Ughhh! Need to Vent about Co-Worker!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by luvteaching25, Apr 3, 2008.

  1. luvteaching25

    luvteaching25 Rookie

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    Apr 3, 2008

    Hi everyone,
    I feel the need to vent out and am hoping I can get some feedback from u guys since you may have gone through something like this. This is my first year teaching at this school along with another teacher in the same grade level and team. Right from the start, I had a feeling she did not like me. I tried and have tried to be nice to her. I offered advice and even lended a hand but everytime I talk to her, she looks at me as if I am stupid and gives me short answers. On the other hand, she is the 'nicest' person to everyone else in the team and the school. I can't stand working with her and to be honest, talking to her. About two months ago, I decided to be the bigger person and talk to her about it. I asked her if there was a reason why she did not like me and that I rather talk about it then and there since we are going to be working together next year. She mentioned me being rude with her in the beginning of the year (Beginning of the year stress) so I apologized to her and thought it was squashed. But then, she started to organize a potluck with everyone in our team and did not even ask if I wanted to participate. I thought that was very rude and inconsiderate. If I were doing something like that, I would make sure to include everyone so no one feels like I left her out.
    Then yesterday she decided to buy a book for the Librarian and did not even tell me about it nor show it to me. I had to hear from the grapevine that we all owe her $ for it. I don't mind paying for it. It just drives me crazy that she is inconsiderate and rude.

    Has anyone ever experienced this kind of situation? If so, what did you do? At this point, I don't feel like kissing anyone's behind and to be quite honest, don't really care to pay for the book. Not because I am cheap, but because of the principal behind it. I have even considered leaving the school because I don't want to be in her team and because of her but I know that I am at the school to teach and I shouldn't care about others. To make matters worse, she acts like a sweet girl with everyone in our team so she is closer to them than I am.
     
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  3. Calliope

    Calliope Companion

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    Apr 3, 2008

    Been there. Wow my first year was awful because of the three other teachers I worked with that I affectionately referred to as "the Coven."

    Truth will out. Just give it time.

    In the meantime, just be you. Pretend she doesn't exist, insofar as you should be unaffected by her games. Do what you would do if she weren't being a u-know-what. If you would normally help pay for the book if she hadn't been so ugly about it, then do. Passive-aggressive works well in these situations.

    Eventually you will find your niche & your own support group. You'll probably find out that not everybody loves her. That's what happened to me. I pretended not to notice those three women were being crappy to me. I nodded politely & then did my own thing. At the end of that year, one of them left to go to grad school, one moved out of state to get married, & the ringleader was without followers. Truth will out.
     
  4. 1gdteach

    1gdteach Companion

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    Apr 3, 2008

    I havent' been through this exact situation but I know how you feel. When I was teaching preschool I had a team teacher that was great she was my friend and we worked very well together. Then she decided after Christmas break she wasn't coming back so they hired a new teacher over christmas break and they called me to come and help her settle in and kinda train her a little bit. When I got there she told me that she was experienced and she didnt' need a first year teacher telling her what to do. Then when we returned to school I tried to meet with her for us to share ideas and make lesson plans she said that isn't how she does thing and I can make my plans and she can make hers. I felt horrible.
     
  5. luvteaching25

    luvteaching25 Rookie

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    Apr 3, 2008

    Thank you ladies so much for the advice! It makes me feel much better.
    It just makes me so upset sometimes, ya know. If I don't say good morning to her, she doesn't say anything to me but she'll say good morning to everyone in the team. At times I feel as if I am the problem but I don't think I did anything. And then there are other times I feel that she is jealous of me. I do so many fun hands-on activities with my kids and always post their work. She rarely does so. The thing that bothers me is that others in the team don't seem to think different of her. She always goes out to lunch with the team leader and they don't even invite me, and are always mingling. She probably doesn't even notice that we don't talk. I have always been the slow to warm up person that opens up eventually, but feel very uncomfortable when I am around her. On the other hand, everyone else in the team seems to like me, from what I can tell. I offered my help and ideas. She took them and was nice when she was getting observed but after that, it was over.

    I figured I would pay her the money for the book and try to make the best of the situation. After all, I am there to teach not to make close friends.
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Apr 4, 2008

    It's a shame that she treats you this way & that it's obvious so that others notice. This lady sounds like a total bitch. I don't know why people at work act like this towards certain people when they know darn well that they'll have to work w/ them on a regular basis day in & day out. Having that kind of attitude only makes each workday unpleasant. She needs to bury the hatchet.

    I realize it's hard, but I completely understand how one bad apple can ruin one's work experience. I know you have to work together quite often. I don't know if you see her on a daily basis or a few times a week, but I'd be polite, but of course not overly friendly, but not rude like she is either. But just try your best to see her as little as possible w/o it looking like you're avoiding her on purpose. She'll either come around eventually or she may stay the same forever. Act like you couldn't give a flying fig whether she likes you or not. Like the saying goes, one monkey doesn't stop the show.

    Just keep thinking in your mind that your main goal at work is to make a living & although it would be fabulous to have friends & be one big happy family, that's not always the case. All you can do is do your best & go on. When you two cross each other in passing, you don't have to speak.

    If I were you, my concern would be to make sure the principal likes me. After all, that person is the main boss & really the only one who matters.

    Good luck & I hope things get better for you!
     
  7. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Apr 4, 2008

    Hang in there, this too shall pass.

    I had a team teacher that hated my guts and she proceeded to tell me off one day in front of my kids. She was about 10 years older than is was and just had a chip on her shoulder. I just turned around, closed the door, and later talked w/the principal. I refused to let her get the best of me. I always said "Good morning" first, smiled, and went about my business.

    Don't let someone steal your joy, be happy.
     
  8. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

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    Apr 4, 2008

    This is a part of every work environment. It does come and go. I had this happen to me a few years after I had been in a school district, it got pretty nasty. But, they brought in a new admin. that set a new tone. I don't think some people liked a few of us very much, but it was pleasant and professional again.
     
  9. mrs100

    mrs100 Comrade

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    Apr 6, 2008

    Oh, I feel for ya honey! It is not easy to go in to work everyday knowing someone is being so unkind! One of my closest friends at my school went through this with one of our team members and she let it go on too long and it just got out of control. Do you have someone you can go to on your team to see if they can shed some light on it? Best advice is just to smile, say good morning EVERY morning, and don't give anyone a reason to not like you. Bring a surprise little treat to a grade level meeting, or send thank you notes to ALL of your team members (including her) if they've helped with something. Do little things to let them know you're really trying. If all else fails, and it's affecting the functioning of the team, talk to your principal. Sometimes they can give the best advice and maybe help mediate. I totally feel for you, since we still work with this negative and completely unfriendly person. I hope it works out! Keep us updated!
     
  10. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Apr 6, 2008

    I agree that you should just take the high road. Be pleasant and don't give her any ammunition. It's a shame this job is so stressful with just dealing with the kids, but the teachers are immature as well. I was sitting at a table with co-workers the other day and they were talking about a party they were planning for one of my team members - I was obviously not invited, which is fine - but, it almost seemed like they were rubbing it in, talking about it in front of me. It's hurtful, but you have to let it roll off your back.
     
  11. luvteaching25

    luvteaching25 Rookie

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    Apr 6, 2008

    Tell me about it! Thank you all for replying to my messages. It really does help talking to someone. With 8 weeks of school left, I decided not to let it bother me, or at least try! Our team is very large (12 people) so it makes it hard to get close to everyone, but I try to talk to everyone on a daily basis. I am also the kind of person that does not like to get involved in gossip so don't but in when they are chatting about someone else. I'll keep you posted...who knows, maybe she won't renew her contract next year? One can always hope, right? I think I am just at a point tired of trying to be her friend and having her like me. I will continue to be respectful and hopefully it gets better.

    Thank you again! I'll keep you posted.
     

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