Teacher's Remorse

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Unbeknownst, Oct 6, 2011.

  1. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 6, 2011

    Some of you may remember me from what seems like a previous life: super excited future teacher, super excited HIRED teacher, and irrevocably saddened failed teacher after I resigned after only 9 weeks on the job.

    I come to this valuable source of information once again: how do you get over Teacher's Remorse?

    I make 25% more money at my current job, have co-workers who love me on their team, and a boss who's impressed with my efforts almost daily, and yet ... I can't stop thinking of my students.

    I think of them every day. I think of my classroom every day. I think of the looks on their faces when I told them I was leaving. I think of their amazing kindess and generosity when I told them I was leaving.

    I think of a lot of things.

    What can I do to start getting some closure?

    P.S. Missed you guys :)
     
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  3. StudentTeach

    StudentTeach Comrade

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    Oct 6, 2011

    When I need help with closure I like writing a letter. 99% of the time they are not sent but they help me articulate whatever leftover feelings I'm having about a situation. I would write why you wanted to do it in the first place, why you feel it didn't work out, and why you are better off now in your new endeavors. I might also think of some adjectives to describe yourself at that time in your life and some adjectives to describe yourself now.

    Hopefully one or both of those will help you move on!
     
  4. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Oct 6, 2011

    Unbeknownst!!!!!! I was thinking about you just the other day. I don't remember the post, but something I read here reminded me of you.

    I wish I had some advice for you--I'm a "bonder" and grow to love my students dearly. There are many that I still think of many years later. Time will dull the memories somewhat, but the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" may always be there to some extent. Do you think you'll ever return to the field of education?
     
  5. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Oct 6, 2011

    That's nice that you felt so connected to your previous class after just 9 wks. I guess I'm different. The longest I've ever worked with the same kids was for 3 yrs when I was assisting one of the speech pathologists. When the school yr was over, I was glad & that's that. Sure, I may think about certain students from time to time if I know I'll never see them again, but that's it. I have yet to miss a student SO much.
     
  6. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Oct 6, 2011

    Would you mind sharing the reasons for your resignation?

    Are you currently working in a field other than education? Do you have any plans to return to it?

    There are lots of jobs/fields where you can make strong connections. Are you in a field like that now?
     
  7. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Oct 6, 2011

    I left in the middle of the year due to moving to another country. I think about my students all the time. I don't just think about the class I left but all the other ones I taught and no longer see. It's because I bonded with them. It's natural. I did end up sending a powerpoint with pictures from here and shared a bit of culture I learned thus far. I still think of them though.
     
  8. webmistress

    webmistress Devotee

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    Oct 6, 2011

    I resigned with my first class, I missed them a lot, dreamt about going back, and cried for some of them many months later. I still have some of their art work, photos, and things like that. I didn't think about them every single day though. I knew I made the right decision so I was relieved and happy, though I still missed the kids and wished we could have made it the entire 9 months. I was trying to get back healthy but I think I thought about them everyday for about 2 months. I don't know how long it's been since you resigned, but it took about 2 months for me to start emotionally and mentally letting go of them.

    Complete peaceful closure on everything teaching-related has happened now that I have my own daughter. I don't grieve anymore for what could have been. Having my daughter put things into perspective and changed my life in so many wonderful ways, so I have complete closure. It just happened to happen that way for me.

    So I'd look towards family, other children (your own?), friends, and community connections for closure.
     
  9. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Oct 7, 2011

    I'm so glad to hear from you!!!

    I think maybe you were a victim of unrealistically high expectations. I think you thought that, with enough prep, you could outrun the learning curve that comes with being a first year teacher. And that you set the bar for yourself at a level that simply wasn't possible for anyone to reach.

    As to what you can do about it: maybe consider coaching something... mock trial? Debate? Model UN???? Sunday school/ religion???

    Would you consider getting back into teaching, perhaps with lower expectations of what you can accomplish as a newbie in the classroom?

    We're so glad to hear that you're doing well!

    As to the bonding, I definitely develop one with my kids. At last Saturday's Open House, I got a number of hugs from women I had taught in the school before my currents one-- so prior to 1987-- as they toured our school with their own children. It was a delightful chance to catch up with 6 or 7 former students.
     
  10. INteacher

    INteacher Aficionado

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Just like MrsC, I too was thinking about you recently and I am so glad you posted. I am glad to hear everything is going well for you :)

    I don't know how you get over your feelings about leaving teaching but I think one thing would be to try stop thinking you were a failure. And as Alice suggested, try to maybe ease your way back into situations where you can interact with kids again . . . coaching, tutoring, Sunday school classes, boy scout leader, story time reader at your local library, . . .

    Thanks again for posting . . .
     
  11. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Same here! I was thinking about you when school started this year, Unbeknownst.

    Regardless of our life choices, most of us have some regret. I think INteacher has some good ideas about doing some community work to get involved with kids again and make those connections.

    Glad you're doing well in your new job!
     
  12. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Wow. Even reading this started to make me feel better.

    I'm usually not the type to do these type of activities, but I think this may be exactly what I need.

    Thank you so much!
     
  13. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011

    I think about you (and primarily two other AtoZ members) all the time. Glad the feeling is mutual :)


    I think about it all the time, but probably not any time in the near future. Ironically enough, my new job really wants me to consider help with training our staff when our new system Goes Live, because I'm "such a good teacher."

    That still stings a little bit when I hear it.
     
  14. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011



    Trust me, Caesar, that's well documented on this website. I don't wanna go back down that road ...

    I'm actually working in higher education right now, but I do not have any sort of teaching role.

    Actually, yes. I might just do a short update on my job since there seems to be interest, but basically my job is to work with all the "higher ups" (Department Heads, Vice Presidents, Assistant Vice Presidents, etc.) to facilitate the onboarding of a new system we're implementing.
     
  15. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011

    A year, next month ...

    No children yet, but we're laying the foundation for it to happen soon.
     
  16. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Alice!!! So nice to hear from you!

    You know me better than most on here ... and that's exactly what happened.

    Much, much later down the road ...

    This is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing :)
     
  17. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    No, thank you :) How's history going?
     
  18. Unbeknownst

    Unbeknownst Cohort

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Oh, Bandnerd. I think about you a lot too.

    Just so everyone is clear, Bandnerd single-handedly helped prepared my lesson plans for an ENTIRE WEEK when I was breaking down at my school.

    I'm so, so very sorry it didn't work out for me, but thank you so much Bandnerd for helping me get through the end.
     
  19. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Everyone has given you some great ideas to start. I think (like always) Alice hit the nail on the head: expectations were high. I still have a picture from my class my second year teaching that I look at every day. I'm a 'bonder' as well so I get close to students real quick.

    I would look into training at your present job and see if that helps. You would still be teaching.

    Thanks for updating us. We've been thinking about you.
     
  20. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 7, 2011

    I was about burned out when I retired so I did not miss many students, the ones I missed were the ones that my kids had as classmates.
    It is funny the two who I see the most, the boy calls me Dave and the girl calls me Mr P.

    You know we are our own worst critic. We can sure beat ourselves up can't we?


    After you have had over 10,000 students sometimes it is hard to remember who you got attached to during the years.

    The thing is I like the most is when I get an e-mail from a former student or a post on some site that I am a member of i.e.: classmates.

    Unbeknownst you will rise above this malaise and shine remember God never gives you more than you can handle.

    Also I am posting to see if I am remembered :whistle:
     
  21. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    Oct 7, 2011

    That's so sweet! (I teared up a little.:hugs: ) Thank you for the acknowledgement. It was a pleasure to help, and I'm sorry, too, that it didn't work out for you. But you know the old saying about doors and windows. :thumb:
     
  22. smpeterson77

    smpeterson77 Rookie

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    Oct 7, 2011

    Oh wow, I know how you feel! I left my preschool job a two months ago after deciding to pursue Secondary Ed. instead. I still miss those kids! They were about to transition out of my room anyway but still! I comforted myself with the idea that even though I miss them, in the end it was better for me to pursue what I really wanted. If you're thriving in your new job and happy, it was the right move to make. Sometimes the right move isn't the easiest one! I often wonder how I could miss a job that stressed me out so much! The other day I saw the FB status of one of my former students' mother. She commented that her son was cranky because his teacher had gotten him up from his nap earlier and very suddenly. I teared up because I always knew how to wake him up without upsetting him! Ahhh. It'll get better soon! For both of us!
     

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