The invitations are out

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Securis, May 7, 2013.

  1. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    May 7, 2013

    However, no matter how excited we are about our events, the wedding, the shower, the other stuff, it doesn't seem that our 'friends' and family are all that excited for us. We've sent invitations and while I expect some to decline for various reasons, I can say I'm surprised at the high rate of those declining. Is it the economy? Is it our age? Neither of us have ever been married and we're nearing 40.

    I admit there are some mitigating circumstances. My family live far away and are not financially set or healthy enough to travel so far. So none of them can come. Maybe we'll go visit them after the wedding. But that's not the same. In lieu of family not being able to attend, I stretched out to friends in the area where I do live. These aren't life long friends but people I've spent positive time with. I guess we're not as friendly as all that.

    Her extended family (not her immediate family), by report only, seem to be a little on the insufferable side. You'd expect some familial obligation, wouldn't you?

    I think we're both a little disheartened that things seem to be progressing poorly.

    Any thoughts?
     
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  3. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    May 7, 2013

    Thanks for the thought HeartDrama.

    We have a small wedding party (4 each) and also have spent a relatively large sum that is irretrievable with more to come. We sent out 75 invites to friends and family totaling 150 people. We expected my family to decline but wanted to send invitations anyway. So there's a 1/3 or a little more of the invites declined. Then, her family is showing little to no interest so far. That's about 1/2 the remaining invites. Then there are her friends who seem to be majority coming which is 60 % of the remaining invites. Then there are my local friends most of whom I've known for almost 2 years. Granted it's only two years but you'd think they'd at least want to come to the reception. We have a minimum guest count to make so close will be good enough and slightly over is fine. At the moment, we're feeling we're going to fall short of the minimum.

    Now if it's economy and people feel obligated to provide some kind of gift in return for the invite but feel they can't so they decline. That's one thing but at least say that's the reason and give me the chance to be gracious and say come anyway.
     
  4. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    May 7, 2013

    It could be the date as well...not sure when you planned your wedding, but we actually moved our date because we were originally thinking a date that was a common wedding day.
     
  5. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    May 7, 2013

    First off, congrats on the wedding!!

    I'm sorry about the lack of people coming. It could be like mopar said and the date you guys picked out is just not good with a majority of people. It could be that more people show up than have RSVP'd back that they are coming. I know that we had a few extra people come to our wedding that didn't say they were coming.
     
  6. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    May 7, 2013

    I'm so sorry to hear that Sec. I understand where you're coming from...when you're stoked to be marrying to man of your dreams and everyone else isn't nearly as thrilled. I think everyone has already given you great advice, so I'm not sure I can add much more to that.

    However, I would like to add something from other people's perspectives. Five years ago I did not attend the weddings of two good friends. It wasn't that I didn't care for them, was jealous, or was just being a jerk. It was literally too hard for me at the time.

    I was going through A LOT of emotionally difficult stuff due to a really bad relationship ending. I was a mess, could barely get out of bed most days, led alone pull myself together enough to attend a wedding.

    I am deeply ashamed of that fact and still haven't told either of them all the details because when I talk about it, I feel like I'm reliving the pain all over.

    I'm getting married now and they're both coming and I feel really guilty. So there could be stuff like that going on for people.

    Also, unfortunately, people do get jealous. They're upset you're getting married and they aren't. Or you're a thinner bride than they were. Or you're having a better wedding. Or that they're unhappily married and you and your beau are obviously meant to be.

    I even had a friend confess and apologize for her lack of response to my wedding annoucement, because even though she was happy for me, she was really sad for herself because she's several years older than me and said it felt like everyone around her was getting married and she was becoming an old maid.

    People also have their own issues, more than I can name in a single post. I'm not saying it's right, but just something to think about.

    For what it's worth, everyone has been pretty happy for us except my fiance's parents. They keep complaining that we shouldn't have a summer wedding because people are "busy" and that we're "too young" (we're turning 30 next year) and that we haven't known each other long enough (his brother and wife knew each other all throughout HS, then started dating when they were about 22. They got engaged at 27, married at 28 and had a baby at 29. Yet his parents said the SAME thing. It was too soon)
     
  7. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    May 7, 2013

    If its just you and she, that's fine. It's about you as a couple...

    If a few heart close friends attend, that's nice.

    Don't be disheartened by those who can't/choose not to attend. Focus on building your marriage. A wedding is just a day.
     
  8. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    May 7, 2013

    I'm sorry things are not going as you hoped. But try to remember it's a life you are looking forward to, not just a day. Best wishes.
     
  9. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    May 8, 2013

    Thank you for the supportive thoughts. They help.
     
  10. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    May 10, 2013

    For what it's worth, you are not the only person stuck in this sort of situation. Most people Sweets and I have on our list will likely come if they can. Many of my extended family live over 200 miles away, but I still expect many will make an effort to be there or at least send "representatives" from the households. His family is an exercise in dramatics that (in some cases) rival Shakespeare's wildest plots. But my parents win the prize. They are boycotting the event and have told us they won't be in attendance. However, they are considering it acceptable to come to the reception. No way, Jose, I say. Just invite the people you want around you that will rejoice and celebrate your day.
     
  11. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    May 11, 2013

    Is it too nosey to ask why your parents won't attend the wedding?
     
  12. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    May 11, 2013

    I don't mind telling. They say it's because he is divorced and doesn't have an annulment secured so we can marry in the Church. I say it's punishment for me moving in with him and the boys. Sweets and I were engaged for two months and dating for a year and a half before this issue was brought up. Oddly enough it was only a week after I had moved in and my parents initially flipped out.
     
  13. Securis

    Securis Cohort

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    May 12, 2013

    Sorry to hear that. They should just be happy for you.
     
  14. Chrissteeena

    Chrissteeena Companion

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    May 12, 2013

    I have learned, only in the last 2-3 weeks to just let the thoughts of who is coming/ who is not coming not bother me. J's parents did not speak to us from Feb- April. We exchanged some not nice words on our visit to FL for something else and they were told not to come. J has 2 people from his side coming everyone else sent back the RSVP saying no within a day or two of receiving the invitation. Our families live 1600 miles away. We live in IA. They live in NY, CT, MA, FL, up and down the East Coast pretty much. We figured most of them wouldn't be coming. We have very close family friends (my side) and some of my immediate family coming. So that's not a surprise. We sent out 150 invitations. So far 20 said no (17 of them we already knew were going to say no) and then 23 said yes. We still have about a month before the RSVP date. I'm at the point that even if it is those 23 people and only those 23 people I'm okay with that. It is our day and if nobody else wants to come so be it. I will still have an awesome time with the people who are there. =)
     
  15. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    May 12, 2013

    The day before my wedding, my dad wasn't coming. The day of the wedding, he actually came. I did not have a huge turnout compared to the invitations sent but truthfully, it turned out great regardless. With us, with the exception of my father who was just not ready to let his little girl go, it was mostly about the date.
     

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