Spin Off topic (conceiving): Convincing the DH

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by corps2005, Jul 25, 2008.

  1. corps2005

    corps2005 Cohort

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    Jul 25, 2008

    Alright, so I'm a bit sad now because our pregnancy scare turned out to be negative. :( It turned out to be bug I caught from our vacation overseas. Sigh. My Mom, who was waiting in anticipation, said that perhaps I could just forget to take my pills next month. Even though it was tempting, I decided I just couldn't do that to my husband. It's just plain wrong...tempting, but very wrong.

    So I'm taking the advice of a close friend. She told me to prepare him a nice meal and some wine or beer. Afterwards, sit him down for a talk to let him know that I want to start trying next summer. ROFL. She said if he doesn't seem agreeable to just skip the pills next summer. Tempting, but still wrong.

    How would you go about convincing your DH to push up the date by a year? He was thinking of starting in our 30's. :( I really want to start trying next year, so that the baby would be born right before I turn 30. The problem is I don't know how to start the conversation with him that night. I was planning on doing it next Saturday evening. Anybody ever have this experience?
     
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  3. Teacher Chele

    Teacher Chele Habitué

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    Jul 25, 2008

    One thing you could bring up is that chances for birth defects increase as you get older. Also, you can talk about how you still want to feel young enough to play with your baby.
     
  4. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Jul 25, 2008

    We waited until just the perfect time-then it took us 2 1/2 years to conceive. (This was our second). You never know!

    Plus bring up the time of year-my second's birthday is August 30, which makes it hard to decide when she will go to school. If you conceive now, the baby will be born in April/May, making for an extended maternity leave. And bonus, depending on your school, you won't have to pay for leave! I got two weeks paid, but then the rest was unpaid. In the summer, it wouldn't have mattered for me. That's our plan!
     
  5. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

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    Jul 25, 2008

    I had several complications from taking the pill, and I was tired of dealing with it, but we hadn't planned on trying just yet. I told my hubby I wasn't going to continue taking the pill, but if he wanted to, we could use other methods. He decided he didn't want other methods, so we're still trying (20 months later).
     
  6. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 25, 2008

    DO Not Just stop taking the pill without telling your Husband, He may feel betrayed which he can get over but why chance it?
     
  7. RainStorm

    RainStorm Phenom

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    Jul 25, 2008

    I would just tell him that in order to conceive when you are 30, you need to go off the pill NOW. Often, it takes up to 2 years for your body to get back "in sync" after going off the pill. Tell him that you are going off the pill, so birth control will be up to him at this point. (I'm laughing, because we know how long that will last....)
     
  8. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    It may last longer if he can get his birth control free
    http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Trojan+coupons&start=10&sa=N
    http://www.trojancondoms.com/Product/FreeSample.aspx
     
  9. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Jul 25, 2008

    My husband wants to wait a few more years, but I'm kind of ready. So I just slip it into conversations here or there. I point out kids, play games with baby names, etc. He knows I'm joking, but I can see he's a lot more use to the idea than he was. And when he's ready, he'll have the perfect opportunity to jump in and say 'yeah, let's do it'.

    And for those who say guys won't last too long on their own contraceptives, let me tell you-we've been doubling up on the patch and condoms since we started putting ourselves 'at risk' four years ago, and he's not bothered at all. He orders them in bulk from amazon. I think I'M more bothered by them than he is!!
     
  10. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Jul 25, 2008

    Jem, that's hillarious!!! Oh boy...My hubby was so glad to be done with that. Anyway, back on topic. I would bring the subject up and on a night that seems relaxed and unstressed. I would mention your concerns and your desires (playing, timing, number of kids, birth defects etc.). In other words, have your ducks in a row.

    For us, we know it's not right now, but not too far in the future. We joke about it and I knew he would be ok if it happened accidentally the day he didn't go along with the, "Wow, that would suck if I was pregnant, don't joke about that!" comment when I wasn't feeling well several mornings in a row. We've talked a little about names (he usually mentions it when he sees his favorite actress Reese Witherspoon) and then we brainstorm some more. In a few years, I feel like it will be an easy decision to make. Originally we had said 3-5 years. Now I am pretty sure we're on the shorted end of that range, but time will tell.

    You can't force him and you don't want to. In the mean time, enjoy the things you won't be able to do when you have kids (unplanned movies, late nights, sleeping in, eatting sushi for dinner, etc.).

    Enjoy!
     
  11. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Jul 25, 2008

    I think you've gotten some good advise. You are totally correct in that tricking him is plain wrong. I like Jem's advise to talk about kids in a non-threatening way and let him get used to the idea. Having kids can be a scary proposition, and getting used to the idea might be what he needs. As far as timing is concerned, I don't think there's ever a "perfect" time. You make whatever time you have them perfect, or at least make it work. My first two kids were very planned and the products of fertility treatments. My third child was totally unplanned. My marraige was falling apart, my second child was only 4mo and having another kid at that point was proabably the last thing on my mind. It was awful timing to say the least, but, you know what? I don't think I'd have it any other way. My youngest child is one of my biggest blessings (not that the other two aren't).

    I think talking to him about it in a relaxed, non-stressfull, non-threatening way is best. Make sure you don't come across as pushy, but as wanting to do what's best for both of you. He'll come around eventually.
     
  12. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Jul 25, 2008

    There's wisdom!
     
  13. loves2teach

    loves2teach Enthusiast

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    It is so funny that I saw this thread. My hubby is currently yelling/talking w/ his friend who just found out his "girlfriend" (one of my good friends) is having a baby. He keeps saying that he should have taken more precautions. It doesn't hurt that this is his 5th kid (her 3rd).

    Jem- my hubby is like yours. We have been married forever, and I joke that we will not, well you know, unless there are 2 forms of bc used. I am just tired of waiting. I have almost 3 months of sick leave saved, and my heart hurts when I think about how long we have waited.
     
  14. corps2005

    corps2005 Cohort

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    Jul 26, 2008

    Thank you guys! I've gotten some good advice here. Hopefully with the facts, we can make a decision to push the date to summer of next year. :)
     
  15. terptoteacher

    terptoteacher Connoisseur

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    Jul 26, 2008

    I had always wanted three children. Always. We had two kids right away and when my youngest was 5 I still yearned for that third child. I had been talking about it and dropping hints about the clock ticking away....

    Anyway, one day we were visiting friends. I mentioned wanting another child and he said, "you can have another baby when I can have a Harley." To which I replied, "O.K." DH thought I was joking and that there was no way he could get a Harley. So the next day, he went to the Harley dealership and had the salesman write up a FAKE purchase order for a used Fatboy. When he came home to show me the fake purchase order, I asked him how much a used one cost compared to a new one. Long story short, I got my Emily and he got a new FatBoy HD.


    Fast forward to a few years ago, he traded in the motorcycle and I'm still stuck with a prepubescent child!!!! ;)
     
  16. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Before any one can jump on you for saying "stuck with a prepubescent child" let me be the first
    :rofl: :toofunny: :rofl:
    How could you say such a thing? (what parent hasn't thought it)
    the darling little child :crosseyed (when they are asleep)
    what you want to do? trade the child? (you mean you think there is a chance?)

    But in the end we will remember that Grandchildren are why we don't kill our children.
    :lol: :toofunny: :rofl: :toofunny: :rofl: :lol:
     
  17. corps2005

    corps2005 Cohort

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    Aug 22, 2008

    Yay! He agreed!

    So the DH and I went out for dinner tonight. I've been trying to find the right time to discuss my desire for us to start trying next year instead of 2 years from now. He seemed quite cheerful and affectionate tonight, so I figured it was as good a time as any to lay it out on the table. And I did. Even before I was gong to say it, he was like no, no, no, no... I think he knew what I was going to talk about. I just said "Honey, I want to talk lay out something serious. Not talk about it yet, just lay it out. We can talk about it in December. Then, I mentioned how we're getting older, the chances of birth defects would go up, how we wouldn't want to be raising kids in our late 50's to 60's. I got a surprisingly easy okay out of him. He made some jokes about how his life is over and how now I'll expect him to change diapers, etc. But I think he took it rather well. I was expecting more resistance. Perhaps we was waiting for me to bring it up? Knowing that it would be soon? Either way, yay! I get to go to the doctor for prenatal vitamins and start taking folic acid. :) I know it's still another 7-8 months away before we start trying, but I'm excited! :D :D :D Thanks everyone for helping to give me some good ammunition and for your suggestions. :)
     
  18. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Aug 22, 2008

    Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm glad to hear "the talk" went well. It sounds like he was probably thinking along the same lines, just waiting for you to bring it up.
     
  19. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Ummm. . . Emily's a girl, right? Hmmm. . . my kids are a ways from prepubescent -- would you like a hyperactive 8-year old boy, or a hyperactive 5-year old boy, or a hyperactive 2-year old boy? :D
     

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