Very upset with son's school

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TamaraF, May 30, 2014.

  1. TamaraF

    TamaraF Companion

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    May 30, 2014

    My son (9 year old) is a sensitive little soul. To get him to talk about his day is like pulling teeth, but I guess I should have pulled harder. The principal called us Monday night, to say Son was sent to the office for fighting. Turns out, he has been picked on, harassed, and tormented by two other little boys ALL YEAR. We had no idea. On Monday, he'd had enough. Son knocked over the block tower the other boy ("Ivan") was building. Ivan punched Son in the back. There was a substitute that day, and he sent the boys to the office.
    ALL YEAR. This has been going on ALL YEAR and the only reason I heard from the school is because Son finally reacted. And for that, he was in trouble.
     
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  3. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    May 30, 2014

    Do you think the school had noticed he was being picked on and did nothing? Is it possible they didn't know because your son didn't tell them? Are you upset because he got in trouble? I would be upset if it went on all year and the school knew but what can they do after the fact if this is the first they're hearing about it. You should have been told by your son the first time it happened. 9 years old is old enough to know what was being done to him was wrong. The kids should be punished but if the substitute only saw one incident then I don't know what can be done.
     
  4. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    May 30, 2014

    I think the OP is upset because the school had no clue this way going on all year, yet the child is at school for a big part of the day. They should have noticed something if they paid close attention to every child. The quiet ones often go unnoticed, because they don't cause trouble, and this might have been the case.
    At home, I can see the child might not open up about it, he might leave his problems at school and never says anything. That happens a lot.
     
  5. TamaraF

    TamaraF Companion

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    May 30, 2014

    I am upset for a variety of reasons. Yes, my son should have told me. The school DID know, and ignored it. Linguist is dead-on...he is a quiet one, and hates to cause trouble. He also leaves school behind and moves on at the end of the day. I am upset that this has been happening all year and if Son hadn't fought back, the school would never have let me know. I asked his teacher specifically if Son was having any social issues, and mentioned Ivan (we have seen bad behaviour from him before). She basically said it was all rainbows and unicorns, love all around. I'm frustrated that my child doesn't tell me these things. I'm annoyed at myself for not pushing him to talk more. And I'm angry that he got in trouble!
     
  6. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    May 30, 2014

    I completely understand why you're upset. I think that unfortunately this happens all too often. It even happened to me when I was in school...The question is what can we all be doing to be more vigilant to catch bullying when it is happening, and what can we do to put an end to it? I personally have called kids out on bullying when I have noticed it, and enforced the consequences available to me, but I know the bullying still continues...the admin knows too, but nothing really changes. I feel powerless and wish I knew more about what to do.
     
  7. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    I would be angry too. I just wasn't clear on who actually knew what. I was the quiet one at school and although I wasn't bullied I bet I would not have told anyone either.
     
  8. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    May 30, 2014

    I'd be upset too. I hate to say this is a common occurrence. The other common occurrence is punishing the victim when the victim finally lashes back. While I don't condone violence, when the school isn't fixing the problem, there comes a time a person has to stand up for himself or herself.
     
  9. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    May 30, 2014

    Who told you that he had been picked on all year?
     
  10. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    May 30, 2014

    We went through this a couple of years ago with my son. My son finally lashed out at the child picking on him. That was the end of the problem because the other child got beat pretty well. When the other child's mother found out she came over and apologized and promised it would not continue to be a problem. Two days later the father returned from a business trip and came over to apologize as well. Those were two parents that really impressed me!
    It all sucks, but lessons can be learned for all involved. I hope your son has learned to not put up with people and their crap. Don't beat yourself up over it. My son was a very talkative child at that point and we still had no clue. Now he is a teenager and only says, yes, no, and I don't know! Lol!
     
  11. TamaraF

    TamaraF Companion

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    May 30, 2014

    Ceasar, the principal told me. The good news is, we are asking more direct questions of Son every day, to find out details on his daily life. He also needs to learn to stand up for himself, in a positive way. It's frustrating in a small town like this, where every teacher knows each other. I'm half dreading the next few years, when both my children will start attending the high school where I teach!
     
  12. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Did the principal know about these events in real time, or did this information come out only after this incident?
     
  13. bros

    bros Phenom

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    Perhaps you might want to take your child to a therapist - so they can communicate any... underlying anxieties they may have to someone who would be qualified to help?
     
  14. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Go buy that boy an ice cream sundae...sometimes you've just waited too long for those in charge go take action...let your little guy know that you understand his frustration but that he needs to clue you in next time before it goes this far.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I don't think this requires therapy...is this what you would suggest to a parent on a first time infraction? really? While the 'victim' might need to express his frustration, the bully needs to be dealt with. Review your NJ legislation on HIB, bros. admin and teachers violated the OP's son's rights to feel safe at school.

    This seems more like ongoing inattention and ongoing frustration over another child's misbehavior...as a parent in a similar situation I told my son to take care of another kid who had poked him with pushpins, bad mouthed him, tripped him...my son was smarter, bigger, stronger...and better behaved. And despite multiple reports , nothing was done...let's just say it was worth the detention my son got to teach the little snot/ and the school the lesson that the school took no action upon. But my son needed no formal therapy other than his action to rectify this situation.
     
  16. bros

    bros Phenom

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    I know that the admin and teachers violated her son's rights.

    But if the bullying was going on the whole school year, it might be good to make sure there aren't any lingering effects.

    I might just be overreacting a little because I was bullied as a child for years - never in school though.
     
  17. John Lee

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    What was the nature of the bullying, if it was made clear at all? I'm not trying to minimize the issue here (well, maybe I am), but we all (as teachers) know that those friend/enemy sort of deals exist all the time, where a "friend" situation can quickly morph into something not so.

    Honestly, were the kids your son's "friends"? I would have to think so, if this was something ongoing all year. In that case, a teacher can dismiss it, because everytime they may see them interact--the kids look like friends.
     
  18. TamaraF

    TamaraF Companion

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    I actually did take him for ice cream, Czacza! The principal DID know all year, and said nothing to me. The boys used to be friends, but haven't been buddies for at least 2 years. It isn't anything we would consider "serious". Just enough to upset Son. Ivan has been calling him "Retard" and telling other kids to not play with him, saying he's too slow at running, that sort of thing. It would have just gone by but apparently it's a daily occurrence. Therapy seems extreme, Bro. He's not truamatized, he's ****** off! I did tell him the same thing I told his sister years ago...ignore him, walk away from him, and when he hits you, hit back harder. Just once. Stand up for yourself, and you won't be seen as a victim.
     

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