Too timid

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by becky, Sep 24, 2013.

  1. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Sep 24, 2013

    Hi, all.
    I hope everyone's year is going well so far.
    So far, 8th grade agrees with Jeannie.:thumb:. As she's in her final year of middle school, I'm already looking ahead to high school. High school for Jeannie will either be the local one up the street, or a Christian one different from where she goes now.

    My concern with her heading into high school is how timid she is. I love that she is quiet and laid back, but the negative here is that she also allows herself to be excluded, insulted, and bullied. I use every chance I can to build her esteem,and give her chances to grow with responsibilities. Before she heads into high school, I'd like to see her grow more sure of herself.

    Thanks for any advice..
     
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  3. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Sep 24, 2013

    Jeannie..high school...who else is wondering where time went?:eek::dizzy:
     
  4. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Sep 24, 2013

    becky~I can't believe she'll be in HS next year!!

    As far as advice..I'm not sure I can help. I was timid in school, though from what it sounds like not as timid as Jeannie. Are there opportunities where she can do stuff by herself?
     
  5. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Jeannie's almost in high school?? Unbelievable!

    As to the timidity, at this point I think I'd want to start by finding out whether Jeannie agrees she's got a problem. If she's happy with the way things are, then this could just be her style; as her social universe expands (which it tends to do in high school, not least simply because there are more bodies), she's likelier to be able to find people with whom it's easier to be who she is. Sometimes all a parent can do is wait for a kid to grow into herself - though there's nothing whatsoever wrong with providing opportunities that help that growth process along.

    If Jeannie agrees she's got a problem, of course, that's a different matter. I suspect that she finds herself (or you see her) in a social system in which it's hard for her to be seen as other than Jeannie, The Doormat. Changing her look might help her in getting her peers to buy into a changed social relationship, so a a summer course that adds a bit of makeover help to some more deeply transformative experience might be helpful. On the other hand, a deeply transformative experience alone could suffice to imbue Jeannie with the sort of change in attitude that shines through irrespective of the external trappings, in which case either her friends will adjust or Jeannie will come to realize that it's time to move on.

    Her world is clearly headed for change, and so is yours. Hugs to you both and to the rest of your family.
     
  6. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Sep 24, 2013


    TG, do you know how much I've missed your posts??

    Actually, Jeannie seems pretty comfortable in her own skin, and I'm glad for that. She has her own style and doesn't appear interested in fitting into the mold all her female classmates do.

    I've always tried to help her see her own personal worth..the good things that are inside her, and that she is capable of. Getting her to buy into that and act on it is the thing.
     
  7. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Sep 24, 2013

    At school? I'm not sure how they do things there..
    With Girl Scouts, I'm always on the lookout for opportunities for her to build leadership skills and push herself a little.
     
  8. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Sep 24, 2013

    Is she interested in going to classes like swimming, dance, other? She might meet some friends there. Having one special friend might help.
     
  9. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Sep 24, 2013

    It's vital that one's parents transmit the message of a kid's personal worth. Paradoxically, however, it can be hard for the kid to view that message as being dependably true: parents, after all, are notorious for being biased in their kids' favors. The consequence is that the kid is simultaneously internalizing the message and skeptical of it; that seems to be a developmental stage, and she's definitely the right age to be squarely in it.

    To what extent does Scouting as practiced where you are challenge Jeannie to be more than she thought she was? If it doesn't, it's not necessarily anyone's fault, but it's possible that she needs something that - how shall I say? goes in a different direction. I don't know her nearly well enough to guess what that might be, but it might be good to noodle about interests of hers that are catered to by neither school nor Scouts.
     
  10. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    (And it's good to see you back, becky!)
     
  11. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Becky, I am a big supporter of FFA. I have seen my husband train a team where young girls blossom in front of me. I have seen my own daughter learn to give reasons and open up in a way that blows your mind. Check the local hs to see if they have a chapter. A great chapter has more than livestock, they have parliamentary procedure team, livestock teams, public speaking, land judging teams, and so much more. We have a 50/50 split between boys and girls. It is a pretty level playing field.
     
  12. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I can't believe that Jeannie is almost heading off to high school!

    I know that a few of my students that I had concerns about socially--very shy, few friends, not quite "fitting in"--in elementary school seemed to find themselves once they moved to high school. Our local high school draws from 6 elementary school, so most of the students were able to find like-minded friends. I would also encourage involvement in extra-curricular activities--clubs, teams, etc. It's a great way to meet kids with similar interests.
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Sep 25, 2013

    Hard to believe Becky.

    Is she still being homeschooled or is she in a middle school setting?

    Could you find someone who needs her help, either as a mother's helper after school or as a baby sitter? That feeling of responsibility will probably help with her confidence.

    What you may want to do is speak ahead of time to next year's guidance counselor. Ask him/her to help steer Jeanne towards activities that suit her, but that will enable her to make other like-minded kids.

    Does Jeanne's school have a Speech and Debate team? It might be a way of pushing her a little out of her comfort zone. Tell her I said that there's a Speech event that involves READING, not "giving a speech." It's called Oral Interpretation, and it's the least scary of all the events.
     
  14. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Does she play an instrument? In a lot of the high schools around here, marching band and color guard are big groups, they start in the summer, and go into HS with a lot of friends and contacts.
     
  15. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Can't believe she's about to be in high school! I agree with the others, she needs to find an extracurricular at school that suits her. The confidence and friends are attached to the extracurricular activities in high school. I loved FFA and the judging competitions are a lot of fun with no animal commitment.
     

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