So, still no baby?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by cocobean, Feb 11, 2017.

  1. cocobean

    cocobean Companion

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    Feb 11, 2017

    I've been married for two years and my husband and I are pretty young. It seems like ever since we got married, we've been asked a million times when a baby is coming! This is my first year teaching so a baby is not the top thing on my mind.
    At least let me get tenured before asking when I'll be having a baby. Kidding! Kind of :D
     
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  3. justwanttoteach

    justwanttoteach Cohort

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    Look at the people asking, smile and say something like: I HATE KIDS...and for god's sake whatever you do, do NOT ride in a mini van...I made this mistake when I had a rental car....it just makes things 100x's more annoying.
     
  4. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    I've been married 7 years this summer, and no baby here either, by choice. Eventually, people stop asking, at least in my experience. It's none of their business. People should be able to have kids (or not have them!) on their own time table and no one else's.
     
  5. cocobean

    cocobean Companion

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    Ha! I like this. What gives you the impression I even like kids? :rofl:
     
  6. TeacherCuriousExplore

    TeacherCuriousExplore Cohort

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    I am in the same position. Couples should live a little before family starts. Never let anyone pressure you into doing something with your life when you do not want to do it.
    I was dating my fiance for 8 months and people kept pressuring us about marriage. He eventually proposed when were together for a year. My wedding is two years from now.
     
  7. otterpop

    otterpop Aficionado

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    This happens to me too! :D I'm happy waiting for a while...
     
  8. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I would get sick of it too. It is a rude question as there is no good way for you to answer without feeling awkward. At some point my internal monologue would escape with some snarky remark like "So, no vericose veins yet?" and get me into trouble.
     
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  9. otterpop

    otterpop Aficionado

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    And it's personal! It's hard to answer without going into details about your life choices.
     
  10. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Another reply option might be something like, "We are doing our part. It's up the the Fates/God/Powers that Be to make things happen now." Who can argue with that? And no one will want the details (though you could offer :)
     
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  11. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    yaassssss, it's so annoying. We JUST recently got engaged, but people have been asking us about babies long before that (granted, we have been together for almost a decade, but even so).
    And now, it's "when's the wedding?", "have you picked a date yet?", but I still get the occasional, "so when are you having a baby?"
    Calm down, people. As much I want babies, it's just not the right time! And if you're someone that needs to know the wedding date (flying in), I will let you know! But half the people asking I don't even plan on inviting so... :rolleyes:
    I feel ya.
     
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  12. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Feb 13, 2017

    "Practicing like crazy. Why do you ask?"
    Oh, how I WISH I had been given that line when I was younger.
    :whistle:
     
  13. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    People must know me well by now because we never get that one

    We did get the "when are you getting married" all the time before we got married.
     
  14. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    People are always asking about the next event. I am single, but in the last 2 years all of my close friends and siblings have gotten married. I am so tired of people asking me about my dating/personal life. And my married friends are all being asked about babies. Assume people mean well, but it does get old!
     
  15. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    Cat... I was going to say something like you... Like would you like us to let you know when we are getting "busy"??? I wish I had a good come back line. Lol. When we had one child... So when are you going to add a sibling or brother/ sister. When I get some sleep... Lol.
     
  16. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    How annoying for you!! Seriously, it's nobody's business. You are being quite smart and waiting until you're settled in career and life. Just tell them that. If many of our students' parents had waited until they were stable to have kids, we wouldn't have so many problems.
     
  17. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Quick anecdote on this one. My parents were very aware that any grandchildren they would get would be from my brother's family, not from Rockhubby and me. They have never given me a moment of grief about it since I had been clear on my feelings since I was a teenager. However, one time at a family dinner, my cousin's wife pulled me aside and told me how upset and bereaved my parents actually were. It was my duty to provide grandchildren, and I was failing them, was what she told me.

    The phone call I had with my mother after that was... interesting. My parents had said nothing of the sort to anyone, and they were furious for my cousin's wife making assumptions and inserting themselves into my reproductive cycle. My mother told her, in no uncertain terms, that some things were nobody's business but mine. In an odd way, that intrusion made things a lot smoother and better for me in the long run.
     
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  18. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Bah! I hate when people do that. What concern is it of theirs if someone is having kids or not?
     
  19. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    I really hate this question for a lot of reasons. Here are a few:
    1) It is making the assumption that everyone wants kids. Not everyone does, and that's OK. But asking in this way implies that it's just expected, which I can't stand.
    2) You never know what the person is going through. Maybe they have had a miscarriage, or four. It happens way more often than most people realize, because not everyone wants to talk about such a traumatic experience.
    3) They could be "trying" and having trouble conceiving, which for some people is embarrassing (although it shouldn't have to be). It's kind of like asking a depressed person, "so, when will you be normal again?". There are some things we can't control.
    4) It's just plain nosy! Would you walk up to someone and ask, "how often do you and your partner have sex?" I'm guessing no, but that's essentially what this question really means.
    5) The couple might be having a really hard time deciding. Having a baby is not a simple thing to do, especially if you and your partner have worked really hard to get where you are in your careers, and as a woman and a teacher, you don't want to lose seniority, tenure status, etc, while also losing money, sleep, physical health, etc, until you are darned sure that your life won't be better for it.
    End rant.
     
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  20. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I hate when people ask this! Do you have any pets? If so, I would be sarcastic and say we do have children...named Tank and Shadow! LOL Even my dad refers to them has his grandbabies. Side note: I do have a child
     
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  21. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    My mom calls my dog her "grandogger" lol!
     
  22. cocobean

    cocobean Companion

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    I have two dogs. My parents and in-laws know those are they only grandkids for now haha. My MIL always gets into trouble with people because they think she's talking about human grandbabies!:tearsofjoy:
     
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  23. Mr.history

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    I'm 27, been married to my wife for four years. I get asked constantly by my family, other teachers, and even students(high school) why I don't have kids. To be honest we probably will eventually but I always just respond that I'm "too young to have kids" which is funny to me because depending on who I tell I get different answers. My parents seem to just nod and say ok, the other teachers who are older than me chuckle because they know I'm joking that they are old, and my students think I'm nuts because to them I'm an old man.
     
  24. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Is it ok to say, "yes, I have a child, but he's a bit furry...although he's smarter than a lot of children I know (and cuter)" LOLOL ok, maybe I won't say that :whistle:
     
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  25. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Best quote I've ever heard along those lines:

    "We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet." --Rita Rudner
     
  26. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Not to mention that is sounds like a judgement of the "barren women are broken" sort. Whether conceiving children (or not) is a choice, there is an unspoken expectation that women are supposed to reproduce. If they don't there is something wrong with them. No one in our culture would dare say that out loud, but it is there.
     
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  27. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    People love to mind other people's business more than their own.

    The good thing about being in my late 40's is that nobody asks me that anymore.

    I once had a lady at church tell me that I needed to get my priorities straight when I told her I was too busy to think about kids. People. Geez.
     
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  28. physteach

    physteach Companion

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    We've been trying (unsuccessfully) to have a baby for a year. My free time is primarily doctors appointments and health monitoring. It takes all I've got to not flip out on people who feel it necessary to ask me when we will FINALLY have a baby.
     
  29. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Wow. You should feel just fine putting them on the defensive by pointedly responding, "Why do you ask?"
     
  30. ms.irene

    ms.irene Connoisseur

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    Recently I've been hearing the opposite, too...My cousin is pregnant with her third child by a second man. She is now engaged to the second man, but was never engaged to the father of her first two children. So I'm hearing about how "embarrassed" my uncle was to tell my grandparents about the third child, at the same time that everyone is questioning my not having "given" them grandchildren. You can't win as a woman, apparently -- unless you do what is expected of you. I am so tired of this policing of women's bodies. What decade is this, again?
     

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