Ugh - I think I'm going to be alone forever

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by 1stGradeRocks, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    So, I am 26 and single. I've never been in a serious relationship, and I've never even kissed a guy. :blush: I really don't think anything is "wrong" with me other than the fact that I don't put myself out there to meet people. I've been told I'm beautiful and "gorgeous" even. I don't see it, but that's another story/post. I was going to meet a guy from eharmony this weekend. I knew his pictures were old, because they were from events he said happened several summers ago. Anyway, he posted a new picture, and he looks COMPLETELY different. He is bald, and he looks like a guy froma Lifetime movie or something. :lol: I know that looks aren't everything, but is hair too much to ask for at my age? Ugh, I just feel so hopeless at this point. I really think I'm going to be alone the rest of my life. :(
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Wait, you have a date planned for a guy that you thought was worth meeting. You're changing your mind because he's bald? Not because you've found out that he's a convicted felon, but because of his hair (or lack of it)?

    I say GO and meet him. Then decide how important the hair thing is.
     
  4. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    I know it's awful of me. It's not just about the looks though. It really bothers me that he did not portray himself accurately (put up old pictures that don't look like him now). In my opinion, that's dishonest.
     
  5. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Go for the "practice" of dating, if for nothing else. Plus, you gave your word that you would go out so backing out would be dishonest on your part.
     
  6. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    Well, we haven't set up an official time or anything yet. If I don't go, I'll definitely email him and say something came up.
     
  7. KLSSwimmer

    KLSSwimmer Habitué

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    I 100% understand. I am 23 years old, and I still have never been in a serious relationship, and I have only been on one date! :eek: I have thought about going to the online dating services, but it just seems so impersonal. Let me know if you discover the secret!

    Kari :)
     
  8. TeacherNY

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    Maybe he is afraid of being rejected (because of his baldness). Some guys have the same self esteem issues us gals have.
     
  9. Weazy

    Weazy Comrade

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    You might be losing out on "the one". Hair is so trivial--and maybe your alone because your too picky about things that are not that important. My husband lost most of his hair by the time he was thirty--big deal--he's a great guy. I know a lot of guys who were shaving their heads (due to their lack of hair) by their mid-twenties. They are all happily married and have children. Who knows, maybe this guy is a jerk, maybe not. None of us are perfect, give him a chance. He might turn out to be a great guy!
     
  10. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    My friend met her bf on Match.com. He is bald and she said she thought it was cute when she first met him. I dated a bald guy for a while. He was losing his hair at age 24. I still thought he was cute and it didn't make him look "old".
     
  11. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    My DH is bald. He started losing hair at 16. By the time I met him (when he was 25), he had started shaving it.

    It could be that he posted those pictures because he didn't have any current ones to post until he posted the bald picture.

    I agree that hair is trivial. Do I miss out on running my hair through some hair? I don't know because I've never done it! Though I think it would be nice. ;) But I love my DH for WHO he is, not what he looks like (though he's a bald hottie!).
     
  12. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    KinderABC, you & I are alike in a way. If I were you, I'd search the site, meetup.com & see what groups look interesting & get out there & meet people! I need to be doing that myself, since I don't have any friends, just a long-time BF.

    BTW, I think you should meet this guy. See how he is & give him a chance before worrying about his hair. It's almost like a guy not willing to even meet a woman because she has dark hair & he's always liked blondes, which is so superficial. I mean it's hard enough to meet someone good, don't let a thing like hair, or the lack thereof, stand in the way of you potentially meeting the love of your life. If you don't like him once you get to know him, then make your decision at that point.

    Good luck!
     
  13. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    I'm reading this as I'm gazing at my hubby, who is about 60+ pounds overweight, has this really UGLY pornstach and soul patch, sitting in his recliner playing video games. Not a pretty sight.
    Had he looked like this when we met, I would've passed. But, he's been the best I could've ever hoped for. He is supportive, gentle, and good disciplinarian to my pushover-ness, he's a good provider, and is very giving. Plus he cleans the toilet and he cooks!!
     
  14. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    There was someone else who posted here that she was finally going to meet someone she met online...they tried, but never got that chance, if I'm not mistaken.
    But from her thread, there are MANY people who meet others online and establish a serious relationship; even marriage!

    I don't know...I'm old school...Do you go to Church? does your church have a young adults night or meetings?
    How about your friends? Do they know someone wonderful? How about school/work? Is there someone interesting there?

    I've always heard that the best place to meet a guy is in the grocery store :unsure:
    Wish I could have offered you some great advice.
     
  15. mandagap06

    mandagap06 Devotee

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    O wow! You sound a lot like me. I am 22 yrs old. I have only dated one guy and it was for like several mos. We did kiss but he is the only one I have kissed. We went to my senior prom together. There is a guy that I kinda like , but we are just BEST FRIENDS. I have know him for a year. See friendship is all I ever seem to get out it.
     
  16. AMK

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    My brother is bald and very handsome - well at least I think so. He started shaving his head b/c he was losing his hair.
    I say go for the date, it is good practice. I went on many 1st dates some were okay, some bad and some horrible. I finally met my boyfriend.
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    In fairness to the guy, he DID post an updated picture before meeting you... just in case it was enough of a problem that you needed to know up front.

    In the long list of crimes against humanity, I put baldness WAYYY down at the bottom.
     
  18. cmw

    cmw Groupie

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    Tooo funny!!!! :rofl: I busted out laughing when I read the top part.
     
  19. Hoot Owl

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    I think Alice is right on target here. Looks are superficial, I know a lot of great guys out there without hair. My DH's hair has thinned but I don't care. As you age you don't know what's going to happen to your body.

    When it comes down to it, you want someone who is going to be faithful to you, have the same goals in life, same ideas about money, same morals, support you financially and emotionally, help with the cooking and housekeeping, and possibly raise some decent human beings. Hair doesn't necessarily make any of those things possible.
     
  20. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Go on the date! Give him a chance! No sympathy for a post of "I am going to be alone forever because I just found out that a guy that is interested in me is bald."

    My post sounds meaner than I want it to ... I'm trying to be encouraging but it frustrates me because I have a good friend in your situation. She finds a flaw in every guy but whines about never dating.

    Get out there! Make a date with the bald guy! He may not be 'the one' but you can still enjoy an evening out, hone your dating skills, make a new friend, do something different .... and, he MAY surprise you.

    I met many 5 or 6 great guys on match.com, I also encountered a few duds but never "met" them. If you date smart with an online service, it is a great way to meet people.

    My DH and I are a match.com success story!
     
  21. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I say go with your gut feeling. I can't believe he posted a picture of himself "with" hair and then all of a sudden the bald one! It does sound like he is quite concerned about the hair issue. I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet him for dinner and make up your mind then. Looks aren't everything, but I understand your reaction. I would feel the same way! When I met my husband and we got married, he had rather long hair. Two months after being married, he cut it all off, short! I couldn't stand to look at him!
     
  22. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Right now, if I posted a picture of myself online, I doubt I would get lots of interest... who wants a woman with one breast?

    I'm kind of glad that it isn't an issue with my husband.
     
  23. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Alice, that's because you have a strong marriage and relationship, as it should be. When you are married for a long time, you find the beauty in the inner person and realize that's what matters most. Looks are superficial, especially when we get older. I think it's sometimes different when we are young and looking for that life time partner. We start with first impressions and that eye contact thing when you feel all giddy inside. Oh what a wonderful feeling! However, relationships don't ALWAYS start out that way. My husband and I were best of friends in the beginning of our relationship and the "love" came later.
     
  24. Jem

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    I met my husband online. It totally works.

    I had gotten out of a high school sweetheart relationship, was in college, and not into the party scene. I decided to start online dating as kind of a joke-my friends and I were going to write a book about all the crazy guys I met. They were going to sit at the resturant booths next to us, and rate the guys for politeness, conversation, etc. But then I started to meet some great guys. I was not attracted to all of them, and most didn't make it past a second date, but I still met them.

    In fact, when I met my dh, I thought he just ok. Not sweep-me-off-my-feet handsome. His eyes are HUGE, just like mine (we joke that our baby's face will be 50% eyes), and I thought they were a bit weird. But he totally grew on me. And now he's just right.

    If it makes you feel any better, I met over 50 guys, and talked to at least 100, before I found dh. I had to keep a spreadsheet on them because I lost track of who was who. So just keep trying, keep meeting, keep on keeping on. You'll find the perfect one someday!
     
  25. fuzed_fizzion

    fuzed_fizzion Comrade

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    I recommend going on the date. I can understand becoming a little disinterested because of not representing his actual physical appearance, but there could be lots of reasons why there were old pics and not new ones. He might be great; he might not be. How can you decide all of that over a computer? Websites like match.com are great for meeting people (I met my fiance there), but to get to know someone you need to spend some time in person together. Give it a chance.

    P.S. If you are nervous about it, find yourself a wing-woman (or man). The person could be in the same place you meet or have them give you a call or text to check in.
     
  26. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Hopefully not at the same time :D
     
  27. KinderCowgirl

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    Not to sound too depressing but I would love to have a date set up with a nice guy, even if he was bald!

    I haven't been on a date in awhile and also never a serious relationship. It's so hard to meet guys in our profession - if there are male teachers on a campus they are usually really great guys who have already been snapped up and oh yeah, our students' fathers - that would be ethical.

    I listen to my sister who never wants to be alone. Even if that means hanging on to a guy who stood her up for her staff Christmas party and didn't call her for 2 weeks after dating her for 5 months and talking to her daily. She's still calling this guy and don't even get me started on the one that got arrested :eek:hmy:. I think it's ok to be alone and when fate decides the time is right, then something will happen. The only time it sucks is when you are sick (it would be so nice if someone could get you orange juice or walk the dog) or need something simple fixed -like a clogged drain. My Kinders once asked me if I'm not married - who takes out the trash?
     
  28. Missy99

    Missy99 Connoisseur

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    And we women have never used pictures of ourselves in that way? :)

    Maybe he is sensitive about the hair loss issue, esp. if he is your age. My son is 25 and very sensitive about his hair loss (not a lot, but enough to be obvious). Give the guy a break.
     
  29. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Go on the date. If nothing else, it will break the streak and might start you on the path to more dates - kind of like you can only find a job when you have a have a job. Also, he didn't have to post an updated picture, it could have been a surprise. If he isn't the one, he might become a good friend to go and meet more people with or maybe his brother or friend is the one!
     
  30. 1stGradeRocks

    1stGradeRocks Comrade

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    Yeah, that was me. It's the same guy. :lol: So, I was already hesitant before this new picture anyway. He didn't post the new picture before we tried to meet the first time. So, I am pretty sure the reason that I didn't see him is because I didn't recognize him from the pictures he had posted at that time.


    This is copied and pasted from the post I made about us trying to mee the first timet:

    Well, I didn't meet him. It was going to be a lunch date, but it didn't happen. I got there about 15 minutes before we were going to meet. I waited in my car with a good view of the front entrance, because I wanted to see him go in before I went in. I didn't see anyone that could have been him. I walked in, and there was no one waiting in the front lobby area. I went back to my car to wait, and I was still watching the entrance. I still didn't see him go in, and I went back in the lobby to check about 3 more times. I didn't have his phone number with me, so I couldn't call him. I ended up leaving 30 minutes after we were going to meet. So, I emailed him when I got home. He emailed me back and said he got there a few minutes late, and he didn't see me so he went to sit at the bar. Should I believe him? Why wouldn't he have waited in the front lobby? Do I try to go out with him again?
     
  31. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    I think you should go out with him. He was probably afraid that you wouldn't like him due to the way that he looks and chickened out... You probably looked a lot prettier than he thought you would and he got intimidated:D.

    It takes a lot of guts to meet online people. I signed up for eharmony and I am too chicken to even respond to anyone:blush:.
     
  32. DallasTeacher

    DallasTeacher Companion

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    Without meaning to sound harsh, I think you need to examine your value system. You wrote that looks aren't everything, but then go ahead and state basically that hair is a necessity. You feel hopeless because an individual you've never met, much less dated is bald? That doesn't compute in my book. Your posting makes it sound as if it's all about looks, forget about an individual's personality. How would you feel if someone didn't want to date you because you were 5 pounds overweight, or had big feet, ears, etc. The list could go on and on, I think you get my point. What attracted you to this individual in the first place? Do you have a close circle of friends? If not, you might want to start finding a group of people in whom you share a common interest. Volunteer, join a single's group, etc. Mr. (or Ms.) Right isn't going to just walk up and ring your doorbell.

    You wonder about why the guy didn't sit in the lobby, yet you were sitting in your car. You justify it on the grounds of you wanted to see the guy go in first. So the guy arrives 15 minutes late, doesn't see you sitting in the lobby as apparently arranged, and goes into the bar. He probably thought you were the no show.
     
  33. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    Oh, he so posted the new photo of himself because he wants to be completely honest with you. I think it's a sign that he's thinking there could be something "real" between y'all.
     
  34. d_anne5

    d_anne5 Rookie

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    Kinder,

    I TOTALLY and COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I've been on a few dates, but nothing really stemmed from them. Actually, most guys I've come across want to be physical with me but don't want to be in a relationship with me.:|

    I know everyone is responding to your comment about the bald issue. I'm going to go against the grain. As much as personality counts, physical attraction has to be there. . . at least at first. However, there must be something else you find attractive about him. Go with that and run with it. If y'all meet up, you might find that his personality MAKES him more attractive.;)

    I used to be alllllll about looks AND would want a personality to go w/ it. I started to realize that the REALLY attractive guys were actually not that great, personality-wise. They knew they were hot and flaunted it. Ugh.:|

    I've found that the more average looking guys are waaaay better. At first glance, they're average. However, once you get to know an average-type guy, they become soooooo much more attractive and hotter because there are other qualities besides physical features that make a man attractive.

    As a matter of fact, I'm on match.com. I thought, eh what the heck, I'm gonna go for it. I actually met a guy from match last night. He's boy-next-door cute. Not THE hottest guy to grace this earth, but once we got to talking, he just seemed to grow on me. I can't wait to hang out with him again. :D

    With that said, I've sent about 30-something emails and have received a few myself. It's a numbers game. Put yourself out there on those dating websites if you feel uncomfortable going to a public place. Email, wink, do whatever. Don't be shy or afraid. If a guy doesn't reply, so what? Keep browsing, find the next cute one, and email away!:) It might take a few tries or a dozen, but who cares? Be persistent, and everything will fall into place.;)
     
  35. ahsila

    ahsila Companion

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    Let me just say that being bald is not that big of a deal. I dated a guy for two years who shaved his head because he was losing his hair. Initially he wasn't the most attractive guy, but once I got to know him and his personality, the physical attraction appeared. Not only that, but even though we broke up, he still goes to my sons karate matches and brought both my kids Christmas presents (they aren't his kids). Maybe this guy is going to be a total jerk, maybe he's not. You owe it to him (and yourself) to meet him and see.
     
  36. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I have an ex-boyfriend who's 100lbs overweight and bald. Also, the day I met him he was wearing denim overalls with no shirt. He looked liked the definition of red-neck hick. He's got to be in the top 5 of the greatest men on the planet, even though it didn't work out romantically. He's still a great friend, and as alisha said about one of her exes, still brings gifts for the kids and does stuff with them. He takes them to sporting events that I could never afford to take them too, and they have box seats too boot. He's also been there to bail me out on more than one occasion (broken down car, ect). He's a true friend, and I wouldn't have one of the best friends I have if I couldn't see past looks.
     
  37. GlendaLL

    GlendaLL Aficionado

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    When I met my (now) husband, he had a beautiful head of hair. Later on, I discovered that his hair was really a hairpiece! I was surprised at first, but, as we got to know each other, I realized that I didn't care about his hair one way or the other.

    Several years after we had been married, my husband asked me if I cared if he continued to wear his hairpiece or not. He was getting tired of the expense and bother of taking care of it. I told him that I didn't care.
    So, he went "topless" from then on!

    Having hair or not really doesn't matter in a relationship. My husband is a wonderful man and terrific father. We will celebrate twenty-four years of marriage in a few weeks.

    And - my first husband had a full head of thick, curly locks. He was a total LOSER - a liar, cheat, lazy, worthless pig.
    I dumped him - and his hair.
     
  38. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    I met my now dh on singleparentmeet almost five years ago. We talked back and forth for over a month before we finally decided to meet. By the time that month went by, I was already smitten enough with him and his personality, his values and everything about him, that it would never have mattered to me what he looked like...and we met sight unseen. I never laid eyes on him until the day we met in person. We have been together ever since.

    Real love comes from within, not from the outside. You might be losing out on a wonderful opportunity simply by rejecting someone at face value. If I had chosen not to meet my dh because I did not see what he looked like, I would have missed out on the love of my life.:wub:
     
  39. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I just got an email from a close friend. She lives half way across the country, though she was in for Christmas. Her marriage broke up a year and a half ago, and she had her first date over the weekend-- a divorced dad of 4 she met online.

    She had a wonderful time!! They've had 2 dates this far. It may not be true love, who knows? But it's great for her ego and she said he seems to be a really wonderful guy.

    But she took a chance.

    One last thought, then I'll get off your back.

    What if, after seeing your picture, he posted on another message board:

    Is blonde too much to ask for? (Or brunette or redhead)
    Is long hair too much to ask for?
    Is size 6 too much to ask for?
    Is $40,000 a year too much to ask for?

    Wouldn't you think something along the lines of "YES, it is!!!"

    Sincere best wishes to you!
     
  40. eduk8r

    eduk8r Enthusiast

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    No, hair is not too much to ask for at your age, if it's important to you. I like hair, too. I can't stand how all the guys shave their heads! What do you mean when you say 'he looks like he came from a lifetime movie'? I don't watch them, so I don't know.

    I do think you're too young to be thinking you'll be alone for the rest of your life! If your heart is not in for dating this guy, trust your heart. Or if you just aren't sure, keep talking to him. No need to rush into anything. Some people are unphotogenic, though, keep that in mind. You know, when you look at some people's photos, they can look really lovely when they don't look that way at all IRL, and some people look really awful when IRL they are quite attractive. Also, some people you think are attractive when you first meet them, once you get to know them they look ugly because they are not nice people. And the ones you think aren't so attractive become just gorgeous once you know them because of how wonderful they are.

    As for the dishonesty, I probably would be wondering, too, what else he is hiding and I would definitely want to "interview" him some more before meeting. You're a nice person and you deserve the best.
     
  41. TemperanceFaith

    TemperanceFaith Comrade

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    Jan 1, 2009

    I am sorry, but I do not get the dishonesty thing, and I guess I am having difficulty with the superficial aspect of this thread as well. Not everyone owns a digital camera, I know that is hard to believe, but it is true. Some people do not WANT their pictures online for privacy reasons. Maybe he scanned whatever pictures he had around because he did not own a camera? My dh had no pic because he did not have a camera, and it never crossed my mind to worry about his looks. I guess being older, and having been through a tough divorce, I might put less weight on looks and more on personality and values, but you know what? My dh is extremely handsome AND an awesome man and stepfather to my kids, so I guess by not automatically dismissing him, I got a bonus.

    I also agree with the poster who said to put the shoe on the other foot. I am who I am, and while there are certain things about me I would like to change, mainly my weight, I love me, and if there was some guy out there posting on a message board that he blew me off because I am fat, going grey, not a C cup or any of the other superficial reasons out there, I would not waste my time with him or anyone else who is more concerned with the cover of a book than the words within it.

    And you CAN have a strong physical attraction to someone even if they aren't a hottie..also, having dated a few hotties in my time, they aren't always concerned with anything more than their own needs, if you know what I mean. ;)
     

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