The only two people that should govern whether or not to have children are you and your husband. I was always certain that I wanted to be a mom, and my hubby at the time we started dating did not. The closer he got to 30, the more his mind changed. So we decided that if God wanted us to have a baby, then we would get pregnant. And we did. I wouldn't change that for anything; however, I see these couples that can just drop everything and go on a vacation or do whatever w/o having to find a babysitter and I get a ping of jealously sometimes. It's up to you, and no one should force you to make a decision that you aren't 100% certain of.
Hmmmm. I could never say with any certainty that I unequivocally don't want kids. However, I have yet to feel that burning desire for a baby. I don't feel like I have any sort of clock ticking or "baby fever" as they say. That sometimes scares me. I think I'll have kids someday, but I worry because I'm not "obsessed" with babies like lots of my friends are.
Since my husband and I have been married for over a year now, we get intrusive questions about when we're going to have a baby all the time. A good response is to make a confused face and respond "why do you ask?"
The worst parents in the world are the ones who have kids and don't want them, you teach them, we all do. It's hard having kids and teaching. When my daughter was younger I used to feel real bad when she wanted friends to come over and I'd been w/a classroom full of kids all day and really didn't want to entertain more in my home. She turned out wonderfully, we survived, I don't know what my life would have been w/out her.
From reading your post it doesn't sound like you want to have children...even a little bit. So in that case, I wouldn't bother...and if you change your mind in a few years, then have them! Did you and your husband talk about this before you got married? My husband's second cousin talked about having kids with her husband before they got married, he was all for it. Then 5 years into their marriage he tells her he doesn't want to have kids. I thought that was pretty messed up. If someone really wants kids and the other person doesn't then that's a big issue I think...in those people deciding to get married.
My husband and I have decided (together!) to not even discuss having children until we own a home and have both finished our masters' degrees. These things mean financial security to us. When people ask if we have babies on the way-- I say,"I like having 15 kids I give back at 3:15." I really don't think it is anyone's business that we have not decided to have children--yet. And I don't feel the need to justify our decision to them either.
You seem to have valid reasons for you ;and you and your husband agree, so that's your decision and you are right, you can't put it in a post. I have read your posts and I know you are very deep in your thinking on issues so I totally respect where you are coming from. When I read your question about "what is the point" I laughed because I could tell how deeply you had thought about it. As far as the point of having kids, I never got that deep. I always wanted kiddos and so did DH. I love them like crazy and they have made our lives fuller. We never considered not having them, but that is us. It's not right or wrong. Often I think about how different things would have been if we would have no kids or only had the first one. Nobody knows, of course but it seems like life was the best when the first one was born. Then I thought "how can I ever love another as much as the first? It is even better with the second one. I still think someone is missing from my family, like I need to have another one. It is weird.
