Things I have actually said to a student...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by RussianBlueMommy, Sep 30, 2016.

  1. RussianBlueMommy

    RussianBlueMommy Comrade

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    Anyone have funny or "you had to be there", looking back crazy things you said as a teacher to share? This would be a good thread for instilling some humor.
    Today I actually said to a student "It doesn't matter if you are allowed to cut your hair at home, you can't do it here". LOL
    The kid was trying to cut his hair . Sigh. 12 years old, I would have thought was too old?
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Hold your balls. On the way to recess with kids carrying recess equipment
     
  4. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I've said this.

    I try to be a bit more specific now. Keep the soccer ball from hitting the floor repeatedly while you're inside is too wordy but there's no giggling about hold on to your balls. :)
     
  5. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    Getting ready to do McCracken spelling:

    "Alright boys and girls... today we are going to do s & m!" :oops:
     
  6. Luv2TeachInTX

    Luv2TeachInTX Comrade

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    We don't ride friends like a horse in the hall. Oh, the joys of having several students with severe unmedicated ADHD. Sigh...
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2016
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  7. mckbearcat48

    mckbearcat48 Cohort

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    Please don't punch your girlfriend.
    There is no such thing as "healthy crack".

    That was today.
     
  8. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Actual dialogue with one of my sophomores this morning...

    "What is your career goal?"
    "I wanna be Spiderman!"
    "You'll need a degree in Chemistry to make a radioactive spider."
    "...How about Batman?"
     
  9. Luv2TeachInTX

    Luv2TeachInTX Comrade

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    I'm prefacing this by saying that I have a class that is severely lacking in social skills and manners..

    My reply to student who repeatedly belches loudly in class who told me, "but I said excuse me!" "So is it okay if I fart all day as long as I say excuse me?" LOL
     
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  10. RussianBlueMommy

    RussianBlueMommy Comrade

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    Dying of laughter. Love it.
     
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  11. MsAbeja

    MsAbeja Companion

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    Engineering!
     
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  12. Janedo5513

    Janedo5513 Rookie

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    I had kids that kept whining so I said, "suck it up buttercup." These were older kids. They thought it was funny but it got the message.
     
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  13. RubberRoad

    RubberRoad Rookie

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    "Let me hold onto that bottle of vodka for you," said my colleague to her 2nd grader, who had a confused look on his face as he pulled it from his backpack while fishing for his HW folder.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2016
  14. MsAbeja

    MsAbeja Companion

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    Maybe his parents thought you deserved it, after all your hard work.
     
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  15. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Oct 3, 2016

    Farting is not on the schedule until 1o'clock.
     
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  16. RubberRoad

    RubberRoad Rookie

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    please explain!!
     
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  17. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Mine don't even say excuse me unless I give them that "are you kidding me" glare. LOL They force farts out. I have one LOW kid that doesn't fart all day long. I tell them if he can hold them in they can, too.

    Gah... some you can almost see the green cloud seeping from their butts.
     
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  18. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Oh my. Maybe I should add farting to my schedule... like COMBINE IT WITH PE so I don't have to smell it! LOL
     
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  19. RussianBlueMommy

    RussianBlueMommy Comrade

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    Today to a kid. "Hand sanitizer goes in hand, not on floor" she was pouring it out onto the floor.. Im but even sure why.?
     
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  20. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Today I found myself saying, "Just as there as separation of church and state, there is separation of student and student. Move apart, PLEASE."
     
  21. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Do you really need your mascara to do your French homework?
     
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  22. Reality Check

    Reality Check Habitué

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    Our administration, in a further effort to tie our hands behind our backs, makes us leave our classroom doors unlocked. Regularly, male hall-walkers will open the door to scout out the girls in that particular class and then slam the door shut. They think it's funny and you spend 10 minutes trying to get back to your subject. Well, as soon as they open the door and start looking in, I've said, "No, no, no. No one in here wants to have sex with you." They get embarrassed immediately and leave. :)
     
  23. MLB711

    MLB711 Comrade

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    Today, to a 7th grade boy - "and exactly why do you have paper mache in your ear?"
    And to another - "did you put paper mache in his ear???"
    Boy we had a fun art class
     
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  24. cupcakequeen

    cupcakequeen Comrade

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    "You need to start bringing something other than a tub of butter for lunch."

    Apparently this student's family follows some kind of keto diet, but honestly, watching her eat butter by the spoonful every day for a week has become a little disconcerting.
     
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  25. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Well, indiscriminate farting was getting to be too much for the small room, so I made a joke out of it and told them that it was scheduled in from then on. o_O
     
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  26. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    We don't lick our friends.

    Please open your eyes when you are cutting.

    And my personal favorite, we don't lick our shoes.
     
  27. NewTeacher2016

    NewTeacher2016 Companion

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    .
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2017
  28. RussianBlueMommy

    RussianBlueMommy Comrade

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    Ketogenic is a legit diet (I lost over 90 pounds on it) but eating a tub of butter isn't exactly part of it lol.
     
  29. thesub

    thesub Comrade

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    'Don't lose your marbles' in an effort to get my 4th graders to earn their marble party.
     
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  30. RussianBlueMommy

    RussianBlueMommy Comrade

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    What is a marble party?
     
  31. mckbearcat48

    mckbearcat48 Cohort

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    Student: "Can I have my meth back?"

    Me: No, the return period for that ended yesterday.
     
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  32. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    "What would you do if I jumped over the railing to the stage down there?"
    "I'd call 911."
     
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  33. A.Alexander

    A.Alexander Guest

    Oct 13, 2016

    @"Luv2TeachInTX. Just curious, did you say this with a straight face? Lol
     
  34. Luv2TeachInTX

    Luv2TeachInTX Comrade

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    Haha, no! I said it with a smile and my students busted up laughing. ;)


     
  35. MLB711

    MLB711 Comrade

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    'I kind of hate you a little bit right now. In the seething with jealousy way of course'
     
  36. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    One day a student wanted to move seats because 'this seat hurts my ass" I wanted to assure him that he'd be ok, so I said "you're ass is fine". We laughed for about 5 minutes.
    That was over a year ago, this week, same scenario happened, but I stopped my myself.
    "your ass... um, you'll be alright, stay there". I guess I do live and learn.

    Wanted to add: i don't just freely say the word "ass", these just slipped out.
     
  37. Milsey

    Milsey Habitué

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    You're going to be pumpin' my gas when you're done school.
     
  38. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    (Upon being asked a religious question)

    There are three topics a teacher never talks about: religion, politics, and robots.

    *cue excited talk about robots, with no memory of the religious question*
     
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  39. MsAbeja

    MsAbeja Companion

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    Psh, as if greedy corporations actually PAY employees to pump gas anymore.
     
  40. NewTeacher2016

    NewTeacher2016 Companion

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    .
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2017
  41. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    "Please tell me you have pants on right now."

    A few years ago when I taught 6th graders, I looked up from my table and one of my kids had walked in and was standing behind a bookshelf with a pair of jeans in his hand that had obviously just been taken off. Luckily he was wearing shorts!
     

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