Students touching you

Discussion in 'Behavior Management' started by Milsey, Nov 23, 2011.

  1. Milsey

    Milsey Habitué

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    Nov 23, 2011

    What do you do about overfriendly students? I have this one boy (class president) who wants to hug me every morning. I oblige, but I feel icky afterward.

    Another girl squeezed my hand, but she was upset about something so that was okay. Then today, another boy put his arm around me . I was quite taken aback and told him the no touching policy applies to teachers too!
     
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  3. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Nov 23, 2011

    The cases I've seen with overly huggy students are usually solved by deflecting them into settling for a fist bump or high five. It's been a long time since I've had to deal with this kind of issue, however, and defer to more learned opinions.
     
  4. Speechy

    Speechy Comrade

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    Nov 23, 2011

    There is nothing against it at my school. In the group of students I work with, only a handful like to give me hugs or maybe grab my hand when they are upset. It doesn't bother me, but then again I'm touchy-feely when it comes to affection.

    Just tell the students that are doing this that you would prefer they didn't. Let them know of the rules and tell them that their actions make you uncomfortable.
     
  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Nov 24, 2011

    Milsey...some teachers hug...I'm in elementary so it's not uncommon to get a spontaneous hug from a student. You are in middle school and say the one boy makes you uncomfortable. Given that you have spoken in other threads about behavior mgt issues, questions about your attire and concerns from administration, you should discourage the hugs...
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nov 24, 2011

    My response would be a joking: "Are you trying to get me fired??" followed by a high five.
     
  7. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Nov 24, 2011

    I think that if the hug is genuine, there is nothing wrong with it. However, the way you describe it... it seems to be a little more to it. I would go with your gut and keep it strictly teacher-student and try the high five approach as mentioned above.

    I see that you are teaching. That is great. The last I heard you were looking for a position. Congratulations since I missed the transition. Are you working in public or private school? Are you happy with the school and the people that you work with? Happy Thanksgiving!
     
  8. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nov 24, 2011

    We had a LOT of grads back yesterday for Thanksgiving mass; I gave lots of hugs yesterday.

    But I haven't had any of the issues the OP has posted about in the past. It seems that the line between student and teacher is a little fuzzy. As such, I would recommend stepping back.
     
  9. Loomistrout

    Loomistrout Devotee

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    Dec 1, 2011

    It's usually how the recipient feels about the hug which determines whether it's a good touch or a no touch. I would go with your feeling "icky" and "taken aback" as flags for no touch.

    I used to teach a unit, Family Life, which got into child abuse. Good touches were described as Grandma and Grandpa visiting and hugging because they are glad to see you and you glad to see them. You feel good. No touches were described as Uncle Wambat picking you up and squeezing too hard for too long. You feel weird and confused.
     
  10. lowes48

    lowes48 Companion

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    Dec 3, 2011

    I have a couple of students that don't know how to give me my personal space so I have to let them know where my space begins and ends. I don't hug students at all! I have one inclusion student who hugs everybody that is the only one. That have been stressing the "code of ethics" policy here so I am not gonna give them reason to look at me.
     
  11. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    Dec 3, 2011

    When I taught grade 6 I gave a lot of high 5s.

    We also had a talk at the beginning of the year about how adults shake hands, and I taught them all a proper hand shake.
     
  12. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Dec 7, 2011

    I learned this from a male, 1st grade teacher. He would say, "Mr <his name> is cool...he likes high fives!"

    I modified it a little though and instead do air fives because as much as I love my rugrats after watching the places and things their fingers get into, I don't really want the germs
     
  13. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Dec 7, 2011

    Since you've explained that you "attract a lot of attention" when entering a room and you like to wear "tight" clothing to "show off" your body so you can "inspire kids"...well, it's not surprising a few want to hug you. Middle school students are not unlikely to want to give a hug every now and again under typical circumstances, so I imagine hugs might be more popular given these details.

    Of course, this was a few months ago and your principal did speak to you about this, so can I assume you toned things down a bit? If not, that would be my first piece of advice.
     
  14. OneBerry

    OneBerry Comrade

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    Dec 7, 2011

    I shake hands and high-five every day. I do not hug. The rare exception is a side hug (takes only one arm) for a past student who is excited to see me.
     
  15. MLB711

    MLB711 Comrade

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    Dec 8, 2011

    I don't give hugs. I give high 5s. One of my students taught me the "hand hug" which I do with him sometimes, too (basically you high 5 but hug your thumbs around each other's hands).
     
  16. Mellz Bellz

    Mellz Bellz Comrade

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    Dec 9, 2011

    I have a few students who give me hugs, but they are mostly the girls and they kind of just come up and give me a side hug. I'd be a little wary if a boy at this age would come up and just hug me for no reason. I do have the habit though of doing the comforting hand on a student's shoulder when I think they need it, but only when they are upset and only with the students who I know are comofortable with it. With some students I have to have the personal space conversation with, but it really depends on the student. Some kids just need hugs every once in a while.
     
  17. Golliwog

    Golliwog Rookie

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    Dec 17, 2011

    “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
     
  18. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Dec 17, 2011

    When I taught 2nd grade, I'd receive hugs on a daily basis. I didn't mind at all.

    Now that I'm teaching middle school, I occasionally get hugs, but they're pretty rare. I would never, ever turn one down, but I'd never initiate one, either.
     
  19. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Dec 17, 2011

    :confused: not sure what your point is?
     
  20. skittleroo

    skittleroo Connoisseur

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    Dec 17, 2011

    Knowing the background that has been shared on this board, I would agree with czacza. Double check your wardrobe and conversations with students.
    I really don't see why anyone would allow a middle school aged boy to hug them in any way that would make them feel uncomfortable. ICKY!!!!
     
  21. Anonymousteach

    Anonymousteach Companion

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    Dec 25, 2011

    I'll allow high fives, hand shakes, or fist bumps, but that's it. I don't do hugs.
     
  22. juli233

    juli233 Companion

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    Jan 22, 2012

    I would just mention(quietly to that student) that it's not really appropriate to hug at school but a high five, fist bump or handshake is totally fine
     

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