Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by StudentTeach, Sep 27, 2010.
Sep 27, 2010
Did anyone watch the premiere of Sister Wives on TLC?
I missed it. I meant to watch it!
I just watched it on demand... it seems like it's going to be a really interesting show.
I wanted to, but it was also the premiere of Brothers and Sisters and I had to chooose....B&S won. And it wasn't very good, so I probably chose wront.
Oct 1, 2010
I just watched this on TLC's website.
I am often fascinated by the various lifestyles people live. Some I approve of, some I don't...but I find most at least interesting. This lifestyle is just so difficult for me to understand. I have "relationship issues" anyhow, so the thought of my husband having other wives makes my stomach turn...and I mean that literally...just a little "twist" or "flip". ETA: Well, I guess most people would feel this way, huh?!
The three "original" wives seemed to be one thing, but thinking of them and their feelings while he courts another? It just bothers me, especially considering the end of the episode when one of them commented about finding out he had kissed the woman he was courting. They were helping plan the wedding in the preview for the upcoming show, so I take it they accepted the addition, but...
I know TLC received a lot of backlash about this show, and surely they are not surprised.
Not something I'm going to make sure I watch, but I was curious.
I actually watched an interview on Joy Behar with this family, and now Utah is investigating them. They must have know if they went public it would open a world of trouble for them.
Yes, I saw something on this...it was a risk they were willing to take, they said. And then the husband also said he was only legally married to one, so...
Oct 2, 2010
I have to say I was surprised at how I felt watching it. To me, it is showing a rather positive modern day polygmist family. The women seem very strong and it seems like they rule the household. I like that they are not raising their kids telling them they have to have the same lifestyle but rather just want them to be happy.
This is not a lifestyle for me but the show changed some stereotypes I had about polygmists.
Why can't the women have more than one husband? Why is it always the man that can marry more than one woman?
Personally, I find it repulsive and will never watch the show.
This is not a true look into multiple spouse homes. This is a man making himself out to be something he is not. Anyone truly in the religion would never agree to be video taped. These people or on the outside fringes.
I have a friend that escaped from her family to avoid being the wife of a man 50 years older than her. She would have had no say in the matter. She was 15 at the time. She ran away and choose the streets to avoid this. She has been married for almost 15 years, but she is still scared of her family. She joined a Baptist Church, but it is still hard for her to give up some of the "morals" that she was taught as a child.
I am assuming that this is what the show is trying to do, to show that polgmy is not always about the strict lifestyle with husbands that are abusive and 50 years older than the wives. I almost think it is better that they are not strict in the religion.
If you watch it, these women are clearly happy and really in charge of their lives. Do I think that it is a good way for me to live? No, not at all. But now I can start to understand that it is not the horrible oppressive way of life I thought.
And I agree, I think women should be offered this way of life too. Why is it always that man that gets more than one wife and not the woman with more than one husband? Not that I could do that either!
I know polygamy is illegal, but how can they get in trouble? I would think the government would just refuse to legally recognize any wife after the first. If they want to have a ceremony, that should be their business. What difference does it make?
Of course, I think the government should just stay out of what is or isn't marriage in the first place.
I don't understand what you mean, silver. It's a felony. Punishable by up to five years in prison. And this is true even if they're not legally married...so the fact that they are living together despite there only being one legally recognized marriage is still illegal.
I never had the impression that all such families are miserable with a controlling husband demanding young wives...so this show didn't do anything for me in the way of removing stereotypes from my mind.
I want people to be happy. But sometimes I have a hard time accepting that something I would find so desperately horrible could make others happy.
Government can't stay out of marriage because marriage is sanctioned by government.
Think of every priest, minister, rabbi, JP or anyone else who performs a marriage. Remember the line "by the power vested in me by the state of ___, I now pronounce you husband and wife."
Marriage is a legal arrangement. Spouses are awarded everything from Social Security, Pension and insurance benefits to a million other things. Your marriage license is on file in a government office, and carries a raised seal.
Regardless of your view on what should or shouldn't constitute a legal marriage, government CAN'T stay out of it.
Apparently Utah code defines marriage through cohabitation, not just legal marriage contracts so they could be breaking the law. The only way I can see them getting around it is that technically each wife has her own apartment just in a big house.
I did not watch the show, but have read quite a bit about it. From what I read, the house has a common area, but each wife has her own wing, with bedrooms, bathrooms and kitchens in each one.
This guy takes it to extremes.
Huh. I just watched the first episode. So, so interesting. I already have a 'favorite' wife. I just can't wrap my head around WHY, but I do find it interesting. I'll watch if I remember.
Oct 3, 2010
I don't have cable, so I heard about it here and watched it online. I was VERY surprised by my reaction to it...I consider myself very liberal-minded but I have always been opposed to plural marriages. However, this family rocks. I loved all the wives and the hubbie is cool, too. The kids seem well-adjusted and everyone seems generally happy. I didn't once get the sense any one was putting on a happy face. I will continue to watch this show. On a side note, I think Robin is beautiful!
That's my point though - in my opinion, it shouldn't be sanctioned by the government. Marriage should be a religious or spiritual arrangement. Any of the legal stuff should be a separate issue, and I think that everyone should be able to choose who their beneficiaries are. If I chose to be single and live with my sister for the rest of my life, I think my sister should get all those rights and responsibilities that a spouse would get. But that is just my opinion.
I guess what I mean is how would you prove it? (Obviously in this case he is admitting it on tv, but I mean in other cases). It's not illegal to cheat on your spouse, at least not in most states. So let's say I was married and my BF's friend moved in with us. One woman living with 2 men - that's not illegal. Let's say I start sleeping with him. Horrible, but not illegal. Let's say I get pregnant and have children by both of them. Still horrible but not illegal. Let's say my husband is fine with all this, and the friend and I decide to have a little spiritual commitment ceremony. Obviously we can't get a marriage license because it would be null and void if I am already married.
So at what point is the law being broken? In a private, non-legal ceremony?
If you just don't grant them any more marriage licenses after the first one, I don't get what someone would be arrested for, unless they were committing some kind of fraud to get the marriage licenses.
If the government issues the marriage license, and only issues one, then from a legal standpoint the man only has one wife. What he chooses to do with and call the others is their business.
I wondered about what "trouble" they could get into as well. I mean, there is no legal marriage with the other women, so technically they are girlfriends, and as far as I know, that isn't illegal. But Utah probably does have laws that make this illegal since polygamy has been an issue there more than in other states.
I'm gay. Gay people don't like it when polygamists compare their marriage to our desire for gay marriage. I believe gay marriage is more "traditional" than this. My lifestyle mirrors a "traditional" life style way more than theirs does in almost every way. (I am kind of grossed out by the thought of their "lifestyle" actually.) BUT, before people in my state had domestic partnerships (same rights as marriage) gay people in our state would have a ceremony and then live as a married couple in the same home. It wouldn't be legal, but it would be "married" in some sense. Often, they would have wills and such created to ensure some rights to the "spouse." I am guessing these people have done the same.
But still, it's not legal, but how is it illegal? Just because he says they are wives, they are not really his "wives" so he hasn't done anything wrong I guess.
I mean, he didn't go to the court house and try to file for multiple marriage licenses or fraudulently marry them in the courthouse or something.
I have heard about people in my state who are in polyamorous relationships where maybe 1 woman will be with two men and they will all live together. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2-MTs_Lsog
The video is stupid, but I know about it because one of the actors is my friend's hairdresser and he told her about it during a cut. The same day, she came to my house so we watched it on youtube.
MissFroggy, but according to Utah law, he has done something wrong because polygamy can be demonstrated through cohabitation...no need for there to actually be multiple legal marriages.
So in Utah, if you are married, and you have another adult living the house with you, that's polygamy?
Wow! To me, it's JUST another excuse for this MAN to show off that he can have sex with more than one woman and get away with it! Just my POV, "No woman IN THEIR RIGHT MIND should accept this kind of arrangement." It's polygamy in the eyes of God and to the rest of the world. It just goes to show what a lot of people have come to accept as normal, PLUS they are running out of show ideas, SO they have dug out this one; ALL FOR THE SAKE OF A NEW SHOW! It will be interesting for another network to take off with what a lot of you are asking about; A woman with more than one husband! How about a show with a man with wives @ all different countries? Or that has been done already? How about a Principal with interests in different teachers; and he/she does favors that no one can believe?!? Which network would do it?
Actually some states do have laws on the books that make it illegal to cheat. It is called alienation of affection. But with the court systems being so full, no one files it.
I actually can't wait for the second episode tonight. Christine is my favorite so far
Oct 4, 2010
I actually don't have much of a problem with polygamy as long as A) all parties are (and always were) of legal age, B) all parties came to it completely of their own free will, C) anyone can leave whenever they choose to, keeping rights to their children.
I think I can find within myself more respect for a polygamous man, who has his wife's consent, than one who is deceitful and cheats behind his wife's back.
I kinda like this family. They seem fun.
I pretty much agree with you, Shanoo. It conflicts with my religious beliefs, but I have been surprised by the show and by my reactions to it. I didn't expect such an emphasis on family as the family members have expressed. I also didn't know that there were people engaged in this lifestyle who weren't part of a cult.
Kody and the sister wives seem independent of any larger group. Is that true? Maybe I missed something.
I can understand the desire for a large family with lots of support. Isn't that what people who joined communes were looking for years ago? But communes never seemed to work and this family seems to have mastered the complexities of their style of life. I'm surprised to think that this lifestyle might alleviate some of the stress of a 1:1 couple relationship, strange as that sounds. The stress of having to be everything to one other person (not literally everything, but, you know) can cause lots of troubles for couples.
I've found myself in tears at the honesty of these people at times. It's really surprising to me.
No, no...surely not. I just think, if authorities believe there is such a relationship, that they do not require a legal marriage to find someone guilty of such.
I've watched the first and third episodes so far, and I really like the show. Sure it may not illustrate a vast majority of polygamist relationships, but it kind of demystifies it.
It's not something that I would ever participate in, but am fascinated by. I love that I can get a glimpse into this lifestyle.
Also, like a previous poster said, my "favorite" wife has to be Christine. Now sure how the new fiance is going to work out though. I guess we'll see!
Alienation of affection is rediculously hard to prove and is filed, if I'm not mistaken, not against the cheating spouse, but against the person he/she cheated with. Therefore, if my husband cheated, I could sue his mistress for alienation of affection. I think (I could be wrong) that it's not enough that your spouse cheated. You have to prove that the other person actively worked at what he/she did. I doubt a one night stand would be prosecuted for alienation of affection. It's also a civil matter (I think - again, I could be wrong), therefore no jail time.
I just think it's silly that a man can go out and cheat with as many women as he feels like, possibly bring home disease to his family, take time away from his wife and family for this other person and society sees it as something to be joked about. It makes me sick how often I see cheating being portrayed as "funny" on tv and in the movies.
However, a family that is created between a man and women who all seem to get along, share the same values, help each other, value each other and each others' children and are really ok with the situation is illegal and the adult members could face jail time. I think that's silly. It wouldn't be the life for me, but I could see how it would work for others.
Assuming that what we see is what we get with Kody and his family, I understand that they are not of the norm when it comes to polygamy. I understand that abuses are prevalent in that world and that is a horrible, horrible thing. Those people SHOULD be prosecuted for the crimes they commit. From what they've shown, however, I don't see Kody and his wives committing them. JMO.
Oct 5, 2010
No, they seem tolerant and loving. They've said many times that their children will be encouraged to make their own decisions about their future lifestyles.
One of the older children said that she would want a traditional marriage, sorry, can't remember which one it was.
One of wives said that all of their children were free to participate in their religion or have no religion at all, as long as they're happy and contributing members of society. I thought that was awesome. Sure they're not your "traditional" family, but they seem to love each other. Isn't that really all that matters?
Gigi - I think it was Madison who expressed that she only wanted to be in a monogamous relationship.
Yeah, the girl with the shorter dark hair, that was Madison.
I wonder if the kids seem to get enough male influence. Out of the 16 kids, it doesn't look like more than a few are boys, but even so. That dad must be worn pretty thin...
I don't know about Robyn. I kinda like just the three of them. Where are they gonna put her and her three kids? Will they build another apartment?
I was wondering the same thing.
I don't see this as any more "illegal" than a man being married and cheating on his spouse...and sometimes the spouse even knows about it and condones it. I have a friend in this situation. She'd rather stay married and let him do his own thing than be alone...not my mindset, but I'm not living in her marriage, so I can't judge her. That's how I feel about these people. I wouldn't want it, but because it's not right for ME doesn't mean it won't work for THEM.
I teach in a high-poverty level school, and many of my kids come from homes almost just like this one, but with NO dad, and with less parent support in general. At least these kids love each other and love the adults and everyone seems supportive.
And it's not weird to them. One comment on the show was about how the older kids would take to the new wife, and one of the old wives said, "They all have had friends whose families have taken in a new wife, they've all seen it happen before..." It may not be the "norm" in our culture, but it happens. It's just a different culture. It's their choice. As long as he's open and honest and everyone entered this with their eyes open (as adults), I see no problem with it.
I have to say, sometimes they even make this lifestyle look inviting! Not at all what I thought.
Ok.. I wouldn't go THAT far... buuuuuuuuuuuut.....
I would love to have girlfriends (MY girlfriends) around for companionship. But THAT is where it ends!
I could NOT share my man with ANYONE else. I am WAY too jealous of a woman for that.
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