The damage some mothers do.

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by letsteach, Aug 16, 2007.

  1. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Aug 16, 2007

    I have a child in my class who has been mothered too much. This boy is her baby and she calls him that in front of his class mates, (he has a brother in Grade 8 whom she mothered too much as well, and there are no younger siblings nor likely to be any). This student is 5 and a half years old and she has literally done everything for him. She feeds him, dresses him, thinks for him, he has never had to do anything for himself. He has now been referred for occupational therapy as his fine and gross motor skills are delayed. He could not peel a banana because he did not know how. I showed him how but he is so slow at feeding himself, it took him 20 minutes to eat one small banana. The other morning she confided in me that it was only 2 months ago that she stopped giving him his bottle of formula!!! He won't drink cows milk because he likes his formula. Then she complains that he's such a fussy eater, LOL, he's getting his nutrition from the formula!

    His delayed fine motor skills are now affecting his self-esteem and confidence. He knows he is not good at cutting, drawing and fine motor skills so when these skills are available in activities he will choose home corner. If there is only a fine motor activity, then he will sit and watch the other children as lack of ability will draw attention to him.


    He will sometimes say to his mum (and this is her telling me this), that he wants to stay at home to be with her. I don't know whether it is him satisfying her need to keep him a baby or he genuinely doesn't want to come to school because we are learning our sounds, numbers, etc and he has to think. There is no indication when he is at school that he does not want to be there. He has missed some school days because it was too cold to get out of bed and come to school!

    I just had to vent, some mothers have different views of parenting and we as teachers have to work with what they have done.
     
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  3. apostle2

    apostle2 Rookie

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    Aug 16, 2007

    That is so sad! She is debilitating her child. We do have to deal with so much as teacher, you have parents who care and do too much, and then some who do nothing at all. Tragic! Hang in there!
     
  4. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 16, 2007

    Is there a family counselor you can refer her to?
     
  5. BabyAngel

    BabyAngel Rookie

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    Aug 16, 2007

    How sad for that little boy. I taught high school for three years and middle school for 2. I've seen what happens to these kids when they hit the higher grades. It doesn't get any better. :(
     
  6. teachermom1965

    teachermom1965 Rookie

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    Aug 16, 2007

    Wow, you have described perfectly one little guy we had last year. Except we suspected he was still nursing along with drinking from a bottle. We met with the mother twice, the second time having a speech/ language pathologist in with us. His mom was in complete denial about his problems and insisted that he was "shy" at school but just fine at home. The grandparents would tell us things that they observed that was like his behavior at school. Plus they told us that mom slept with the little boy, not her husband, at night and that they had tried talking to them to no avail, too. These parents had tried for many years to have a child and finally had this little boy and it seems they wanted to keep him a baby.

    The family moved away over the summer so we'll never know what happens but my heart just aches for that child. It's very sad that parents can do such harm to their children without even realizing it.
     
  7. shantroy

    shantroy Rookie

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    Aug 17, 2007

    WOW...the poor kid, it's going to be tough for him to overcome the damage his mother has done.

    The thought just popped into my head of what his married life is going to be like...the poor woman who marries that boy is going to be in for some serious mother-in-law issues!
     
  8. letsteach

    letsteach Comrade

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    Aug 18, 2007

    I don't think his chances of getting married will be very high if he's not helped, so there won't be any mother-in-law issues! His brother in Grade 8 is not the quickest nor smartest of kids. One of his teachers connected the two (she takes my student for LOTE), and said the brother in Grade 8 is 'not a full shilling'.

    The mother is really nice and wants to help her son. She is totally oblivious to what she has done so there is no question of denial. They are a poor, low educational family and now that we have started the referral process, she is working with him at home to help develop his skills. I don't think this happened with his older brother, so we may be able to limit the damage done.
     

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