Wedding Question

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by jd019, Jun 25, 2006.

  1. jd019

    jd019 Companion

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    Jun 25, 2006

    I am new to the world of weddings and need some help. My friend is getting married and I am in the wedding. I have already forked out cash for the dress, shoes, and a "friend" bridal shower at my place. Her mother is throwing a "family" bridal shower and I have been asked to attend. My question is this.. I bought her a gag gift at the first shower (the theme was fun in the bedroom) and I have purchased a nice gift for the wedding, do I have to also buy a gift for the second shower? I love her to death but its starting to get $$$$. Thanks for your input.
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jun 25, 2006

    Being in a wedding is very expensive as you are finding out. If you bought a gag gift for the first shower maybe you could go in with a few other bridesmaids to buy a nice gift for this shower? If other bridesmaids are not invited to the family shower how about a nice inexpensive gift (crystal plicture frame or heart shaped paperweight? I have found nice things like this at TJ Maxx or Marshalls for less than $20.)
     
  4. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    From my experience, most of the wedding gifts are given at the shower, not at the wedding. Mostly, from what I've witnessed, people just bring cards with $$ in it to the wedding with them. If I were you I would just bring the gift for the wedding to the second shower rather than bringing it to the wedding.

    I was in a friend's wedding in 2003 and it was definitely expensive. We all chipped in (bridal party and family) to throw one big shower and that's where I brought the gifts I bought. I didn't bring anything to the wedding with me.
     
  5. jd019

    jd019 Companion

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    Jun 25, 2006

    That is what I was leaning towards Beth. Take the wedding gift to the second shower and then get a card for the wedding and throw in some cash. Thanks for the advice, the cost of being in a wedding is CRAZY!
     
  6. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    I think the "rule" is that you put at least enough money in the card to pay for your meal at the reception.
     
  7. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Jun 25, 2006

    I would buy an nice inexpensive gift for the second shower. If you had bought a nice gift for the first shower I would say no, but since you did a gag gift, I would say yes, buy something.
     
  8. ViolaSwamp

    ViolaSwamp Habitué

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    Jun 25, 2006

    Hah! This reminds me of an ugly Miss Manners or Ann Landers I once read. A bride was angrily writing about how much $$$ had been forked out on the wedding and some people had given 'cheap' gifts in the $20-30 range when they had forked out $50 a plate for the reception food. The advice giver explained that a wedding was a celebratory event not an event which the bride threw to receive gifts. Ha ha. I couldn't believe the bride's point of view. Now that I think about it I think it may have been like $100 a plate and she was calling $50 gifts cheap.

    Personally I give according to how well I know the person/how close I feel to them/how generous I'm feeling when I buy the gift/how much money I have in the bank at the the time, LOL:p . We all know people that invite everybody and their dog to their wedding because they want it to look/they want to feel like they have a lot of friends. You know the ones. You chose either to not go or go because you feel guilted into it. Those are the people that get the consolation prize gifts from me ($25-30). Actually most of the weddings I've gone to I also went to a shower. I tend to buy $20-30 gifts for each event and I think that is pretty generous because I don't spend $60 on presents for close family members' birthdays/celebrations.

    I can totally relate to your issue. My best friend got married and I went to all the events, bought my dress, took almost a week off work, had to travel (only by car) and it probably cost me several hundred if I include the time off work. If I'd had to fly it would have been over a thousand I'm sure.
     
  9. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Jun 26, 2006

    I can't offer any Miss Manners advice because I am going to be ugly this summer! I was invited to wedding and I have never met the bride or the groom. The mother of the bride subbed at my school about six times (never for me) and left everyone an invitation in the teacher mailboxes. I won't be attending or sending a present. I don't know these people!!
     
  10. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    I think anyone would do the same thing too! If I don't know the bride or groom, I wouldn't attend either. Who actually does that anyway (inviting people who they don't know), unless it's family or close family friends? That sounds kind of odd.

    I've actually heard of people inviting as many as possible because they think it will bring the bride and groom more presents. How greedy is that hey? Maybe this sub didn't want to offend anyone by only inviting a few? Still odd though.
     
  11. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Unfortuantely the honor of being a bridesmaid is a costly one. Yes, you do have to buy another gift, but most times the bridal party will chip in on one. Why not suggest this? Your actual gift wedding gift should cover the cost of a plate. I"ve done this 7 times as maid of honor... believe me, it breaks the bank.
     
  12. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    OK me and my friends have a "rule" ...if we are in the wedding we all pitch in and buy something OR we buy a smaller gift. Not that we are trying to "cheap" out but its really expensive to be in someones wedding. AND you are responsible for throwing the shower and bach. party not including ALL the dress, hair, nails etc etc...

    and if I bring a gift to the shower I do not bring another one to the wedding itself. None of my friends do that. We all just give one gift. It gets too expensive especially when everyone is getting married around the same time.
     
  13. jd019

    jd019 Companion

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    There are 4 girls in this wedding party, myself and the maid of honor are doing everything! The one bridesmaid actually had the nerve to ask me to give her $1.06 for the pop I asked her to pick up at the Dollar Store for the first shower. I knew this was going to be costly, I wish that I hadn't just graduated and already had those student loans paid off lol!
     
  14. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    It can get pretty expensive and girls can def. be petty about the all the cost. Just try to enjoy being apart of a friends special day. I have been in weddings that are fun and others that are horrible.
     
  15. AZKinderTchr

    AZKinderTchr Comrade

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    Jun 26, 2006

    The gifts! Uggghh... a friend from work just got married and though I do really like her I've only known her a year. There was a shower at work which I pitched in with my grade level for a gift, then a shower thrown by her family, then a bachellorette party, then the wedding. Well I did not go to the family thrown shower b/c I can't afford another gift and then I went to the bachellorette party, and was shocked to see everyone except me had brought another gift there! Of course I did get her a wedding gift but wow I can't imagine having to buy 4 presents for one person I barely know. And she just got engaged in May and married 45 days later so all the gifts were one after another after another. Maybe I'm a cheapskate :(
     
  16. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    No youre not! I think its rude to invite someone to more than one shower. I never do that. I only want people to buy me one gift. I am having a couple (3) baby showers and I am not inviting any of those people to the same shower. I also never go to more than one shower! People only get 1 gift from me :)
     
  17. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    I've never heard of gift giving at a bachelorette party... gag gifts maybe, but nothing formal.
     
  18. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    Right! I never really give anything. I think once we all joined in for something silly.
     
  19. AZKinderTchr

    AZKinderTchr Comrade

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    I never heard of it either and I was horrified when we climbed in the limo and everyone else had a wrapped gift! They gave nice gifts -- sexy stuff ya know -- like one would give at a "personal" instead of home shower. Lingerie, lotions, blah blah blah -- but I bet not one gift was less than $35 and here I had nothing. This was new to me.
     
  20. Mrs.Lineberry

    Mrs.Lineberry Rookie

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    Jun 28, 2006

    I am a soon to be bride! Some of what you guys were saying is new to me! Like the gifts at the bachelorette party! I would never expect anything there at all! The people we invited to our wedding were people we new very well, close friends and family. Mainly to share in our day and experience. I knew that it could get costly for the bridal party so I found a nice inexpensive dress and shoes for them. I don't expect gifts from them because they were asked based on just being the person they are to me. Several have said what do you need or what do you want and I have told them just for them to be there for me! I don't think anyone should expect more then one gift from anyone. I am not a materialistic person by any means! I think it gets out of hand sometimes because people expect gifts! In the old days people waited to move in together so the gifts were things they needed to start a new home together. BUt lets face it these days (like me for instance) people live with the person they are marrying for some time before hand and geneerally already have half the stuff that would be thought of being on a registry somewhere! Do what you feel in your heart! If you plan on giving something else make it a gift from the heart, especially if you and the bride have some memories noone else would understand. That is how it was with one of my best friends for hers. I got her a 4 pack of a Clearly Canadian cherry water because of a memory from high school!
     
  21. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    When I was bridesmaid for my friends' weddings I bought a 20-30 dollar gift for the shower, usually something I liked/was unique to owr friendship, and another 20-30 dollar gift from the registry for the wedding. They knew travel, lodging, buying the dress, and so forth was expensive and that teachers don't make big bucks. I was very fortunate that both friends were easy going and understanding.
     
  22. love2teach

    love2teach Enthusiast

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    Jun 28, 2006

    Gifts at the bach party?! Other than gag gifts ( 5 bucks and under) I have never heard of that......
     

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