, especially since I'm not in my 20s anymore.

    My mom eats as much organic foods as possible. Surprisingly, she's not a vegetarian, she will eat some fish, turkey, & chicken, but of course it MUST be organic, free range, & whatever else is the MOST healthy. She has a ton of vitamin bottles in the kitchen, eats flax seed, etc., etc., etc. She goes walking about 4-5x/wk & informed me the other day that she wants to start walking 2x/day. She's in her 70s & I completely understand her desire to stay healthy to live as long a life as possible.

    Since I moved out 1.5 yrs ago, a meeting between us won't go by without us talking about if I've lost weight. Yes, I know I need to lose some weight & since a wk before the new year, I've turned almost a 180 w/ my eating habits & lost about 5-7 pounds already.

    But, if your doctor is saying your eating habits are just right, limiting the times you see your mom would help. I see my parents 3-4 times a month, but I might feel a bit better about seeing them a bit more often if my mom didn't walk about my weight every singel darn time I saw her. It does get tiring, yet I'm used to how she's been for yrs. I'm eating better & losing weight for myself definitely, not her or anyone else.

    Don't let her stress you out too much!
     
  20. Loves the beach

    Loves the beach Companion

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    Jan 14, 2014

    I'll try that. I don't think I've ever tried telling her that and then changing the subject.Probably the best option. Thank you to everyone for commenting.
     

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