Things You Never Thought You'd Say

"Take the book cover off your head" And I've even had to say this twice to the same student!

And man, now I just know I'm going to accidentally tell the boys on the way to recess to "hold your balls in the hallway"

 

When we are going over combining like terms or solving linear equations and there is a variable p it is always funny. I can always hear the boys giggling.

 

Ah yes, and perpendicular gets a giggle too!

 

I've told high school students to get book covers off their head, 8th graders to quit sniffing their feet and put their shoes back on.

I was reading a poem with 7th graders and it was about a farmer hoeing his field....

I was giving a school tour today and explained about the hoop and stick game with 8th graders. I'm pretty sure every time I said the word stick someone giggled.

 

Please don't show me your underwear
Please wear underwear - yes, everyday, yes, even if you aren't wearing a dress (they are 5)
No, I cannot unblock Facebook at school so you can Farmville (again, 5)

 

LOL...that one made me giggle....I'm so immature!

 

Never thought I would say, "No, we don't stand on the top of the toilet tank and pee into the bowl, you stand on the floor."

 

math1abee, I treasure the memory of the t-shirt that dd2 pointed out to me. One sees a female dog next to a garden implement, and they're glaring at each other; the garden implement is snarling, "B----!" and the female dog is snarling, "Hoe!"

 

Yeah, I'm another one of those who belongs in middle school because of my very sophomoric sense of humor.

 

I think dd2 was in middle school when she pointed out that shirt.

 

I teach first grade. Every year we do something called a Word Dictionary. Everyday we do a different letter. We come up with words that start with that letter and we write them down. I hate the letter "F". I find myself asking the kids to give me an "f" word. I then quickly change the wording to "give me a word that begins with the letter F" When we do word families the -uck word family scares me to death. So far no kid has ever said it, but there is always a first time.:lol:

 

This reminds me of a video of a comedian (if I remember correctly) that described how the F word was the most diversely used word. It could be an adj., adv. etc. I can't remember where I heard it, but it was hysterical! Definitely not for the kiddos, but pretty funny for adult humor.

 

I have said the second one a lot.



Also- Keep all body parts and objects to yourself. This phrase is weird to me because the first time I had to say it - my mind jumped to a visual of zombie kids ripping their arm off to hit somebody else with it. I think it didn't help that I watched a zombie movie the night before :lol:

 

Probably George Carlin.

 

Ah, yes...the seven words you can't say on television.... obviously from BC ( before cable!):lol:

 

Hahahaha! I would love to see that! :lol:

 

I didn't say this, but my teacher buddy did last week: "No, they do not call America a "melting pot" because of global warming."

 

Been there, done that.

 

Wish I could show you the shirt, math1abee - but, though Google still has the Web link, the site is shut down. What a pity.

 

Nah. I saw that bit. It was Bernie Mac with the Original Kings of Comedy Tour. Although the George Carlin "7 words you can't use" bit is amazing.

 

I asked a child to give me a word that rhymes with truck. He looked up at the alphabet line to come up with a word. The first word he came up with was f. . . I don't think he had a clue as to what he said.

 

Here's a version of what you are talking about TeacherGroupie

http://www.motifake.com/pots-dog-bi...ack-cartoon-demotivational-posters-69113.html

 

Pretty much, maya5250 - though this has a little less glower than I recall. Sigh.

 

You need to bring your own balls

As an incentive, our school offers extra recess on Fridays to students that have not been a behavior issue. The first week of school, some of the kids were trying to get a feel for how we (in 7th grade) handle things and the conversation went like this...
Male Student: Do you have balls we can play with?
Me: No, you need to bring your own balls tomorrow
Class: busted out laughing!!!!

IT was all I could do not to laugh too. I had to bite my lip!! :lol:

 

Things I've said that wouldn't be said in any other career.

Please don't put stickers on your face.

This is not your bedroom. Please pick up your ......

Someone in this room doesn't know their name.

No, I will not feel your forehead. I'm not a doctor.

Are you dead? dying? bleeding? (I suppose a medic might say that.)

Pull your pants up. I have no desire to see your underwear.

I am not Wal-mart.