Wedding help

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by lucybelle, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Aug 6, 2012

    Are weddings always complicated? Yes.

    I know you guys don't know me too well here, but I'm dying for some advice on what to do.

    My boyfriend and I plan to get married in January. At first it was going to basically be an elopement, we weren't going to tell anyone until we got there. Then just be like "we're getting married Friday!" Nice and simple, right? No one could complain about not being able to make it or not being invited.

    But, my dad wouldn't come on just the pretense of "let's all go skiing!" and I know he would feel left out if he wasn't there. And my boyfriend wanted to tell his mom and family.

    So I told my mom, her husband, my dad and his wife. And my boyfriend told his family. Now my mom, her husband, my dad, his wife, my brother and sister, plus my boyfriend's sister and her fiance are all planning on coming. Great right??!!

    Then my mom told my aunt and uncle who we are staying with in CO. Fair enough. But now they think we should invite more of my aunts and uncles and this couple we know who always lets me stay with them when I have layovers in Miami, and takes me out to really fancy dinners all the time. But then wouldn't I have to invite my dad's side of the family? Who probably won't come but will complain about either a) the date b) the place c) not being invited. And of course with inviting the couple that lives in Miami, that's now people who aren't in the family and that opens a whole other door.

    My mom is now also giving me ideas about a ceremony. My uncle evidently knows some dude who could wed us (for free, in return my uncle will give him $100 of his next pair of skis:lol:), and they've suggested half way up some mountain, a midnight ceremony at my uncle's house, etc etc. It's a small town and my relatives know everyone, we could probably get married where ever we wanted!

    How in the world did this get so complicated? I just wanted an easy courthouse deal.

    The truth is, I would LOVE to have my mom's side of the family there. They are a freaking blast to party with and it'd be so much fun. I also like the idea of doing a ceremony somewhere with "the coolest guy in the world" (as my uncle calls him). But inviting my mom's side would also mean I'd have to invite my dad's side of the family, who will probably just be obnoxious about not being able to make it. And then, I would also really like to invite this couple in Miami, because they treat me so well and are also really fun to party with.

    But what about my boyfriend's family and friends? His parents don't even have USA visas so there's no way they could make it. We do plan on having a party in Costa Rica once we get back. Maybe that will be enough for them.

    And once we tell all these people, there's no way in the world it's going to stay a secret.

    I don't know... All of this has been rolling around in my head all day and I can't wait until 5:30pm to talk about it with my boyfriend!

    Anyone have any advice? Words of wisdom? Anything? I thought this was supposed to be "the most relaxing wedding ever":rolleyes:
     
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  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Aug 6, 2012

    Elope! Then have a party in each country.
     
  4. Bella2010

    Bella2010 Habitué

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    Aug 6, 2012

    Exactly what I was going to say. My cousin did this. Like you, she wanted something simple, but other people got involved. It started spiraling out of control, and she finally said to he!! with it. They eloped and told everyone that afternoon. We had a reception for them, and it was really nice. It seemed to be more like a party because it wasn't a long day like it would have been if they had been married that day. Does that make sense? I mean, nobody had to get up early, recover from a rehearsal dinner, spend forever and a day in uncomfortable clothes, etc.

    Good luck!

    Beth
     
  5. jenneke607

    jenneke607 Rookie

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    Aug 6, 2012

    Lucy! I empathize!

    After getting engaged in May, my now-husband and I got married last week. I have always wanted a simple wedding -- tiny, almost spontaneous, for immediate family -- and my husband's family is all back in Algeria.

    It turns out my oh-so-simple-and-unpretentious-and-clueless-about-social-customs father had a LOT of ideas about weddings! This brings out the opinionated in just about everyone. For about a month, I had some shockingly unpleasant conversations with my father about why I should invite this relative or that relative. I felt the same: once you invite one person from the "next tier" in terms of relation, isn't it then 'proper' to invite everyone? It also felt horrible for me to have a huge family representation when we did not think his family would be able to get visas to visit.

    Then about two weeks ago... we picked a date and were wed within 10 days. Things just all started to fall in place: in a single day, we applied for a marriage license, bought him a suit, bought me two dresses, accompanying shoes, wedding bands...

    We were married at the same non-denominational chapel at my father's university where my parents were married. Though I am clearly biased, the ceremony was beautiful. For dinner, we went to the same place where my husband took me on our first date. We were lucky that my brother, who lives on the opposite coast, was able to fly in. His fiancée, unfortunately, was not able to on such short notice. The final guest list ended up being my immediate family, his best friend from childhood with his wife, and my husband's (now former) roommate. It was exactly the size we had wanted, and once we set things in motion so quickly extended family's nerves calmed. I think some may still be a little resentful, but... c'est la vie.

    We kept wedding planning to a minimal, but still ended up dropping a few hundred on flowers (but they were so pretty! I was insistent on keeping them afterwards, and our living room looks like a greenhouse right now) and on a fancy cake (worth it!).

    Oh, and we were lucky to have a number of people skype in -- including his parents and brothers back in Algeria! Technology is amazing. In a few of the shots of the ceremony, you can actually see my husband's friend holding up his iPhone with the view of the family in their living room in Algiers. They got all dressed up for the occasion!

    You can always do a reception, later. We might. His best friend from home, who married an American, did the same thing: intimate wedding, larger reception a few months later. Of course they ran into that same problem that 90% of the guests were for the wife, as his family is all back in Africa.

    We are happy with how things turned out! Ultimately, it turned out that listening to people tell me what to do for a month or two, and then ignoring it, turned out to be better than shutting them down immediately.

    You can make some compromises, but I hope they hear what's in your heart, too. :)




     
  6. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Aug 7, 2012

    I would definately make sure you do what you want. If your dream was to have your dad walk you then you should do it. It is after all yours and your hubby to be's day!!! I know there are some things I would've done differently, but to be honest I loved that all my family and friends were there...I wouldn't change that for a second.

    Why couldn't you have your immediate family at your wedding and then do a bigger reception for the rest of your fam after and then one with hubby's family?!?

    I know my sis got married in her home state and then had a reception like a month later in the state she lives now (for awhile) because she knew her friends wouldn't make the trip.
     
  7. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Aug 7, 2012

    :lol: Two years ago, when my cousin got engaged, she told me she wanted a very low-key affair - her sister's wedding was super over-the-top. But she was worried her mom wouldn't let it be a small affair... and as the planning went on, it became obvious it would not be low-key.

    Her wedding was Saturday. My dad said he'd never seen anything like it - not even her sister's - it was huge, gorgeous, perfectly planned, and definitely over-the-top.

    If you really want something small and low-key, you'll either have to be very, very firm or elope.
     
  8. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Aug 7, 2012

    I am so glad that I eloped. It was literally the JOP, my husband, and me in the room. It was so intimate and romantic. We didn't tell anyone first (though my mom had figured it out) and had to spend some time calling everyone. It was so low stress, and inexpensive, and I would do it that way again in a heartbeat.
     
  9. BettyRubble

    BettyRubble Rookie

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    Aug 7, 2012

    Well, just remember this is *your* wedding. If you want to elope, then I think you should just do it. Just you and your fiance. Then have receptions afterward. If you want family to be a part of it then you should plan a ceremony with a guest list and invitations saying "this is when and where we are getting married." If they can come, great, if not, oh well. For your family in Costa Rica I think another party there later on would suffice.

    Honestly, to me it sounds like you're really digging the idea of a ceremony with family and friends so I'd continue to plan that route. :)
     
  10. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 7, 2012

    We eloped.
    It was wonderful.
    We had a reception later. I had 2 phone calls asking if "so and so was invited and why not?" My response, "nope, not invited."
     
  11. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Aug 7, 2012

    Thanks for all the replies guys!

    The whole thing to begin with was to elope in Colorado. We want to get married in the USA because it will be less expensive ($30 there vs $800 here!) and it will be easier to have a US marriage license when we apply for a visa. So we won't just elope in Costa Rica.

    We do plan on having big parties afterwards, one in the USA with all my friends and family. And another in CR with my boyfriend's family and friend (jaja). In the USA I want a big ole thing with bridesmaids and everything. In CR it'll probably just be a big party. Lots of reasons to wear my dress!:)

    The thing is- my family loves an excuse to party. So if that means having a party when we "elope", then having another actual "wedding" later that's all the better to them! Plus I can see it being important because both me and my boyfriend will be the first to marry in our families.

    Anyways, thanks again for all the replies, gives me a lot to think about. I really like the skype idea!!!
     
  12. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Aug 7, 2012

    Based on what you've said you want I would urge you to elope.
     

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