Telling kids there's no Santa Claus

Being Jewish, I didn't grow up with Santa Claus. My husband is Christian, though, and we celebrate both the Jewish and Christian holidays - at least on a secular level. My kids were told all about Santa early on and they embraced it. They love Santa and the gifts he brings them. However, they're getting older now. My son is 11 and my daughter is 10. I expected realization to set it at this point and they would know that Santa doesn't actually exist. Somehow they didn't get the memo. They still believe in Santa. They talk about it frequently and eagerly anticipate what he will bring them this year.

I think enough is enough at this point. I'm over the whole pretense of it and I feel like they should know the truth by now. I've never heard of anyone having to tell their kids that Santa doesn't exist, though. I always thought that kids are usually the ones to figure it out and inform their parents of their discovery.

It's not that I'm in any rush for them to grow up. I just think they're too old for this whole thing, I don't want them embarrassed in front of their friends if it comes up in conversation, and I'm tired of lying to them.

Your thoughts?

 

I suspect they already know and are keeping up the charade because it's fun. Even my 14 year old, who's known for years that Santa Clause doesn't really exist still plays up the theme when it suits him.

 

Some things I found by Googling that hopefully may help?

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-the-"Is-Santa-Claus-Real"-Question

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/when-santa-stops-being-real

 

This is what I was going to say. I'm a grown adult and I still get excited about Santa. My siblings and I still receive gifts in the mail from "Santa". We embrace the tradition.

 

If you don't believe you don't receive!

I know, I know, Christmas isn't about receiving, but to me, Santa is about kindness and giving and embracing the magic of the season. Whatever religion is celebrated. We told our now 12-year old when she was probably 9 or 10, right around that age where you are fairly sure he isn't real, but don't want to say it out loud. We talked to her about the spirit of Santa, and how while there might not be a REAL fat man in a red suit, the idea behind him is very much real and alive and celebrated in our family. She now LOVES the fact that she is "in on it" with her younger siblings. I expect the same will be coming for my now 8-year old in the next couple of years.

 

If they're already telling you about what they hope Santa brings them, it's entirely possible that they've stopped believing in the idea of a guy in a red suit and black boots out there who brings nifty stuff but that they've bought into Santa as a convention that allows them to clue you in as to what they'd like without it sounding quite so demand-y.

Even if they're not there yet, I wouldn't make a big issue of it this year - but, if you give Santa presents, just make sure the tags that say "from Santa" are in your handwriting or your husband's.

You could also undertake a family project to be Santa to a family that doesn't have much.

 

Just FYI...I clicked on this last link, and it brought up a message about Trojan viruses on my computer, even through my spam blocker.

 

Yikes! Sorry about that! I clicked it with no problem. Then again, I'm on a Mac, so that may be why.

I do apologize. I'll remove the link.

 

I tend to get in trouble when I discuss Santa so I'll just wish you the best. Haha. Some kids accept it easily and others don't. Hope you find a way for them to understand.

 

I've wondered about that myself at times, but I really think they still fully believe it. Last Christmas, my son was flipping out that we were still up and it was getting close to midnight. He was panicked that Santa wouldn't come. It seemed very genuine to me and I know him like a book.

My kids are intelligent, but they have fully bought into this.

 

This is the mantra with my family too. Even the adults embrace 'Santa'. My daughter will be 10 on Christmas and she still believes.

 

My parents told me when I was in third grade. I was the youngest in my class (pretty much a year younger than everyone else), and they were worried that I would get teased for still believing. My mom actually told me, and then took me to help buy the Easter candy! I vividly remember lying awake the next Christmas and fervently hoping that there was some way that she was wrong.

I like kcjo's idea of how to phrase it.

 

I told my 2 older kids before they entered middle school.

I'll tell my youngest if she doesn't figure it out by this Christmas.

Middle school kids who insist that they believe become targets for mockery.

 

How did they take it? I'm worried that I'm going to break their hearts. Plus, I'm scared to hear "How could you lie to me all these years?"

 

They pretty much accepted it as a rite of passage.

It helped that they now had the responsibility of keeping Santa alive for their younger sister.

Now there's a 1 year old neighbor across the street that we're close to, so the secret will need to be kept for her.

And the reality is that the only thing that's changed is their ability to be very specific in their requests for Santa. My son, at this very moment, is printing up a list of 4 or 5 pair of sneakers he wants, so Santa will have plenty to choose from.

As much as he would love money, he knows that Santa brings gifts. And they know that a wish iist is not a demand list.

 

I stopped believing in Santa in 3rd grade, but pretended to believe until 5th. Honestly, it wasn't even about the presents. A couple of my friends would say that their parents were liars because Santa wasn't even real. While I didn't agree, I also didn't want my parents to find out that I knew the truth; I didn't want them to think I was calling them liars.

In 5th grade they casually asked me if I've heard anything about Santa, and I admitted that I knew he wasn't real. It was a relief that they were the first to bring it up. They asked me to keep it a secret for my younger sisters. I was happy to have something be our little secret. It made me feel grown up.

 

At those ages I think it's better for them to hear it from you then be made fun of at school. If they're insisting to their peers at school that santa is real and THEN you tell them, I think they'd be a lot more embarrassed/upset than if you just told them before the Christmas season started. I like the ideas about explaining the "spirit" of Santa also.

 

My brother & I didn't want to admit that Santa wasn't real, so we never told our parents that we knew the truth. At some point my Mom stopped putting from Santa on our gifts.

I would have told our kids if they hadn't figured it out by 4th or 5th grade. I didn't have to. My youngest is 17 yrs. old and I still will put from Santa on some of the presents.

 

Buy fewer 'Santa' gifts...your kids will let you know when they are ready to let you know they no longer believe in Santa....although I still hold onto the magic of the holiday season! That's Santa to me!

By the way, my third grade teacher, for some reason, felt compelled to let my class know 'the truth' when I was eight years old. It sucked even though I had my suspicions.

 

There was a great letter out there that a parent wrote. She explained the spirit so eloquently. Perhaps you could find that and use it?

 

There's always the NY Sun's op-ed "Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Clause."

http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/

 

I still remember my next-door neighbor telling me there wasn't a Santa Claus. She also told me that Santa would have NEVER come to my house anyway because I'm Jewish. I had a long talk with my parents about both pieces of information, since we had a tree and everything.

 

My kids are teenagers and they have never mentioned they don't believe. They love watching his travels on whatever that site is that tracks him. They still leave out cookies and milk. I am glad they still "believe" because there are younger children in the family that still truly believe. I would be crushed if my kids ruined it for the younger ones. I think it shows they are kind enough and caring enough to not ruin it for the younger ones. And, yes, it feels good to know my kids have good hearts!

 

No need to apologize! Nasty internet trolls. Always coming up with something new to ruin our days, :lol:.

 

Isn't that the truth! If these people would only use their skills for GOOD, imagine what this world would be like.

/endhijack

 

I don't remember when I figured it out - maybe third or fourth grade? Definitely by fifth grade.

We still pretend in my family - we also make it into a bit of a game, we'll write in-jokes on the tags i.e. from: the cat to: the person who gives me treats every night or other silly things like that.

 

As a teacher of all the kids the comment comes up each year. I tell them I still believe. How as a 5 year old I heard noises (true story) in the living room so I got up and checked the adult rooms (all were asleep) and then the living room and there were the toys. Besides, I have seen Miracle on 34th Street about 2 dozen times so I will always believe.......Santa Claus is the belief that someone will do something for children if they are good. Simple enough for me.

 

Yes, I think 11 is a little too old to keep the Santa charade going as if there really is a Santa Claus. My mother in law gives me, a 28 year old woman, gifts from "Santa" at Christmas, but I *know* Santa isn't real.

I'm really surprised with the internet nowadays that anybody older than 8 still believes in Santa.

 

Reminds me of the year that while we were at my Grandmother's Santa came. I never did figure out how my parents managed that one.

 

How old are your kids?

The Santa Clause is a movie.:lol: Santa Claus is the character in whom Virginia was encouraged to believe.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111070/

 

Being a faith based person I find that believing in Santa Claus is the first step in believing in God and Jesus.
You see you don't see God or Jesus.
AND you don't see Santa Claus on Christmas night but wow come Christmas morning there are all the gifts
Thus is how we start teaching about God and his gifts to us we never "see" God but we see his gifts. When the time comes to let the cat out of the bag it was easy for me to explain that God uses Santa Claus to help little children understand the gifts that God gives us. Much as God used the prophets to bring us the good news.

 

I see that totally opposite from you, lol. When my first son was born, this was the reason I did NOT want to have Santa Claus in our house. When I was told Santa wasn't real at 8 years old, I honestly was waiting the rest of my teenage years to hear God was made up too---so we'd behave. Children with particularly astute critical thinking skills may question EVERYTHING they have been told to believe in that they can't see once they find out Santa isn't real.

That was my grave fear. Raise my kids with Santa coming down the chimney and when they find out Santa isn't real, they start questioning the existence of God as well...

 

I first heard that there was no Santa when I was in 2nd grade by hearing a classmate of mine talking. I remember telling my mom at home that day, but I wasn't broken up about it or anything. I don't recall what her reply was when I told her.

I'm a religious person (not Jewish), but I think it's fine to let a kid be a kid & it's OK for kids to believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, & the Easter bunny. I think those were all the characters I was told about as a child.

 

Bottom line, like most things with child rearing, it comes down to personal parental/family preference. Do what works for your family in raising happy and healthy kids.

 

Alice,

I agree with you - the middle schoolers I teach get ridiculed if they profess a hard-core belief in Santa! My kids are in a very diverse area, so the issues happen even sooner for them.

How exactly did you tell them? And may I ask, how old is your youngest?

Harper

 

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My daughter asked about the tooth fairy, but then quickly changed the subject. I think she got a bit scared of the possibilities. I opened the door this week with all the talk of the Halloween "Switch Witch." We don't do it, but some very young kids we know were discussing it. Daughter asked why anyone would do that or believe it was real, so we talked about how it can be a fun part of growing up, etc... I think the wheels are in motion... :unsure:

 

My youngest is 10. Her sister is 13 and her brother is 15.

My daughter asked shortly after Christmas when she was 10... one of those "Mommy, I need you to tell me the truth" conversations.

With her brother, I brought it up one summer day... "Hon, there's something we need to talk about..."

I'm not sure exactly what I said either time, but in the end both thrilled with the prospect of helping me put out the (wrapped) stacks on Christmas Eve and of keeping the secret for their sister.

 

I had to google "Switch Witch" because I'd never heard of it... I can't believe this is a thing now.... kinda weak.

 

Thanks Alice. My daughter is 9 and her brother is 7. But we live in a pretty urban area and lots of kids are non-belivers in Santa. So, I have a feeling we won't make it much longer! Thanks for the help!

 

I had to goole it too. My kids would get excited if they got something other then candy.

I pass out Halloween crayons & pencils, in addition to candy, especially to the younger kids. They were so excited to get crayons or pencils!