The "crying every night" thing

Discussion in 'New Teachers' started by HArak24270, Aug 3, 2010.

  1. HArak24270

    HArak24270 Rookie

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    Aug 3, 2010

    Two weeks left until the first day of school, and I feel pretty on top of things. But something keeps creeping back into my mind.

    I keep thinking back to conversations I've had with veteran teachers. During these conversations, one comment always seems to pop up - and I mean always, without fail. With minimal variation, it goes something like this:

    "Yeah, my first year of teaching was pretty crazy, pretty demanding (laughter). I WENT HOME AND CRIED EVERY NIGHT."

    What...what exactly does this mean? Like, literally, crying? Every night? That's something I usually associate with chronic pain, divorce, and prison camps. I don't want that at all.

    The few times I've attempted to get more information from the teachers, I was usually at a social/professional function, holding some kind of cheese on a plate...anyway, it just didn't seem like the appropriate place or time to ask for more detail. have any of you gotten this comment? What do you think it means? And where do you think the bulk of the new-teacher-distress comes from?
     
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  3. MissKH81

    MissKH81 Rookie

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I wonder if you were standing behind me in the fancy cheese line? It's my weakness :)
    Anyway, I can't help but picture this woman who scared you to be really scary lady with rotting teeth and bad hair. Nice encouragement!!
    I'm not going to lie, the first year is the most stressful and the most work. The reason for this, simply put, is that you are starting everything from scratch. You have to learn the inter workings of the school, your curriculum, the parents, the kids, buy all of your classroom junk, etc. Everything is a learning experience in your first year. Once you have built your toolkit, it will be a little easier the next time around. Stay focused, stick with the positive teachers (not the gossipers), and most importantly ....Stay away from that crabby lady!
     
  4. KateL

    KateL Habitué

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I'm not a crier, and I cried 1 or 2 times. I don't know anyone who cried every night. But there will definitely be days when you will feel like you can't do anything right.
     
  5. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I had an overall a really good first year. I cried once. It was a month after I began. I started in October, was thrown into the classroom. And, the pressure got to me. I got my cry out, and moved on. By April, I was begging for the school year to NOT end because it was going so well. I had a BTSA mentor who I worked really well with.

    I also made sure to seek the help of my coworkers.

    I didn't have this site, yet. But, my suggestion to new teachers is to also come here and to seek help. :)


    First year is tough but not impossible! :)
     
  6. UVAgrl928

    UVAgrl928 Habitué

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    Aug 3, 2010

    Luckily I had a lot of other first year teachers at my school to go through it with. I won't lie, I did have a couple friends that DID cry almost every night. However, I felt like I had a fabulous support staff. My two times I broke down and cried were over things that were out of my hands. Both times were after IEP meetings. I had a child that no matter how hard I tried, lost his SPED services. This really upset that there wasn't anything I could do.

    The daily grind can be tough, but make sure you start each day with a fresh slate. The kids notice it!
     
  7. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I cried for about two weeks. But it was because I was trying to teach nine grade levels my first year and really had no clue what I was doing. Once I figured it out I had a wonderful first year.
     
  8. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Aug 3, 2010

    My first year was stressful, but it was also very exciting.

    I'm going into year six of teaching in a public high school and I REALLY, REALLY ENJOY my job.

    I think I recall crying 2 times during my first year ... when the pressure just got to me. But, after a good cry I patted myself on the back, told myself I was doing my best, and carried on. These cries were in front of my mentor.

    I cried once during year 4 because of frustration from technology issues. Being labeled the "school techie" is a favorite role of mine, but when technology fails (due to infrastructure, nothing I could do about it) and everyone (including admin) is looking at me to make technology work for all classrooms ... this cry was as I drove home. Luckily, we now have the infrastructure to support all of our technologies (1:1 laptops)

    I cried once last year because I hurt a student's feelings ... when I talked to her about it and learned that I had hurt her feelings, she began to cry and I began to cry. That cry began in front of that student and ended in front of my student teacher and my administrator (both came to comfort me and I started blubbering again). :)

    So, cries do happen, but it happens because we care so much and the pressures are great. But, if you have a supportive admin and/or a supportive group of teachers, you will get through those cries just fine.
     
  9. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Aug 3, 2010

    My first year was a total delight. I had a great group of kids, found an informal mentor who became a good friend, and discovered that I did have a knack for teaching. I went out with friends every weekend, dated a new guy that year, and generaly had a wonderful time.

    I didn't shed a single tear-- me, the one who cries at Hallmark commercials. I HAVE cried at school-- over the loss of a teacher to brain cancer, the loss of students to accidents and illness, explaining my own medical issues to the AP-- all personal reasons. I don't remember every crying about professional frustrations. (Then again, I've been incredibly lucky in the 2 schools in which I've worked since 1980)

    I think the new teacher issues come from a couple of directions:

    - an unrealistic idea of what they've gotten themselves into. I think a lot of people envision bulletin boards and hugs, and don't realize all that's involved-- why they call this stuff "work."

    - an unrealistic idea of how much "help" they'll get. I'm very lucky in that I became a teacher before anyone had ever thought of mentors or new teacher programs. So I went in knowing that I was on my own, a professional expected to do a professional job. I'm not sure that all universities adequately make that clear.

    -sometimes, from what I've read here-- but not experienced-- teachers end up in a situation where, for whatever reason, the team/administration/parents/whoever are simply a bad mix and things get rough. But again, this has never been my experience or that of any of my teacher friends. (And I do have a lot of teacher friends from other schools). I've only read about it here.

    So don't expect to have a hard time. Expect to learn and grow, and to work much harder than you had to as a student teacher. But, at least based on my experiences, don't expect a rough time!
     
  10. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I usually cry at least once a year--at school, in the safety of my little office. It is always due to one of three things--staff treating students unfairly; students involved in things they shouldn't be and not being able to help; not taking time to "de-stress".

    Don't expect everything to be perfect, and don't be hard on yourself when mistakes happen.

    Don't get caught up in negativity, focus on your students.

    Don't let your job take over your life, be sure to make time for yourself.

    Above all--have fun!
     
  11. MissJill

    MissJill Cohort

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I had an amazing first year and I went home feeling great every night. The only stressful time for me was during NJASK testing.
     
  12. brejohnson88

    brejohnson88 Comrade

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I feel like crying is normal and it is bound to happen. I feel at times when I cry its because I care about something so much which I think is a good thing. I am really nervous too especially because I am a "Go-Go-GO" never stop type of person. I need to relax, breath and take breaks when necessary instead of stressing myself out beyond return. I know there will be some days when I cry but other days when I smile and realize excatly why I am a teacher. Good Luck
     
  13. 5throx

    5throx Rookie

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I've already started my school year (we're year round), and I don't cry every night, mainly because I'm too exhausted to do that. Seriously, I get to work by 6:30 a.m., and I usually don't leave until the custodians announce they're turning on the alarms, which is about 7:00 most nights.
    Enjoy that first few weeks :)
     
  14. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I cried a few times my first year, but probably from exhaustion. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would though, if that's any consolation! One teacher told me early on in my 1st year to get comfortable with the idea that a teacher's job is never done. I actually found this very comforting, and I still remind myself of that nearly every day. There's always papers to grade, parents to call, lessons to plan, papers to turn in, meetings to attend....once I got okay with the idea of letting things slide, things got a lot easier for me. It's so easy to fall into the burnout trap because you constantly are working.
     
  15. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Aug 3, 2010

    Sometimes I think people just want to prepare you for the worst. So many people go into teaching with rose-colored glasses and when they find out how much actual work it is, they breakdown. I can't remember crying once-but maybe I just blocked out that 1st year.;)
     
  16. joe22k

    joe22k Rookie

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I am not a crier and never cried but the first year is hard. The thing to remember though is the hard times the first year make you more prepared for anything later on in your career. I remember being frustrated with students and caring too much at times when they didn't like me. I will say that a key is to try to get along with the other teachers and staff at the school. My first year especially they were great. They were always someone to go to and I knew that I had people on my side even when students were not!
     
  17. BCPMWK

    BCPMWK Companion

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I don't remember crying during my first year, but my hubby and family will tell you that I was HEdoublehockeysticks to live with :). I was definitely stressed out! I wanted to do so much, and was disappointed that my BIG plans didn't pan out. It is so funny now...I thought the students would just sit down, listen to me, and we'd just move right along. Now we do, but that first year or two...not so much! :)
     
  18. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

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    How does a person lose their right to an IEP? That's crazy? A person doesn't become un-learning disabled. They still need the support, all the way through college. That's a shame for the child. It's too bad someone took away their right to receive support services.
     
  19. brejohnson88

    brejohnson88 Comrade

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    Aug 3, 2010

    Thanks for sharing Pieces, thats how I feel but your right, a teachers job is never done and I will have to keep that in mind when im stressing myself out this year!!!
     
  20. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    Aug 3, 2010

    I had a very good first year and have wonderful memories. It wasn't without its stressful moments, but I n ever cried. I'm not much of a crier though.

    To be honest, I don't know any teacher who had that bad of a year to cry all the time.
     
  21. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 4, 2010

    I've cried a few times in my career, including my first year in k-12, though not often.

    I cried when:

    -We lost a student to a knife fight
    -A 14yo dropped out of school because she couldn't handle school after she gave birth to her second child
    -The air rescue helicopter left with one of my homeroom students on board. She had collapsed from a drug overdose, and I had spent 15 desperate minutes performing CPR waiting on rescue to arrive and take over.
    -When I received a note from a student telling me how she was sure she was going to ace the state test that year, because she finally believed in herself, and that was because of me.
    -When another student told me the reason he abandoned his friends when they were stealing stuff from Wal-Mart was because he didn't want to get caught and disappoint me.
    -When all of my 7th and 9th graders passed the state test one year
    -When things had calmed down after a parent had forced his way into my classroom and attempted to beat the crud out of one of my students, who had apparently offended said parent's son is some way
    -At the end of every school year, when i had to say goodbye to my kids.
     
  22. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Aug 4, 2010

    The only time I remember crying my first year during the last week of school-I was an emotional wreck. Granted, I was in a great school. I've cried PLENTY of time since then because of school environments. But it had nothing to do with my first year vs. other years. It was purely because of the school.
     
  23. SingBlueSilver

    SingBlueSilver Companion

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    Aug 4, 2010

    My student teaching experience was amazing, but all through it I heard the "I cried every night my first year" stories too, but the story that followed that one was the "It gets better" story.

    I'm still a relatively new teacher (starting my 4th year in September), but it hasn't ALWAYS gotten better. My first year was bad...I cried, not every night and not even every week, but I did cry quite a bit. After the first year, I remembered the "It gets better" stories so I was hopeful. I guess that wasn't the case for me my 2nd year bc, it got worse. I cried even MORE my second year. The 2009-2010 school year (my 3rd year) was the best. Did I cry? NO. The only time I did was on my birthday when my students threw me a surprise birthday party, and the last day of school because I had been laid off and was saying good bye not only to my students but to my co-workers as well whom I loved working with.

    I think of it as a roller coaster bc of all the up's and down's. Some years will be good, some better, some not good at all. But it's the "It gets better" stories that keep me going. Maybe it won't be better right away, but somewhere along the way it's gotta get better, right? :)
     
  24. eddygirl

    eddygirl Companion

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    Aug 4, 2010

    I think crying is a very personal thing depending on how emotional you are. I did not cry during my first year, but since I started teaching at 40, I had already faced many emotional times in my life. I figured after everything I had already dealt with, I could handle just about anything!

    My daughter, on the other hand, called me frequently during her first year of teaching with tears in her voice. She expresses her frustration through tears, and although she is an exceptional teacher, she just needed validation that she was doing the right thing.

    If crying is how you handle other frustrations in your life, you will probably cry during your first year. However, if you find that you do not tear up for personal or social situations, you probably won't find yourself tearing up over school. I think everyone will come across situations at school that will make you cry--I cried in front of my students when we formed an honor guard for a graduate who died in Iraq, and I cried over the PA when I had to announce that a beloved teacher passed away from cancer--but I think those types of situations show the kids that you have feelings, too.
     
  25. laf10

    laf10 Rookie

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    Aug 4, 2010

    It will be my first year teaching too, and I've heard that from a lot of teachers. Today was my first bad experience in my new job, and I wanted to cry. I found out construction will not be finished in my room, so it will be complete chaos for the first couple weeks! :( I know it'll be stressful, but I'm hoping it's not as bad as they say!
     
  26. dovian

    dovian Comrade

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    Aug 5, 2010

    My first year was in a crap school with no support and difficult kids. I cried a lot, including once when I had to sprint to the bathroom at the end of a class because I was just.so.frustrated, and another time at a training session in front of a whole bunch of teachers I didn't know (who were lovely about it, actually, and invited me out to happy hour.) I don't work there anymore and life has gotten a lot better.

    Reasons for crying, besides the above? I think the biggie is exhaustion. It's SO easy to run yourself ragged, stay at school until 7 PM, stay up until all hours at home writing plans, grading papers, doing "teacher stuff", that you can get to a point where someone asking you what's for dinner will cause you to burst into tears. Some first year teachers also wind up with relationship problems if their SO doesn't really understand how hard the job can be, and then you have that to deal with too.

    Is it avoidable? Somewhat. Some days will just suck. Seek support of colleagues and other teacher-friends. (Don't expect civilians to understand.) Don't kill yourself trying to get papers back the next day - you have a life too. Don't call parents from your home or on your cell phone. Do something for yourself on a regular basis - play in a band, sing, exercise, whatever, something with other people where you can be Firstname instead of Ms. Lastname. Lots of people will try to give you advice. Smile politely and shut the door. (That includes this paragraph.) Have a backup plan for when your lesson goes to pot. And when it does, make a note of it so next year you'll remember. Save all your lesson plans in your computer to save yourself the work next time around. And keep remembering, the second year will be better.
     
  27. SciTeacherNY

    SciTeacherNY Companion

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    Aug 10, 2010

    I NEVER cried during my first year. I will say, however, that it was a very overwhelming and stressful at times. I had a very demanding admin at that school, who wanted everything to be a very specific way. I was also working with a difficult student population. Most days I was at work until 5 or 6 o'clock and on the weekends I would be planning non-stop.

    On a more positive note, I must say it does get better. I am now starting my fifth year and I am very confident with the curriculum and (for the most part) my lesson plans. At this point, it is more about revamping than full out planning, which is much better.
     
  28. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I didn't cry every night my first year teaching, but I did my first year in this district. It was out of frustration. I would be watching television with my family and tears would roll down my face. I hated a couple of teachers I worked with and they made me miserable. I would put on a happy face at school, but when I got home it was my time to reflect. I will never be that way again. Before it happens, I will work at Walmart.

    I am not a whiner...in fact, I think that was part of my problem. I didn't have anyone to talk to and it frustrated me. My husband and I fought all the time. I blamed him because he pressured me into taking the job. That was the worse year of my life, but the best learning experience I have ever had.
     
  29. newbie23

    newbie23 Comrade

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    Aug 11, 2010

    I think you have to consider other influences as well. Perhaps it's not so much being a new teacher but other things piled onto that.

    Last year was my first year so I can't attest to the, "it gets better" mentality quite yet but I'm holding out hope.

    I will admit, I cried every day for probably the first two weeks. Sometimes I'd make it home, other times the waterworks came on as I got to the sanctity of my car. I think like Alice said, I had unrealistic expectations of the level of support I would receive. It's easy as a recent student teacher to expect that life is rosey and everyone is willing to help you succeed to be the best teacher you can be. Some of us are fortunate to have that experience but it's not the norm and should in no way be expected.

    I came from student teaching in a school with 20+ teachers on my grade level. It stands to reason you'll find at least 1 in 20 that will help you better yourself as a teacher. I went into a school that could not be more different. I was the "outsider" from the "big city" in a school with 9 teachers total (including Sped and Title I). I won't post in detail but if you'd like to know more, I've posted on my experiences. I will say that not everyone was as supportive as I would have liked and some were downright cruel.

    I felt overwhelmed by the paperwork, the constant pressure of being "on," and the desire to succeed right out of the gate. I had some impossible goals for performance. I was so disappointed in my behavior that I had an actual resignation letter ready to turn in to my principal but at the last minute, He intervened and it went into file 13.

    Having said all of that, I think that only contributed to 1/4 of my crying. I was homesick with 2 hours separating myself and anyone I knew. I moved out of my mom's house for the first time to a house of my own. The town I live in doesn't have the familiar stores, museums, etc. that I'm used to. There's a lot of time for quiet reflection which isn't always a positive thing. Once I got my best friend (my chocolate lab), life was peachy again. I don't cry, I don't miss home, and I feel more relaxed.

    I guess the point of this rambling is that not ALL first year teachers cry. Like you, I heard horror stories that make my experience seem like a cake walk. It's an adjustment and something that you need to have the right mindset for. I'm not sure what relaxes you but I find that prayer, journaling (or typing on here) and visualization work well for me. You won't be perfect but the good thing is that no one will expect you to be. You might have people watching to see you fail, but that's probably only because they feel pretty insecure about the way they started off their career.
     
  30. pinkrobots27

    pinkrobots27 Rookie

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    Aug 11, 2010

    I can really relate to this post. I just finished up my teacher training program RIGHT before school started and I think it set me up to expect more support. Even though it was tough, there was always someone to lean on and talk to. At my current school, there isn't a feeling of warm welcome, gossip is prevalent, and there is a feeling of people watching for you to fail. Sounds dramatic but this is the vibe I have noticed. I can also relate to feeling like you have to be on and have been trying to tell myself to put on a "teacher face" so to speak before entering. This teacher face is one that feels confident and prepared and also asks questions. I do not have a thick skin at all so I have had to play this little silly game with myself to make it through the day. When I leave school, I take off the "teacher face" and try to process/reflect on the positives and negatives of the day.

    And on the waterworks, I was yelled at by my supervisor today in front of another teacher, a member of the faculty, and two of my students. The waterworks that I had been fighting back all morning popped up in my classroom and I had to collect myself by working on the computer away from my students while my assistant finished up the lesson. So embarrassing. :eek:
     
  31. Learner4Life

    Learner4Life Cohort

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    Aug 12, 2010

    I can totally relate to the post above as well... and I even worked in the school I work in now, not as a teacher but as a Para. The title change must have changed some people's perceptions of the way they saw me or something...
    I KNOW I thought I would get more support than I did and while I didn't go home crying every night, I cried a lot. And a lot of those tears came from life lessons that needed to be learned. I'm going into my 2nd year of teaching and while I know that it will NOT be all rosy and easy, I do know that it will be easIER and things will get even better for me as I learn more and get more into the profession.
     
  32. ilovetoread

    ilovetoread Rookie

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    Aug 12, 2010

    Do we work at the same school? haha! I switched schools several years ago and went from a loving, supportive, wonderful building to one that is not so much. I went from not crying at all my first 4 years of teaching to crying at least once a week last year. I was able to keep the waterworks in normally until I got home or at least to my car, but I cried once in front of some admin and some other teachers (no kids, at least) and I got called into the office and reprimanded for it about a week later (which led to more tears in the office...). I think (hope) it will be better this year since I know what to expect. :rolleyes:
     
  33. pinkrobots27

    pinkrobots27 Rookie

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    Aug 14, 2010

    We must! I am sorry you are experiencing a similar situation. I don't go to the teacher's lounge except to pick up my mail and I only visit the office to sign in. I avoid the admin here at ALL costs....just smile, say, "Good Morning," and go about my business.

    Reprimanding someone for crying is ridiculous. I cry more when I'm embarrassed so that would just be counter productive! I hope things get better for both of us.
     
  34. TeacherApr

    TeacherApr Groupie

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    Aug 14, 2010

    ??? I didn't shed one tear my 1st year of teaching. Supposedly, the story says that your first year of teaching is the hardest but I didn't have a hard class until my 2nd year of teaching. I still didn't cry over them and I was pregnant....
     
  35. Sunflowers

    Sunflowers Rookie

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    Sep 1, 2010

    I just finished Day 8 and I cried the first three days (once in the class, but I don't think my students saw). I haven't cried since, but I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and totally lack confidence. I am a middle class, blue collar white girl from Ohio and I'm teaching in an extremely poor, 86% Spanish-speaking Texas border town. So if you can just picture how my 8th graders attempt to eat me alive every day, you can imagine how I feel. I'm so glad to see other people at least feeling the heat of the first year. Trying not to wish my year away, but definitely looking forward to not feeling this way!
     
  36. kteachone

    kteachone Companion

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    Sep 1, 2010

    Every night? Try every morning, during the day, before faculty meetings...I cried everyday for a solid month. I had so much anxiety I started meds, which I still take today.

    Teaching is a stressful gig. Being a first year teacher is stressful too--trying to fit in, meeting kids, being exhausted...there's also that fear of the unknown. Teaching is not for the weak!
     

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