Very sad news

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Irishdave, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 11, 2008

    Very sad news I just found out that my Son's wife had a miscarriage ..........
    I am just besides myself I am here in AZ and I don't have the money to go to North Carolina. I feel I am needed by them.
    This would have been my DIL first, my Son's second. It just hurts me to see them hurt. I just want to scream ......
    My wife is crying, my ex is crying, I am crying .....
    Part of me thinks I could have stopped this but then I remember I am not Superman I am just a loving grandpa hurting because my kids are hurting.......

    So if I am cranky on the boards I will say I am sorry right now.
     
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  3. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Dave-I am so sorry to hear this. Your family is in my prayers.
     
  4. New3rdTeacher

    New3rdTeacher Comrade

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    I am so sorry to hear about this. I just went through this, it sucks but I am happy to hear you are there for your family by phone and you are there to talk to them if needed. That's a big help, really! I will keep you all in my preayers
     
  5. cosmoteach

    cosmoteach Rookie

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    Dave- You and you family are in my prayers. Sending you all love...
     
  6. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I am so sorry. This is so hard for them both. I will say a prayer for you.
     
  7. chicagoturtle

    chicagoturtle Fanatic

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    Sorry to hear about your loss.
     
  8. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Aug 11, 2008

    Sorry about that.
     
  9. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    It is like what can I say to my son "Take care of Sam (Samantha)"?
    Do I send her flowers?

    If you can believe this I am a loss for words

    I have opened my Bible 3 times Trying to find something I can find strength for her, my son and for myself .....
     
  10. msaly

    msaly Comrade

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    im so sorry..you and your family will be in my prayers..
     
  11. msmath

    msmath Rookie

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    Aug 11, 2008

    I'm so sorry for their loss. I had two miscarriage in 2005. These poems that I'm including at the end are nice and comforted me during that time. Maybe you can send her a nice card and attach the poems? Just being there and being supportive means the world. It's a very lonely and empty feeling, and a lot of people say things to try to be nice but hurt. For example, I didn't want to hear "it was meant to be" or "at least you know you can get pregnant."

    (((HUGS))) and good thoughts to them.


    An Angel Never Dies

    Don't let them say I wasn't born,

    That something stopped my heart

    I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

    I've loved you from start.

    Although my body you can't hold,

    It doesn't mean I'm gone,

    This world was worthy not of me,

    God chose that I move on.

    I know the pain that drowns your soul,

    What you are forced to face.

    You have my word, I'll fill your arms,

    Someday we will embrace.

    You'll hear that it was "meant to be

    God doesn't make mistakes,"

    But that won't soften your worst blow,

    Or make your heart not ache.

    I'm watching over all you do,

    Another child you'll bear,

    Believe me when I say to you,

    That I am always there.

    There will come a time, I promise you

    When you will hold my hand,

    Stroke my face and kiss my lips,

    And you'll understand.

    Although I've never breathed your air,

    Or gazed into your eyes

    That doesn't mean I never "was"

    An angel never dies.
     
  12. msmath

    msmath Rookie

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    Aug 11, 2008

    What makes a Mother

    I thought of you and closed my eyes
    And prayed to God today.
    I asked what makes a Mother
    And I know I heard him say.
    A Mother has a baby
    This we know is true.'


    But God, can you be a Mother
    When your baby's not with you?
    Yes, you can, He replied
    With confidence in His voice
    I give many women babies
    When they leave is not their choice.
    Some I send for a lifetime
    And others for a day.
    And some I send to feel your womb
    But there's no need to stay.


    I just don't understand this, God
    I want my baby here
    He took a breath and cleared His throat
    And then I saw a tear.
    I wish I could show you
    What your child is doing today.
    If you could see your child smile
    With other children and say:
    "We go to earth to learn our lessons
    Of love and life and fear.


    My Mommy loved me oh so much
    I got to come straight here.
    I feel so lucky to have a Mom
    Who had so much love for me
    I learned my lesson very quickly
    My Mommy set me free.
    I miss my Mommy oh so much
    But I visit her each day.
    When she goes to sleep
    On her pillow's where I lay.
    I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
    And whisper in her ear.
    "Mommy don't be sad today
    I'm your baby and I'm here."


    So you see my dear sweet one
    Your children are ok
    Your babies are here in My home
    And this is where they'll stay.
    They'll wait for you with Me
    Until your lesson is through.
    And on the day that you come home
    They'll be at the gates for you.


    So now you see what makes a Mother
    It's the feeling in your heart.
    It's the love you had so much of
    Right from the very start.
    Though some on earth may not realize
    You are a Mother until their time is done.
    They'll be up here with Me one day
    And you know you're the best one!
     
  13. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Aug 11, 2008

    Dave-so sorry to hear of your loss. Maybe this can help?
     
  14. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

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    Aug 11, 2008

    Romans 12:15 says, "rejoice with those that rejoice, and weep with those that weep."

    In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)

    In Romans 8:38-39, Paul says, "For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

    Psalm 34:18
    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
     
  15. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Aug 11, 2008

    :hugs: Dave, I am so sorry. I know how excited you were about your DIL's pregnancy:( I will say a special prayer for your family tonight.
     
  16. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Aug 11, 2008

    My Shoes Hurt

    I just remembered that I had this poem.

    My shoes hurt.
    I am wearing a pair of shoes
    They are ugly shoes
    uncomfortable shoes
    I hate my shoes
    Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
    Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I
    do not think I can take another step.
    Yet, I continue to wear them
    I get funny looks wearing these shoes
    They are looks of sympathy
    I can tell in others eyes that they are glad
    they are my shoes and not theirs
    They never talk about my shoes
    To learn how awful my shoes are might
    make them uncomfortable
    To truly understand these shoes you must walk
    in them
    But once you put them on, you can never take them off
    I realize that I am not the only one
    who wears these shoes
    There are many pairs in the world
    Some woman are like me and ache
    daily as they walk in them
    Some have learned how to walk in them
    so that they don't hurt quite so much
    Some have worn the shoes so long
    that days will go before they think
    about how much they hurt.
    No woman deserves to wear these shoes

    Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman
    These shoes have given me strength
    to face anything
    They have made me who I am
    I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

     
  17. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I must be really down I just watched "Must love Dogs" and liked it


    msmath I sent "An Angel Never Dies" to my DIL
    Thank you
     
  18. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave, I'm so sorry to hear of your family's loss. When I lost my first two pregnancies, my mother wanted to come, but couldn't. I can tell you, at least for me, just knowing that my mom was there in spirit (and over the phone...a LOT), meant the world to me. Your son and DIL know you love them and that you are there for them even if you can't be right beside them.
     
  19. Dzenna

    Dzenna Groupie

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    Dave- I am so sorry. :hugs:
     
  20. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    msmath-thank you for sharing that. I had not read that before. I lost a baby last year so it really hit home.
     
  21. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Being a male I never had something like this hit me so heard
    My first wife claimed she lost our only child because of stress (I think it was the stress of the affair).

    What has hit me was I was really looking forward to the added Grandpa duties , I feel ashamed that I discuss in terms of "I", I guess that is the price you pay to be a grandparent but I have opened my Arms to embrace my son and DIL over this.
    At times I wonder who is holding me?
    Thank God I have faith,
     
  22. tcherjen

    tcherjen Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I will keep your family in my prayers.
     
  23. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I've lost a child and a husband in a rather short 36 years. The following prayers helped me when my husband was sick. I wish I'd had them after losing my son.

    Prayers for you IrishDave, and your family.



    When I Have Anxiety, Fear, and Discouragement

    Lord, I give all of my anxiety and fear to You. I surrender my hold on them and release them into Your hands. I life my eyes to You, for You are my help in time of trouble. I will praise You in the midst of all that happens in my life. I know that in Your presence I don’t need to be anxious or afraid of anything. I refuse to entertain discouragement and instead choose this day to find my encouragement in You. Your love comforts me and takes away all my fear. Your power in my life gives me strength and makes me secure. Thank you for giving me the courage to go forward and fulfill the destiny You have for me.



    When I Don’t See Answers to My Prayers

    Lord, I know that what I may see as unanswered prayers may not be unanswered at all. It means that You are answering according to Your will. Whether I understand Your will or not doesn’t affect the fact that I trust it and praise You for it. Thank you for your unfailing Word and that You always keep Your promises to me. I thank You that Your power is infinite. Your judgments and Your will are perfect, and I trust them. Whether or not my prayers are answered the way I pray them, I will praise you and worship You above all things. For You are my Wonderful Counselor, my Everlasting Father, my Stronghold in the Day of Trouble, and my Resting Place. I rest in You today.



    When I Suffer Great Loss, Disappointment, or Failure

    O God, You are Lord over heaven and on earth and Lord over my life. I praise You, my precious Redeemer and King. I thank You that You are a God of redemption and restoration. I surrender to You all my grief or sadness over any loss, disappointment, or failure I have experienced and praise You in the midst of it. I thank you, Holy Spirit, that You are my Comforter. Lord, I thank You that You allow no suffering that is without purpose. I know that You are a good God and what You allow will be used for good. I draw close to You in praise and worship, and put my hope in You, for with You there is mercy and redemption.
     
  24. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I am so sorry for this. Do not feel bad for thinking about how you feel. A miscarriage effects so many people and is hard for them all. I am sure that they understand you can not be there in person and it sounds like you are doing everything you can.
     
  25. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Dave, I am a grama and very close to my grown kids. What happens to them, happens to me(and my husband.) The best thing to do is go with what your "gut" tells you to do. You mentioned sending flowers. Do it, but try and go through a local florist in your son and DIL's city or it will cost you the price of a plane ticket! Express your love and support. You'll feel better if you send something, even a card with your thoughts.
     
  26. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave, I am sooooooooooo sorry to hear this. I know it must be heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers go uot to you and your family.

    :hugs:
     
  27. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave, so many have said this, but I'm sorry to hear of your family's loss. Just know that you are all in my thoughts & prayers.
     
  28. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Dave, I am so sorry. Your love for your family is always so evident. It is easy to understand that you are devastated; you were looking forward to another grandbaby to dote upon. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. :hugs:
     
  29. SciTeacherNY

    SciTeacherNY Companion

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    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
     
  30. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    I am so sorry, Dave. God welcomed that little soul.
     
  31. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Just remember that God is always there to lift you up and hold you when you call on Him.
     
  32. old-new teacher

    old-new teacher Comrade

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave,

    I'm so, so sorry your family is having to endure this tough, tough trial. The hardest part for you, I'm sure, is feeling helpless to do anything about it. Even if you were there, you couldn't take a way that loss. So, Dave, just pray, pray, pray for them and offer that listening ear to them. Other posts here have had some beautiful poems and scripture...contemplate them and know that all of us here are praying for you and your family! :sorry:
     
  33. TeacherC

    TeacherC Connoisseur

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    Dave, I'm sorry this happened to your family! I'm glad that you have faith, and I'm glad that your son and DIL have someone like you who will be there for them.
    My friend who had a miscarriage 2 years ago appreciated her first 10 bouquets of flowers...but after that it got to be too much to take care of, so I think sending prayers and hugs is better.
    I will be praying for you and the whole family.
     
  34. wldywall

    wldywall Connoisseur

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    Aug 12, 2008

    I am very sorry Dave. I have had three miscarrages, and I have heard the insensitive remarks. The second miscarriage came at about 12 weeks, I had signed up to play softball but had to drop out when I found out I was pregnant. First the doc told me it wasn't a baby but a "blighted ovum" so there really was no loss. Shortly after that I had the captain of the softball team tell me "good, now you can honor your commitment to the team"

    Be there for your son and DIL, they will have people give them the same insensitive treatment (lord willing not as bad as mine) Be prepared to listen when they are hurt and angry about things others have said. And know that the pain softens but never really goes away. I lost my first 17 years ago, and the second and third 13 years ago ....... it all was just so long ago. Yet if I get to thinking about it, I still cry. I know that when I get to heaven my Lord Jesus will be waiting with all three of my babies.
     
  35. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Aug 12, 2008

    UPDATE:

    Son called DIL is having a D & C (D n' C?) done so as far as I know it is a "routine" procedure and I assured son that it was.
    Sam (Samantha) is just A wonderful girl (Woman) she has jumped in as a step Mother to my granddaughter. IMHO Sam is a better mom than Haley's real mom.

    She met my son after his divorce (while he was still in the Navy) when he took Granddaughter for a check up at the Dr. office and Sam was the Coreman for the peds Dr.

    What scares me is Sam's Mother Died of cervical cancer and as we know the problem can be passed down from Mother to daughter :angel:

    Also during this Sam e-mailed me to tell me not to send candy or Makeup (play) to Granddaughter since they are working on clean teeth and a clean face (I understand about it)
    What a mom
     
  36. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Dave-that is a routine procedure so your son does not need to worry. I am sure that the doctor, knowing her history, is checking for cervical cancer.
     
  37. Lareigna

    Lareigna Companion

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    Dave, I am so sorry to hear about your family. I wish I had some inspirational words. I will keep you and your family in my prayrs.
     
  38. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Your family is in my prayers -BIG HUGS-
     
  39. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave...you're right...the dnc is routine and shouldn't present any problems (through be prepared to hear her complain about gas...and lots of it). I second what wldy said about insensitive comments. My first pregnancy was a result of rape, and several people told me "well, now at least you won't have to raise something that will remind you of the crime", like they were objects instead of people. You guys are still in my prayers. I hope that your family finds the healing and peace that you need. :hugs:
     
  40. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Aug 12, 2008

    Dave - I am also sorry for this loss to your family!

    I have had 2 miscarriages after having my healthy DD. Here are some things I learned:

    -about 75% of women have a miscarriage at some time - many don't even know they are pregnant when they miscarry.

    -a D and C is usually routine to help prevent infection

    -many women have a miscarriage but never get cervical cancer (your DIL for sure is keeping a close eye on this!)

    -The huge majority of women who have had a miscarriage, no matter how far along they were, recognize the event not as a pregnancy, but as A CHILD. With the miscarriage, the dreams and hopes for that child are lost also. This is why we grieve for so long. Most women who have had a miscarriage, when asked, "How many children do you have," will answer, "I have ______ children, and 2 that passed away before birth," or "I have _______ children, and lost 2." The lost babies are always there in their hearts as part of the family. This is a universal phenomenon! And my DH, when asked by total strangers in casual conversation, "How many children do you have?" will always answer, "We have one great daughter, and we lost 2. We tried to have more but it didn't happen."

    - many women who miscarry will dream about the child for years, even hearing crying in the night.

    I miss my 2 babies. I always think of them at the time they would have been born. I know I will meet them one day, as my primary thought in life is to be in heaven one day. Someone advised me to name my lost babies, which I did. I looked a long time for a Teddy bear to represent each of them - sounds weird I know, but I found the bears, named them those baby names, and they sit on my dresser. After I named those bears my grief eased a bit. I don't recommend anyone doing this for someone else, but it might help your son and DIL in the future if you gently asked them if they had named their baby. It really helped me. Anyone else?
     
  41. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Aug 12, 2008

    DAve, the Psalm mentioned earlier really helped me :

    Psalm 34:18
    The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

    Reading through the Psalms is very comforting when you are hurting.
     

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