Wedding or a House? What would you choose?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Em_Catz, Mar 16, 2013.

  1. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Mar 17, 2013

    I agree with this. Based on what you've said, it seems as if your fiance is more interested in the wedding than the marriage, and isn't thinking of this as a partnership. If the goal is to show off, then do that by treating each other kindly in public. You don't need to make a big spectacle of yourselves for people to recognize that you love each other.

    I've had a few friends downsize their weddings after sending out save-the-date cards. They just called people and explained that finances had changed. Or, if you're buying the house now, why couldn't you have the wedding on the original date, but at your new house, in the back yard? Have simple food, and simple decorations and show off your new house, and celebrate your new beginning in it all at once!
     
  2. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Mar 17, 2013

    So when we decided to have a very small wedding, I was 100% convinced I would want a big spectacle later on. My mom was worried I wouldn't want one later and thought we should have a big one the first time. I told her no.

    Now my mom, and everyone else who was there, say that our wedding was the best wedding they ever went to. Why? Because there was no pomp and circumstance. It was real. Just two people in love signing a contract to promise to be together forever. Not everything went the right way, and no one cared. Because it was real. We had a wonderful dinner afterwards at a restaurant where everyone paid for themselves. Our wedding cost very little (my esposo's suit was the biggest expense), and there's nothing I would change about it.

    Look, I love a good party like anyone else (which is why we decided to have a small ceremony instead of just eloping), but there's no need to waste a DOWN PAYMENT ON A HOUSE for one party. It makes so little sense to me.
     
  3. KateL

    KateL Habitué

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    Mar 17, 2013

    If the house is that under-priced, there will be other people competing for it. You don't even know if you will have the winning bid. So I say, put in an offer on the house. If you get it, great. If not, then you can consider the big wedding.
     
  4. comaba

    comaba Cohort

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    Mar 17, 2013

    Excellent, common-sense advice!
     
  5. OhThePlaces

    OhThePlaces Cohort

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    Mar 17, 2013

    HOUSE! I got married 6 years ago and had a beautiful wedding, BUT I would have had just as much fun with a small ceremony and a casual backyard BBQ with my closest family and friends. We actually closed on our first house two days after our wedding and it would have been nice to have all of that wedding money to help with the down payment or for new furniture and decor.
     
  6. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    Mar 17, 2013

    Kate brings up a great point. The average time on the market for houses here is 7 days. The house I'm working on right now (remedy period) was on the market less than 24 hours before we put an offer in. I still can't believe how competitive it is here! Thankfully I only lost out on one house because of a better offer but I almost lost this one!
     
  7. BettyRubble

    BettyRubble Rookie

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    Mar 17, 2013

    Wedding

    just kidding

    Go for the house. I think MissCelia has a point. Your fiance needs to be thinking about your marriage, not just your wedding. I had a pretty nice wedding. My parents contributed over $10K to it. Had they offered to just gift us $10K, I would have done a much simpler wedding and used the money for establishing our home.
     
  8. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    Mar 17, 2013

    This is what I wanted!!! Kudos to you and your husband, lucybelle. I wish I had just gone with my gut and stopped listening to family that made us have a wedding with so many people. Our wedding was VERY inexpensive by today's standards (I think around $6k), but I would so much rather have had that money in cash...

    Of course, I am SO biased. We live in an extremely high COL area and I know we won't be able to afford to buy any kind of property (it will probably be a condo) for at least 10 years. (Condos run around $400,000 here.) I'm fine with that, but boy do I wish we had some money to make the downpayment we need (probably $80,000) easier to achieve. I would take any money towards a house before money towards a wedding. There are ways to have a beautiful, memorable wedding day for very little money.
     
  9. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    Mar 17, 2013

    My wedding was under $10,000 and we had a lot of guests, I think over 200. You can have a wedding for a lower cost. My dress was around $500 (and you can find one for less), my family made the food, my grandma did the flowers, and it was at my church. The most expensive thing was the photographer-$3,500. And you can find a photographer for a lot less than that. I think you can still have the bigger wedding if you decide on it, but just cut down the costs. Then the rest of the money can go towards a house.
     
  10. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Mar 17, 2013

    HOME!
    My cousins did this a few years back.
    They had a memorable, small, elegant ceremony with immediate friends and family followed by an open house at their new home with about 200. They grilled and had aunts bring salads. Drinks were lemonade or water. They had a bonfire and some fireworks. VERY nice.
     
  11. Emily Bronte

    Emily Bronte Groupie

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    Mar 17, 2013

    HOUSE!
     
  12. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Mar 17, 2013

    I forgot "birds of a feather flock together" I am willing to bet 99.44% of his friends will say: house.
     
  13. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Mar 17, 2013

    I still think you can maybe do half to each and go from there. You can scale down the wedding reception and still have something really nice. To help convince him, look at some of the mortgage calculators where you can adjust the down payment and it lets you see your payments, interest, how long it takes you to pay it off, etc...

    For scaling down - think about a backyard you might know, using a yard of a friend, a park, or beach that might be close by. Don't have alcohol or limit it very much - or have a signature drink that is the only thing available. Rather than sit down dinner, have a buffet, you can also switch to an hors d'oeuvre reception or dessert reception. I think the dessert reception could be really fun with a candy bar and all kinds of different cakes and treats. Morning weddings ar much cheaper too and then you can follow it with a brunch meal - eggs are cheap and you just serve mimosas and bloody marys or no alcohol at all.
     
  14. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Mar 17, 2013

    Update:So the fiance and I have been talking and going over the numbers and we've decided that we're going to spring for both -- a smaller wedding ceremony and reception AND a down payment on the house (assuming that people don't bum rush it and the prices goes up to where we can't afford it).

    I don't think that it'll be too bad because my parents used their real estate connections to look up the property and they saw that the house was originally going for about A LOT more and was on the market several months.

    Then the owner dropped the price and still no one bought it. Finally she took it off the market. The same thing happened with another house in the neighborhood.

    I'll keep you all posted!!!
     
  15. leighbball

    leighbball Virtuoso

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    Mar 17, 2013

    Good luck!

    I was going to say to try for both somehow. In all honesty, I couldn't imagine having my wedding day any other way than we did, with 142 of our closest friends and family. It wasn't showy or crazy, but just the way we wanted it. Yes, it could've been smaller (but not much, it was mostly family!), but I can't help but think back to all of that day and smile. I married my best friend, and it was the greatest way to start our marriage.

    On the other hand, I was lucky enough to buy the condo we live in now before we were married. I only put $10K down, but doing it on my own was really special.

    Keep us posted!
     
  16. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    Mar 18, 2013

    Em, if you really like the house, I'd definitely recommend putting an offer in sooner than later! Good luck!
     
  17. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Mar 18, 2013

    I would give up the wedding. All that money spent on "stuff", and not on anything you can hold in your hand.
     
  18. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

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    Mar 18, 2013

    I definitely say WEDDING! You will only do that once and it will provide marvelous memories for you. A house can always come later! :)
     
  19. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Mar 18, 2013

    :eek: the difference between men and women and weddings:
    a man’s only duty is to show up, shut up and stay sober
    IF MEN PLANNED WEDDINGS
     
  20. blauren

    blauren Rookie

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    Mar 18, 2013

    Nice honeymoon and a house!
     
  21. bison

    bison Habitué

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    Mar 18, 2013

    The man is the one that's stuck on the big wedding in this case. ;)
     
  22. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Mar 19, 2013

    Yesterday was my 18th year anniversary. I would pick the house. The thing I most remember about my wedding isn't the gown, the flowers, the food, the napkins, etc. What I remember most is my husband and I staying up for an entire month so he could learn the sign language to a duet we surprised the entire family with. Even our wedding party was surprised. We put a personal touch on the ceremony. That meant far more than the decoration or food. Spend less time focusing on the fancy touches and think about how to make this symbolize who you are as a couple. It doesn't have to be a big affair to be special. I would prefer to see something uniquely you.

    Go small and unique and go for the house. Your parents are making a very generous offer. Take them up on it.

    I also think a housewarming party would be a perfect option as well. Make it pot luck.
     
  23. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Mar 19, 2013

    If I had to choose justice of the peace to get the house, I would take the wedding because of personal beliefs.

    However, if I could do a small religious ceremony and a small reception both done frugally, I would try to swing both.

    I remember my wedding day. It was wonderful. It was medium sized but there were many ways I reduced the costs. I didn't hold the reception where a lot of wealthier friends had theirs. The place I used supplied everything for a low cost. I shared the costs of the flowers with another wedding that was happening that day. That meant we both had to compromise regarding what we wanted so the flowers matched both parties attire, but both parties were happy to share the expense. I got my dress off the rack for a huge discount. I liked my dress, but finding the "perfect" dress wasn't extremely important.

    To this day, relatives still talk about how much fun they had at our wedding. It wasn't huge or lavish, but boy was it fun. Great music, dancing, and a lot of fun.

    I suggest you do both if you can. But do it frugally and wisely.
     
  24. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Mar 19, 2013

    My husband was VERY interested in planning our wedding and he had a lot of great ideas. No way did he just show up. The only thing he had no say in was my dress, but he did tell me I would look beautiful in anything I chose if I was walking down the aisle to him and the rest of our lives together. Thirty years last August. :)
     
  25. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Mar 19, 2013

    A JOP can add a religious component if you ask. We specifically requested that ours not, but she was prepared with Judeo-Christian readings to personalize the ceremony if we wanted it that way. It doesn't necessarily have to be one or the other.
     

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