To be or not to b... in the wedding that is!!!

[teacherkasey]

Help. I have to make a decision fast! Okay, here's the background. I'm engaged to Mike who is in his friend Danny's wedding in April. I am friends with Danny through Mike. I don't really know Danny's girlfriend Caroline because she doesn't really go out with us a lot. I think I've met her 3 or 4 times.

Well, apparently one of the bridesmaids has decided not to be in the wedding. Caroline thought that because my fiancee is in the wedding that she would ask me to be in the wedding. Actually, Danny asked Mike to ask me if I would be in the wedding.

Like I said, I don't really know Caroline and I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable being in their wedding. But then again I would feel bad if they asked me and I declined. ARHG! What would you do if you were in this situation????

 

[Shilo]

I'm a sucker, I'd be in the wedding to make the bride happy and keep peace among friends...but that may not be the best thing to do, how much is the dress/shoes/etc?

 

[teacherkasey]

That's another problem. I don't know the cost of the dress/shoes, etc. and if the wedding is in April, I'm assuming they are going to be getting the dresses ASAP. I don't have a lot of money right now... I mean, if I had time to save up it would be a little different. I've been in 5 weddings and it gets expensive... the dress, shoes, hair and makeup, bridal shower gifts, gift at the wedding It just doesn't stop! I can't even imagine how I'm going to be when I'm planning my own wedding!!!

 

[Upsadaisy]

I personally would not agree to the offer. I would say that I'd rather not take the opportunity away from someone who might be closer to the bride, someone in her family .... It doesn't really make any sense to be in the wedding if you will be uncomfortable, even if your hubby is in the wedding party. Wouldn't you feel kind of like an imposter in a way? The bride probably can't even think straight about it right now but would understand if you explained it simply and straightforwardly. Now your hubby may think differently ..... but that's another problem!!

 

[Unregistered]

If you're engaged to Mike you'll probably end up spending lots of time with these people as a couple, or no? If yes, you might want to do it to make future relationships smooth, but I can understand feeling uncomfortable and you can certainly get out by saying that you can't afford it.

 

[mommaruthie]

thanks but no thanks

I cant say i would accept being in the wedding party. I had someone decline from being in the bridal party and boy that was painful but truth of it is that this girl slowly trickled OUT OF MY LIFE. I also had fights with some work friends who wanted me to have their date for the evening, be invited and at over one hundred dollars a plate I DONT THINK YOU SHOULD ASK me to do so! I think the wedding party is a special honor that you, as content as you would be JUST being there as a guest, should decline. I have been passed up from being in the wedding party because there were enough 'family' members to honor. I am sure there is a tactful way of declining.

 

[Margo]

I have to agree with the others. I think you should decline. It seems weird to me that she would even want you (no offense) if she doesn't really know you. Bridal parties are for those closest to the bride and groom.

 

[kelly]

I had the exact thing happen to me. The groom was friend of both of us, but only met the bride a few times. When one girl backed out, the GROOM asked me. Since he was a close friend of my hubby and me, I accepted, I felt strange the entire day. The rest of the girls were very young and THIN!!!!! We are now very close to both of them and I am very happy that I accepted at the time. I guess, it is one of those things that it is different fo every person who gets this last minute proposition. Best of luck to you!