Sub trying to guilt me into taking a longer Maternity leave?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Geologygirl, Sep 12, 2015.

  1. Geologygirl

    Geologygirl Comrade

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    Sep 12, 2015

    Has anyone ever had this happen?
    I received an e-mail from the sub who is doing my maternity leave she claims that she thought she was teaching the entire term instead of the seven weeks, and only found out she wasn’t from a student in the club I advise. She also said she and the students had bonded etc... and wouldn’t I like more time with my baby etc...

    Even though she said it nicely I feel like she is trying to guilt me into taking a longer leave, and it has left me a little offended, mad and weirded out. I was given the end date of my maternity leave by the district office who hired her so I assumed she knew how long the position was for. I also sent out an e-mail to my entire department, and the admin in charge telling them when the leave was over so that it would not be a surprise since the district has done this in the past. So someone should have let her know. I did not know how to even contact her prior to this week and this is the first correspondence she has sent me or I would have told her.

    I get that it’s good for teens to have routines, and having multiple teachers are bad and etc...but I will have the same kids for the 4th quarter so it will be good for them to get to know me and my routines and expectations now. I also have both a teaching credential, and a degree in what I teach which the sub does not have so I think it is better for the kids overall even if they have to have a different teacher.

    I am not really sure how to respond nicely so I am taking some time to cool down and think about it.
    I get that the sub wants a longer assignment because the pay is higher and it’s the same kids and place every day. What I do not appreciate is her trying to guilt me into taking longer off. The truth is I have to pay 150$ a day plus medical if I take off any longer and that is more than I make in a day so I would have to pay the district money from my savings account to pay her, and stay on leave any longer. This is not something my family can afford. I also am looking forward to getting back to teaching. I love my baby, but I also love my job and think that I will be a better more rounded person with both in my life.
    Anyways the sub can't teach more than 30 days by law without a credential so it is not like she could legally stay much longer anyways.

    Anyways, I just needed to vent, and was curious if anyone else ever experienced this? How did or would you handle it if you did?
     
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  3. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    Sep 12, 2015

    LOL, that is crazy. I would cut the maternity leave short...by like 7 weeks...

    I would not respond to her, I would forward the e-mail to your principal, imo, this is very questionable behavior for a sub.
     
  4. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

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    Sep 12, 2015

    I would respond with a tactful message... Something like "Thanks for your concern. I'm sorry no one told you of my return date sooner. It's kind of you to offer to stay longer, but I intend to return as originally planned."
     
  5. Koriemo

    Koriemo Comrade

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    Sep 12, 2015

    Yeah, that's weird. I would send a short, sweet reply and come back when you have planned.
     
  6. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    Maybe I am paranoid on this one, but for some reason I am concerned about the sub undermining the class.
     
  7. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    I always heard it's a lot easier to return earlier than scheduled than trying to get more maternity leave. You have this planned with administration and that's that. You could use that as a reply, but I think a "thanks but no thanks" would be best.
     
  8. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Sep 12, 2015

    That's crazy. I don't even know that I would respond. Perhaps just a simple, "I appreciate that you have taken such an interest in my students. I plan to return on x date."
     
  9. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I would not respond...I would forward it to my principal with a suggestion that they talk to her and let her know that you will be back on _____ date. My principal would be furious and let the sub know that they were out of line.
     
  10. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    That's pretty weird... I'd respond, with a cc to the principal, thanking her for her help and her kind thoughts, and let her know your return date.
     
  11. Mr.history

    Mr.history Cohort

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    Sep 12, 2015

    Is it possible she just wasn't very tactful in the email? Maybe she wasn't trying to offend you and it was just poorly worded.

    On the other hand we have some real weirdos as subs at my school so I wouldn't be surprised if she really was trying to guilt you into staying longer.
     
  12. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Personally I wouldn't take it too hard -- it means she likes teaching your students, and it's possible to take her offer as simply that: an offer, without reading too much into it. I think a short reply saying when you plan to return is fine.
     
  13. Bunnie

    Bunnie Devotee

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    Sep 13, 2015

    I'm sorry, in my opinion, the sub as some nerve. How dare she even contact you and say wouldn't you like more time with your baby? It makes me think her personality is that of someone who wants your job or is an older lady with old school values who wants to project them on you. I dunno it rubs me the wrong way. You are right to be angry.

    In terms of responding, I'm not sure which way you should. Part of me feels that she might be the type of person to vindictively tarnish your reputation with your class before you get there if you say something to her. Or she might guilt the class and say well I won't be back because your real teacher is coming back in order to get the students to think they wished they had her instead of you. This is difficult because your leave is at the beginning of the school year so you have t met these kids yet.

    My first step would be that you contact your union rep with your concerns. If you don't have a union, then reach out to your admin.

    Maybe I'm wrong and overthinking it but from that seriously unnecessary email, I feel like she'll start to undermine your authority in the classroom before you even return.
     
  14. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Sep 13, 2015

    This. Plus I'd cc both the admin and the sub service with your response attached to her email.
     
  15. renard

    renard Companion

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    The baby comment irks me. Some of us liked going back early (I wasn't loving being home 24/7 with a young baby! H stayed on pat leave instead), and it sounds like she's trying to persuade you with the guilt factor.

    A much more appropriate email would be "your class is going well and if you require me beyond the pre-determined date, I would be happy to" - or something to that effect.

    Not impressed, although maybe her intentions are good, who knows.
     
  16. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Maybe she is being a bit nefarious, but I think assuming that in a reply would make things worse. If she's being nasty about you returning, unnecessary replies will say "game on" and no one wants that drams or potential consequences. dIf she's innocently writing badly worded emails, you'll just make things awkward.

    Keep it simple, straight-forward, and polite... and CC youradministrator.
     
  17. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Sep 13, 2015

    That's weird. I was the LTS for a maternity leave once and the teacher wanted to add 3 weeks to her leave but even then didn't contact me directly. She contacted the department head and then he discussed it with me.
     
  18. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    That's what is appropriate. The LTS should not be contacting the OP for anything without first running her questions thru admin.
     
  19. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Sep 13, 2015

    Sounds annoying, but I don't think it really means anything. Just say "No, I'm coming back ___. Thanks."
     
  20. MissJill

    MissJill Cohort

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    THIS. I have a friend out on leave this year and she is in constant contact with the leave replacement, she just had a baby!

    OP I think a short reply stating your return date is enough, I have been in the other person's shoes and I would never have sent that email to the person I was taking over for.
     
  21. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    Sounds like an overeager sub who is really enjoying being in your room and thought she'd take a shot at extending her position. You do what feels best, but I honestly wouldn't CC a bunch of people in your reply at this point - as that might hurt her professionally when I doubt she meant any harm. I would just respond to her tactfully and briefly that you will be returning as scheduled. If it goes further that than on her part, though, all bets are off.
     
  22. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    CCing the admin simply alerts them to the idea that the sub misunderstood her placement. If the LTS is doing a great job, the admin should appreciate her desire to stay. but the sub should know the OP is not responsible for her placement issues and need not be bothered by such emails....a polite 'no thank you. I'll be returning as scheduled' email is professional and to the point, but I do think admin should be aware of the sub's confusion.:2cents:
     
  23. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    I don't think there is anything wrong with CCing the administration. I've always heard it's what to do whenever you're uncertain. I doubt it'll hurt her.
     
  24. Geologygirl

    Geologygirl Comrade

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    Sep 14, 2015

    Thank everyone for you suggestions. Its nice to know I was not offbase to feel a little off about the whole thing. I plan on being nice and professional. I will be seeing this person again since the we do not have many subs. I will just thank her for watching my kids and tell her thanks, but no thanks I will be returning on the agreed upon date with the district.
     
  25. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Sep 14, 2015

    Probably the best idea. That being said, I'd keep my eye on that one.
     

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