Wedding invite question

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Tasha, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    So, one of the other teachers has a son who is getting married soon. I do not know the son or his bride-to-be at all and the teacher is a great work friend, but we don't socialize outside of school. I was invited to a shower for the bride to be and to the wedding. I went to the shower and took a gift. I am not going to the wedding mostly because I may be having a minor procedure the Friday before and partly because I don't know the bride or groom. I am debating sending a card and gift. The debate is because I did already take a shower gift and I really just don't know them. On the other hand, I appreciate being invited and the teacher (mother of the groom) has been a great friend at school. What do you think?
     
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  3. GoldenPoppy

    GoldenPoppy Habitué

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    Oct 11, 2009

    I would think that a card wishing them well would be appropriate. If you feel like you have to give them a gift, a small gift card would be nice, but I don't think you are obligated since you don't know them and you've already given a gift.
     
  4. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I would NOT give another gift. But then again, I wouldn't have gone to the shower either. :)
     
  5. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    I think wedding etiquette states that even if you don't go to the wedding, you should still give a gift...I think at the very least a card wishing them well would be nice. If you can afford a small gift, I'm sure it would be much-appreciated. But you did give a gift at the shower, so if you feel that was enough, the card will be great. :)
     
  6. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    I agree that at least a card would be good enough. :)
     
  7. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Ugh. I'm so glad I don't have a social life, Muttlebug. She doesn't even know the couple. I wish wedding etiquette would include the statement that people should stop inviting people to their wedding if they don't even know each other! I realize the poster's friend is the mother, and I understand the mother wants her colleague to share in the special day, but...

    :dizzy:
     
  8. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    Where I live it is customary to send only one gift even if you attend both the shower and the wedding. Usually the only people who send more than one gift are very close family members (parents, grandparents. godparents). I would not send another gift for the wedding if it is someone you do not know well.
     
  9. Emma35

    Emma35 Connoisseur

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    I am also one who feels that either the bride or groom should know the person being invited.
     
  10. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Oct 11, 2009

    When I got married, my parents invited everyone they knew. It was the custom in our area. Plus, my parents were second generation in a small town, and knew everyone.

    To me, it is a sharing event. I would never expect anyone to give a gift unless they wanted to. I remember several people attended my daughter's wedding and did not bring a gift. We were happy to share the wonderful day with our friends.

    I guess I would not feel guilty with any decision you wanted to make. Feel honored that you were included in this very important event, and react as you please. No one is keepikng a check list.
     
  11. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Oct 11, 2009

    I believe the etiquette has changed over time. I don't know many people that send a gift that didn't attend the wedding. The bride and groom will be happy to cross someone off the list and not have to pay for your meal. haha jk
     
  12. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Oct 11, 2009

    I agree that a card would be appropriate and a small gift card would be generous considering you already gave a gift. I received an invite from a co-worker who I don't even know very well (not sure but she might have invited the whole staff) - I don't know if it was out of a feeling of obligation or an attempt to get more gifts :)!

    Someone could probably make real money off an etiquette book for weddings in this generation-I think the mores have changed quite a bit in the last few decades.
     
  13. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Oct 11, 2009

    Are other people at school invited? If so, I'd try and get a group gift idea going.
     
  14. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I think a card is just fine. You don't know them, for goodness sakes. A warm congratulations to your coworker would be wonderful, but don't feel apologetic about not attending and not sending a second gift. Gosh, you didn't even owe them one gift.
     
  15. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I invited my principal and my husband's bosses (he has more than one boss) and none of them gave us wedding gifts.
     
  16. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    JaimeMarie, I think your bosses and principal should have sent a gift. But, my opinion is my own, and I don't rule the world--YET.
     
  17. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I do not think they should have sent gives if they were not particularly close...no offense to JamieMarie, of course. :)

    Being a boss should not obligate you to buy gifts for all of your employees who send you a wedding invitation.
     
  18. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    oh, I hear ya!
     
  19. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Sounds like you are all as confused as I am :lol: I am going to send a card with a gift card.
     
  20. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    If you are unsure, I would send maybe something around $20 - a frame or something. Then no hurt feelings, and you aren't breaking the bank on another gift.
     
  21. Simba

    Simba Comrade

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    Oct 12, 2009

    I think a card with a gift card is a good idea.

    It's frustrating when a situation like this presents itself.

    I wouldn't have even attended the shower. I often feel like it's a way for people to receive more gifts or money to invite individuals to events they don't even know. I know I may sound biased...it's because I am. I have been in the same situation before and felt like I HAD to supply a gift AND attend an event. I never spoke to the person at the shower or the wedding because she had no idea who I was.

    For those who disagree with my response, please understand that financially, I can't justify asking an individual to buy several gifts in a situation like this for myself.

    I give you credit for the way you handled the situation.
     
  22. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I would send a card and a small gift or gift card. I'm sure they aren't expecting too much because they don't even know you. My mother in law invited 3 friends to my bridal shower and wedding. I didn't know them but she wanted to have them there because she really has no family and wanted to have people to talk to at the parties other than my family who she had never met.
     
  23. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Oct 12, 2009

    Well, my parents and in-laws both invited a few people to the wedding that I didn't know particularly well, but they were all very close family friends to the parents. I think a small part of it is that some of the other teachers on our team know the teacher and couple from church and some have taught with this teacher for 10+ years and she didn't want me to feel left out.
     

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