Weddings...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by scienceteach82, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Dec 14, 2008

    No...not engaged yet...lol...

    But...as I am watching shows about weddings...and bridezilla...and all that kind of stuff...omfg...it's stressful just thinking about it!

    These people spend so much money on weddings...how can you budget 30k for a wedding? Loans? Credit?

    I always thought my family would help me out...but my dad has been without a job for 8 years now...

    Not that I expect them to pay for anything...but they always said they would. Things just change...and now...maybe I could afford 4 grand? Not including rings/honeymoon/gifts....ack

    For those that are married...how did you do it all without being wiped clean...and without losing your head?!

    Just thinking about colors...which church it would be at...who i would invite...what my dress would look like...cake...programs...omg...soooo much for one day!
     
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  3. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Dec 14, 2008

    I never ever had grand ideas about my wedding. When the day came for my husband and I we spent $100 for a judge, the ceremony took less than 1 minute. PERFECT!

    We had a grand honeymoon (camping and fishing in Northern Ontario ... a fly-in fishing trip to a private lake).

    We had a catered reception dinner with a cake and piano player for about 80 family and friends. That evening cost just over $1000.

    We did wedding, reception and honeymoon for well under $5000 and I would not have changed a thing!

    I was 33, my husband was 41 ... first marriage for both of us. Neither one of us saw the need for a big ta-do that was over in a day and way too stressful for everyone involved.
     
  4. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    My wedding, reception and honeymoon totaled about 5K...and that included travel expenses for my family. I made my own cake and food for the reception (it was cold cuts, cheese and veggie platters with other finger foods, served in the church hall), made the bridesmaids dresses and went as low budget as humanly possible on the rest. I shopped around and my whole dress/shoes/veil/ect cost just over $400. The single biggest expense was travel, and my parents thought it well worth it...as the most important part of the wedding is family, and it was important for everybody to be there.
     
  5. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Dec 14, 2008

    We did our wedding for about 8k, and that included rings, my dress, our honeymoon, everything.

    I had my ring custom made by a jeweler friend, so it was cheap. My dress was not, but it was the one splurge. We asked a friend to take our pictures with a digital camera, and Erik photo-shopped them. We bought our flowers at Costco and my mother-in-law arranged them all. I had a parent of a student do the catering (she was really into that) and we simply had fruit, veggies and pitas from a place I use to work in college. We did not have alchohol, as it was an afternoon wedding at the church, and toasted with sparkling cider and served italian sodas (our favorite). I had one attendant, and paid for her dress/accessories that she found on clearance at JC Pennies. I got the fabric for our tableclothes at JoAnne's with my teacher discount (shhhhh!) and had a local woman roll hem them for me (my machine didn't do that stitch). We designed, printed and assembled our own invites and programs. We bought a digital video camera and gave it to my funniest friend so we could have a hilarious running commentary during the ceremony, instead of hiring a videographer. We made our picture albums using an online picture album program, which gave us a buy one/get one free deal. Our favors were pirate bubbles from Oriental Trading Company.

    I think that's it. My husband planned most of it. Weird, I know.

    Pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/erikuppman/sets/72157600109525579/
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Dec 15, 2008

    In the metro NYC area, weddings are lavish and expensive!!!

    We got married at age 30. By then we were adults. We didn't want or expect anyone else to pay our way.

    We got engaged in March, and married 16 months later. In the meantime we did everything we could to save money. Pete did extra photography, I tutored and went back to waitressing when I wasn't teaching.

    We also decided early on that it was more important to have lots of family and friends than to have the reception in one of the more lavish catering halls.

    I'm an obsessive planner, so we got a deal on almost everything. My best friend hired the band as a gift. A neighbor I had grown up with got us a break on the limos. My mom worked in a bridal shop and got me a sample dress. A friend of a friend managed a floral shop and got us the "family discount."

    We had 203 people. And we paid for it ourselves.
     
  7. ecsmom

    ecsmom Habitué

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I have been married for 25 yrs so things have changed. My church wedding and reception with cake and punch cost around $1200 including all the dresses for my 6 attendents. I wore a beautiful vintage dress that I bought for $60! My attendents dresses cost more. Tuxes were around $40 back then. Flowers were about $200 and so was the cake. My FIL worked for a newspaper and did the invitations we wanted as a gift.

    We lucked out on a condo in Tampa for $100 for a week. We went to Disney, Busch Gardens and the beach during our honeymoon.

    Not much help to you but thanks for reminding me. :)
     
  8. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My ex and I got married straight out of college - to be precise, it was during the week before I graduated. We planned and paid the whole thing ourselves; let's just say there were compelling reasons not to involve my family, and equally compelling (though different) reasons not to spend much money. The ceremony was on campus in a beautiful concert hall/chapel and the reception was in a garden outside - the hall was free, if I recall correctly, and the garden cost us, I think, $25. Friends who were practicing for their own somewhat more elaborate ceremonies over the next year made our invitations, my dress, and the cake and punch for the reception, and the college organist (a lovely man, and a friend) donated his talents. We had no attendants, in part to avoid several awkwardnesses. The ex wore his one suit. I wanted daisies - I happen to like them; the ex's mother bought them and provided the groom's trousseau, plus banners to decorate the stage and an astonishing number of flats of strawberries from a family friend's farm for the reception. I'd bought our fridge and was thoroughly broke, so the ex bought my shoes.

    I think our out-of-pocket expenses, including my shoes, totaled about $200. Admittedly, it was the seventies; one could have gotten married barefoot in those days.

    Oh, and for our honeymoon, some weeks later, we went tent camping.
     
  9. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My mom more than anyone wants us to have a "real" wedding (her words, not mine)..."real" just equals "expensive" to me. My fiance and I were expecting to pay for everything ourselves so we weren't going to have a big wedding but since my parents offered to pay for a nice portion of it, we are able to do a little more. I still go back and forth on it, some days I just want something small, other days I do want this fancier wedding, lol. We just budget and pay off what we can when we can and put money in savings towards it. It'll still be another 2+ years minimum before we buy a house because my fiance's in the military and we're not sure where we'll end up when he gets out, otherwise I definitely would have vetoed doing the bigger, more expensive wedding because buying a house would have been a priority.
     
  10. AMK

    AMK Aficionado

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I am in NJ and weddings here like Alice said are lavish. My friends spent 50 thousand on their wedding. It wasn't overdone but very nice.
    I am worried about how much it will cost me. I don't have any parents to help me pay. I already said I will probably wont have anything big or grande b/c I don't have my mom here with me and I don't have much family.
     
  11. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I am in NY not too far from NYC so it was expensive here too. We could have spent way more or less but I think the reception hall alone was about 15-20k. That was for 100 people. I paid for the photography and a bunch of miscellaneous items but my parents paid for most of it. I have been going to these kinds of weddings my whole life (I have a big Italian family) so I just went along with it. My husband didn't mind one way or the other. We were saving for a house so really couldn't afford too much so if my parents didn't pay for the expensive stuff we wouldn't have had it.
     
  12. iheart5thgrade

    iheart5thgrade Comrade

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    Dec 15, 2008

    This is a bit off topic, but can I just say thanks to all of you who mentioned your ages when you got married? I'm only 24, but all my friends are married and starting to make me feel that I'm already "behind" in the wedding scene....Not trying to steal this thread, but thanks for those who wrote your ages. It makes me feel better! :)
     
  13. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Right now I'm between 10,000 and 12,000. I have been putting a little bit of money away here and there. And I'm coaching so that is an extra 2,000. So I'll have saved 5,500 for the wedding. Steve is suppose to be saving around 3,000. My mom and Dad (stepfather) are giving us 2500. My grandfather is paying for the DJ. Future PILs are giving us 3,000.

    My best friend got married two years ago for 6,000 total. I would have done the same thing but DF didn't want to have the reception there. So we are spending more.
     
  14. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Thanks for all the responses!

    Jem- those pics are so pretty!

    iheart5thgrade- I'm 26...and most of my friends are married...getting married...and some have kids...

    I was with BF this morning, and we were listening to the radio...one of the radio producers announced she was pregnant...it made me happy for her...but sad...b/c I want a family so much! (but want to be married first...lol)
    BF rolled his eyes at me and said I was acting like a kid...wanting it all just for me. Well...sorry...yeah. I do want that very much. He doesn't understand how I feel. He already has a kid...and she acts up...but I love her very much. Dealing with the ex is NO picnic either...ugh....but I try very hard to be nice.
     
  15. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Jem, I your pics are beautiful!!! They are much better than most professional pictures I have seen.

    Thank you for sharing!
     
  16. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Right now ST there are a bunch of places that you can win wedding receptions. THey pay for everything!! I would have tried for the one in Maine if we hadn't already planned mine.
     
  17. Ranchwife

    Ranchwife Companion

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I was 26 we got married - in 2000. My husband and I and my parents paid for the wedding. Our entire wedding was about $4000 which didn't include rings (we picked those out before) or the honeymoon. We had the service and the reception at our church and it was wonderful.

    While we were in the planning phase, I remember my husband telling me that the wedding is just one day out of the marriage, and nurturing and making sure our marriage has a strong foundation was the most important thing. Starting our life out in debt would cause cracks in that foundation. So, we agreed to keep the wedding simple. The day was the start of our marriage, not about impressing friends and family.
     
  18. really?

    really? Rookie

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My husband and I got married in Branson, MO at Silver Dollar City. (It's a 1800s theme park in case you're not familiar.) They had wedding coordinators that came with the cost of the ceremony. They did photography, music, and the cake also for an extra fee. They used their resident minister. We were married in a little log cabin church with about 50 people in attendance. The coordinators do weddings nearly every week of the year they're open. The did three weddings on our wedding day! They knew how to do everything efficiently. We met with them twice to choose our ceremony and hammer out the details. The day of the wedding, we just showed up!

    We had a cake and punch reception at our hotel. They threw in the banquet area in free if we filled so many rooms with our guests. They included tables, chairs, and tablecloths. I made my own mints and favors--carmel apples on a stick. It was in October. Decor included pumpkins, decorative leaves, and candles.

    I bought my David's bridal dress and veil on ebay. We each only had one attendant, so I bought my maid of honor's dress on ebay, too. It was $25 and also a David's bridal gown. I made by own bouquets and we printed our own invitations. The photographer gave us the CD with all of our pictutres on it, so we printed what we wanted ourselves.

    For our "honeymoon," we just stayed in Branson a little longer after the wedding.

    I think with everything including our own rooms in the hotel we spent under $6,000.
     
  19. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My husband and I got married earlier this year, I was 25 and he was 26. We took both our immediate families and flew to Kauai and got married there. Our circumstances were a bit unique...my dad had earned a vacation to either Hawaii or Alaska from his work and they were going to pay flights plus $6,000 toward hotel, food and fun. But my husband and I paid $2,000 for his 2 brothers and my MIL for flight, hotel, and rental car. But I would say our actual wedding only cost about $6,000...dress, officiant, flowers, food, jewelry, wedding planner, reception decorations, photographer etc. I would say our wedding was about $15,000 for everything and getting everyone over there. I would say that's very cheap considering weddings these days!

    I should also say I didn't experience any "wedding day stress" on the day, or even before the day like most brides on those shows you are watching do. I watched all those shows as well...but since my wedding was so small it wasn't stressful and my wedding planner took care of EVERYTHING! Especially since my wedding was out of state, and I had never been there before...I had no idea how they did a lot of things...but I didn't have to worry, I had a fabulous wedding planner!

    Don't let those shows freak you out...not every wedding goes like that!
     
  20. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    We told both our kids the limit was $10,000, big wedding or big honeymoon or use the $'s for a downpayment on a house. Son took the down payment, DD took the wedding.
     
  21. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    This is exactly what my parents said. We wanted to elope to the islands and use it for a house. Then my mom starting pouting like you wouldn't believe, and I realized-there really wasn't a choice there. She wanted me to have a wedding, so I did. :unsure:
     
  22. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I got married in December and the church was decorated with red and green for Christmas. We took the poinsettas down and put roses up. That saved us a big chunk. I bought my dress used. The cake and refreshments were a gift from a friend. I bought the supplies and she made them. And we hired a photography student to take the pictures. If I had to do over, I would have hired a professional photographer. But everything else was perfect.
     
  23. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My parents paid for our wedding. It was the way that mom wanted it, and I wasn't about to argue with her! My mom's boss's mother did our flowers. We got a deal on the photography/videography. I had a friend and my uncle provide some of the music for the wedding. We had it in the church where we were members so that and the organist was free. Our reception was pretty cheap. Mom, my sister, some friends, and I decorated the hall. I was 21 and DH was 28. If I could have gone back and do it all again, I would have had a smaller wedding on the beach, and used the rest of the money for a honeymoon.
     
  24. fuzed_fizzion

    fuzed_fizzion Comrade

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    My ex an I were married in Bend 10 years ago for $5000 (ceremony, reception, rings, and honeymoon). We had about 120 people in the summer. I was 24, and he was 27. I think the cost of a wedding depends a great deal on where you have it. Some places are crazy expensive, and other places aren't.
     
  25. reverie

    reverie Companion

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I think about that too and I'm not even engaged yet. I know my parents won't be able to chip in much, so I'm wondering how to fund the entire thing myself. I want it to be nice, yet affordable.
     
  26. jenngugs

    jenngugs Companion

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    I'm getting married in August, and my wedding so far seems to be costing more than the rest of you all on here. North Jersey is ridiculously expensive though, and I have been trying very hard to find the very best deals I can. Both sets of parents have given generous amounts, but my fiance and I still have a $10,000 bill. We have worked very hard and we have separate accounts for our wedding fund and our down payment fund.

    Also, I'm not really stressed at all :) Excited, happy, and impatient- yes.
     
  27. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    My husband and I just got married 6 months ago. We spent about $12,000 for ceremony, reception, rings, honeymoon, everything. It's still a pretty big chunk of money, but considering weddings average about $30-50k in my area, we did pretty good! We saved by just using the flowers that were already at the church and not paying for expensive arrangements from our florist. We also went to Vegas rather than an expensive resort for the honeymoon. We skimped in lots of places to keep the costs lower, but we still had the wedding we wanted! :)
     
  28. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Now I'm stuck on the DIY boards. I want to make programs in the shape of fans. I'm going to look in the lib. tomorrow and see what she has for die cuts. That would be cool if she had one in the shape of the DIY fans. cause than I could print them at home and just cut them at school. OH MAN I should go to bed.
     
  29. Alesia

    Alesia Companion

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    Dec 15, 2008

    My DH and I got married on a cruise.
     
  30. Mrs. K.

    Mrs. K. Enthusiast

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    Dec 15, 2008

    DH and I have been married 33 years and did it pretty cheap - I told DD she could have a wedding or cash, but I'm secretly hoping she'll go for a wedding - a modest one. Of course, first she has to find the guy! :)
     
  31. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    My dad picked up my mother on the last day of the year her Sr. year (sort of...sr's planning on going on to college stayed later, gen diploma kids left in march), they drove to Charelston SC, which was the first place that had 24 hour judges, and got married right then and there. My mom was still wearing her school clothes and my dad in jeans and a button down shirt. They say their wedding cost the gas and the license. They got a hotel that night and my dad got a job and an apartment the next morning. They've been married for 43 years now.
     
  32. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Dec 15, 2008

    Our wedding, in 2006, was around $12K, but that's not including the rings or the honeymoon we have yet to take. Both sets of parents were extremely generous and paid for the vast majority of our day. My parents wanted to pay us to elope, but looking back I'm glad we didn't as my mom was extremely ill and almost didn't live to see our wedding; our wedding day was her "goal." She was literally fighting for her life to be at our rehearsal and wedding day. That was the best gift my husband and I received. :)

    It doesn't have to be an insane, expensive, and elaborate affair that shows like Bridezillas and bridal magazines make it out to be. My advice is to seek out any and every connection you can! I apologize in advance for the novel you're about to read! :p

    For our reception site (a ballroom at a Holiday Inn-- it was lovely, the ballroom we were in had just been renovated), the director is good friends with my dad and was able to cut us a decent break. A close friend of DH's family is a florist and did an AMAZING job on our flowers; ILs paid for the flowers, and M. only charged us what she paid, which was still less than 50% of what I was quoted by other florists. Another idea is using silk flowers: my friend made them for her friend's wedding (her friend has severe allergies), and they looked incredible. I searched for two weeks for a photographer and am thrilled with what we found and with what we paid. Good wedding pictures were a must for us, but we also weren't willing to offer up our future first-born child as a deposit. We didn't have a videographer and don't regret it. For my gown and accessories: I got mine on sale at David's for $400 (original price was $550) during their huge sale. While I drooled over Reem Acra, Maggie Sottero, and Jim Hjelm gowns, they were not in my budget at all. I also couldn't stomach spending over $500 on a gown I was only wearing for a few hours on one day that also would end up getting dirty. I borrowed my SIL's veil and will admit to splurging on the headpiece (it was so pretty and went with my gown and theme perfectly). I made my own programs (and if you're lucky like I was, Kinko's can screw up your order and destroy your paper, which makes them charge you nothing for all new paper and a printing job :rolleyes: ) and bought my invites online. The invites were another splurge, but I was still able to save 40% on them.

    That's probably way more than you wanted/needed to know, but the day is about the marriage-- not the wedding. It's so easy to get caught up in the stupid details that won't matter the day after. :)
     
  33. TampaTeacher2Be

    TampaTeacher2Be Comrade

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    Dec 15, 2008

    I'm not even engaged, but BF and I have already decided that when we are ready to get married, we are either JP'ing it, eloping to Vegas, or getting married on a cruise. Not only do I completely fail to see the point of dropping 20k on basically what amounts to a 5 hour party, but I personally just don't feel like spending a year of my life stressing out about trivial things like napkin colors and seating charts.

    Shows like Bridezillas, etc. drive me nuts. They are just perpetuating what I consider to be a reall issue in our society today - couples (women) are so focused on the wedding - and not the marriage. A wedding is one day - your marriage is for life. I think if couples put as much energy into planning their marriages as they did in planning their wedding, the divorce rate in the US would be a lot lower.
     
  34. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Dec 16, 2008

    I love the responses! I was looking at the website www.theknot.com....and just shook my head at all the options for different things...
     
  35. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 16, 2008

    You know the two weddings I had the most fun at were potluck weddings haha. One was in my friend's backyard and the other was at the Mt. I coach at, they got the room for free because they work there.
     

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