Student Confused Over Sexual Orientation

Discussion in 'Prayer Request Forum' started by faithfulone, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. faithfulone

    faithfulone New Member

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    Dec 27, 2008

    This has really been on my mind during this Christmas vacation. Just before the last day of classes a grade 11 student came to see me in my classroom. She told me that she's interested in other girls. In fact, she didn't say that exactly but said "I'm not interested in boys ... at all." It was pretty clear what she meant.

    It really through me for a loop. She's been one of my favorite students this year. It shocked me but then thinking of some of her mannerisms and demeanor maybe it's not so shocking? I can't imagine what her parents would think.

    I told her I'd pray about it and after Christmas vacation maybe we could go out for coffee to talk. I've wanted to send her an email but can't think of how I can put it. I want her to know the difference between having thoughts and acting on them. I've seen her with her Bible at school chapel. It's well worn and has highlighting in it. I'm sure she must truly believe but didn't talk very deep about her relationship with God with her the other week.

    I don't know what I should do and what I should tell her. I'm the youngest teacher at a K-12 school and also the newest. I think that's why she came to see me. Everyone else has known her for ages so I guess I have a new perspective maybe. I felt amazing that I was the only one she trusted to talk about it. But now I don't know what to tell her. If there are any more experienced Christian teachers here who can give me their thoughts I really wanna know.

    In Him...
     
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  3. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Dec 27, 2008

    I don't know if putting it this way..

    In the Bible, IT WAS ADAM & EVE, not MADAM & EVE!
    (Just trying to find a little humor in the matter. Smile!)

    Now! Seriously, I would find out what her intentions are. Is she going to pursue this interest in girls OR is it just a phase? How would she feel IF she was to let her parents know OR is it okay for you to share with her parents what she has shared with you? It sounds like her mind is made up though, that she's not interested in boys SO how can she be so sure about it? Has she gone out with any guys at all? Was she turned off by any guy, who might have tried to do something to her? WOW! It's a biggie BUT I hope your prayers will be answered with an acceptable explanation. Ask her to pray with you about it too and together you'll see this through. Things happen for a reason and you are blessed with having the understanding and loving care THAT prompted her to pick you to talk to. PLEASE keep her trust and make sure that you keep it confidential, UNTIL she decides to share it with either her parents or anyone else.
    May God guide your heart to the right decision, in helping her.
    Rebel1
     
  4. eduk8r

    eduk8r Enthusiast

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    Dec 29, 2008

    In my psych courses, especially developmental psych, sexual identity is supposed to be a normal part of teenager-hood for some kids. They said it's normal for some teenagers to get "crushes" on the same sex during that developmental stage. Kind of like a hero worship thing or something like that, but with much the same feelings they would have for someone of the opposite sex.

    Personally, to me it seems there are a lot more children this age are experiencing confusion because of what they see in the media these days. It's in literature, music, tv shows and movies, etc. It has gone way beyond "acceptance/tolerance" into almost encouraging and making it seem like it's just as "normal" as heterosexual relationships. It might help her to do research on the subject, since it will help her come to terms with herself.
     
  5. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Dec 29, 2008

    Do you have a guidance counselor at your school? I would talk to them first if you do. You don't have to say who the child is that is confused. Just ask their opinion of what you should do. I'm not sure I would take her out to coffee to talk that seems like it could turn into a law suit for her parents against you, if they think you encouraged her sexuality.
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Dec 29, 2008

    Why do you think that this student is 'confused'? She may know exactly what her orientation is. Having a well-read, worn Bible and being Gay are not mutually exclusive. 'Homosexuality/Lesbians' may not be in line with your religious beliefs, but it is what some people are...
    I hope you find peace through your prayers- I also hope you find a way to continue to accept this student, to let her know that you appreciate her trust in you and offer suggestions for where she can go for advice if she needs some (the guidance counselor might be a good choice if you don't think the advice/support given will be judgemental...)
    I agree with JaimeMarie that 'going out for coffee' to further discuss this or even private emails about this could put yourself and your career in jeopardy. You can be supportive without becoming too involved.
     
  7. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    Dec 29, 2008

    But,, just because you're not interested in boys doesn't automatically mean that you're interested in girls either. Just as we all develop at different rates, so do our interests in the opposite gender.
    Maybe her confusion is over her lack of interest, not what she's interested in.
     
  8. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Dec 30, 2008

    Please, please don't tell her that she's wrong for thinking one way or the other. She's come to you because she's confused and unsure. Your role right now is to just listen and suggest that it's normal to be confused and that she doesn't have to have an answer right now. And that you aren't going to talk to someone else without her permission.
     
  9. WaProvider

    WaProvider Fanatic

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    Dec 30, 2008

    As a child of Small Catholic Schools, sometimes (as another poster stated) the pond is sooo small that 'being interested' in someone isn't really going to happen. She could be worried about how people have paired off and she knows that others are interested but that no one suits her. That could just be that the peer group is one she is too close too, or conversly that they aren't close enough to her to view her as a dating candidate. If she is in 11th grade her horizons are about to open up-focus on studies and wait-and pray if you wish. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. And try not to let her. Teen years are for being confused, it hurts then, but later you understand why. Prepare you mind though so that you can handle it if she does choose to follow the gay path, she may, and when she does she will need one person who doesn't hate her. Look at it as waiting for her to come back, but if she goes down that path you may have to wait for a long time for her to come back. I believe that the Bible also talks about not judging.
     
  10. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

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    Dec 30, 2008

    Wow, that's a hard one! But I know that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin, and it wouldn't say that if people were born that way. There is a lot of good advice in the replies posted above. But I think the key is, there is no hurry for her to get involved with boys. I've known teens who never dated until around 22-25 years old, and now they're married and have 3-4 kids! Continue to pray for and with her, and encourage her to take her time in the dating arena. Will pray for wisdom for you and guidance for her! Keep us posted, and God bless!
     
  11. PreKyay

    PreKyay Companion

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    Dec 31, 2008

    Continue to pray for her and if she approaches you again with the subject, encourage her to pray about it. Be honest with her that you have reservations on this subject because you don't have all the answers, but that God does!

    Perhaps you could consult your pastor for guidance (of course without revealing any names) and for scripture that you could pray over her. Certainly don't preach at her. Let God handle this the way He knows best.
     
  12. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Dec 31, 2008

    From a purely professional point of view I would be wary. While it is always nice to know that our students trust us enough to talk to us about anything, this is a really "sticky" situation. I would suggest helping by referring her to the appropriate supports within your school (e.g. guidance) or outside. Talking privately to a student about their sexual feelings is, in my opinion, crossing the line of professionalism and could get you into trouble. Definitely continue to pray (and you could let her know that you are praying for her) but, beyond that I would stay out of it.
     
  13. Bookworm

    Bookworm Companion

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    Dec 31, 2008

    I agree with everyone who suggested referring the student to a counselor. Stay out of this type of private business. You will only get burned.
     
  14. faithfulone

    faithfulone New Member

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    Jan 1, 2009

    Thanks for the prayers! And advice!
     
  15. darlabean

    darlabean New Member

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    Jan 1, 2009

    DO NOT, BY ANY MEANS, GO ANYWHERE WITH THIS GIRL ALONE! I would also share this with a guidance counselor, school nurse or social worker. You do not want anything pinned on you- especially since you are new and non-tenured.
     

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