I need to vent. This is my second year teaching. Last year was hell on earth at school and in my personal life. Not only was I going through an extremely difficult break up/divorce, but also I had the worst class you could imagine. My teammates said in 20 plus years of teaching, they had never had such bad behavior in their classes. I am usually conscientious and on top of my game. I've always been complimented on how well I work. Ive been working with kids my entire life and was told I was a perfect fit to teach middle school. With the divorce came a HUGE change in my personality. I dropped the ball and I was so overwhelmed with everything that I almost wasn't invited back for this year. This year, everyone has noted the huge improvement. However, I had a not so good first evaluation and it makes me scared that this is just a sign of another terrible year. I can fix the things that I need to improve on...but I don't know that I can handle another year of fear of losing my job. I'm just tired. This past year literally made me lose my gosh darned mind. I completely lost it. How can I get past this discouragement and know that I can do it? I have the knowledge, I just get so nervous when I'm being evaluated. I'm still learning how to be an organized and effective teacher. I've been trying so hard to be better, but all I ever feel is stupid, dumb, and incompetent. Does it EVER get better?
I'm sorry to hear that you have been going through a hard time. It's not easy being a teacher and being a new-ish teacher is even harder. The advice I would give is to spend the time trying to fix what you know for sure you can fix and less time contemplating on the what ifs. It's natural to have feelings of inadequacy and feeling like you are not good enough and I think everyone has those feelings - its not unique to teachers. The only sure thing to overcome it is to face it head on and try your best to fix what you think you are lacking in. Might be helpful to speak to a mental health professional because talking about your problems. sometimes helps. If you are dropping the ball in your work life because your personal life is difficult I think its definitely worth looking into. We are not a profession where you can drop the ball and "get away with it". It is immediately telling in your (lack of) classroom and behaviour management, in your lesson plans, in your curriculum plans etc.
It gets better, but you're still never as on top of things as you hope to be. It helps to know that you're not alone: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peter-greene/the-hardest-part-teaching_b_5554448.html. Eventually, you just have to accept and be happy with what you can do. It can also help to change schools to find one with a better climate.
I would tell you to work on specifically what was mentioned in the eval and then once you have a handle on it, invite the eval person back in for feedback on the changes you've made. You'll impress them, trust me. I've had a bad eval and know what it does to you. I didn't sleep right for several months between that and admin I was having trouble with. If you don't feel comfortable writing here what the eval said, feel free to private message me and I'd be happy to give you advice.
Also remember to be kind to yourself. It sounds like you might be striving so hard to appear competent that it's actually backfiring on you with the increased nerves and worry about what others think. It's obvious that you care deeply, and that's incredibly important! So be gracious to yourself, and don't tell yourself anything that you wouldn't say to another teacher.
I'm sorry to hear your having a rough time. I still feel kinda "newish" my self. Last year was hell year for me too. It was really hard; I couldn't sleep throughout the night, I wasn't eating throughout the day because I was so busy. I was definitely burnt out last year due to all of the stress I was going through. I can imagine with your personal life things can clash. I'm trying this year to have a more positive outlook. I'm also trying to remember that teaching is a job that I do, yet it doesn't define who I am as a person and I have a life! lol Try to plan out your weeks where you make time for yourself, reflect and have fun. I last year felt all the time like I didn't know what I was doing, and even had bouts of teacher guilt. As long as you know you've tried your best that is what counts. Also if you can seek out help from a colleague or gain some advice that would be helpful too. And like the other commenter said "Be Kind To Yourself!". It's alright mistakes happen, things will get better.
